Saturday, 21 March 2015

March Fly on the Wall - What the?

Welcome to March Fly on the Wall. In this series a huge group of bloggers (15 this month to be exact) get together and share anecdotes on the little things you might see in their house if you were a fly on the wall.

Fly on the Wall

Before I start I'll link you to the rest of the bloggers participating today, so that when you're finished here you can keep reading more fun stuff.           Baking In A Tornado      Spatulas on Parade         Follow me home            Menopausal Mother             Battered Hope               Just A Little Nutty                        The Momisodes        Someone Else’s Genius              The Sadder But Wiser Girl                   Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                Disneyland in Kentucky          Juicebox Confession                       Go Mama O

So I was yawning a lot at work a few weeks ago, which always bugs the hell out of my boss, who is an absolute health nut, and she thinks my lack of energy stems from my "unhealthy lifestyle". But I can't help that I find running around like a headless chicken exhausts me, so I just let the yawns lay where they fall. This one particular day my boss decided to give me some advice.

Julie: You know what you need to do in the mornings? You need to get up and go for a jog.
Me: Or I could do what I did this morning and lie in bed with Miss K watching Dustin Hoffman movies. 

I bought Miss K some googly eyes this month. Guess who had more fun with them?

Number 426983 of things I never thought I'd have to say to my daughter
Would you stop dancing on that pole please, people are trying to get to the dairy fridge. 

Lots of wildly inappropriate fun I might add...

This particular conversation happened whilst walking though a large shopping centre

Miss K: I like circles, they're my favourite
Me: Yeah they are cool aren't they?
Miss K: Like mummy's balls.
Me: Mummy is bored?
Miss K: No, mummy's balls outside, they're my favourite
Me: Oh yeah my balls. I have some pretty big balls don't I? They're awesome
Miss K: No, they're boring.
Me: Hey my balls aren't boring, they're awesome thank you very much. 

It wasn't until I saw an elderly woman smirking at me that I realised that without a bit of context this was a terrible conversation to be having in public. 

Needless to say Miss K was not as amused as I was.

Miss K: I'm so cute mummy.

I hear this at least ten times a day, I'm not sure why she thinks I need the constant reminder.

That doll is creepy even without the googly eyes. This is the scene that greeted me one morning on my way to the toilet.

Me: Miss K, what is daddy's name?
Miss K: Poo head (followed by raucous laughter from everyone in the room)

As a disclaimer, I promise I didn't teach Miss K to call her dad poo head, I don't think I've ever used it as an insult (because ew) so I can't even guess where she got it from, but now that she knows it's hilarious she refuses to learn his real name. In the interests of fairness I will inform you that she subsequently told her speech pathologist that my name is also poo head. 

Turns out I don't need googly eyes to have fun though.  Ten points to anyone who can correctly identify what show this quote is from.

I was brushing Miss K's hair the other day, which was incredibly knotty and sticky. This was the conversation that ensued.

Miss K: Ow mummy hurts.
Me: I know honey but your hair is really sticky. You've gotten food in your hair again haven't you?
Miss K: No! Not food in my hair.
Me: Well it's either food or snot, so which one is it?
Miss K: (proudly) It's snot.

I don't know why that's the less offensive option to her, but this is the girl who insists on showing me every nugget of nose gold she mines.

I also have Snapchat for when I want to bug people with painted pictures of myself... (Bob the Builder is actually Natalie in disguise for anyone who now thinks I have the ability to swap my facial features at will)

So Miss K is still learning to talk, a feat that has been somewhat hampered by several issues including the fact that she is tongue tied. I personally love the way she mangles the English language, so with your permission I'd like to share some of her versions of words.

Delicious - Alicious
Muffins - Nuffins
Sausages - Shaushages (I actually find that harder to say)
Fire truck - Fire...actually I'm not going to repeat what she says here, because it is wildly inappropriate, but if you can think of a word that rhymes with truck but starts with an F, you'll be able to figure it out.  We discovered this one in the middle of a packed car park at a Bunnings Family Fun Day. Perfect timing.

Well that's it from me today little flies, now buzz off and spy on the rest of the bloggers. Till next time.

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