Saturday, 23 December 2017

December Fly on the Wall - The Month of Firsts and Lasts

It's time once again for Fly on the Wall. In this month's instalment 8 bloggers are all joining up to show you what things would look like if you were a fly on the wall at their place. Below is a list of all participating bloggers, be sure to visit them all to see all of the fun.

Fly on the Wall

Menopausal Mother                   
Never Ever Give Up Hope             
Bookworm in the Kitchen               
The Blogging 911                        
Go Mama O                               

So normally my Fly on the Wall posts are full of crazy quotes and silly fun, but this month if you'll indulge me just a teeny tiny bit I'd like to do something a little bit different. There are still one or two quotes, but the rest of the post is sort of a photo slideshow. You see normally life around here is pretty boring and uneventful but this month was different. This month we actually had things to do, places to be and for once I actually remembered to document some of it. 

So to start December off Miss K had her very first ballet concert. 

We had a mad rush of dress rehearsals, stage rehearsals, make up practises, costume fittings and last minute panic. There were three performances in total over 3 days in front of audiences of at least 200 people at a time. Things were crazy to say the least.

To say I was a nervous wreck was an understatement. I watched my mum do this with two girls for over 15 years and she always made it look so easy. I sent the above text to Natalie on the second day of performances. It was the first time Miss K's father and I were going to watch her dance on stage, and I expected to be a blubbering mess. So there we all were sitting in the audience, ready for her to come on and the music to start. I grabbed her dad's knee for support and took a deep breath. Miss K came on stage and I was proudly holding all ugly crying back with the power of determination and the knowledge that I look like a raccoon if I cry with make up on. It was starting to look like I was going to be leaving the tissues in my handbag until I turned to look at Miss K's father and see him crying like a baby. So the tissues got put to good use after all, and I only teased him for several hours after the concert. 


Me: This is why I don't wash my car. It's been pooped on twice already in the space of an hour and now it's covered in bug carcassesses. Carcasses, carcii? What is the plural of carcass? Oh whatever, in any case the little buggers are all over my car right now.

Two weeks after the ballet concerts were done and dusted Miss K had her first ever piano concert to perform at. This was a lot smaller thankfully because I don't think I could have handled another massive production so soon after the first one, but Miss K again coped with everything beautifully considering she's never played the piano for an audience, plus she was the first performer of the whole concert so she couldn't even look to any of the other students to see how it was done.


Miss K: Mum, high five. (pulls her hand away and dabs) DAB!
Me: Did you just dab on me? You are so out of the will right now young lady.

A week after the piano concert Miss K had her first school concert, her class were dancing to a Justin Timberlake song and we spent weeks practising the moves at home together, so I was pretty confident that given the barrage of stage appearances she'd made by then plus all the practising meant we had this one in the bag.

Miss K's costume for the school concert


Me: I felt so awful, the announcer came on the mic and said the first song was going to be a Vanilla Ice medley, and I accidentally said "Oh no" really loudly. 
Nat: Worst mum ever.
Me: I didn't mean it to come out. I even had to turn to Jason afterwards and ask if I'd said it out loud. It's not my fault though, they should have known that people there were going to hate Vanilla Ice. 

Finally we had the last day of school for the year, which means that my little girl is no longer a preppy. She is now moving up to first grade and we have officially survived her first year of school. 

Miss K on her first day of school and on her last day of school for the year.  

I've been feeling a little nostalgic this past week and am already missing the good old days. Not least because I was helping in class every Friday for the majority of the year and her moving up means I no longer get to help out any more. It was a huge relief to get to see Miss K in class and know that she was actually coping perfectly with starting school and I will always be grateful to her teacher for indulging my panicking and letting me stick around for so long. I'm also very grateful she would pretend that I was helping out for Miss K's sake and not my own.


Me: Miss K would you please hurry up and make your lunch. No, that's not making lunch that's recreating the opening scene from the Lion King with a plastic tub. 

So that's it from me for the month. We are now in the count down to Christmas here and looking forward to the 5 weeks of summer holidays to go. I'd like to take a second to thank all of you for coming and visiting with me every month this year for our special brand of crazy. Don't forget to visit the rest of the bloggers participating and I will see you all next time.  

Saturday, 18 November 2017

November Fly on the Wall

Hello again my lovelies, it is time for the second last Fly on the Wall for the year. For any newcomers to this series what happens is a group of bloggers all join forces to share with you all the crazy and funny things you'd see if you were a fly on the wall in our houses this month.

Fly on the Wall
This month 7 bloggers are participating. Be sure to visit them all and check out all of the fun.
Menopausal Mother                     
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Bookworm in the Kitchen                
The Blogging 911                       
Miss K: Mum can I have a choc chip cookie please?
Me: No it's too close to dinner time.
Miss K: Please? I want one.
Me: Too bad. Please stop nagging me.
Miss K: Mum can I have a choc chip cookie?
Me: No. I said stop nagging me please.
Miss K: I didn't nag because I didn't say please.
We had a big thunderstorm come through the town yesterday. This is how my nephew Jakey responds to thunder.
Jakey: What was that?
Sam: That was just thunder.
Jakey: No, I think it's a bomb.
I woke up one morning to Miss K making my bed while I was still in it. As it was still early I rolled over and went back to sleep until my alarm when off. When I finally decided to get up all hell broke loose.
Miss K: Mum, you messed up the bed. I just made that.
Me: Welcome to parenting sweetheart, where kids mess your shit up as you're cleaning. Pro tip though, next time don't make the bed while someone is still sleeping in it.
I was helping in Miss K's class when one of her classmates dropped this gem on me
Connor: I'm going to copy Lachy's work because he's smart.
Me: Well I want to see you try to do this for yourself because I know for a fact there's a big brain in that head of yours.
Connor: No, I don't have a brain anymore. You wanna know why?
Me: Ok this should be good, why don't you have a brain anymore?
Connor: Because someone said something so crazy it made my brain explode and now it's gone.
Me: You're going to make my brain explode in a minute Connor. 
So Kim was in hospital this month suffering from organ failure, which you wouldn't think is a laughing matter. Kim didn't seem to get the memo that hospitals are serious however as the following story from Natalie shows.
Nat: When Kim was first admitted she was in and out of consciousness, and there was a heap of doctors around her at all times. One doctor in particular kept making suggestions for treatment options and he kept getting shut down. Obviously Kim was getting tired of it because at one stage she woke up looked at him and said "This is a house of learned doctors and you need to learn to listen." 
Me: Seriously?
Nat: Yeah. She had the doctors in stitches apparently. They told her about it the next morning and she refused to believe them at first. It wasn't until more people kept coming up to her and telling her the same story did she finally believe them. At one of their conferences they discussed a decision they'd made that had worked, and one of the doctors said it worked because they were learned doctors. 
The epilogue to that story is that after several weeks of some very serious treatments Kim is finally better, her organs are working again and she was discharged yesterday to continue healing at home. 

Nat: So Dave and I had an argument the other day.
Me: What was it this time?
Nat: He asked me to remind him to grab his drink bottles before we left to go home and I told him to set himself a reminder on his phone. Halfway home he remembers the drink bottles and he cracked it at me for not reminding him. I went off at him for not setting the reminder like I told him. I figured he realised at the time that was all I was going to do for him, I'm not his mother, and he's old enough to be doing this for himself now.
Me: I feel sorry for your poor children when you finally have them. You're going to be a mean mum.
Nat: What do you mean?
Me: You're six years old now, you're old enough to figure out how to get yourself up and out the door for school now.
Nat: Hey, blame the childcare industry. We're forced to foster independence in kids from a really young age.
Well that's all from this corner of the world, don't forget to visit all the other blogs participating today and keep the fun going.

Saturday, 21 October 2017

October Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for everyone's favourite post, Fly on the Wall. In this series a bunch of bloggers join up to share all of the crazy funny stuff you would see if you were a fly on the wall in their home.

Fly on the Wall

This month 7 bloggers are participating, so be sure to visit them all.

Menopausal Mother                     
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Bookworm in the Kitchen                
The Blogging 911                       

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Mum: I don't know, something.
Me: Well that narrows it down. Totally eliminates all of that nothing I was going to buy for you.

Me: Miss K get in the kitchen and make your lunch.
Miss K: You have to come with me, I need you.
Me: Why do you need me to be in the kitchen with you?
Miss K: Because I like you.
Me: Well I can't argue with that logic.

My niece Eliza turned 14 this month, and we had teppanyaki to celebrate. One of the dishes we ate was grilled prawn legs, which is an acquired taste to be sure.
Sam: Ever had a burger take a bite out of you?
Me: No, but I've had a prawn kick me in the teeth now. Oh God, it's still kicking on the way down.

Miss K went for her first interstate holiday during the term break this month, which included a trip to all of the super parks on the Gold Coast. She had so many stories to tell when she got back.
Miss K: I saw a kangaroo and a koala and the bird with the blue feathers on top.
Me: Do you mean an emu?
Miss K: No, not an emu, it was the bird with the blue feathers on top.
Me: It could have been a cassowary I guess
Miss K: No it wasn't a cassowary. It was the bird with the blue feathers. He gets chased by the wolf.
Me: Are you talking about the Road Runner?
Miss K: Yeah, the bird with the blue feathers on top.

Mum: So Nat had a weird dream last night.
Me: Oh yeah?
Mum: Yeah, she dreamed she was brushing her teeth, then she woke herself up by spitting into her own hand.
Me: Well that's just...lovely.

Miss K and mum were looking stuff up on the internet.
Miss K: Granny is that you?
Mum: No, that's a man thank you very much.
Me: You might want to run away now little girl.

On another day I was browsing Facebook when Miss K came and sat next to me.
Miss K: Mum is that you?
Me: No it's not me.
Miss K: Who is it then?
Me: I don't know, there are seven billion people in this planet kiddo, and a lot of them have the internet.
Miss K: So is it Aunty Sam then?
Me: Seven billion people kiddo. That is so much more than the ten people you know OK? We don't know who this person is.
Miss K: Is it Nat?
Me: I swear to God my head is about to explode.

Miss K: Can I watch telly?
Me: No, you're banned from watching telly. You're banned from everything right now.
Miss K: I'm hungry, I want dessert.
Me: No, you can't have dessert, you're banned remember? You're banned from everything.
Miss K: I'm not banned from being hungry though.
Me: Yes you are, you're banned from being hungry too so knock it off right now.

Well that's all from around here this month, don't forget to check out all the other blogs participating and see all of the crazy things that have happened elsewhere this month.

Saturday, 23 September 2017

September Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for September Fly on the Wall. In this series 7 bloggers are joining together to share all of the crazy and funny things you'd here if you were a fly on their wall.

Menopausal Mother                     
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Bookworm in the Kitchen                
The Blogging 911                       

Sam was muttering away to herself one day while we were working.
Me: Are you alright over there?
Sam: Yeah, it's called interesting conversations with interesting people.
Me: And the confused people who overhear them.

It was Father's Day in Australia at the beginning of this month, and Natalie decided to buy mum a megaphone as a Father's Day gift. She gave it to her a day early, while I was out visiting Sam. They then decided to pop in for a surprise visit to Sam's house, where mum walked into the house wearing a dinosaur mask and yelling into the megaphone "This is not a drill, I repeat it is not a drill, it is a megaphone." This would all have been hillarious were Sam and I not in the middle of a business phone call at the time. But we did laugh about the absurdity of the event afterwards.

I knew I was getting a good addition to this post when my little sister Natalie texted me asking if I was allowed to say coffee tits on my blog. The photo below explains why she needed to know.

So needless to say Nat has a new nickname now.

Nat: Dave bought me a new pillow, but it smells like that drink the cowboy.
Me: Well I guess that's a good thing as long as you like the smell of cowboys.
Nat: Dave thinks it smells like bamboo, does bamboo smell like alcohol?
Me: I...don't know what bamboo smells like. How is this possible? Mum, I've never smelled bamboo.
Mum: Seriously? You smell everything.
Me: I know. I guess that's something I have to add to the bucket list now. 

Me: Do you have some scissors I can borrow?
Sam: Certainly. Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find.
Me: Marco and ye shall polo?

And finally, Natalie had to have an MRI on her back this month, and she very helpfully wrote down some of the thoughts she had whilst strapped into a giant humming tube. With her permission I am repeating all of her thoughts below. As someone who has had several MRIs I can confirm that some of these thoughts are the same ones everyone has whilst stuck in those horrible machines. 

Thoughts from the MRI machine.... story by Natalie 
I'm really glad I put on pretty underwear... this robe covers nothing! 
I could be in a dubstep music video. 
Is the machine laughing at me? 
It sounds like the machine is saying "hahahahaha" let's see what else I can hear the machine saying ...:
"Party party party"
"Paddle battle"
"Don't cry" 
"Dub dub dub"
"Wub wub wub" 

I think someone is playing the theramin... they should make a cd of mri noises and sell it for Halloween parties. Some of these sounds are really creepy. 

Do I even have hands anymore? I can't feel them? I can't feel anything other than pain. I'm gonna have friction burn on my arms from the bed moving up and down... 
something is burning my arm... aaaaand now it's burning my leg

Of course my face is itchy right now

And that's all from me. Don't forget to check out all the other blogs participating.

Saturday, 19 August 2017

August Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for Fly on the Wall. In this series, bloggers join together to share with you just some of the insanity you would see if you were a fly on their wall.

This month 8 other bloggers are participating, so be sure to visit them all to see all the fun that has happened this month.

Menopausal Mother                     
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Cynful Thoughts                                
Evil Joy Speaks                              

Me: If it's not broke...
Nat: Buy a new one?
Me: No, don't fix it.
Nat: Oh right, I always get that one wrong.

Me: Miss K and I played tug-of-war with my pants today. I wanted to see if I could make them longer.
Mum: As you do.
Me: It didn't work unfortunately, I still have flood pants.

Nat: Tristan and I picked Ben up from work last night, and he was in a mood when he got in the car, he said it was because he'd had an argument with a woman at work about this "stupid plebcicle" When he said that Tristan and I both just lost it and started laughing. I had to explain to him that it was pronounced plebiscite.
Me: Oh please tell me he was calling it a plebcicle during the argument. That would have just made it ten times better.

Dad: I don't think I impressed Kim's friend too much?
Me: Oh? Why not?
Dad: Well I wanted a glass of wine, so I asked if either of them wanted a top up, and the friend did. So I asked her how many fingers she liked and both of them just started laughing. Shortly after that she found a reason to excuse herself for the night.
Me: I told Kim there had to be a good reason why you can tolerate me more than her, and now I know.

Miss K's school is doing a dress up parade at the end of book week. There have been many discussions over the past few weeks about costume ideas.
Me: I think I'm just going to say I'm dressing Miss K up as Where's Wally for the book parade and then just not send her to school that day.
Mum: That's genius. Then if they ask you where she was you can just say she was there the whole time, they just couldn't find her.

My nephew Matty was pretending to clean me with a tree branch
Matty: There you go, you're all clean. Oh, wait you'll never be really clean, you have a filthy mind.
Me: Ooh burn. You're too young for that level of sass young man.
Matty: Nope.

Mum: What's that on your butt? It's a chocolate sultana.
Me: Oh that's where that went. I lost it last night and spent ages looking for it. Except I was looking on the floor. It never occurred to me to search my butt.

Eliza: Have you ever broken down the word assassination? Ass sass in nation. Nation is the best place to have ass sass.

I was chatting on the phone with a friend Helen. Her daughter went to kindergarten with Miss K, and they're now both in prep together, so Helen and I spend a lot of time together.
Helen: There, I've just washed my makeup off my face.
Me: What? Did you just say you just put toilet water on your face?
Helen: No you drongo, I just washed my make up off.
Me: Oh thank goodness.

Me: Miss K thinks I have a magic butt.
Mum: Well that's...special.
Me: She kept putting things on my seat right as I was about to sit down, so I'd just palm them while she wasn't looking and she was convinced I was really making them disappear.
Mum: Well one day she's going to find out your butt isn't magic at all, just really big.
Me: Thanks. She was so disappointed when she found out her butt couldn't make things disappear, she just kept saying "I don't have a magic butt like you mum"

Sam and I were regaling her two kids with stories of the stupid things we've done in the past.
Sam: See this scar on my thumb? I worked in a restaurant when I was 17 and one day I chopped off the tip of my finger while cutting up the lettuce. I should have gotten stitches but the tip of the thumb got thrown out with the lettuce.
Me: I had to get stitches once. I cut my arm open cleaning up the glass I broke when I drove through my lounge room window and ended up with 5 stitches in my arm.
Eliza: Why did you drive through your lounge room window?
Me: I was trying to do a 3 point turn in my driveway and the lounge room got in the way.
Matty: How are you two still alive?

Sam: Remember that time we were playing Greek wedding with the kitchen tiles?
Me: Yeah, I sliced my thumb open with one of the broken tiles.
Eliza: What?
Sam: The kitchen in the first house your dad and I lived in had these horrible, ugly tiles on the wall, so we pulled them down, and started smashing them together like the Greeks do at weddings.
Me: And then we took sharpies and wrote swear words all over the exposed wall.
Eliza: What? why?
Sam: We were going to paint the walls anyway so we decided to have some fun since it was all going to be covered over soon anyway.
Me: I think Brad even drew a few penises for good measure
Sam: Except then we didn't end up getting the paint, and shortly after we moved out and left dad in the house with the swear words all over the kitchen. He had to paint it himself when he got sick of looking at it.

Well that's it for this month, I'll leave you with a photo of Miss K in her brand new ballerina uniform. We've started her in ballet this month to improve her balance and co-ordination and she's absolutely loving it. Every time I have to get her dressed for class she runs around the house in this uniform yelling "I'm a ballerina!!"

Saturday, 22 July 2017

July Fly on the Wall

Welcome one again to Fly on the Wall. The monthly series where a bunch of bloggers join together to share the crazy things you'd see and hear were you a fly on the wall in their house.

This month 8 bloggers are participating, be sure to check out all their links below to keep up the fun.

Menopausal Mother                    
Go Mama O                              
A Little Piece of Peace                 
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   

Matty had some McDonalds chips and he was feeding them to some seagulls when he discovered that Finding Nemo was all a lie.
Matty: They don't sound like they're saying "Mine" at all.

Mum: Miss K went to the toilet last night while I was in bed, and she's chatting to herself happily until she stops, and then goes "Ugh, not again." then went back to chatting.

Nat: I could always tell when my period was coming because my drinks of Coke would start to taste like hot dogs.

Miss K: Mum, what are you doing?
Me: I'm plucking a hair on my chin.
Miss K: Is that cos you're turning into a boy?
Me: Run away now little girl.

Nat: Dave was walking out of the room the other day and I thought he said "I'm going to go to the toilet and blame myself." I started laughing at him and told him what I heard. He went to the toilet and then I heard him saying "It's all my fault somehow"

Me: Alright, I'm going to go cook dinner now.
Miss K: I've already had dinner.
Me: What? No you haven't
Miss K: Yeah, I had a lollipop for dinner.
Me: A lollipop isn't dinner.
Miss K: Yes it is, I'm not hungry now.

I was serving ice cream for dessert one night.
Miss K: I love you.
Me: Are you talking to me or the dessert?
Miss K: The ice cream.

I was tearing the house apart looking for my shoes one day.
Me: Miss K have you seen my shoes?
Miss K starts giggling and runs out of the room. I follow her to her playroom where she is standing next to her toy box. Neatly placed inside her toy box were my shoes.
Miss K: I hid them from you.

Mum: So there's a cleaning product at work called Speed. Tonight Merv came in asking for a mop and bucket to clean an area and as he was walking out I yelled out after him "I've got some speed on the top shelf if you want it." It wasn't until I finished saying it that I realised how bad it sounded.

Well that's all from around here, don't forget to check out all the other blogs.

Thursday, 6 July 2017

Product Review - P'ure Papaya Care

Hello again everyone I am back to share another amazing product with you. As you all know I'm a sucker for natural beauty products. Especially when it comes to my daughter, I hate the thought of lathering her up with products full of harmful chemicals. So when I was contacted by the makers of P'ure Papaya Care I jumped at the chance to check out their products.

Phytocare is a company that makes 100% natural skin care products. Their products were created by a Daniel Baden, a naturopath with over 30 years experience in the industry, who has seen the long term effects that continued use of harmful chemicals has on skin, and he wanted to do something about it, so he started his own range of skincare products. The P'ure Papaya Care range has no petrochemicals in them at all, instead using all natural ingredients that are beneficial for your skin.

I was sent bottles of their papaya ointment as well as their vapour balm, and I was hooked from the beginning. The papaya ointment is so thick and creamy when you apply it, a little bit really goes a long way with this product, and even Miss K liked putting it on after a shower. You can feel the difference straight away once you've applied the ointment, and your skin feels so soft for ages afterwards. I'm not going to lie, I became a little bit obsessed with this stuff, and it got to the point where I had it sitting on my coffee table. so that any time someone new came into the house they'd have to ask about it and I made them all try it. This stuff is a definite winner, and with winter finally here I'm going to be keeping it in my handbag at all times now to help me battle the horrible dry skin I end up with every year.

The papaya vapour balm was awesome too. I wasn't sure whether we'd get a chance to try this one or not, but wouldn't you know it, Miss K and I both ended up with horrible colds shortly after my package arrived, which gave me the perfect excuse to give it a test run. The balm is made with eucalyptus and lemon myrtle, and to be honest I wasn't sure I would like that combination, but for some reason the smell reminded me of camping trips with my dad when I was a kid. (Normally dragging those memories up require three more months of therapy, but this time it made me feel happy) The smell is really refreshing which is always a plus for me, but more importantly the balm worked wonders on stuffy noses during the night and I slept easy knowing that I wasn't going to be woken up by two blocked noses at 3am. And because there are no petroleum based products in the balm either it didn't have that heavy greasy feeling you normally get with vapour rubs, which is part of the reason I normally just tough out blocked noses when I'm sick, but not any more.

One of the best aspects of these products is the lack of harmful chemicals. There is no petroleum based products in there, no artificial fragrances or preservatives, no nasty stuff at all. Just natural oils and ingredients. There is no palm oil, they don't test on animals and they are certified 100% natural, meaning the P'ure Papaya Care range is safe for the whole family to use. This product ticks all the boxes, and they are reasonably priced too, which is just the icing on the cake.

So if you suffer from dry, irritated skin and you're looking for a natural product to get your skin glowing again, check out P'ure Papaya Care today.

I received free products from P'ure Papaya Care for the purpose of this review. All opinions given here are my own and have in no way been influenced by P'ure Papaya Care or anyone else. Searching for Sanity is not affiliated with P'ure Papaya Care or their associates in any way.
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