Dear diary (a little late)

So I know I was meant to write a diary based entry yesterday, but I got back from Melbourne at about 3:30 yesterday afternoon and both Miss K and I went to bed till dinner time. Then we got up for dinner and were both back in bed ridiculously early. So I really didn't have the time or energy to blog inbetween naps.

Why was I in Melbourne you may very well ask if you are the curious type, and in answer to your question, I tell you to be patient because I'll get to that in a minute. I'll start at the beginning of the week by letting you know not much really happened. I decided this week to flex my culinary muscle this week and cooked a lovely meal of crumbed chicken with vegetables and a beautiful mushroom sauce. Then on Wednesday I made a lovely roast capsicum and tomato soup. I don't cook fancy things like this often, but when I do I like to take my time, which is why I usually start cooking an hour or so before I want to serve dinner. I don't cope well with rushing my food, and as I discovered on Wednesday, that's when I make mistakes. I tried to thicken my soup up with flour without dissolving the flour in water, and ended up with giant lumps of flour in my soup. Luckily I was able to pick most of them out as I hate flour lumps, they remind me of dumplings. Yuck!

As you are all aware I'm sure, Wednesday was my birthday, and it was a lovely day. I was woken up nice and early by my little sister dropping a tin can on the floor on her way to the recycling bin, which is always an effective alarm clock. Much better than Miss K for sure. I spent the day with various family members who popped in for visits, and I felt very much loved by my family and close friends. On Saturday mum, Miss K and I made our way to Melbourne by train to help my uncle celebrate his birthday (his actual birthday is the day before mine which is the only way I remember it). The trip up was fairly uneventful, Miss K was a bit uncertain of the train at first, but once she realised that nothing bad was going to happen she had a great time. It is however very hard to keep a 1 year old entertained for two and a half hours in a tiny moving room that she is not allowed to crawl around in, so I spent a lot of time trying to distract her so she would forget she hadn't gone exploring for several hours. The party was a lot of fun, and there were so many people there, I began to worry that the house would burst at the seams. It was wonderful to see so many people come together to celebrate my uncle's special day. Yesterday we retraced our steps to get home again, and thanks to a very late night (the last guests didn't leave until after midnight then I helped clean up) and a long trip home that Miss K was slightly less tolerant of, we all piled into bed as soon as we got home for a well deserved nap.

Miss K has been in fine form this week as usual. She is talking almost non stop nowadays, and she even coped beautifully with the crowds of strangers at my uncle's place on Saturday night. She has been teething almost non stop for 2 weeks now, but in that time she has managed to pop out 3 teeth, and is working on her eighth one at the moment. We're still trying to stop her from begging people for food, but she is slowly getting the hint that just because others are eating in front of her doesn't mean she will get food. It has also been almost a week since she has pinched me during a temper tantrum, so I think we've got that habit nipped in the bud for now.

Well it is time for me to curl up in front of the telly and watch some trash before heading off to bed. I'll be back again soon I'm sure, but until then, stay awesome.

The witching hour strikes again

Ugh why am I on here writing to you people instead of tucked up in bed where I am supposed to be??? You can't say that I don't give you guys my absolute everything because I am even forsaking sleep for you my lovely readers and let me tell you I usually hate to let anything get in the way of my sleep. Well almost anything. I can and will stay up for crappy B-grade movies that come on television once every decade, an awesome website I stumble upon on the internet, an irritating sudoku puzzle that I just can't crack or a great book. Ok so we've established that I am easily distracted at bedtime.

I wouldn't be so tired tonight if I hadn't had such a monster afternoon with Miss K. It's the kind of afternoon we used to have every single day from about week 2 to week 12, and let me tell you I haven't missed these afternoons. For anyone who has had a baby, you might be familiar with the witching hour. (I'm not sure why they call it the witching hour because it's usually several hours, between around 3pm and 7pm, which coincidentally is also the time that my mum is at work.) For the first 3 months, I spent this time pacing the floor boards, singing songs, rocking, doing crazy dances and anything else I could think of to try and distract Miss K from her unrelenting screaming, only to have her calmed down and finally in bed about 5 minutes before my mum got home. She's never said as much but I wouldn't be surprised if mum thought I was exaggerating when I used to tell her that we spent the entire afternoon crying together.

But until this afternoon I thought all of this was long behind me and we had moved forward onto new phases like smelling absolutely everything she can get her hands on. (I'm pretty sure this is a genetic thing because I have an irresistible compulsion to smell things too, and I'm 27). We had the mother of all dummy spits this afternoon which started as soon as Miss K got up from her unusually long 2 hour nap, and finished when I finally ran out of ideas and turned on Play School. Although in Miss K's defence I will say I don't think this was an every day run of the mill temper tantrum as I have had a cold for the past week, and I think she's caught it off me, and combined with her teething it has made her pretty miserable. Knowing that this upset was because of illness didn't actually make it any easier to deal with, and if anything it make it quite a bit harder especially as I couldn't dose her up with paracetamol as we'd already given her some 3 hours earlier. Not even a bath cheered her up which is rare because my baby loves being naked, and bath time is a real treat for her. (Not because it only comes once a year but because she gets to combine being nude with water. Who wouldn't love that???)

I think the being alone part is what is the worst thing about having to deal with difficult afternoons like this. When mum is home she usually spends the time giving me suggestions of what might help, and taking Miss K of my hands when I need them free to refill drinks or measure out medicine. She also makes sure that I don't completely freak out and panic which even though I've been doing this whole mum thing for over 12 months now, I'm still likely to do when shit gets hard. I think that's the hardest part of being a mum. If this was any other job, I'd take every new change completely in my stride and run with it. But with being a parent, the changes are constant, and no matter how many experts you consult, or experienced mums you have at hand with advice on how they coped with what you're going through, there is no way you can every be really prepared for every new hurdle you face. Being a mum is the biggest leap of faith you will ever have to take because you have to completely trust your own instincts and abilities in order to be able to take care of a defenceless and totally reliant human being.

But it's not all doom and gloom around here. Despite looking like an extra from Night of the Living Dead at the moment, we've actually had a few big moments lately. I can say with great pride that Miss K is finally drinking from a cup. After all of the months of stressing and frustration, all it took was for me to step back and leave Miss K to her own devices and she figured it out for herself. Of course not without stabbing herself in the back of her throat a few times first, but she's still so much smarter than I give her credit for. She's also learned how to say Grandma, except from her mouth it sounds like bum-ma, but we know what she means.

Well as it's almost a new day I really need to go and get my beauty hibernation so I can be refreshed and ready to stumble blindly through tomorrow. Stay awesome readers, and of course feel free to drop me a line and say hello, I love chatting to random strangers, especially ones who know more about me than I do about them.

Quick catch up

Once again I have left it way too long between blog posts. I'm only posting today to make sure the cobwebs don't have a chance to completely take over my keyboard. And also if I leave it too much longer I won't remember everything I have to share.

As promised a couple of weeks ago, I finally have the photos from Miss K's birthday party last month to share. 

Miss K in her birthday hat

The birthday cake (with the off centre writing)

Miss K seeing her birthday cake for the first time. (She seems to be wondering why the writing is so far to the right of Elmo)

Miss K having a slice of birthday cake. While everyone else was of the general opinion that pound cake is too dry to actually eat, Miss K loved it. At least someone appreciates my cooking.

There are over a hundred other photos of the big day, but they have lots of other people's children in them, and as editing them would take too long, I've decided to be lazy instead and only show you four photos. 

Several other big occasions have happened since Miss K's birthday, the first being she had her very last paediatrician's appointment ever. For those of you who don't know (mainly anyone reading this who isn't related to me, I'm guessing there's about 2 of you) Miss K contracted meningitis at 2 weeks old and nearly died. After spending the first 2 weeks of her life dragging her from doctors office to doctors office trying to get answers then spending the next 3 weeks in hospital watching her attached to drips and beeping machines, we spent the next 11 months taking her to regular appointments with her paediatrician, who wanted to monitor her for a year to make sure there were no long lasting effects from the meningitis. We passed the brain growth hurdle, the developmental milestone hurdle and finally the hearing test hurdle, and last week he told us he is happy enough to stop keeping an eye on Miss K. While having the constant reassurance from a doctor that your child is normal might be a good thing, it is a relief to finally be able to put this whole thing behind us and finally start looking forward.

The other occasion we had was Miss K's second Easter, and her first one out of hospital. Silly me forgot to take photos on the day, and we never got the chance to meet the Easter Bunny as he seemed to be AWOL from our town. I do however have a photo from Miss K's first meeting with the Easter Bunny last year when he kindly visited the children's ward at the hospital we were staying at.

The machine that the nurse is holding is an Apnoea monitor that is supposed to go off if the wearer stops breathing. It doesn't, as I found out twice. But it does go off randomly in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, scaring the crap out of a mum trying to get some well needed sleep. 

Miss K got a tea set for Easter this year instead of chocolates as I still feel guilty letting her have delicious chocolate, and since she already shows an enthusiasm for my coffee cup any time I leave it on the table, I thought she might appreciate having one of her very own that I won't take off her every time she bangs it on the coffee table. The art of drinking from the tea cup seems to be lost on her right now, because hey, who would drink from a cup when you can just listen to the awesome noise it makes when you bash it against other cups or anything else that will sit still long enough.

Miss K is also working on pushing out tooth number five as we speak. It appears to be causing some irritation, but she valiantly pushes on, and refuses to let it stop her exploring (*read getting into everything and driving mum crazy)

Well that is the end of my holiday letter style blog for today. The next time I come back it will be to resume my normal ranting about petty every day things that make me clench my fists in frustration. I'm off to enjoy the twenty minutes of peace and quiet that every nap time brings me. Ah sweet silence.

Apples and oranges

If there is one thing that frustrates me more than anything else, it's people who compare their babies with other peoples babies. (That and trying to scrape mashed banana out of the carpet.) I saw it heaps before I had Miss K, but it seems to be magnified by the fact that when I see it these days, it's usually my daughter that the children are being compared against.

I say this to my family and friends all the time, but it still stands true. No two babies are exactly the same. A perfect example is Miss K with her teething. While both her father and I were cutting teeth at 6 months as is expected, she waited until she was 9 months old to cut her first tooth, and is averaging one tooth per month. This is slower than what is considered normal, but doesn't make her abnormal. I have been reassured time and again that it can be normal for a baby to not start cutting teeth until 10 months. There are a few areas in which Miss K does not fit into the normal category. Her speech is not where it is for most other babies, but she is able to jump, which is something I've not seen in other babies her age before. I'm not trying to say that my daughter is better than other babies because she is jumping when others can't, but that seems to be the impression that I get from every person who tries to compare their baby with mine.

It is hard to tell if Miss K would still be where she is now if she wasn't so sick when she was born and for the first 5 weeks of her life. No one is able to tell me for certain what kind of damage could have been done. We go for tests every couple of months, and she has been given a clean bill of health so far. Most recently we had her hearing and her eye sight tested, and both of them are perfectly normal. She is slightly short sighted, but that is normal in children of her age. She has also inherited her mother's lazy eye, but she seems to be correcting that one on herself. I have a sinking feeling that we'll discover in several years that Miss K has some kind of impairment that wouldn't show up this early, partly because of the difficulties that her father has with reading and comprehension. The thing is because Ady's mother refuses to accept that these difficulties indicate that something was wrong with Ady, she never had anything done about it. It also means we don't know what is wrong with Ady so I don't know what to prepare myself for. Of course this doesn't change the way I feel about Miss K, if anything it just strengthens my determination to protect her and make sure she has a good life.

I love my daughter no matter how slow she is growing her teeth, or how often she insists on jumping on my lap, and that is really the only thing that matters to me and her. I know that she will start talking when she is ready, just like she has done everything else. It is nice to have reassurance that Miss K is healthy, and in a lot of ways she is very normal, but apart from making sure everything is OK, I really don't need to know how other babies have done what Miss K is doing. The only thing that matters to me is how my baby is doing.

But for now any time anyone tells me that their child is doing things faster than Miss K I will just smile politely, grit my teeth and repeat my mantra. No two children are the same.

It's all worthwhile in the end

Days like today make all the horror Miss K has been through in the past week worthwhile. There is no pain today, only lots of smiles. Its funny how quickly I forget how energetic and inquisitive my little girl is, but it is so nice to see a smile on her face again, after so many days of tears. Right now she is jumping around the room in her walker (yes Miss K travels by jumping instead of walking) and yelling at the top of her voice like she doesn't have a care in the world. (And given that she's only 11 months old, she probably doesn't).

Today is Miss K's 11 month un-birthday. Because she has done so much growing and developing in her first year, on her un-birthday each month, I like to take photos of her, and write down the milestones that she has hit since her last un-birthday, so that one day when all of this is a distant memory I can look back and remember all the little things she went through that amazed me at the time. Already it's hard to believe that there was a time when eating puréed foods wasn't a part of every day life, and yet already we have moved on to finger foods and are preparing to wean her off the bottle. This month I have a pretty big milestone to record because this morning for the first time, she was able to stand up using the wall for support instead of a piece of furniture. This is something she has watched her cousin do countless times, but she has never been able to find the courage or the balance to do herself. With that simple move, we are one step closer to walking.

My sister told me yesterday that it is important not to focus so much on all the negative stuff, and more on the positive stuff because I'll miss it all when she grows up, which happens much too quick. The sad thing is there is a lot that I miss already. I especially miss lying in bed with Miss K watching her sleep on the mattress next to me. We can't do this any more because my bed is too exciting for sleeping, and she refuses to even lie down on it. But for everything we lose, we gain something else. One thing I love about Miss K now is sitting down and sharing my banana, or my toast, or my tuna mornay with her. As long as it's something that I'm eating, she loves it, and it's a very easy way to get her to eat her lunch and dinner.

Something that shocks me is that there are things that I completely don't see, even when I am looking straight at her. Ady showed me a video he took a couple of weeks ago of me bathing Miss K, and I had no idea exactly how often she looks at me when I'm washing her. I'm not sure if she's looking for explanation, or she wants to share something with me, but there are obviously glances that I miss because I'm too busy getting her cleaned up so she can have a quick play and go to bed. It just goes to show that I need to slow down and really appreciate this brief time I have with my baby girl before she grows up and leave me behind.

Well the peace and quiet I have had this morning has been at the cost of a couple of pieces of my toast and one of my craft magazines, so I guess it's time to get off the computer and clean up some mess. And stop Miss K from touching the bloody television again. GET AWAY FROM THERE YOU LITTLE MONSTER!!!! Everyone enjoy your day.

Eating humble pie

I have been advised by my sister that SHE TELLS ME SO!!!! Apparently mum and my big sister spent a lot of time telling me what being a parent is really like, and I did in fact ignore their advice. So both of them deserve the I told you so dances they have been doing for the last 11 months.

As of 10:00 this morning, Miss K has a tiny white thing sticking out of her gums. WE FINALLY HAVE ANOTHER TOOTH!!!! That puts her tooth count to 3 now. I don't know why she has been so slow to cut these teeth, I know every baby is different, but this tends to be something that is genetic. I managed to have a civil conversation with Ady's mum on the weekend and she told me Ady was cutting teeth at 6 months, and mum says I was too, so obviously Miss K just wants to be different.

I can't say that her mood is 100% better today, but it is a great improvement on what it has been the last couple  of days. At the moment she is lying under my chair playing with a broken computer mouse quite happily, and for some reason, there is a cartoon prehistoric monkey painting bananas in a cave on my television. I will not understand what passes for children's entertainment these days.

It has been brought to my attention that I spend a lot of my time on this blog complaining about all the hard things that come with being a parent. I guess this is because the bad stuff sticks with me more than the fun stuff. I don't have to worry so much about if Miss K is OK when we're having fun, because it's obvious that she's OK. But I feel I must reassure everyone that it's not all teething and dirty nappies around here. I spend more time laughing than anything else when I'm with Miss K. Apparently she is a lot like I was when I was a baby, and I have to say, I must have been a weird baby.

A perfect example came last night. My little sister's boyfriend came over after work, and my sister cooked him up a plate of sausage rolls and chips. She took one of the chips and broke it up for Miss K to eat, but Miss K hates holding slimy things. I think this is part of the reason why I've had so much trouble getting her to eat finger foods. The minute she feels that something is slimy, she drops it like a hot potato. Any way, we watched her pick up the chip several times, only to drop it on the table straight away. But then she decided to try to pick the chip up with her mouth instead of her hands. This would have worked if she was just a little bit taller, but she could never hold the chip long enough to bring it close enough to her so she could reach it with just her mouth. So for anyone who walked into the room in the middle of this, it would just look like Miss K was trying to lick the table.

So I am the proud mother of a very odd baby, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Despite how much I seem to complain on here.

I've said it before and I'll say it again....

I HATE TEETHING!!!!!

I have a very unhappy little girl today. Last night she very kindly gave me a break from being asleep every two hours from midnight to 6 o'clock. And she had a slight temperature. Today the temperature is still there, and the mood is far from cheerful. My big sister is very kindly giving me a short break from Miss K at the moment, and she is having slightly more luck than I was keeping her calm.

Quitting smoking has been changed to just cutting down for today, as I don't have the strength to not smoke and take care of Miss K at the same time right now. I'll try again tomorrow hopefully

I'll try to get back on again tonight to do a proper post, but for now, I'm going back into the trenches for round two. Cover me sarge!!!