Saturday, 7 March 2015

March Secret Subject Swap - Heaven and Hell on Earth

Hello my lovelies and welcome to the March Secret Subject Swap.  This is my first swap for over twelve months and I sure have  missed joining in on the fun.

Secret Subject Swap
For any of you who are unfamiliar with the premise, what happens is 14 bloggers from all around the world submit a subject for another brave blogger to write about. In return you get someone else's prompt and the pants soiling begins while you try to figure out how to do the prompt justice.  Then on an assigned day we all hit post at exactly the same time (or sleep through it if you're me, and live 12 hours ahead of the actual posting time) and then you lovely people get to enjoy the fun. 
Before I get going, I'll introduce the rest of the herd, so that when you're finished here you can go read more awesome posts. And give them all some of your love.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com              Baking In A Tornado
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/    Stacy Sews and Schools
http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com        The Bergham’s Life Chronicles
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com          Spatulas on Parade
http://dinoheromommy.com/                       Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://themomisodes.com                            The Momisodes
http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com            Climaxed
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com           Someone Else’s Genius
http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch Confessions of a part-time working mom
http://thelieberfamily.com                           The Lieber Family
http://www.southernbellecharm.com            Southern Belle Charm
http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com                   Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
http://www.smalltalkmama.com                   Small Talk Mama

So this month my prompt is 

If Heaven and Hell were accessible on earth and were places you were automatically transported to when you did something especially good or particularly bad-where would you go? In other words, explain your version of heaven and hell on earth and what you think would earn you a visit there.

and it was given to me by the lovely Jenn at Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

Ah heaven; Nirvana, Moksha, Paradise.  Whatever you want to call it, lots of people hold a lot of reverence for a special place reserved for only the best of people.  Wouldn't it be awesome if it was a place where you could arrange for short stay visits to heaven for especially awesome deeds done now.  Instead of accruing all your good deed points for a long stay in the afterlife, exchange some of them for quick visits during your current life, and come back refreshed and knowing that you're a good person.
For me, heaven on earth would have to be a tropical location. I've always loved beaches with bleached white sand, and my visit to Champagne Island in the pacific ocean was the closest I've ever come to paradise.
Pictured: Paradise

I'm thinking that heaven would be somewhere private and secluded. Because this is a reward for me there wouldn't be lots of people around to distract me from the scenery, Of course I'd have a private staff to cater to my every whim because hey, I deserve it. I'm rocking the good deeds right now, so I've earned massages, and a cabana boy who keeps the lemon lime and bitters flowing. (And because it's heaven I won't get the furry tongue I usually get from drinking too many LLBs.)  I'll be staying in 5 star resort style luxury, sleeping on a bed that feels as soft as a cloud. The food will be worthy of serving at the finest restaurants in the world, and I'd never need to add salt or sauce to anything because the flavours would always be perfect.

Now how did I get access to my own little slice of heaven?? Well if you read the bible, the list of things you need to do to get into heaven is never ending. But I'm thinking for the day pass version things will be slightly simpler.  To get a golden ticket you'd need to do lots of simple good things, such as completing charitable deeds for the sake of doing them, and not just for the opportunity to look good to others. So every time I gave money to someone on the street (or a cigarette for the ones whose needs are more particular), or helped someone in need without expecting anything in return I'd accrue points that would be redeemable for a short stay visit to heaven.  Given that I live in an area with a very low socio-economic status I'm pretty sure it would be easy to gain enough points for several visits to heaven. There of course would be rules (because there are rules for everything) and even heaven can't get away without a little red tape, so several deeds would be exempt from gaining points. Giving money to buskers doesn't count as a good deed (even if they are terrible) because technically you're paying them for a service they have provided. And the minute you tell anyone about a good deed you did that day, you lose the points you earned for doing it. (That also has the added bonus of getting rid of the awful humblebragging we're all guilty of)  If you do a good deed only because you don't want to look like a total d-bag to anyone who is watching you, you only get half a point for doing it, as your motives aren't completely pure, and you get double points if helping causes discomfort to you (because the people running heaven love a bit of suffering).

Now the reverse of heaven is apparently hell, so it makes sense that you'd also have the opportunity to get day passes to hell. For me, my own version of hell on earth is every time Miss K gets sick.  It causes so much stress for me I start jumping every time she sneezes once cold and flu season starts. But for real hell, I'm thinking it would need to be more drastic than just dealing with a child with the sniffles.  The only thing I hate worse than sick kids is large crowds. It's one of the reasons I've never managed to live in Melbourne for very long. So as punishment for my multitude of sins, I'm thinking a short trip to hell would look like a major shopping centre on Christmas Eve. There would be massive crowds of rude and hurried people everywhere, all pushing and shoving with no apologies when they elbow me in the ribs or stomp on my toes. Now unlike the high end department stores you see these days, the shopping centre that is day stay hell won't have comfortable padded seats every 50 metres, there will only be five hard wooden benches in the entire place, so sitting down won't be easy or comfortable, forcing me to keep moving.  In order to give me a purpose while in hell, I'd be given a shopping list upon entry, and each thing can be bought in one store only, meaning I would need to spend the whole time aimlessly wandering while trying to find everything on my list. I'd also have to surrender my own shoes when I walk into hell and have to wear ill fitting thongs (flip flops for any Americans who think I'm about to start talking about wearing underwear on my feet, although that would be fitting in hell) with almost all the padding gone in them for extra discomfort. The only food I'd be able to get in hell will be chips that were cooked three hours ago and have been sitting in a bain marie going hard since being cooked, and luke-warm cola to drink. 

So how do I get to day stay hell? I'm going to say deliberate ignorance. The only thing worse than being evil is refusing to acknowledge the existence of evil, Turning a blind eye to the horrors that happen around you, refusing to be the voice for anyone who doesn't have one and denying the fact that I have the power to help someone, anyone would all be crimes worthy of an instant deportation to day stay hell. There would be no points system to earn your visit, because insta-hell would serve more like a warning than a punishment. A tap on your shoulder and a not so friendly word in your ear advising you that if you don't change your ways, this will be your ever after once you leave this world and make your way to the next. And you better believe I'd only need one warning before I changed my ways. (Not only because I hate getting mangled by strangers.) 

So there you have it. My own little slices of heaven and hell. If any of you have your own ideas of what heaven or hell on earth look like, I'd love to hear them. 
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