Hello again guys, I interrupt my normal schedule to share some sad news with you guys.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to write, and that's including when I've had to get creative with job applications. I keep starting and stopping this one, and sometimes scrapping it altogether. This is about the fifth attempt I've made, so hopefully this one makes it to your screen because I'm still not sure whether or not any of these posts are going to see the light of day.
So up until two weeks ago I was pregnant. This fact alone will surprise most of you since none of you knew I was even dating, but I was. Long story short we were friends for years, we dated for a few months, we were talking about moving in together and having kids, I discovered I was already pregnant and he freaked out and admitted not only was he not ready to be a dad again, he'd been seeing someone else for three weeks. So I walked away and started planning to be a single mum again. I wasn't scared, not like I was when Miss K was coming, simply because I've now been doing this for five years and lets face it, I kick ass as a single mum.
I was looking forward to being a mum again, I knew it was going to be tough having two kids to run around after, but kids are always a beautiful blessing, so I had more to look forward to than dread. Really the only thing I was dreading was having another ex I was tied to for the rest of my life. I was really hoping I'd made better choices this time, I really thought he was decent and it took giving him something he'd previously said he wanted to find out his true colours. But I didn't have time to dwell on it this time because I had more important things to take care of right now.
In the last weekend of April I went to Inverloch with all of my sisters and my niece Eliza. We spent two nights at an amazing holiday house ten minutes from the beach and had a fabulous time. My time was made more fabulous by the fact that for the first time in two months I wasn't plagued with morning sickness and constant back pain. I didn't think too hard about how I was feeling, I decided it was just a sign I was meant to enjoy myself this weekend and so that's exactly what I did. It wasn't until I got home and went for a scheduled ultrasound on the Monday that I realised what was really going on. The poor technician spent a full ten minutes looking for a heartbeat for me with no success. He was very apologetic, as if it was all somehow his fault and I walked out of his office in a daze. The first thing I did was call mum and start crying.
The next two weeks were a blur of doctors appointments and tears. I had mum and my big sister Sam tell everyone what was going on simply because I didn't have the strength to keep saying the same thing over and over again. The only family members I had to tell were mum and Miss K. Miss K was confused of course, and has asked lots of questions, the worst of which was whether or not she was still a big sister. My heart ached for her at this point, because it showed that for her, the most important part of my pregnancy the whole time was the fact that she finally had the chance to be a big sister. For my sake as much as hers I told her she was still the best big sister in the world and I meant it.
I've clung to Miss K like a life raft these past few weeks, as if my life depends on her existence, and in a way it does. Right now she is my whole reason for waking up, she is the one who keeps me busy and sane and without her I feel lost. Every morning that I wake up and see her little head lying next to mine I know I'm going to be OK and I'm able to get out of bed and get on with life. Every night when she goes to bed again I feel the same helplessness creep over me and I sit and wonder what the hell I'm meant to do with myself until tomorrow morning.
At least now that the physical part is over I finally have my identity back. From the time the technician told me he couldn't find the heartbeat until the moment the last doctor told me everything was over and I was nearly healed all I could see myself as was a walking miscarriage. I felt like I had it tattooed on my forehead and I couldn't understand why no one else seemed to notice it. I received no weird stares from people in the streets, none of the other parents at kindergarten even realised anything was different, which of course they wouldn't, because I hadn't even gotten to the point where I was telling people I was pregnant, so there was nothing to notice, but to me it was the biggest part of me, and I couldn't understand how it could be so invisible to everyone else.
The only thing I'd bought for the baby before we got the news was a beautiful original print. It is a water colour of a zebra in a hot air balloon, and it was going to be hung on his wall near his cot. Instead I now get to turn it into a memorial picture, complete with a beautiful poem my baby sister Kim wrote for me.
Right now I'm trying to stay hopeful, and remember my blessings. I still have a wonderful family surrounding me, all of whom have been an amazing support for me right from the beginning of this saga, and all of whom have managed to forget all their own problems and lives to prop me up and keep me propelling forward. I'm on the phone all the time these days answering messages checking to make sure I'm ok, and looking at sloth and lama pictures with thanks to Nat who knows how to make me smile.
It makes me feel better knowing that for the short time that my little boy was alive he was loved totally by all who knew of him. He knew nothing of pain, heartbreak, rejection or sadness, all he ever knew was peace, and love, and that thought brings me peace.
But there is still grief to go through, and I know it isn't going to be a quick process. There are times I can get through a whole day without any tears, and then there are the days where I can't even make it through my first coffee of the day, and that's ok. I'm trying my hardest to seek out happiness, and remind myself that there is still joy in the world despite what I feel right now, and it does seem to be helping. I have a close friend who is pregnant with a rainbow baby, having gone through her own miscarriage late last year, and knowing she needs support right now keeps me from wallowing too much. I also have a whole soccer team worth of family members who managed to forget their own worries for me, so I do my best to return the favour for them whenever the need arises, which also helps me to keep my own grief in perspective.
There are times I can still feel happy, there are times I feel peaceful, there are times I feel frustrated and there are times I feel broken. I've had days where I feel like I can climb a mountain, and I've had days where all I can do is lie on the couch and stare out the window, but I know this is all just part of the process and I'm trying to be gentle with myself. About the biggest thing I've accomplished in the past two weeks is reading over 3,000 pages of customer service horror stories, but an accomplishment is still an accomplishment when your life has been ripped apart. Day by day I repair a little bit more, and one day I will hopefully feel whole again, but until then I'll just keep plodding along. Helping my family, making people laugh, being the best mum in the world. That's all any of us can do.
To my little hot air balloon baby Cooper Dean, RIP. I leave you in God's hands for now, but I will love you forever.
I come for the coffee, I stay for the padded walls and straight jackets
Sunday, 15 May 2016
Sunday, 8 May 2016
Helping Mums in Need
Hello my lovely audience and a Happy Mother's Day for all of you who are celebrating today. I know a lot of people are going to be talking today about what makes a mum, what it takes to be a mum, single mums, mums to angel babies, mums to fur babies, and mums in heaven. While all of these are wonderful things to talk about, I wanted to take a different approach and speak about someone who helps mums.
There are millions of organisations around the world who help mums in need. This is a good thing for women who are in situations of domestic violence, refugees, homeless, victims of natural disaster and any other terrible situation you can think of that would prevent a mother from being able to provide a safe environment for her children. The one organisation I am most familiar with, and the one I have been following closely since not long after Miss K was born is St Kilda Mums. They are a not for profit organisation which has provided baby goods for families in need since 2009. Of course despite their name they also help dads, because they believe all parents deserve a helping hand. I spoke about them recently on my Facebook page to highlight the donation drive they were currently partaking in to provide toiletries and personal supplies to mothers in need. At last count they had received over 130 gifts from very generous people, all complete with uplifting messages to be given to the mums.
But this one donation drive doesn't even scratch the surface of what they do over at St Kilda Mums. They take donations of second hand baby goods, repair them, clean them, inspect them and make sure they are still safe to be used and then re-home them with parents who cannot afford to buy simple necessities like cots, prams, car seats, change tables, you name it. The volunteers who work for St Kilda Mums work tirelessly to provide as much as they can to parents in need, unfortunately there is always more demand for baby goods. There is always a waiting list of patient parents who desperately need supplies for their babies, and the volunteers work their hardest to get through their list as quickly as they can.
While it is great that they help parents in need, I feel it is important to highlight the impact the work they do has on the environment as well. A lot of times these good would end up in the hard rubbish because second hand stores usually do not have the resources available to ensure second hand baby goods are safe enough to resell. By repairing and then re-housing these items, organisations like St Kilda Mums are reducing the amount of rubbish we already have polluting our earth. This fact alone makes them heroes in my eyes, but what they do with them once they pass muster again just makes them super heroes.
So if you have some pre-loved baby or children's items that you aren't going to use any more, before you chuck them to the tip, see if you can't donate them to a family in need. If you would like to help but find yourself completely out of baby goods, they also accept cash donations which help purchase brand new items, and also pay for the repairs on pre-loved furniture. There is also currently a huge need for warm coats for children, just in time for another of our horrible Australian winters. For more information, and to see some of the stories of the families St Kilda Mums have helped, check out their website here. If you would like to see if there is an organisation closer to you for donations, they also have a page which lists sister organisations both around Australia and the world. You check that out here.
Well while I could go on and on all day about St Kilda Mums and all the awesome things they do, I now have to search for my Mother's Day gift with my eyes closed. (Seriously those are the instructions I have been given.) so if you'll excuse me I'm off to bump into every wall in my house for an hour or so. Have a wonderful day to all the mums out there, whether your kids live at home and drive you up the wall on a daily basis, or are all grown up and only call you when they need something, or even if it isn't Mother's Day where you are, you are all awesome and deserve a great day today.
There are millions of organisations around the world who help mums in need. This is a good thing for women who are in situations of domestic violence, refugees, homeless, victims of natural disaster and any other terrible situation you can think of that would prevent a mother from being able to provide a safe environment for her children. The one organisation I am most familiar with, and the one I have been following closely since not long after Miss K was born is St Kilda Mums. They are a not for profit organisation which has provided baby goods for families in need since 2009. Of course despite their name they also help dads, because they believe all parents deserve a helping hand. I spoke about them recently on my Facebook page to highlight the donation drive they were currently partaking in to provide toiletries and personal supplies to mothers in need. At last count they had received over 130 gifts from very generous people, all complete with uplifting messages to be given to the mums.
But this one donation drive doesn't even scratch the surface of what they do over at St Kilda Mums. They take donations of second hand baby goods, repair them, clean them, inspect them and make sure they are still safe to be used and then re-home them with parents who cannot afford to buy simple necessities like cots, prams, car seats, change tables, you name it. The volunteers who work for St Kilda Mums work tirelessly to provide as much as they can to parents in need, unfortunately there is always more demand for baby goods. There is always a waiting list of patient parents who desperately need supplies for their babies, and the volunteers work their hardest to get through their list as quickly as they can.
While it is great that they help parents in need, I feel it is important to highlight the impact the work they do has on the environment as well. A lot of times these good would end up in the hard rubbish because second hand stores usually do not have the resources available to ensure second hand baby goods are safe enough to resell. By repairing and then re-housing these items, organisations like St Kilda Mums are reducing the amount of rubbish we already have polluting our earth. This fact alone makes them heroes in my eyes, but what they do with them once they pass muster again just makes them super heroes.
So if you have some pre-loved baby or children's items that you aren't going to use any more, before you chuck them to the tip, see if you can't donate them to a family in need. If you would like to help but find yourself completely out of baby goods, they also accept cash donations which help purchase brand new items, and also pay for the repairs on pre-loved furniture. There is also currently a huge need for warm coats for children, just in time for another of our horrible Australian winters. For more information, and to see some of the stories of the families St Kilda Mums have helped, check out their website here. If you would like to see if there is an organisation closer to you for donations, they also have a page which lists sister organisations both around Australia and the world. You check that out here.
Well while I could go on and on all day about St Kilda Mums and all the awesome things they do, I now have to search for my Mother's Day gift with my eyes closed. (Seriously those are the instructions I have been given.) so if you'll excuse me I'm off to bump into every wall in my house for an hour or so. Have a wonderful day to all the mums out there, whether your kids live at home and drive you up the wall on a daily basis, or are all grown up and only call you when they need something, or even if it isn't Mother's Day where you are, you are all awesome and deserve a great day today.
Monday, 2 May 2016
App Review - Jigsaw Family Connect
Hello again my lovely readers, today I am here to discuss with you a new free app which has hit the iTunes store and Google Play.
I was contacted last month by one of the developers of this app, a lovely gentleman called Simon. He is a fellow blogger who is passionate about developing positive families. So to help facilitate this, he has helped to develop the Jigsaw Family Connect app.
This app is all about being conscious about the time you spend with your children. You can set yourself goals based on how much time you want to spend with your kids, anything from 1 hour to 40 hours in a month, and then record each activity that you undertake with your children that brings you further towards your goal.
So I downloaded the free app in the middle of March, and then spent the next 30 days tracking the time I spent focused completely on Miss K. Whenever we spent any dedicated time completing an activity together, whether it be going outside to kick a ball around, or sitting in her room to read a book together, I'd write it down in the app, and it tracked my progress the whole time.
The app itself is very user friendly, it has an easy to use interface and it takes next to no time to learn your way around the buttons. It even includes a page where you can find suggestions for activities to complete together, which is great for rainy days where your kids are climbing the walls with boredom. (or even the dreaded school holidays, where you are faced with the daunting task of having to entertain your children for 2 to 8 weeks at a time) and it takes the guess work out of picking something to do when your brain is fried from playing mum all day long.
The app is currently in its first release, so there will be improvements down the road, including an increase in the suggested activities provided. However I did notice two things that would make the app easier for forgetful (and lazy) parents like me. The first thing is that there is no way to set an amount of time for completed activities that take less than an hour. I don't know about any of you, but an hour is an awfully long time to spend with my daughter, and I have never seen her last that long at anything except nagging me for more food. If any of you have children that can last an hour doing one task only, would you possibly like to discuss the option to swap with my darling she-devil with the attention span of a goldfish??
The only other thing I noticed is that there is no possible way to back date activities. If you are forgetful (like me) or lazy (like me) it can sometimes take several days to remember that you need to keep entering your activities on a daily basis. Of course in the long run this doesn't really affect the running of the app, except that there are days on my copy of the app where it looks like I spent every single waking minute of one day playing with my child, and then a whole week where I ignored her totally. Of course this could have totally been the case with me, and I spent one whole day of the week playing anything Miss K wanted, only to have to spend the rest of the week cleaning up the aftermath of playing like a five year old for a whole day. I don't call her the hurricane for nothing.
Luckily for me, when I noticed these things I contacted the developer and brought up my concerns with him. He was grateful for the feedback and let me know that my suggestions are going to be considered in the next update, so hopefully soon lazy parents like me can continue being lazy and not look quite so nutty when using this app. I have also been reassured that further developments are being planned for future updates, but a lot of these require user input, so the more of you who download this app, the better it becomes.
The best thing about this app was that it made me think about exactly how much time I am spending with my child. Of course I have her with me most of the time, except for kindergarten and visits with her father, but that didn't mean the time we were spending together was actually beneficial or meaningful for her, or me. By consciously deciding to pay attention to the time we were spending together, and the activities we were completing, I was able to see exactly how much real time I was spending with Miss K and how often I was just phoning it in, or pretending to listen while I ran through the mile long to do list in my head. While I can never say I'm a perfect parent, I always thought I was a more conscious parent. This app has not only shown me that I need to be more attentive, but it gives suggestions for exactly how I can do that. And now that I know these things I am taking the steps I need to be a more attentive and present mum.
So if there are any of you who want a way to track the time you spend with your kids, whether it be because you have a jam packed full schedule, and you want to make sure you're dedicating enough time to your kids, or simply to see if you're spending as much beneficial time with your kids as you possibly can, then download this app today from iTunes or Google Play. It's easy to use, and best of all it is totally free.
*Searching for Sanity is in no way affiliated with Jigsaw Family Connect or its developer Noon Layer. Because this app is free for download I received no remuneration for providing this review.*
**Update 26/5/16 I have just heard from the developer that the suggestions I made have been added to the latest update of the app. You can now do activities for 15, 30 and 45 minutes as well as the hours listed. There is now also the option to add a date to each activity for forgetful people like me. They have also opened up a contest through the app for regular prizes if you share activities with the community. This update is live now through Google Play however there will be a slight delay getting the updates completed in iTunes.
I was contacted last month by one of the developers of this app, a lovely gentleman called Simon. He is a fellow blogger who is passionate about developing positive families. So to help facilitate this, he has helped to develop the Jigsaw Family Connect app.
This app is all about being conscious about the time you spend with your children. You can set yourself goals based on how much time you want to spend with your kids, anything from 1 hour to 40 hours in a month, and then record each activity that you undertake with your children that brings you further towards your goal.
So I downloaded the free app in the middle of March, and then spent the next 30 days tracking the time I spent focused completely on Miss K. Whenever we spent any dedicated time completing an activity together, whether it be going outside to kick a ball around, or sitting in her room to read a book together, I'd write it down in the app, and it tracked my progress the whole time.
It was very encouraging, even when I forgot to tell it I was playing with my child.
The app itself is very user friendly, it has an easy to use interface and it takes next to no time to learn your way around the buttons. It even includes a page where you can find suggestions for activities to complete together, which is great for rainy days where your kids are climbing the walls with boredom. (or even the dreaded school holidays, where you are faced with the daunting task of having to entertain your children for 2 to 8 weeks at a time) and it takes the guess work out of picking something to do when your brain is fried from playing mum all day long.
Just not Monopoly, that game destroys families.
The app is currently in its first release, so there will be improvements down the road, including an increase in the suggested activities provided. However I did notice two things that would make the app easier for forgetful (and lazy) parents like me. The first thing is that there is no way to set an amount of time for completed activities that take less than an hour. I don't know about any of you, but an hour is an awfully long time to spend with my daughter, and I have never seen her last that long at anything except nagging me for more food. If any of you have children that can last an hour doing one task only, would you possibly like to discuss the option to swap with my darling she-devil with the attention span of a goldfish??
That and I'm lucky to last more than ten minutes playing backyard footy even on my best days.
The only other thing I noticed is that there is no possible way to back date activities. If you are forgetful (like me) or lazy (like me) it can sometimes take several days to remember that you need to keep entering your activities on a daily basis. Of course in the long run this doesn't really affect the running of the app, except that there are days on my copy of the app where it looks like I spent every single waking minute of one day playing with my child, and then a whole week where I ignored her totally. Of course this could have totally been the case with me, and I spent one whole day of the week playing anything Miss K wanted, only to have to spend the rest of the week cleaning up the aftermath of playing like a five year old for a whole day. I don't call her the hurricane for nothing.
I promise I spent way more time than this with her on that day, at least I think she was the one I played footy with.
The best thing about this app was that it made me think about exactly how much time I am spending with my child. Of course I have her with me most of the time, except for kindergarten and visits with her father, but that didn't mean the time we were spending together was actually beneficial or meaningful for her, or me. By consciously deciding to pay attention to the time we were spending together, and the activities we were completing, I was able to see exactly how much real time I was spending with Miss K and how often I was just phoning it in, or pretending to listen while I ran through the mile long to do list in my head. While I can never say I'm a perfect parent, I always thought I was a more conscious parent. This app has not only shown me that I need to be more attentive, but it gives suggestions for exactly how I can do that. And now that I know these things I am taking the steps I need to be a more attentive and present mum.
I know I was definitely present when this photo was taken
So if there are any of you who want a way to track the time you spend with your kids, whether it be because you have a jam packed full schedule, and you want to make sure you're dedicating enough time to your kids, or simply to see if you're spending as much beneficial time with your kids as you possibly can, then download this app today from iTunes or Google Play. It's easy to use, and best of all it is totally free.
*Searching for Sanity is in no way affiliated with Jigsaw Family Connect or its developer Noon Layer. Because this app is free for download I received no remuneration for providing this review.*
**Update 26/5/16 I have just heard from the developer that the suggestions I made have been added to the latest update of the app. You can now do activities for 15, 30 and 45 minutes as well as the hours listed. There is now also the option to add a date to each activity for forgetful people like me. They have also opened up a contest through the app for regular prizes if you share activities with the community. This update is live now through Google Play however there will be a slight delay getting the updates completed in iTunes.
Thursday, 28 April 2016
Breakfast for Cambodian orphans fundraiser
Hello again my lovely audience, today I want to discuss with you an amazing woman and her quest to bring breakfast to orphans in Cambodia.
I was contacted recently by a lovely Deakin University student called Catherine. In January of this year she travelled to Cambodia with the Deakin Abroad program to help do refurbishments and repairs at the Kolap Boun Children's Home.
For anyone who is unfamiliar with Cambodia, it is a beautiful country rich with history and culture, but torn apart by war. They have been ravaged by harsh dictatorships, invasions from neighbouring and far reaching countries, and famine. While they are a democratic country now, it has been a long and bloody road to get to this point, and poverty is still commonplace.
The Kolap Boun Children's Home is a government run children's home which houses 50 young people between the ages of 5 and 18. When Catherin and the Deakin Abroad group arrived to help out in January they discovered that the children's home had just had their funding cut, and now they cannot afford to provide breakfast to any of their residents.
The Deakin Abroad group has now started a crowdfunding program to raise at least $18,000 to bring a permanent breakfast program to the children of Kolap Boun, and help give them the healthy start they need to their day. The breakfast program costs $1 per child per day, an amount which should be easily afforded, unfortunately in a country where poverty is still the norm this simply isn't the case.
This is where you lovely people come in. If any of you are feeling generous, and have a few dollars to spare, click on the link below to go to their crowd funding page and donate it for the kids of Cambodia.
https://chuffed.org/project/breakfast-for-the-kids-at-kolap-4-orphanage-cambodia
For further information on the program you can also visit their Facebook page.
All funds donated to the breakfast program go directly to the children, so there is no need to worry that you are simply paying for their administrative fees, you can feel safe knowing that your money will be helping the children.
Well that's all from me for today, don't forget to check out the links above, and I will be back again soon for more fun.
*All photographs used in this blog are photographed by and published with the permission of the Deakin Abroad group. Searching for Sanity is in no way affiliated with either the Deakin Abroad Group or with Kolap Boun Children's Home. I have not been reimbursed in any way for this article.*
I was contacted recently by a lovely Deakin University student called Catherine. In January of this year she travelled to Cambodia with the Deakin Abroad program to help do refurbishments and repairs at the Kolap Boun Children's Home.
While they were there they repaired the existing play equipment and added new equipment, created gardens, refurbished the boys dorm and made safe areas for the children to play in.
For anyone who is unfamiliar with Cambodia, it is a beautiful country rich with history and culture, but torn apart by war. They have been ravaged by harsh dictatorships, invasions from neighbouring and far reaching countries, and famine. While they are a democratic country now, it has been a long and bloody road to get to this point, and poverty is still commonplace.
The Kolap Boun Children's Home is a government run children's home which houses 50 young people between the ages of 5 and 18. When Catherin and the Deakin Abroad group arrived to help out in January they discovered that the children's home had just had their funding cut, and now they cannot afford to provide breakfast to any of their residents.
The Deakin Abroad group has now started a crowdfunding program to raise at least $18,000 to bring a permanent breakfast program to the children of Kolap Boun, and help give them the healthy start they need to their day. The breakfast program costs $1 per child per day, an amount which should be easily afforded, unfortunately in a country where poverty is still the norm this simply isn't the case.
This is where you lovely people come in. If any of you are feeling generous, and have a few dollars to spare, click on the link below to go to their crowd funding page and donate it for the kids of Cambodia.
https://chuffed.org/project/breakfast-for-the-kids-at-kolap-4-orphanage-cambodia
For further information on the program you can also visit their Facebook page.
All funds donated to the breakfast program go directly to the children, so there is no need to worry that you are simply paying for their administrative fees, you can feel safe knowing that your money will be helping the children.
Well that's all from me for today, don't forget to check out the links above, and I will be back again soon for more fun.
*All photographs used in this blog are photographed by and published with the permission of the Deakin Abroad group. Searching for Sanity is in no way affiliated with either the Deakin Abroad Group or with Kolap Boun Children's Home. I have not been reimbursed in any way for this article.*
Saturday, 23 April 2016
April Fly on the Wall The Facts of Life Edition
It's that time of the month again people, time for another instalment of Fly on the Wall. For anyone who is unfamiliar with this series, today 13 bloggers are inviting you into their house to be a fly on the wall. Here you get to see all the crazy we see every day at home.
Below is the list of all of the bloggers involved in today's link up. Be sure to visit them all and enjoy the madness that ensues.
Below is the list of all of the bloggers involved in today's link up. Be sure to visit them all and enjoy the madness that ensues.
Baking In A Tornado http://www.bakinginatornado.
Juicebox Confession http://www.juiceboxconfession.
Menopausal Mother http://www.menopausalmom.com/
Someone Else’s Genius http://www.someoneelsesgenius.
Spatulas on Parade http://spatulasonparade.
Never Ever Give Up Hope http://batteredhope.blogspot.
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy http://dinoheromommy.com/
Southern Belle Charm http://www.southernbellecharm.
My Brain on Kids http://mybrainonkids.net
Go Mama O
The Angrivated Mom http://www.angrivatedmom.
Miss K: Mum, you and dad made me.
Me: (Feeling horrified because I thought I had years before I had to have this talk) Yes we did. Now how do you think we did that?
Miss K: I don't know
Me: Thank God. I'm sure we'll figure it out one day.
Miss K: Yeah, (wanders off)
Miss K had been discussing how babies live in their mum's tummies with Sam one day.
Sam: So if the baby is in it's mum's tummy, how does it get out?
Miss K: Like this, BOOM (complete with hand actions of her arm shooting away from her stomach like a rocket)
Me: I wish it was that easy.
I've started a diploma of management in my "spare time" just to keep my skills up to date while I'm not working. One part of my assessment was to get a performance review done by a client or employee. I decided to get my big sister to answer the questions for me one day while she and her kids were visiting. Prior to this I'd been discussing with my niece the "joys" of being a single parent.
Me: Now can you think of any training I can do that will improve my skills?
Eliza: How to use a condom?
Mum: Yeah or you could...wait, what? ELIZA!!!
Now that the 12 year old has finally inherited my filthy sense of humor I can retire knowing that the torch has been passed on.
A few days later Sam decided to have all the kids over to her house for a playdate. This meant she had all five of our children in her tiny house, plus two dogs. The next day we were discussing how she coped with all the kids.
Sam: I was exhausted at the end of the day. So was Eliza. I think she's having her legs sewn together now so she can't have kids. (Eliza was with us at the time and she agreed with this comment)
Me: Or you could come with me to my classes on how to use a condom
I then had to duck while she threw anything she could lay her hands on at me.
This conversation happened while I was signing up for my diploma. Part of the deal I took was career coaching help to try and get me straight into work once I've finished my degree.
Career coach: If you send me your resume, I can get it freshened up for you and looking more professional. We won't touch any of the content, we'll just make it look nicer.
Me: Aww, I was just about to ask if you guys could put on there that I was an astronaut.
Earlier this week I had to spend a day helping out at Miss K's kindergarten. I walked over to a group of kids who were pulling apart an old park bench and the teacher who was supervising them.
Teacher: The kids just told me I was like the Hulk because I could remove the nails from the wood. I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted.
Me: Well, out of the mouths of babes... I think the Hulk is pretty cool, so I'd take it as a compliment.
Miss K and I got a dog this month, with thanks to my brother's Husky jumping the fence to catch up with her boyfriend the German Shepherd who lives next door. While it adds a million jobs to my already full days, she's such a beautiful and smart dog I love having her around. Except for one gross habit she has which I can't stand, she loves to eat snails. It's gotten so bad I've started calling her nightly toilet trips snail snack time. Gross.
Well that's all the crazy from around here right now, be sure to keep buzzing around and check the rest of the blogs joining in today.
Saturday, 19 March 2016
March Fly on the Wall
Welcome again to another monthly episode of Fly on the Wall. For any of you who are unfamiliar with the premise, what happens is every month a group of bloggers joins forces to share all the crazy and weird things you'd see and hear were you a fly on one of our walls.
Below is the list of bloggers who are participating this month, be sure to visit them all and see that I'm not the only mad one around here.
Upon seeing that Miss K had spilt an entire marble run game over the living room floor:
Mum: Look at that, now your balls are all over the floor.
Me: I'm debating whether or not to have a nap. That's really the only reason I shipped Miss K off to kindergarten, so I could have daytime sleeps.
My brother in law Jason shaved off his signature goatee this month, which for some reason always causes a lot of discussion in our family. This time he didn't even warn anyone before he did it, so the first we all knew about it was when he came home one day after work with a naked face. This was the conversation...
Sam: What did you do?
Jason: I just felt like a change.
Sam: World's greatest shave?
Me: No, world's weakest chin.
Eliza: At least he makes up for it in nose size
Mum and I were making up a shopping list...
Mum: And Malteasers, in case I feel like them.
Me: Did you say Malteasers to pay for the funeral?
Kim was struggling to open a high chair at work one day. Her boss walked up and rescued the chair from her wrenching, and got it opened in two seconds, Kim decided to walk off in a huff, and yelled behind her to the laughing boss "Shut up, I never graduated high school OK?" Her boss then yelled back "You have a diploma in child care."
Miss K and I were sitting on her bed chatting one night, when I stood up she patted my backside.
Miss K: You have a big bum mum.
Me: I know honey, I ate too much sugar when I was younger. But if someone has a big bum, trust me when I say they know they have a big bum, so you should never point it out to them.
Miss K: But you do have a big bum right?
So glad she learns so much from me.
Miss K and I were at my friend Frankie's for dinner one night when two of his friends stopped in for a visit. The husband and Frankie went outside to look at his car, and I stayed inside chatting with the wife, who is originally from Texas. We were having a lovely discussion about her home town when Miss K decided we were being boring and wanted some attention. So she starts stroking the lady's face and declares "You're really old." I was mortified because this lovely lady is only ten years older than me, and hasn't aged too badly at all, but luckily she took it well and laughed. I think I need to have a discussion with Miss K about appropriate declarations to make to strangers.
Miss K: Mum, I'll be me, and you be Nonna.
Me: What? Why?
Miss K: Nonna, I'm hungry.
Me: Right. And what would Nonna say right now?
Miss K: Here, have some food.
So two days before I was meant to post this, Miss K took a tumble while running around the house (if I've told her once, I've told her a million times not to run in the house) and she ended up with a concussion. It wouldn't have been such a big deal except I was already babysitting my niece and nephew that day, so I had to rally the whole family to help me organise school pick ups, getting Miss K and I to the doctors so they could check her out, and look after a baby. In between scheduling medications and ducking streams of vomit I may have gone slightly more insane, but at the end of the day Miss K was over the worst of it, and everything else that had to be done that day got done. It's times like this I'm so grateful I have such a big and caring family, who all pitched in to keep us going. Miss K is back to her smiling, bubbly self now, and seems to be suffering from no ill effects after trying to scramble her brain. In fact her biggest annoyance about the whole day was that she had to miss kindergarten because of it.
Well that's all from me this month, I'm off to remind Miss K "gently" that she's not meant to be doing pirouettes in the living room again. Apparently she'll never learn.
Below is the list of bloggers who are participating this month, be sure to visit them all and see that I'm not the only mad one around here.
Upon seeing that Miss K had spilt an entire marble run game over the living room floor:
Mum: Look at that, now your balls are all over the floor.
Me: I'm debating whether or not to have a nap. That's really the only reason I shipped Miss K off to kindergarten, so I could have daytime sleeps.
My brother in law Jason shaved off his signature goatee this month, which for some reason always causes a lot of discussion in our family. This time he didn't even warn anyone before he did it, so the first we all knew about it was when he came home one day after work with a naked face. This was the conversation...
Sam: What did you do?
Jason: I just felt like a change.
Sam: World's greatest shave?
Me: No, world's weakest chin.
Eliza: At least he makes up for it in nose size
Mum and I were making up a shopping list...
Mum: And Malteasers, in case I feel like them.
Me: Did you say Malteasers to pay for the funeral?
Kim was struggling to open a high chair at work one day. Her boss walked up and rescued the chair from her wrenching, and got it opened in two seconds, Kim decided to walk off in a huff, and yelled behind her to the laughing boss "Shut up, I never graduated high school OK?" Her boss then yelled back "You have a diploma in child care."
Miss K and I were sitting on her bed chatting one night, when I stood up she patted my backside.
Miss K: You have a big bum mum.
Me: I know honey, I ate too much sugar when I was younger. But if someone has a big bum, trust me when I say they know they have a big bum, so you should never point it out to them.
Miss K: But you do have a big bum right?
So glad she learns so much from me.
Miss K and I were at my friend Frankie's for dinner one night when two of his friends stopped in for a visit. The husband and Frankie went outside to look at his car, and I stayed inside chatting with the wife, who is originally from Texas. We were having a lovely discussion about her home town when Miss K decided we were being boring and wanted some attention. So she starts stroking the lady's face and declares "You're really old." I was mortified because this lovely lady is only ten years older than me, and hasn't aged too badly at all, but luckily she took it well and laughed. I think I need to have a discussion with Miss K about appropriate declarations to make to strangers.
Miss K: Mum, I'll be me, and you be Nonna.
Me: What? Why?
Miss K: Nonna, I'm hungry.
Me: Right. And what would Nonna say right now?
Miss K: Here, have some food.
So two days before I was meant to post this, Miss K took a tumble while running around the house (if I've told her once, I've told her a million times not to run in the house) and she ended up with a concussion. It wouldn't have been such a big deal except I was already babysitting my niece and nephew that day, so I had to rally the whole family to help me organise school pick ups, getting Miss K and I to the doctors so they could check her out, and look after a baby. In between scheduling medications and ducking streams of vomit I may have gone slightly more insane, but at the end of the day Miss K was over the worst of it, and everything else that had to be done that day got done. It's times like this I'm so grateful I have such a big and caring family, who all pitched in to keep us going. Miss K is back to her smiling, bubbly self now, and seems to be suffering from no ill effects after trying to scramble her brain. In fact her biggest annoyance about the whole day was that she had to miss kindergarten because of it.
Well that's all from me this month, I'm off to remind Miss K "gently" that she's not meant to be doing pirouettes in the living room again. Apparently she'll never learn.
Wednesday, 9 March 2016
The week I tried to have it all (and why it sucked)
Today is International Women's Day, so I thought this was the perfect time to discuss being a woman. I know it isn't something I'm forbidden to speak about the other 364 days a year, but I recently tried an experiment, and its findings seem relevant on a day like today.
If you ask a woman what the three most important things in her life are, she'd probably have a hard time answering you. We all have so much going on, it's sometimes hard to put a number on anything in our lives, but I'm going to hazard a guess and say a pretty popular answer would be family, friends and financial security. That's just a total stab in the dark (and probably what I'd say if asked). But these are three very big things, and they can be hard things to juggle. Some women have an ability to do just that, and make it look easy too, but I don't think I've ever been that woman. If my career is going well, my housework is suffering, as are my friendships. If my family life is taking up my focus, my work ethic goes out the window, along with my cleaning schedule. (Let's face it, I'll take any excuse not to clean up after myself.) I've never been able to find that perfect balance, and I will quite often choose to sit on the couch and drink coffee rather than actually do any of the things on my mile long to do list. I'm an expert procrastinator, just ask me. (But not right now ok, I'm too busy staring at my eye worms.)
But recently I wanted to find out whether or not it is indeed possible to have all the things. I wanted to know whether there was a way to be the perfect woman we always see in the media. She's impeccably groomed, she has time for coffee with the girlfriends, she has wholesome home cooked meals on the table every single night, and I'm sure she's a tiger in the sack too, but they never really show that part during prime time television for some reason... So I decided to become that woman for a while, to step into her shoes and find out exactly how the hell it is she does all the things the television says she does. I was hoping that I'd find some secret formula to all of this, which I could then rush off and share to all of my female friends who at the end of the day always look the same as me; exhausted, overwhelmed and not a little bit crazed. So for one week I decided to become the "perfect" woman, I was going to be everything for everyone. I was to be the perfect mother, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect housekeeper and the perfect employee. I'm sure you've all already guessed how this turned out.
In order to be the perfect mother, I decided I couldn't reprimand Miss K too strongly. You would never see a TV mum calling her kids bone headed for sticking their finger in the fan, so neither would I. (I did giggle while I was comforting her though, which is also something you'd never see a TV mum doing.) You'd never see her sending her kids off to school with junk food in their lunch boxes or serving convenience meals for dinner, so neither would I. All meals for the week were to be healthy and well thought out. There was to be nothing artificial pass our lips at all during this time. And all this meant was a lot more time spent in the kitchen for me. Of course there were some moments of pride like the night my carbonara fettucini turned out really well, or the day Miss K and I made popcorn for her lunches (no salt or butter though, that's just too unhealthy) but for the most part all I remember is pruny fingers from having my hands in dishwater, and sweat pouring off me while I slaved over the stove in 30 degree heat (86 degrees farenheit for my American friends) which immediately made me regret not trying this experiment in the winter when my kitchen is my favourite place in the house simply because of all the heat I can generate at once. I will say the time spent with Miss K at the end of the day as we ate our dinner without watching television, and cleaned the kitchen together were pretty pleasant when I wasn't stressing that she wasn't eating her vegetables, or was taking too long to dry the dishes (mainly because she was turning the cutlery into people), but listening to her constant chatter was always guaranteed to make me smile.
Being the perfect daughter was more of a challenge for me, because I'm pretty much perfect already. (I can hear my mum laughing at this statement already.) but I figured that given I know one of mum's biggest pet peeves in the world is a dirty kitchen, all the time I spent in there keeping it pristine would have made her pretty happy. Plus she had a whole week off from having to cook food, which is something all mum's dream of. (Trust me, I know.) I felt bad that I couldn't think of anything earth shattering to do to assert my role as the perfect child, so I had to take comfort in the little things like a (mostly) edible meal sitting in the microwave every single night, and a block of cheese in the fridge for her midnight snacks at all time. It clearly worked though, because she literally just called me a dick, so I'm obviously the favourite child right now.
As for perfect sister and perfect employee, they kind of ended up being rolled into one, as I spent the week helping my big sister who is trying to get a business off the ground. I'm hoping that by getting in at the ground floor, I'll be in for easy money once she's a millionaire. So for this part of my role, I spent my week studying up on contract law, and drawing up terms and conditions as well as a refund policy for her new business. I also drew up a business plan for her, and got started on the registration process for taxes and other boring stuff. Believe it or not this was actually the most fun part of my week, which makes more sense when I tell you I do my budget for fun, and I can write up legal documents in my sleep. This was also the area where I felt the most useful. There are definitely times where I miss being in a work environment, so having a chance to play secretary for the week was rewarding.
One of the things I learned throughout this week is that it takes a hell of a lot of organisation just to be remotely proficient in more than one of these areas. I had more lists running through my head and written down in my organiser than I knew what to do with. I would almost be happy never to see another list again. I also learned that when you're doing everything for everyone else, it is very easy to forget yourself quickly. My own needs eventually became low priority, simply because I can forgive myself for forgetting to shower more than once a week. (Another reason why this would have been a better experiment to do in the dead cold of winter.) I also became very protective of time I put aside for myself. Texts and snapchats suddenly became an intrusion during a time I wished to speak to no one, whereas once upon a time I was happy to be reachable right up to and even sometimes after bedtime. When you put so much of yourself into working for other people, those three hours at the end of the day when kids are finally in bed but you are not become a revered time that you spend all other waking hours dreaming of. When someone dared to take up that time by making me look at photos of their latest trip to the pub I started to feel just the tiniest bit stabby. I could have turned off my phone, but a perfect person probably wouldn't shut themselves off from the world like that.
But where did all of this leave me at the end of the week? It leaves me with a sparkly clean kitchen, a freezer full of pre-prepared meals I can pull out and defrost, it leaves me with lots of lovely memories of times I didn't lose my temper at Miss K like I normally would, and it hopefully leaves her feeling a little bit more secure about her place in my world. But most of all it leaves me feeling over tired and under appreciated. It's not like I went into this looking for praise or accolades, or even that people didn't recognise the hard work I put in during this week. My big sister even forced me to take the weekend off from working for her, simply because I was starting to look like a zombie by the time Thursday rolled around. It was more the feeling that what I just spent a week doing is expected as the bare minimum for women these days. We're expected to go find work outside of the house, plus keep doing the work we've always done inside the house, and look like a million dollars the whole time. I simply couldn't keep this up for much longer before I needed a week at the local psych ward. I definitely understand why women turn to alcohol.
I certainly don't feel perfect right now, if anything I feel less perfect than I did before I started. It served to highlight all of the areas in my life where I don't balance things properly when I'm not watching myself, which is always a cheerful thing to think about. But I definitely came out of this with a newly found respect for women everywhere who do this for more than one week at a time. For the women out there who this is necessary each and every single day. Be it because they simply don't have the support network I am fortunate to have around me, or because they find doing all of this rewarding, instead of exhausting, or even simply because they want to prove that it can be done; I still think you're slightly mad, but I salute you anyway.
Now if you'll excuse me, this perfectly imperfect woman has just earned herself a perfectly long nap.
If you ask a woman what the three most important things in her life are, she'd probably have a hard time answering you. We all have so much going on, it's sometimes hard to put a number on anything in our lives, but I'm going to hazard a guess and say a pretty popular answer would be family, friends and financial security. That's just a total stab in the dark (and probably what I'd say if asked). But these are three very big things, and they can be hard things to juggle. Some women have an ability to do just that, and make it look easy too, but I don't think I've ever been that woman. If my career is going well, my housework is suffering, as are my friendships. If my family life is taking up my focus, my work ethic goes out the window, along with my cleaning schedule. (Let's face it, I'll take any excuse not to clean up after myself.) I've never been able to find that perfect balance, and I will quite often choose to sit on the couch and drink coffee rather than actually do any of the things on my mile long to do list. I'm an expert procrastinator, just ask me. (But not right now ok, I'm too busy staring at my eye worms.)
But recently I wanted to find out whether or not it is indeed possible to have all the things. I wanted to know whether there was a way to be the perfect woman we always see in the media. She's impeccably groomed, she has time for coffee with the girlfriends, she has wholesome home cooked meals on the table every single night, and I'm sure she's a tiger in the sack too, but they never really show that part during prime time television for some reason... So I decided to become that woman for a while, to step into her shoes and find out exactly how the hell it is she does all the things the television says she does. I was hoping that I'd find some secret formula to all of this, which I could then rush off and share to all of my female friends who at the end of the day always look the same as me; exhausted, overwhelmed and not a little bit crazed. So for one week I decided to become the "perfect" woman, I was going to be everything for everyone. I was to be the perfect mother, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect housekeeper and the perfect employee. I'm sure you've all already guessed how this turned out.
In order to be the perfect mother, I decided I couldn't reprimand Miss K too strongly. You would never see a TV mum calling her kids bone headed for sticking their finger in the fan, so neither would I. (I did giggle while I was comforting her though, which is also something you'd never see a TV mum doing.) You'd never see her sending her kids off to school with junk food in their lunch boxes or serving convenience meals for dinner, so neither would I. All meals for the week were to be healthy and well thought out. There was to be nothing artificial pass our lips at all during this time. And all this meant was a lot more time spent in the kitchen for me. Of course there were some moments of pride like the night my carbonara fettucini turned out really well, or the day Miss K and I made popcorn for her lunches (no salt or butter though, that's just too unhealthy) but for the most part all I remember is pruny fingers from having my hands in dishwater, and sweat pouring off me while I slaved over the stove in 30 degree heat (86 degrees farenheit for my American friends) which immediately made me regret not trying this experiment in the winter when my kitchen is my favourite place in the house simply because of all the heat I can generate at once. I will say the time spent with Miss K at the end of the day as we ate our dinner without watching television, and cleaned the kitchen together were pretty pleasant when I wasn't stressing that she wasn't eating her vegetables, or was taking too long to dry the dishes (mainly because she was turning the cutlery into people), but listening to her constant chatter was always guaranteed to make me smile.
Being the perfect daughter was more of a challenge for me, because I'm pretty much perfect already. (I can hear my mum laughing at this statement already.) but I figured that given I know one of mum's biggest pet peeves in the world is a dirty kitchen, all the time I spent in there keeping it pristine would have made her pretty happy. Plus she had a whole week off from having to cook food, which is something all mum's dream of. (Trust me, I know.) I felt bad that I couldn't think of anything earth shattering to do to assert my role as the perfect child, so I had to take comfort in the little things like a (mostly) edible meal sitting in the microwave every single night, and a block of cheese in the fridge for her midnight snacks at all time. It clearly worked though, because she literally just called me a dick, so I'm obviously the favourite child right now.
As for perfect sister and perfect employee, they kind of ended up being rolled into one, as I spent the week helping my big sister who is trying to get a business off the ground. I'm hoping that by getting in at the ground floor, I'll be in for easy money once she's a millionaire. So for this part of my role, I spent my week studying up on contract law, and drawing up terms and conditions as well as a refund policy for her new business. I also drew up a business plan for her, and got started on the registration process for taxes and other boring stuff. Believe it or not this was actually the most fun part of my week, which makes more sense when I tell you I do my budget for fun, and I can write up legal documents in my sleep. This was also the area where I felt the most useful. There are definitely times where I miss being in a work environment, so having a chance to play secretary for the week was rewarding.
One of the things I learned throughout this week is that it takes a hell of a lot of organisation just to be remotely proficient in more than one of these areas. I had more lists running through my head and written down in my organiser than I knew what to do with. I would almost be happy never to see another list again. I also learned that when you're doing everything for everyone else, it is very easy to forget yourself quickly. My own needs eventually became low priority, simply because I can forgive myself for forgetting to shower more than once a week. (Another reason why this would have been a better experiment to do in the dead cold of winter.) I also became very protective of time I put aside for myself. Texts and snapchats suddenly became an intrusion during a time I wished to speak to no one, whereas once upon a time I was happy to be reachable right up to and even sometimes after bedtime. When you put so much of yourself into working for other people, those three hours at the end of the day when kids are finally in bed but you are not become a revered time that you spend all other waking hours dreaming of. When someone dared to take up that time by making me look at photos of their latest trip to the pub I started to feel just the tiniest bit stabby. I could have turned off my phone, but a perfect person probably wouldn't shut themselves off from the world like that.
But where did all of this leave me at the end of the week? It leaves me with a sparkly clean kitchen, a freezer full of pre-prepared meals I can pull out and defrost, it leaves me with lots of lovely memories of times I didn't lose my temper at Miss K like I normally would, and it hopefully leaves her feeling a little bit more secure about her place in my world. But most of all it leaves me feeling over tired and under appreciated. It's not like I went into this looking for praise or accolades, or even that people didn't recognise the hard work I put in during this week. My big sister even forced me to take the weekend off from working for her, simply because I was starting to look like a zombie by the time Thursday rolled around. It was more the feeling that what I just spent a week doing is expected as the bare minimum for women these days. We're expected to go find work outside of the house, plus keep doing the work we've always done inside the house, and look like a million dollars the whole time. I simply couldn't keep this up for much longer before I needed a week at the local psych ward. I definitely understand why women turn to alcohol.
I certainly don't feel perfect right now, if anything I feel less perfect than I did before I started. It served to highlight all of the areas in my life where I don't balance things properly when I'm not watching myself, which is always a cheerful thing to think about. But I definitely came out of this with a newly found respect for women everywhere who do this for more than one week at a time. For the women out there who this is necessary each and every single day. Be it because they simply don't have the support network I am fortunate to have around me, or because they find doing all of this rewarding, instead of exhausting, or even simply because they want to prove that it can be done; I still think you're slightly mad, but I salute you anyway.
Now if you'll excuse me, this perfectly imperfect woman has just earned herself a perfectly long nap.
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