Saturday, 9 May 2015

May Secret Subject Swap - the eternal struggle

Welcome one and all to the May Secret Subject Swap.  This week 16 brave bloggers have swapped subjects with one another, and today we are all revealing what we wrote.

Secret Subject Swap

Below are links to all the other bloggers participating today. Be sure to visit them all and see what they have written.        Baking In A Tornado    The Bergham’s Life Chronicles       Spatulas on Parade                     Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                           The Momisodes                Sparkly Poetic Weirdo                  Disneyland in Kentucky         Southern Belle Charm                          The Lieber Family        Someone Else’s Genius Confessions of a part-time working mom               Battered Hope                Small Talk Mama

So today my subject is: Everyone has their own struggles and battles. While each person's experience is unique, the types of battles are often similar e.g. the same physical illness, depression, losing a parent or child, losing a job, divorce, etc. If you were selected to give a speech to a group of people with a struggle similar to yours, what struggle would you discuss? What would you say? 
And it was submitted by the wonderful Jenniy over at Climaxed

We all have struggles. Some days are nothing but a struggle. I wrote this during one giant day of struggles, all the time wondering how in the heck I was going to get up tomorrow morning and do the exact same thing again. Sometimes the list of struggles is endless. And some days the list seems so small and manageable you wonder why you were so stressed last week facing the same hurdles. It seems impossible to rate all my struggles, to give them an order from most to least easy to deal with, but I guess that's why they call them struggles, and not mild inconveniences. That's a whole other list.

I can't say this is my biggest struggle, nor can I say it's my smallest, but one thing that comes to my head when people ask what do you struggle with? is juggling. And before you ask, no I'm not a wannabe circus clown, I'm just a person with too many fingers in too many pies. And one of these days I just know one of those pies is going to blow up in my face. I happen to be a lot of people. I'm a secretary, a teacher, a writer, a mum, a sister, a daughter, a friend, an ex, and a font of useless knowledge just to name a few. All of these people live in a delicate ecosystem and prop each other up. But it takes just one slight breeze to send the whole house of cards toppling over. And it's always the ones I love the most who suffer. And the guilt that brings out in me is almost a physical pain.

Right now I am sitting in a room full of fallen cards. I'd say that my most important job, and the one that gives me the most joy is that of motherhood. But when you've got so many other duties to complete on any given day, something's gotta give, and more often than not it's my parental responsibilities that I fall short on. I'm not saying I'm a bad mum, maybe a lazy one, but I always have the best intentions in my heart, even if I always seem to come up lacking. It's easier to have a piece of fruit for lunch than try to actually think about coming up with fresh, nutritious ideas for meals to feed a finicky four year old. It's easier to keep silent when my little one forgets to brush her teeth before bed rather than remind her that she's forgotten a step in her nightly routine and have to spend an extra five minutes on getting her to bed. It's easier to give in to a screaming pre-schooler and give her an extra biscuit rather than lecture her once again about the importance of a healthy diet, and be a horrible person yet again. It may seem that all of these things on their own are tiny infractions, that wouldn't hurt anyone, but they build up quickly and before you know it you're lying in bed crossing off sin after sin and kicking yourself for being such a terrible person.

So how do you fix this? How do you fix being an imperfect person in an imperfect world? Is there an answer to this question? To be perfectly honest I have no idea. I'm still searching for it. I know none of us have all the answers, and some days we have none of them, but all we can do is get up each morning and try again. Resolve to be a better person, to not take short cuts, to do the hard work, simply because it must be done. It sounds incredibly boring, and trust me, it can be sometimes, but it's a necessary monotony, and one we must all do, simply so that the very threads of our world don't unravel entirely. I'm sad to say I can't tell you how to fix your own struggles, simply because I'm having enough trouble fixing my own right now. But I'm trying. Each and every day I try to do better, even when I fail so fantastically I deserve my own made for TV movie about being the worlds largest screw up. And that's all any of us can do. So hold your heads up high, and be embrace your struggles, because each and every one of them will make you a better person one day.

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