Saturday, 23 April 2016

April Fly on the Wall The Facts of Life Edition

It's that time of the month again people, time for another instalment of Fly on the Wall. For anyone who is unfamiliar with this series, today 13 bloggers are inviting you into their house to be a fly on the wall. Here you get to see all the crazy we see every day at home.

Fly on the Wall

Below is the list of all of the bloggers involved in today's link up. Be sure to visit them all and enjoy the madness that ensues.

Juicebox Confession                           
Menopausal Mother                         
Someone Else’s Genius                           
Spatulas on Parade                                          
Never Ever Give Up Hope                           
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                           
Southern Belle Charm                                
My Brain on Kids                
Go Mama O                              
The Angrivated Mom         

Miss K: Mum, you and dad made me.
Me: (Feeling horrified because I thought I had years before I had to have this talk) Yes we did. Now how do you think we did that?
Miss K: I don't know
Me: Thank God. I'm sure we'll figure it out one day.
Miss K: Yeah, (wanders off)

Miss K had been discussing how babies live in their mum's tummies with Sam one day.
Sam: So if the baby is in it's mum's tummy, how does it get out?
Miss K: Like this, BOOM (complete with hand actions of her arm shooting away from her stomach like a rocket)
Me: I wish it was that easy. 

I've started a diploma of management in my "spare time" just to keep my skills up to date while I'm not working. One part of my assessment was to get a performance review done by a client or employee. I decided to get my big sister to answer the questions for me one day while she and her kids were visiting. Prior to this I'd been discussing with my niece the "joys" of being a single parent.
Me: Now can you think of any training I can do that will improve my skills?
Eliza: How to use a condom?
Mum: Yeah or you could...wait, what? ELIZA!!! 
Now that the 12 year old has finally inherited my filthy sense of humor I can retire knowing that the torch has been passed on. 

A few days later Sam decided to have all the kids over to her house for a playdate. This meant she had all five of our children in her tiny house, plus two dogs. The next day we were discussing how she coped with all the kids.
Sam: I was exhausted at the end of the day. So was Eliza. I think she's having her legs sewn together now so she can't have kids. (Eliza was with us at the time and she agreed with this comment)
Me: Or you could come with me to my classes on how to use a condom
I then had to duck while she threw anything she could lay her hands on at me.

This conversation happened while I was signing up for my diploma. Part of the deal I took was career coaching help to try and get me straight into work once I've finished my degree. 
Career coach: If you send me your resume, I can get it freshened up for you and looking more professional. We won't touch any of the content, we'll just make it look nicer.
Me: Aww, I was just about to ask if you guys could put on there that I was an astronaut. 

Earlier this week I had to spend a day helping out at Miss K's kindergarten. I walked over to a group of kids who were pulling apart an old park bench and the teacher who was supervising them.
Teacher: The kids just told me I was like the Hulk because I could remove the nails from the wood. I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted.
Me: Well, out of the mouths of babes... I think the Hulk is pretty cool, so I'd take it as a compliment. 

Miss K and I got a dog this month, with thanks to my brother's Husky jumping the fence to catch up with her boyfriend the German Shepherd who lives next door. While it adds a million jobs to my already full days, she's such a beautiful and smart dog I love having her around. Except for one gross habit she has which I can't stand, she loves to eat snails. It's gotten so bad I've started calling her nightly toilet trips snail snack time. Gross.

Well that's all the crazy from around here right now, be sure to keep buzzing around and check the rest of the blogs joining in today. 

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