August Secret Subject Swap: Perfect?

Hello again my lovelies, I am back for another month of Secret Subject Swap. Today sixteen brave bloggers are writing posts on subjects given to them by another blogger. I don't think I've ever been in a secret subject swap this large, so there's lots of great stuff here for you guys to read. I know that reading everyone else's posts is going to take up a great portion of my Saturday, so I'm excited to finally say I have plans this weekend!

So before I get into my subject I'll link you to everyone else who is participating in the swap today. Be sure to hop over to the other bloggers too, and share some of your lovely love around.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com                    The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                 Stacy Sews and Schools

http://dinoheromommy.com/                            Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                  Spatulas on Parade

http://www.southernbellecharm.com                        Southern Belle Charm

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                               Never Ever Give Up Hope

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                                 Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

http://www.silenceofthemom.blogspot.com                    Silence of the Mom

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                      Someone Else’s Genius

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/              Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com                The Angrivated Mom

http://morethancheeseandbeer.blogspot.com           More Than Cheese and Beer

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com                           Climaxed

So today my post is For the first time ever, everything is going right today. While it's wonderful it's a bit scary. Do you want more perfect days or do you want your normal life back? and it was submitted by the wonderful Karen over at Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

So anyone who knows me knows how hectic life around here gets. With juggling work, kindergarten, my own scrapbooking business, speech therapy appointments, visitation schedules, and everything in between, I barely have a minute to scratch myself. It's why I so often fall asleep in front of the computer of an evening. I shouldn't complain, but it gets old real fast. I've learned a few cheats over the years to make life a little easier, which usually involve throwing some electronic device in Miss K's general direction just to get five minutes of peace and quiet to get a job done, or five minutes more sleep, but I have things more or less under control. which is what made yesterday's bad day worse. First of all Miss K spent the whole day giving me sass, arguing back at me, and getting under my feet. Any request for assistance from me prompted running and screaming from her as if I was asking her to donate a kidney for me. To make things worse we ended up late to our speech therapy appointment thanks to her antics, which threw me out for the rest of the day. By the time I got to my night time class I was absolutely fried, and I still had to teach a scrapbook layout to my workshop ladies.

Usually spending two hours comparing our battle scars from the past week leaves us all refreshed and ready to fight the good fight the next day, but I couldn't help but still feel unsatisfied with my lot in life as I drove home late last night. I sat in my car in the dark driveway for five minutes too exhausted to get out and start unloading all my tools from the back seat. I looked up at the sky, which was void of sparkly lights for some reason, and searched the black until I found a solitary star winking at me. "I just wish life was easier" I said out loud before letting out a large sigh and hauling my tired behind out of the car. I ignored the boxes in the back seat, figuring I'd get them tomorrow and dragged my feet towards the door. After completing my normal night time routine I went to bed early and fell fast asleep.

When I woke up this morning the sun was streaming through a slit in my curtain. This alone was odd, because I'm usually woken up by Miss K pulling my covers off me at 4:30 in the morning demanding a drink and a banana. Once I got my bearings I pulled myself out of bed and went over to Miss K's room, worried she was sick. Instead of finding a mayhem of toys or books all over the floor, I was greeted by the sight of a spotless room, with Miss K in the corner stacking her books into their shelves according to size. "You OK kiddo?" I asked her. "Yes mummy, just cleaning my room thank you" came the reply. I shook my head, wondering if maybe the exhaustion was beginning to mess with my mind, and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. The mess of coffee powder and sugar that had coated the bench the night before was missing, as was the pile of clean dishes that had been drying on the rack for three days now. "Miss K has grandma been cleaning this morning?" I called out. "No mummy, that was me." she called back. I wandered into the lounge room to find a similar scene of tidiness that hadn't been there the night before. "You cleaned the whole house?" I asked incredulously. Hearing noise from the kitchen I turned to find Miss K preparing herself some breakfast. "You want me to do that for you?" I asked hopefully "No thanks" she replied and continued on pouring milk on her cereal. At a loss for words, I decided to tell a joke. "Knock, knock" I said with a grin. "Not now mum, I'm a little busy" Miss K said as she walked past me carefully balancing her bowl in one hand and a cup of juice in the other. She sat down in her little blue chair, and I waited for the inevitable request to push her seat in. Instead she did a weird little jump in her seat and managed to pull herself closer to the table unassisted.

The rest of the day passed in the same way. Miss K refused my offer to play a game of Mario Kart with her, something she usually jumps at the chance to do, and instead decided to rearrange her sock drawer. She declined my suggestion to pull out the kinetic sand, instead sorting through her toy chest and throwing out all her old unwanted toys. I was so bored I decided to drape a blanket on myself and pretend to be a ghost. This was only met with a dirty look from my suddenly mature 4 year old. Gone were the requests to follow her to the toilet for no particular reason, gone were the spontaneous games of tag, gone was the cheeky sass I got on a constant basis. I was horrified to realise my little girl had morphed into a middle aged woman, right in front of my eyes. This thought caused something in my head to snap and I screamed in the middle of the quietest dinner I'd had in a long time. "What in the ever loving hell is going on? Where is my baby and who are you?" "You said you wanted life to be easier. This is what you wanted" Miss K said in between mouthfuls of mashed potato (a dish I'd never been able to get her to eat before now) "Well I changed my mind" I cried. "I want my old life back. I want the mess, and the arguing, and the laughing, and the fun. Easy is boring" With this I ran to my bedroom and buried my head in my pillow. I know it was incredibly childish of me, but this day had been so horrible, I didn't know what else to do.

I lay in silence for a few seconds, until I felt something pull the blankets off me, and the shock of the cold air jolted me out of my sleep. Miss K jumped on my back and yelled "Wake up mummy I'm thirsty." I reached for my phone and checked the time, 4:30 in the morning. "I want a banana and a drink please mummy" Miss K said as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and before she could repeat herself I grabbed her up in the biggest bear hug of her life. "Never, ever, ever change Miss K, got it?" I cried burying my head in her tiny shoulder. "Ok mummy. Can I have a drink now?" she asked. I jumped out of bed, relieved that everything was as it was meant to be, and last night's dream was only that. As I poured Miss K's drink, the little voice came from my bedroom. "Don't forget my banana mum." "Some things never change" I said to myself smiling. "And thank God for that."

June Secret Subject Swap - Mother Nature

Welcome one and all to the June episode of Secret Subject Swap.  Today 16 brave bloggers are swapping subjects with eachother, and then posting simultaneously. None of us know who got our subject, so it's a fun ride for everyone involved.  Below is a list of the participating bloggers, as always be sure to visit everyone, and share the love around.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com         Baking In A Tornado

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com    The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com       Spatulas on Parade

http://dinoheromommy.com/                     Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://themomisodes.com                           The Momisodes

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

http://thelieberfamily.com                          The Lieber Family 

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com               Battered Hope

http://www.southernbellecharm.com         Southern Belle Charm

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com        Someone Else’s Genius

http://www.silenceofthemom.blogspot.com Silence of the Mom

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch           Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://www.smalltalkmama.com                   Small Talk Mama

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com            Climaxed

So today my prompt is So you get to be "Mother Nature" for the day, what's on your To Do List? and it was submitted by the lovely Shawnna from Small Talk Mama.

Wanted: motivated go-getter for newly available management position. You must have the ability to multi-task, and the willingness to ride the storm.  Nature lovers welcome.

I circled the add then dialed the number given at the bottom. A cheerful sounding woman asked me a few basic questions, then invited me to meet up with her for an interview the next day. I hung up the phone with a knot of nerves slowly growing in my stomach. I'd been feeling for a while now that I needed a change of scenery, and I was hopeful that a new job was just the ticket. 

I put my best work attire on the next day, and made my way to the cafe I was directed to the day before. I was surprised when I entered to find the only other customer in the room was a tall olive skinned woman in a purple flowing summer dress. I assumed I was really early until she walked over to me, with her arm outstretched.

"You must be my prospective replacement" she said with a warm smile. Suddenly I felt incredibly overdressed. We sat down at a small table in the corner of the cafe and she began to speak. 

"First of all let me tell you what your new job is going to involve. You're going to be mother nature for the day." 

I thought she was being metaphoric, or at the very least funny, but when her expression didn't change, I became confused.

"Excuse me?" I managed to squeak out

"Mother Nature. You know, Mother Earth, Gaia, the woman behind all of nature? I need you to be her for a day so that I can have a day off."

"Mother Nature gets days off?" I asked

"Ah, yeah, of course she does. Or at least I'm hoping she can, because I am incredibly burnt out right now, and I need a day of not worrying about monsoons and tides and balance. And that's where you come in. Now can I count on you?"

I was certain I was being pranked at that stage, but a quick scan around the room showed no hidden cameras, and given that I could come up with no good reason why I could say no, I nodded mutely. With that she jumped up, her grin widening. 

"Great. Smart decision. I'll see you at midnight tonight."

"Midnight? Why so early?"

"Because that's when the day begins. Don't worry, it won't take you too long to pick up the system, besides it's only for a day. What's the worst you can do?"

I left the cafe in a daze, still not entirely convinced this wasn't an elaborate prank. However just in case it was real, and I was running the risk of breaking nature I arrived the address she gave me fifteen minutes early. I knocked on the door, and she opened it, still wearing the same purple robe I'd seen her in fourteen hours earlier. 

"You're early, that's great" she said smiling. "Come on in and I'll show you around. Here's the kitchen, it's fully stocked, so help yourself. Amenities are over there, and here is your work station."

I looked where she was pointing and saw a small laptop sitting on a coffee table. It seemed so modern I just stood there staring for a few seconds. Noticing my shock Gaia smiled.

"You were expecting something more mystical weren't you?"

"Well yeah, a globe at least."

"Honey globes are so last century, we like to keep up with the times around here. Go on, take a seat."

I sat down on the couch and noticed a map of the world on the screen.

"You control the weather using Google Maps?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, yeah, but this isn't the publicly available one, I had a special plug in designed for me. Go ahead, take a look."

I checked the screen again, and noticed the task bar had several unusual buttons, rain, snow, typhoon, earthquake, spawn and sun, to name  just a few. 

"So how does this work?" I asked

"It's a basic point and click interface. You choose the location, choose the weather and click go."
"what about that spawn button?"

"That's for creating life. Be careful with that one, because the last temp I had in accidentally caused a rat plague, which ended up leading to the Black Death and nearly the end of civilisation as we knew it." 

"Anything else I need to know?"

"Yeah one other thing. There's only a finite amount of water on earth. The one thing I can't do is make more water, so if you go too crazy with that one, you could end up causing a drought somewhere else. Trust me, I learned that the hard way. The centre of Australia wasn't always quite so red."

With that she grabbed her suitcase and walked towards the door. She promised to be back by midnight the next evening and left me to it.  I slowly sat back down on the couch and started playing around with the map. I clicked the search feature and started typing in addresses of people I knew. I spent the first fifteen minutes stalking friends, but given it was so late at night, there really wasn't much to see. Then I had an idea. I searched for the Great Barrier Reef, and had a look around. I remembered reading somewhere that the reef was dying, the coral wasn't coping with global warming or something, so I figured I could try to do something about it. I clicked the spawn button, then went through the drop down menu until I found the list of corals. I clicked randomly on several different species then clicked spawn a couple of times. Couldn't hurt I figured. Plus it might give the environmentalists one less thing to worry about for now. Next I found the bees. I knew that the latest panic had been the decline of the bee population in the world, so I decided to spawn them in several places over the world. Again, what was the worst that could happen. 

I kept fiddling with different things, I caused a slight earthquake in Russia, to pay back the spammers who kept trying to hack my blog, and a second one in Nigeria, just as a warning to all the "princes" there who kept emailing me. By this time it was about 9am and I was getting the hang of it, but it was pretty monotonous. I decided to have a little bit of fun with my new found power and located Miss K's dad's house on the map. Then I clicked the rain button, selected his house as the location and hit go. It did look pretty funny his house being the only one in the neighbourhood getting any rain. 

An email came through so I clicked on it and found a request for snow in Vancouver from a small child. He wanted a day off school the next day, and was hoping I could help. I found Vancouver on the map and made it snow there. Being so unfamiliar with the imperial measurement I accidentally set it to snow 30 inches instead of 30 centimetres, but I couldn't figure out how to undo that one, so I just sent an email back to the small boy telling him to enjoy his snow, and maybe go out for some supplies before it was too late. 

By this time a second email had come through from a surfer in California requesting "kick ass waves" that day, as he had a date with his girlfriend and wanted to impress her with his surfing skills. I selected California on the map and hit wind, figuring that was how waves were made. While trying to figure it out, I accidentally ended up sending a hurricane to the coast, and again, couldn't figure out how to fix it, so I sent an email back telling him to avoid the beach that day, and perhaps try to head inland a little bit, just to be on the safe side. 

I was still playing around when I got a text. I checked my phone to find Miss K's dad had texted me, telling me something funky was going on in Melbourne, as it had been raining at his house for two hours now, but nowhere else. His back yard was starting to flood, and his mum's vegetable patch was destroyed. I rushed the map back over to his house and tried to stop the rain, but accidentally sent a thunderstorm there instead. So I sent a text back to him telling him to put on some gumboots and send me a text if he survived the next twelve hours.

The rest of the day went slightly smoother, mainly because I stopped answering emails and ended up spying on different countries. If somewhere looked too dry I'd send them a little rain, if somewhere looked too wet I'd send them some sunshine. By the time midnight rolled around I was absolutely exhausted, so you can imagine my relief when I heard the front door open. In walked Gaia with the same sunny smile on her face she always seemed to wear.

"How did it go?" she asked me

"I understand why you needed a holiday" I replied smoothing my clothes down. "Speaking of which, the next time you need a break, please feel free to call someone else."

With that I walked towards the door, but before I left I felt I needed to say something else.

"If you feel that you absolutely must, there's a storm raging over a house in the suburbs that's been going for a little while now, it may not be a big deal, but you might want to turn it off."

So while it's not something I could ever put on the resume, I certainly won't forget the day I became Mother Nature. I can certainly tell you that nature is not for the weak. 

May Secret Subject Swap - the eternal struggle

Welcome one and all to the May Secret Subject Swap.  This week 16 brave bloggers have swapped subjects with one another, and today we are all revealing what we wrote.


Below are links to all the other bloggers participating today. Be sure to visit them all and see what they have written.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com        Baking In A Tornado

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com    The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com       Spatulas on Parade

http://dinoheromommy.com/                     Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://themomisodes.com                           The Momisodes

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                Sparkly Poetic Weirdo 

http://gndisney.wordpress.com                  Disneyland in Kentucky

http://www.southernbellecharm.com         Southern Belle Charm

http://thelieberfamily.com                          The Lieber Family

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com        Someone Else’s Genius

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com         Climaxed

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com               Battered Hope  

http://www.smalltalkmama.com                Small Talk Mama

So today my subject is: Everyone has their own struggles and battles. While each person's experience is unique, the types of battles are often similar e.g. the same physical illness, depression, losing a parent or child, losing a job, divorce, etc. If you were selected to give a speech to a group of people with a struggle similar to yours, what struggle would you discuss? What would you say? 

And it was submitted by the wonderful Jenniy over at Climaxed

We all have struggles. Some days are nothing but a struggle. I wrote this during one giant day of struggles, all the time wondering how in the heck I was going to get up tomorrow morning and do the exact same thing again. Sometimes the list of struggles is endless. And some days the list seems so small and manageable you wonder why you were so stressed last week facing the same hurdles. It seems impossible to rate all my struggles, to give them an order from most to least easy to deal with, but I guess that's why they call them struggles, and not mild inconveniences. That's a whole other list.

I can't say this is my biggest struggle, nor can I say it's my smallest, but one thing that comes to my head when people ask what do you struggle with? is juggling. And before you ask, no I'm not a wannabe circus clown, I'm just a person with too many fingers in too many pies. And one of these days I just know one of those pies is going to blow up in my face. I happen to be a lot of people. I'm a secretary, a teacher, a writer, a mum, a sister, a daughter, a friend, an ex, and a font of useless knowledge just to name a few. All of these people live in a delicate ecosystem and prop each other up. But it takes just one slight breeze to send the whole house of cards toppling over. And it's always the ones I love the most who suffer. And the guilt that brings out in me is almost a physical pain.

Right now I am sitting in a room full of fallen cards. I'd say that my most important job, and the one that gives me the most joy is that of motherhood. But when you've got so many other duties to complete on any given day, something's gotta give, and more often than not it's my parental responsibilities that I fall short on. I'm not saying I'm a bad mum, maybe a lazy one, but I always have the best intentions in my heart, even if I always seem to come up lacking. It's easier to have a piece of fruit for lunch than try to actually think about coming up with fresh, nutritious ideas for meals to feed a finicky four year old. It's easier to keep silent when my little one forgets to brush her teeth before bed rather than remind her that she's forgotten a step in her nightly routine and have to spend an extra five minutes on getting her to bed. It's easier to give in to a screaming pre-schooler and give her an extra biscuit rather than lecture her once again about the importance of a healthy diet, and be a horrible person yet again. It may seem that all of these things on their own are tiny infractions, that wouldn't hurt anyone, but they build up quickly and before you know it you're lying in bed crossing off sin after sin and kicking yourself for being such a terrible person.

So how do you fix this? How do you fix being an imperfect person in an imperfect world? Is there an answer to this question? To be perfectly honest I have no idea. I'm still searching for it. I know none of us have all the answers, and some days we have none of them, but all we can do is get up each morning and try again. Resolve to be a better person, to not take short cuts, to do the hard work, simply because it must be done. It sounds incredibly boring, and trust me, it can be sometimes, but it's a necessary monotony, and one we must all do, simply so that the very threads of our world don't unravel entirely. I'm sad to say I can't tell you how to fix your own struggles, simply because I'm having enough trouble fixing my own right now. But I'm trying. Each and every day I try to do better, even when I fail so fantastically I deserve my own made for TV movie about being the worlds largest screw up. And that's all any of us can do. So hold your heads up high, and be embrace your struggles, because each and every one of them will make you a better person one day.

April Secret Subject Swap - Trolls

Hello again my lovelies.  I'm back for yet another installment in the Secret Subject Swap.  Each month a group of brave bloggers swap subjects with each other, then we post based on what we were given to work with.


Below is a list of all the bloggers participating this month, be sure to visit them all and see how they manage to spin words into absolute gold.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com            Baking In A Tornado

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com        The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com          Spatulas on Parade

http://dinoheromommy.com/                       Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://themomisodes.com                            The Momisodes

http://morethancheeseandbeer.blogspot.com More Than Cheese and Beer

http://www.southernbellecharm.com             Southern Belle Charm

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://thelieberfamily.com                            The Lieber Family

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com            Someone Else’s Genius

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com             Climaxed

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/     Stacy Sews and Schools

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/                   Sparkly Poetic Weirdo 

http://www.silenceofthemom.blogspot.com    Silence of the Mom 

So this month my prompt is:

There is a troll in the garden.  What do you do? and it was submitted by the wonderful Stacy at Stacy Sews and Schools.

I used to be a skeptic about mythical creatures. They simply didn't exist. Fairies and elves lived in fairy tales along with knights in shining armor and happy endings. That all changed the day I discovered there was a troll living in my own garden. I had noticed little things at first, Miss K's toys would be moved around, or strange rocks would appear seemingly out of nowhere overnight. I thought nothing of it at first, probably just neighbour kids throwing things over the fence, or strong winds. But then random holes started appearing throughout my yard. I thought it was a feral animal, so I called animal control to come and inspect the place. The guy took one look at the holes then asked me if I had any piles of rubbish lying around. I showed him to the rubbish pile in the back and he started digging around. He lifted up a piece of corrugated iron, and there was a small living space underneath it. "Just as I suspected," he said, "you've got a troll problem here. You don't need animal control, you need a witch." At first I thought he was joking, I mean trolls just don't exist. But it turns out he was deadly serious. "Trolls are nothing to take lightly." he told me. "You need to get rid of it now before it starts causing real trouble for you." He then slipped me a small white piece of card. "This is the number of my cousin. She practices the craft. She'll be able to set you right." 

I called the number on the card and got the messaging service of someone called Tamara. I left my number and waited nervously for a call back. An hour later there was a knock at my door. When I opened it a small woman with dark eyes was staring at me. "I understand you need my services" she said. Then she turned and headed towards my back yard. Gobsmacked I followed behind her. "Who are you?" I asked. She ignored the question and headed straight for the rubbish pile. She stopped dead in her tracks a few metres away from it and stared quietly. She crouched down and touched the ground. I could have sworn I could hear her humming. After what seemed like an eternity she stood up again. "I got here just in time" she said as she turned to me. "This troll is starting to get comfortable here. If you'd left it another week he'd be permanent and you'd be stuck with him."  She handed me a small purple bottle. "Sprinkle this on the rubbish pile" she said. I followed her instructions, still feeling that this was just an elaborate prank that someone was playing on me, and as I sprinkled she muttered a spell. Once the bottle was empty she became silent. I stood there watching her, waiting to see what was meant to happen next. When she finally spoke her voice was grave. "What will happen next won't be pleasant." she said, "The troll isn't going to like what we've just done here, and he's going to try to resist leaving." "How long will it take?" I asked her quietly. "Depends" she replied, "could be a few days, could be a few weeks. Depends on how stubborn he is." "Stubborn is something I know well" I said with a grim smile. "Then you should be able to outlast him" came the reply. "Just whatever you do, don't leave anything even remotely edible outside until you're certain he's gone. And don't let him see that what he's doing annoys you, that will only make this take longer." With that she left. 

The next few days were a nightmare. Every morning I would go outside to find all my garden furniture overturned, and Miss K's toys scattered around in an absolute mess. I would quietly tidy everything up, not once reacting to the mess as the witch advised. When the troll realised this wasn't working he started getting worse. Suddenly I started finding graffiti scrawled on my outside walls in mud. Poorly spelled messages like "Yew smel" and "This haus is ful of meanees" Every morning I would go out with a bucket of water and wash the messages off, again not revealing how frustrated I was at the extra work being created for me. On and on it went for two weeks, the messes getting larger, and the messages getting ruder, until one day I went outside and the yard was exactly as I had left it the night before, except for one last message scrawled on my wall, simply the words "Goodby forevar". I was so relieved the ordeal was over, and was getting ready to celebrate when I heard a voice behind me. "I see you won." I turned and there was Tamara standing there. "Looks like I did" I replied. "Thanks for all your help." She smiled and turned to leave. But then something struck me. "Why did you tell me not to leave any food outside?" I asked her. She stopped dead in her tracks but didn't turn to face me. "For a person who spends a lot of time on the internet you sure don't know anything." she said. "What do you mean?" I asked. As she walked off she said "Surely by now you must know from public forums that you should never feed the trolls." 

March Secret Subject Swap - Heaven and Hell on Earth

Hello my lovelies and welcome to the March Secret Subject Swap.  This is my first swap for over twelve months and I sure have  missed joining in on the fun.

For any of you who are unfamiliar with the premise, what happens is 14 bloggers from all around the world submit a subject for another brave blogger to write about. In return you get someone else's prompt and the pants soiling begins while you try to figure out how to do the prompt justice.  Then on an assigned day we all hit post at exactly the same time (or sleep through it if you're me, and live 12 hours ahead of the actual posting time) and then you lovely people get to enjoy the fun.  Before I get going, I'll introduce the rest of the herd, so that when you're finished here you can go read more awesome posts. And give them all some of your love.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com              Baking In A Tornado

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/    Stacy Sews and Schools

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com        The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com          Spatulas on Parade

http://dinoheromommy.com/                       Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://themomisodes.com                            The Momisodes

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com            Climaxed

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com           Someone Else’s Genius

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://thelieberfamily.com                           The Lieber Family

http://www.southernbellecharm.com            Southern Belle Charm

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com                   Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

http://www.smalltalkmama.com                   Small Talk Mama

So this month my prompt is 
If Heaven and Hell were accessible on earth and were places you were automatically transported to when you did something especially good or particularly bad-where would you go? In other words, explain your version of heaven and hell on earth and what you think would earn you a visit there.
and it was given to me by the lovely Jenn at Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
Ah heaven; Nirvana, Moksha, Paradise.  Whatever you want to call it, lots of people hold a lot of reverence for a special place reserved for only the best of people.  Wouldn't it be awesome if it was a place where you could arrange for short stay visits to heaven for especially awesome deeds done now.  Instead of accruing all your good deed points for a long stay in the afterlife, exchange some of them for quick visits during your current life, and come back refreshed and knowing that you're a good person. For me, heaven on earth would have to be a tropical location. I've always loved beaches with bleached white sand, and my visit to Champagne Island in the pacific ocean was the closest I've ever come to paradise.

Pictured: Paradise
I'm thinking that heaven would be somewhere private and secluded. Because this is a reward for me there wouldn't be lots of people around to distract me from the scenery, Of course I'd have a private staff to cater to my every whim because hey, I deserve it. I'm rocking the good deeds right now, so I've earned massages, and a cabana boy who keeps the lemon lime and bitters flowing. (And because it's heaven I won't get the furry tongue I usually get from drinking too many LLBs.)  I'll be staying in 5 star resort style luxury, sleeping on a bed that feels as soft as a cloud. The food will be worthy of serving at the finest restaurants in the world, and I'd never need to add salt or sauce to anything because the flavours would always be perfect.
Now how did I get access to my own little slice of heaven?? Well if you read the bible, the list of things you need to do to get into heaven is never ending. But I'm thinking for the day pass version things will be slightly simpler.  To get a golden ticket you'd need to do lots of simple good things, such as completing charitable deeds for the sake of doing them, and not just for the opportunity to look good to others. So every time I gave money to someone on the street (or a cigarette for the ones whose needs are more particular), or helped someone in need without expecting anything in return I'd accrue points that would be redeemable for a short stay visit to heaven.  Given that I live in an area with a very low socio-economic status I'm pretty sure it would be easy to gain enough points for several visits to heaven. There of course would be rules (because there are rules for everything) and even heaven can't get away without a little red tape, so several deeds would be exempt from gaining points. Giving money to buskers doesn't count as a good deed (even if they are terrible) because technically you're paying them for a service they have provided. And the minute you tell anyone about a good deed you did that day, you lose the points you earned for doing it. (That also has the added bonus of getting rid of the awful humblebragging we're all guilty of)  If you do a good deed only because you don't want to look like a total d-bag to anyone who is watching you, you only get half a point for doing it, as your motives aren't completely pure, and you get double points if helping causes discomfort to you (because the people running heaven love a bit of suffering).
Now the reverse of heaven is apparently hell, so it makes sense that you'd also have the opportunity to get day passes to hell. For me, my own version of hell on earth is every time Miss K gets sick.  It causes so much stress for me I start jumping every time she sneezes once cold and flu season starts. But for real hell, I'm thinking it would need to be more drastic than just dealing with a child with the sniffles.  The only thing I hate worse than sick kids is large crowds. It's one of the reasons I've never managed to live in Melbourne for very long. So as punishment for my multitude of sins, I'm thinking a short trip to hell would look like a major shopping centre on Christmas Eve. There would be massive crowds of rude and hurried people everywhere, all pushing and shoving with no apologies when they elbow me in the ribs or stomp on my toes. Now unlike the high end department stores you see these days, the shopping centre that is day stay hell won't have comfortable padded seats every 50 metres, there will only be five hard wooden benches in the entire place, so sitting down won't be easy or comfortable, forcing me to keep moving.  In order to give me a purpose while in hell, I'd be given a shopping list upon entry, and each thing can be bought in one store only, meaning I would need to spend the whole time aimlessly wandering while trying to find everything on my list. I'd also have to surrender my own shoes when I walk into hell and have to wear ill fitting thongs (flip flops for any Americans who think I'm about to start talking about wearing underwear on my feet, although that would be fitting in hell) with almost all the padding gone in them for extra discomfort. The only food I'd be able to get in hell will be chips that were cooked three hours ago and have been sitting in a bain marie going hard since being cooked, and luke-warm cola to drink. 
So how do I get to day stay hell? I'm going to say deliberate ignorance. The only thing worse than being evil is refusing to acknowledge the existence of evil, Turning a blind eye to the horrors that happen around you, refusing to be the voice for anyone who doesn't have one and denying the fact that I have the power to help someone, anyone would all be crimes worthy of an instant deportation to day stay hell. There would be no points system to earn your visit, because insta-hell would serve more like a warning than a punishment. A tap on your shoulder and a not so friendly word in your ear advising you that if you don't change your ways, this will be your ever after once you leave this world and make your way to the next. And you better believe I'd only need one warning before I changed my ways. (Not only because I hate getting mangled by strangers.) 
So there you have it. My own little slices of heaven and hell. If any of you have your own ideas of what heaven or hell on earth look like, I'd love to hear them. 

Secret Subject Swap - Fry up

Hello again my lovelies, another month has passed and it's time again for yet another Secret Subject Swap. For any of you who haven't heard of this phenomenon, each month 12 bloggers get together and swap topics with each other with thanks to Karen from Baking in a Tornado. Then on a pre-determined day we all release our posts at the same time so that the rest of you can enjoy. Before I get into the action, I'll introduce the other bloggers participating in the swap today. Once you have finished reading my slice of the fun, be sure to visit everyone else and share the love around.

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                     Baking In A Tornado

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                   Follow me home . . .

http://themomisodes.com                                  The Momisodes

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/                     Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://aworkingmomswhoas.com/                        A Working Mom’s “Whoas”’

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com              Evil Joy Speaks

http://xcartwight.blogspot.com                            Go Momma!

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                     Juicebox Confession

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/          Stacy Sews and Schools

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com                  Spatulas on Parade

http://www.smalltalkmama.com                          Small Talk Mama

So today my topic is You have the opportunity to meet with any celebrity for coffee, dead or alive: who do you choose, where do you go, what do you talk about?

It was submitted by: Confessions of a part-time working mom     

So anyone who knows me will know how much I love to talk. I love it so much I kept getting work in call centres so I had an excuse to talk all day without anyone being allowed to tell me to shut up. (Ok neither of those are true facts, I got the jobs because I'm not fussy, and I still got told to shut up ALL the time.) But one thing I find that goes great with talking is coffee. Give me a cup of java and someone to talk to and I am happy as a pig in muck. Given my love for both of these things, I think the best person to go on a coffee date with would be Stephen Fry.

I am hoping desperately that you have all heard of this gentleman, and aren't all just staring at your computer screens blankly, as Stephen Fry has had his fingers in so many pies that surely even people who don't watch television must have heard of him. Good friend of comic geniuses like Hugh Laurie and Emma Thompson (and a comic genius in his own right too), writer, actor, director, and the owner of a golden voice, who lends his talents to kids cartoons and video games alike. (For any players of the game LittleBigPlanet you are looking at the narrator of all the games right here.) He is the quiz master of QI, one of my favourite quiz shows of all time, and he has worked alongside my future husband David Boreanaz on the set of Bones which is just a bonus in my book. He is also vocal about his struggles with depression and suicide, which is an important topic for anyone to understand.

Now for our coffee date I'd chose somewhere quiet and out of the way for us to meet up and meld minds. I'd love somewhere in London with low mood lighting and classic movie posters on the walls. Chandeliers would be an added bonus. We'd get a corner table out of the way of any other customers who come in and I'd order a cappuccino (because I am completely unimaginitive and refuse to try coffee without milk) and Stephen would have....is it wrong to assume that he'd have tea because he's British? Well given this is my coffee date and not his I'm going to give him a short black. (Apologies to the real Stephen Fry if I've gotten your order wrong, feel free to correct me :-D) Once we've gotten our drinks we can stop with the small talk that always happens when you don't have a cup in your hand and get on with the real conversing. The topics will be vast and varied, as I have chosen one of the most well rounded people I know of to accompany me in this fantasy. We can talk about current technology, (Stephen is a lover of all things Apple and was one of the first people in Britain to own the Apple Macintosh computer back in the eighties.) literature, the evolution and then devolution of the English language, Oscar Wilde, and anything else we can think of. I will try my hardest to make him swear too, because if there is one thing I love, it's hearing people with a posh British accent drop the F bomb. It is almost like the auditory version of finding a unicorn. 

The date would only end when the barista kicked us out because they need to close up for the evening. We would be sad for our chat to end as there would still be so much that we hadn't discussed, but we would button up our winter jackets and head out into the chilly London air, I to the airport because I really can't afford to stay in London for longer than one coffee date at a time, and Stephen to his flat. The world would seem slightly flat and boring after my one chat with Stephen, and I could only hope that I was able to add a little sunshine into his life too, even if only for one afternoon. I would remember my afternoon with my hero for the rest of my life, and would slowly bore and alienate all of my friends at parties as I bang on and on forever about the day I shared a coffee with Stephen Fry. So perhaps it's best for my social life such as it is that this all just happened in my head and not in real life.

Well that's all from me for now, be sure to visit the rest of the swappers if you haven't already, and be sure to tune in again next week when I take part in a new series that Karen has cooked up for us.