Saturday, 19 August 2017

August Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for Fly on the Wall. In this series, bloggers join together to share with you just some of the insanity you would see if you were a fly on their wall.

This month 8 other bloggers are participating, so be sure to visit them all to see all the fun that has happened this month.

Menopausal Mother                     
Never Ever Give Up Hope                   
Cynful Thoughts                                
Evil Joy Speaks                              

Me: If it's not broke...
Nat: Buy a new one?
Me: No, don't fix it.
Nat: Oh right, I always get that one wrong.

Me: Miss K and I played tug-of-war with my pants today. I wanted to see if I could make them longer.
Mum: As you do.
Me: It didn't work unfortunately, I still have flood pants.

Nat: Tristan and I picked Ben up from work last night, and he was in a mood when he got in the car, he said it was because he'd had an argument with a woman at work about this "stupid plebcicle" When he said that Tristan and I both just lost it and started laughing. I had to explain to him that it was pronounced plebiscite.
Me: Oh please tell me he was calling it a plebcicle during the argument. That would have just made it ten times better.

Dad: I don't think I impressed Kim's friend too much?
Me: Oh? Why not?
Dad: Well I wanted a glass of wine, so I asked if either of them wanted a top up, and the friend did. So I asked her how many fingers she liked and both of them just started laughing. Shortly after that she found a reason to excuse herself for the night.
Me: I told Kim there had to be a good reason why you can tolerate me more than her, and now I know.

Miss K's school is doing a dress up parade at the end of book week. There have been many discussions over the past few weeks about costume ideas.
Me: I think I'm just going to say I'm dressing Miss K up as Where's Wally for the book parade and then just not send her to school that day.
Mum: That's genius. Then if they ask you where she was you can just say she was there the whole time, they just couldn't find her.

My nephew Matty was pretending to clean me with a tree branch
Matty: There you go, you're all clean. Oh, wait you'll never be really clean, you have a filthy mind.
Me: Ooh burn. You're too young for that level of sass young man.
Matty: Nope.

Mum: What's that on your butt? It's a chocolate sultana.
Me: Oh that's where that went. I lost it last night and spent ages looking for it. Except I was looking on the floor. It never occurred to me to search my butt.

Eliza: Have you ever broken down the word assassination? Ass sass in nation. Nation is the best place to have ass sass.

I was chatting on the phone with a friend Helen. Her daughter went to kindergarten with Miss K, and they're now both in prep together, so Helen and I spend a lot of time together.
Helen: There, I've just washed my makeup off my face.
Me: What? Did you just say you just put toilet water on your face?
Helen: No you drongo, I just washed my make up off.
Me: Oh thank goodness.

Me: Miss K thinks I have a magic butt.
Mum: Well that's...special.
Me: She kept putting things on my seat right as I was about to sit down, so I'd just palm them while she wasn't looking and she was convinced I was really making them disappear.
Mum: Well one day she's going to find out your butt isn't magic at all, just really big.
Me: Thanks. She was so disappointed when she found out her butt couldn't make things disappear, she just kept saying "I don't have a magic butt like you mum"

Sam and I were regaling her two kids with stories of the stupid things we've done in the past.
Sam: See this scar on my thumb? I worked in a restaurant when I was 17 and one day I chopped off the tip of my finger while cutting up the lettuce. I should have gotten stitches but the tip of the thumb got thrown out with the lettuce.
Me: I had to get stitches once. I cut my arm open cleaning up the glass I broke when I drove through my lounge room window and ended up with 5 stitches in my arm.
Eliza: Why did you drive through your lounge room window?
Me: I was trying to do a 3 point turn in my driveway and the lounge room got in the way.
Matty: How are you two still alive?

Sam: Remember that time we were playing Greek wedding with the kitchen tiles?
Me: Yeah, I sliced my thumb open with one of the broken tiles.
Eliza: What?
Sam: The kitchen in the first house your dad and I lived in had these horrible, ugly tiles on the wall, so we pulled them down, and started smashing them together like the Greeks do at weddings.
Me: And then we took sharpies and wrote swear words all over the exposed wall.
Eliza: What? why?
Sam: We were going to paint the walls anyway so we decided to have some fun since it was all going to be covered over soon anyway.
Me: I think Brad even drew a few penises for good measure
Sam: Except then we didn't end up getting the paint, and shortly after we moved out and left dad in the house with the swear words all over the kitchen. He had to paint it himself when he got sick of looking at it.

Well that's it for this month, I'll leave you with a photo of Miss K in her brand new ballerina uniform. We've started her in ballet this month to improve her balance and co-ordination and she's absolutely loving it. Every time I have to get her dressed for class she runs around the house in this uniform yelling "I'm a ballerina!!"

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