My heart sank when my mum uttered the words "Did you hear about Paris?" It sank further when I heard about Baghdad and Beirut. I felt the same sickness in my gut I felt when I heard about the two attacks that happened in my own country. It seems as though the world is falling apart right now, and while I have met one or two people who greet the news of these attacks with an apathy and resigned shrug which says it's not shocking anymore that people are dying in such horrible ways, most people are just as saddened and hurt as I am.
What is uplifting however in this time of hatred and terror is the messages of peace and acceptance coming from every day citizens. As one who can still remember clearly where I was when the September 11 attacks happened, I know that for the longest time, the word Muslim was a dirty word. This time, not so much. This time we are more educated, We know who the real enemy is, and it is not the Muslims of the world. Hashtag movements like #illridewithyou and #notinmyname let the world know that the terrorists still haven't won as long as normal people like you and I show compassion and love in times of great fear. As long as we keep in mind that this is not a war against a religion, but a war against extremists, good will always prevail, no matter how many attacks ISIS want to claim responsibility for, or how much they try to scare us into rejecting Muslims.
For a complete and concise explanation as to what exactly it is we are dealing with, the best person to ask is Waleed Aly. He is an Australian newscaster, and he is also a Muslim. He used his power as a television personality to educate the people of Australia as to who the enemy is, and his words need to be heard by everyone.
So please, watch this video, hear his words, share it with your friends, and above all, don't give hatred a chance.
My thoughts and prayers are with the people of Paris, Beirut, Baghdad, Syria, and every other country that is being affected by extremists and terrorists alike.
I come for the coffee, I stay for the padded walls and straight jackets
Tuesday, 17 November 2015
Tuesday, 10 November 2015
How we dealt with (and survived) the death of a pet
For Miss K's birthday this year, my little sister Kimberley gave her two goldfish. I hadn't been warned about this prior, so it was a surprise for both of us. She gleefully informed me as she handed over the little tank she was actually going to buy her a goat, but decided fish was a more practical gift idea. For that fact I am forever grateful.
Now anyone who knows me knows I have bad luck with animals. Of course my bad luck is not as bad as my little brother Ben's bad luck with animals, he was headbutted by a trout once, as he peered into a lake, an accomplishment I am yet to match. But given my track record with animals, and my seeming inability to keep them alive was well recorded when these fish were made a part of our family. To date I have had a total of three dogs, one cat, one guinea pig and two fish as pets. My first dog died of pavo virus as a puppy, which absolutely broke my heart at the time. The next two dogs were a blue heeler and a boxer, both given to me to replace the original dog. I lived in a tiny two bedroom flat at the time, which any dog lover will tell you is a terrible place for such large and energetic dogs to live, so I had both of them re-housed fairly quickly. The cat ran away after a few months, but I think I still see it wandering around the area occasionally, so I can only assume it found a new home close by. Our guinea pig died from exposure one night when I didn't secure the tarp around his cage tightly enough and it was blown off by strong winds. So I didn't have high hopes for these fish. Sure enough the first fish died within a month of becoming our pet, a fact which I now understand probably stems from being put in a tank too small for two fish. Live and learn. The fact that the second goldfish survived a further 8 months with us is nothing short of a miracle.
The fish were named Yes and No. This is what happens when you let a four year old name animals. Yes was the fish that survived the longest, and let me tell you, keeping a fish alive is actually harder than it looks. We dealt with two cases of swimmers bladder, and I suspect it was a bacterial infection that got him in the end. During his time with us I learned that a whole flake of fish food is waaay too much for a fish to eat, especially given they need no more than a piece of food the size of their eye several times a week. I also found out you can cure constipation in fish with peas, a fact which disgusted Miss K given her pure hatred for the little green balls. He had been sick for three days this time, and nothing I was doing helped. It became inevitable after day two that Yes' days were indeed numbered, so that day as I noticed Miss K staring at Yes, watching his weird sideways swim around the tank I let her know that Yes was going to die soon. I told her he was really sick this time, and she needed to realise we weren't going to have a fish for very much longer. She nodded very quietly then asked me for a drink.
Over the next two days we spoke occasionally about Yes, she was worried he was in pain, but given I am poorly informed about the pain tolerance of the average goldfish, I told her he wasn't feeling anything right now, This may have been a lie, I still have no idea, but I didn't want death to be scary for her, I just needed her to understand it is a part of life. Luckily for me Yes kindly waited until she was asleep last night to die. I went in to check on him before I went to bed and after five minutes of tapping walls and agitating the water I was indeed satisfied I had a dead fish on my hands. I disposed of everything there and then, I didn't think it was kind letting Miss K see what a dead fish looked like, so when she woke up this morning the bench that had housed Yes' tank was empty. She stared at the empty space for ages, almost like she thought her eyes were lying to her, and the tank was still there. She turned to me and said "the fish is gone." I simply nodded, I couldn't think of what to say. She asked if Yes died and I simply nodded again. I'm sure another person could have used this opportunity to give a speech on the gift of life, or say something reassuring about Yes' suffering being over, but mourning the death of a fish is something I'm sadly inexperienced in so I simply said nothing. She stared at the space for another few seconds before she turned to me and asked for another fish. For the love of God please no.
I have actually since Googled how to deal with the loss of a pet with children, and they all say don't replace the pet straight away, as it makes the child feel disloyal. Apparently Miss K is plagued by no such burdens and is keen to move on to the next
If any of you have actually had to deal with a grieving child, give me your tips below, I'm sure as Miss K gets older this is something that will really need to be dealt with, as she wont be so easily distracted by shiny things for much longer.
Monday, 2 November 2015
Overcoming Speech Delays - Tips and Resources
I have mentioned in passing a few times over the past few months that Miss K is having issues with her speech. The issue actually goes a bit deeper than just a few issues, and it has been something we have been dealing with for over 2 years now. Miss K has made great progress in that time, but it has been a rocky road, full of frustration and tears for her, and sleepless nights for me. In order to hopefully save someone a whole lot of heartache that comes with speech delays, I have managed to compile a list of tips and resources that have helped us enormously over the past two years, and I am sharing them with you now.
One thing I found when I first thought there were issues with Miss K's speech was that there was a very large lack of resources for parents online. Everything I found gave the same information, strengthen her mouth muscles with straws and lots of games, but it didn't tell me how I could correct the real issues, or even how to identify them. To this day I still don't know why Miss K never learned to talk the way most kids do. It certainly wasn't because she wasn't encouraged to talk at home, we had many fights over her first years as I tried to coax, beg or threaten words out of her to no avail. I felt hopeless and totally useless at my job. Eventually at her 2 year check up with the maternal health nurse I brought up the delays, hoping that our nurse would take us seriously, and she did. Although at the time speech pathologists were still refusing to help children until they were at least three years old, our local community medical centre was just beginning a program to help bridge the gap, so we took advantage of their services until Miss K was old enough to be referred to a speech therapist.
Miss K has been going to our speech therapist Chloe for almost 12 months now, and the difference in that little girl is more than just her speech. She is more confident, she is happier, she absolutely shines because for the first time in years she is understood by more people than just me. We have run the gamut of emotions during this time, from frustration to shame to confusion to pride to pure joy. It has been an absolute roller coaster, but we were recently told that Miss K is nearly at the point where she no longer needs speech therapy, and the relief is almost overwhelming. So to help other parents who are going through this lengthy and tiresome process, below are a few things I have found help enormously, as well as some websites where you can get further help.
Medical help
If you suspect there are issues with your child's speech, the first thing you will need to do is seek medical advice, to make sure there aren't any underlying issues that need to be addressed. We discovered that Miss K is tongue tied, which has contributed to some of her speech impediments, but not all, and this required a visit to a surgeon to assess whether she needed the tendons under her tongue cut. At the very least your doctor can refer you to a speech therapist if necessary to help you work through any issues with your child's speech. These days speech therapists have recognised that therapy can help from as young as two years old, so you can get help sooner rather than later these days.
Talking to and encouraging your child to speak
Talking to your child from birth is essential of course, firstly because it helps your child recognise you outside of the womb. Before they were born they heard your voice daily, so to hear them again once they are born lets them know they are with the person they have known their whole life. Then you become your child's example on how to speak as they get closer to the age of forming their first words, so the talking needs to be almost constant. But you also need to encourage them to talk too. Turn their first coos into full conversations to teach them that talking requires giving and receiving noise. But once you get past the first word (which is always dada for some darned reason) encouraging the next words can be difficult. Repetition of simple words such as up or more, and teaching them that using these words cause things to happen encourages children to want to speak more. Remember that kids can process thoughts slower than adults do, so you will need to give them a few seconds of silence every time to process your request. This website has further great tips on introducing speech to your toddlers
Learning through play
A lot of the websites I read through would say to encourage speech through play, but they didn't give real examples to start you in the right direction. For us, it was Miss K's home corner which was the real winner. Miss K and I would play restaurants or shops, and Miss K would need to tell me exactly what she wanted to buy or eat before I would give it to her. We'd swap roles regularly to keep the game fresh. Of course if your child is more into cars or dinosaurs, or dolls or whatever, you should build the games around whatever their favourite toys are. If your children are a bit older, using board games and cue cards is also another great way to build up their vocabulary or work on specific speech issues. We got several board games from Chloe to take home with us, complete with their own cue cards, and with every role of the dice Miss K needs to pick up a cue card and say the word or sentence on the card after she moves. This has been one of our most successful exercises, and the only one I have been able to use consistently, as once Miss K realises she's meant to be learning something with our exercises she loses interest. Incorporating play into the exercises makes the learning fun, and distracts children from the fact that this is actually work. Guess Who is also a fabulous game for encouraging speech, and one we now use a lot at home. Children's songs are also a great way to encourage speech, and I'm sure you all know about a million of them, so start singing with your kids. For more information on speech through play, check out this website here
Using printouts
Now days there are so many websites which offer free printable games and resources you can use at home to help your child with their speech issues. One of the first we used was given to us by Chloe, called Colorful Semantics. This is a program provided by London Speech Therapy and the printout can be found here. This program is great for teaching children to build sentences based on who, what, where, and it comes complete with pages of colourful pictures for your child to use in their learning, as well as complete and comprehensive instructions. You can also find printable games and activities online for you and your child to play, as well as cue cards, and a multitude of worksheets you can download and use any time.
Learning through videos
Youtube is full of great videos you can watch with your child to encourage talk. There are a lot of channels that are actually aimed at English as a second language, but Miss K loved them, especially the ones with lots of bright toys included in their videos. A great channel for learning is Baby Big Mouth which is aimed at teaching vocabulary and spelling to little learners.
Resources
Now I am by no means an expert when it comes to speech therapy, and getting your kids to talk. Which is why I love these following websites, because they are by experts, so if you need further help, these are a good place to start.
The Speel. As well as a ton of free resources that anyone can use, Alex at The Speel has just launched a new 8 week program called Incredible Little Communicators which you and your child can complete at home with support from Alex.
Playing with Words 365. Playing with Words 365 has a heap of free resources for parents, and lots of articles to help you work through finding a speech therapist, and what to expect once your child starts therapy. This is a great place for any parent to start their journey as she has resources to suit children from birth to age 5!
Free Language Stuff includes printable activities on 20 different areas of language, making this a great place to find activities to complete at home with your children to help build their language skills.
Mommy Speech Therapy. This is another great website full of free resources and printables you can use at home, and lots of advice for parents as well. I visit this website often and I love this woman.
Pinterest is another great place to look for resources, and a lot of speech pathologists are now filling the website up with heaps of helpful advice and places to start your journey.
If any of you out there are going through the same journey as me, and you have stories to share, please leave them down below, I love hearing from my readers, and it is always wonderful to hear you're not alone when dealing with the tough stuff. Also if you know of other resources I have missed here, also leave them down below, because the world is a great big place, so bring it all to me and we'll share it together.
Miss K has been going to our speech therapist Chloe for almost 12 months now, and the difference in that little girl is more than just her speech. She is more confident, she is happier, she absolutely shines because for the first time in years she is understood by more people than just me. We have run the gamut of emotions during this time, from frustration to shame to confusion to pride to pure joy. It has been an absolute roller coaster, but we were recently told that Miss K is nearly at the point where she no longer needs speech therapy, and the relief is almost overwhelming. So to help other parents who are going through this lengthy and tiresome process, below are a few things I have found help enormously, as well as some websites where you can get further help.
Medical help
If you suspect there are issues with your child's speech, the first thing you will need to do is seek medical advice, to make sure there aren't any underlying issues that need to be addressed. We discovered that Miss K is tongue tied, which has contributed to some of her speech impediments, but not all, and this required a visit to a surgeon to assess whether she needed the tendons under her tongue cut. At the very least your doctor can refer you to a speech therapist if necessary to help you work through any issues with your child's speech. These days speech therapists have recognised that therapy can help from as young as two years old, so you can get help sooner rather than later these days.
Talking to and encouraging your child to speak
Talking to your child from birth is essential of course, firstly because it helps your child recognise you outside of the womb. Before they were born they heard your voice daily, so to hear them again once they are born lets them know they are with the person they have known their whole life. Then you become your child's example on how to speak as they get closer to the age of forming their first words, so the talking needs to be almost constant. But you also need to encourage them to talk too. Turn their first coos into full conversations to teach them that talking requires giving and receiving noise. But once you get past the first word (which is always dada for some darned reason) encouraging the next words can be difficult. Repetition of simple words such as up or more, and teaching them that using these words cause things to happen encourages children to want to speak more. Remember that kids can process thoughts slower than adults do, so you will need to give them a few seconds of silence every time to process your request. This website has further great tips on introducing speech to your toddlers
Learning through play
A lot of the websites I read through would say to encourage speech through play, but they didn't give real examples to start you in the right direction. For us, it was Miss K's home corner which was the real winner. Miss K and I would play restaurants or shops, and Miss K would need to tell me exactly what she wanted to buy or eat before I would give it to her. We'd swap roles regularly to keep the game fresh. Of course if your child is more into cars or dinosaurs, or dolls or whatever, you should build the games around whatever their favourite toys are. If your children are a bit older, using board games and cue cards is also another great way to build up their vocabulary or work on specific speech issues. We got several board games from Chloe to take home with us, complete with their own cue cards, and with every role of the dice Miss K needs to pick up a cue card and say the word or sentence on the card after she moves. This has been one of our most successful exercises, and the only one I have been able to use consistently, as once Miss K realises she's meant to be learning something with our exercises she loses interest. Incorporating play into the exercises makes the learning fun, and distracts children from the fact that this is actually work. Guess Who is also a fabulous game for encouraging speech, and one we now use a lot at home. Children's songs are also a great way to encourage speech, and I'm sure you all know about a million of them, so start singing with your kids. For more information on speech through play, check out this website here
Using printouts
Now days there are so many websites which offer free printable games and resources you can use at home to help your child with their speech issues. One of the first we used was given to us by Chloe, called Colorful Semantics. This is a program provided by London Speech Therapy and the printout can be found here. This program is great for teaching children to build sentences based on who, what, where, and it comes complete with pages of colourful pictures for your child to use in their learning, as well as complete and comprehensive instructions. You can also find printable games and activities online for you and your child to play, as well as cue cards, and a multitude of worksheets you can download and use any time.
Learning through videos
Youtube is full of great videos you can watch with your child to encourage talk. There are a lot of channels that are actually aimed at English as a second language, but Miss K loved them, especially the ones with lots of bright toys included in their videos. A great channel for learning is Baby Big Mouth which is aimed at teaching vocabulary and spelling to little learners.
Resources
Now I am by no means an expert when it comes to speech therapy, and getting your kids to talk. Which is why I love these following websites, because they are by experts, so if you need further help, these are a good place to start.
The Speel. As well as a ton of free resources that anyone can use, Alex at The Speel has just launched a new 8 week program called Incredible Little Communicators which you and your child can complete at home with support from Alex.
Playing with Words 365. Playing with Words 365 has a heap of free resources for parents, and lots of articles to help you work through finding a speech therapist, and what to expect once your child starts therapy. This is a great place for any parent to start their journey as she has resources to suit children from birth to age 5!
Free Language Stuff includes printable activities on 20 different areas of language, making this a great place to find activities to complete at home with your children to help build their language skills.
Mommy Speech Therapy. This is another great website full of free resources and printables you can use at home, and lots of advice for parents as well. I visit this website often and I love this woman.
Pinterest is another great place to look for resources, and a lot of speech pathologists are now filling the website up with heaps of helpful advice and places to start your journey.
If any of you out there are going through the same journey as me, and you have stories to share, please leave them down below, I love hearing from my readers, and it is always wonderful to hear you're not alone when dealing with the tough stuff. Also if you know of other resources I have missed here, also leave them down below, because the world is a great big place, so bring it all to me and we'll share it together.
Saturday, 24 October 2015
October Fly on the Wall
Hello again people, it's time again for this month's edition of Fly on the Wall, the post where I share all the crazy, funny things that happen in my house, that you would all see if you were flies on my wall, and let me tell you right now is a good time to be a fly on my wall, because Miss K is all of a sudden terrified of spiders, so we're having to kill every single money spider or daddy long legs on sight. You really don't appreciate how good a job these guys do until you have to eradicate every single one who dares to show their face to a screechy four year old.
Before I jump into all of the fun I'll share the list of the rest of the bloggers participating this month. Today we have 14 brave bloggers all baring their crazies for your enjoyment, so be sure to visit them all.
I wanted to try a fishtail braid in Miss K's hair, after discovering that they are apparently stupidly easy to do. Of course anyone who says a fishtail braid is easy to do has never tried to do one on a squirmy four year old.
http://www.BakingInATornado.
http://spatulasonparade.
http://followmehome.
http://www.menopausalmom.com/
http://batteredhope.blogspot.
http://themomisodes.com
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.
http://eileensperpetuallybusy.
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http://www.southernbellecharm.
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http://nicholemomof8.blogspot.
I wanted to try a fishtail braid in Miss K's hair, after discovering that they are apparently stupidly easy to do. Of course anyone who says a fishtail braid is easy to do has never tried to do one on a squirmy four year old.
The look I was going for.
It took me half an hour to achieve something similar to the image above (sorry no pictures, Miss K had had enough of sitting down by the time we were finished.) and I was pretty proud of myself, even if I do say so. Miss K of course, not so impressed, told me that the final product was in fact not worth the amount of time she had to spend sitting still, and that she never wanted another fishtail braid put in her hair again. True to her word, every time I suggest giving her a fish tail, she politely declines and runs away.
Me (to mum)
You're turning into a grumpy old man in your old age.
Sam: I know dad looks old, he looks really old. He looks like an 80 year old man
Me: With the bones of an 80 year old woman to match.
(My dad is actually in his 60's, he's just not aging well, plus he has osteoporosis AND arthritis, so he's a very frail man. He actually broke his ribs bending over the hood of a car once.)
Me: Miss K if you're going to pick your nose in the toilet could you please not wipe your boogers on the walls?
Miss K: No!
Miss K's arachnophobia is actually beginning to impact on her everyday life. I have to go with her to the toilet every trip and inspect for spiders before she can go. Of course since I am such a sympathetic mother, I never do anything that could potentially scar her for life...
Miss K: There are no spiders in here?
Me: Nope, no spiders. Now all you need to worry about are the snakes in the toilet.
Miss K: Mum, no!
I sometimes feel bad that Miss K is an only child, so in order to show her what having a brother or sister would be like, I love to play a nice rousing game of "I'm not touching you" where I sit my finger as close to her eye as possible without touching her, then just keep repeating "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you." until she cracks it at me. It helps to pass the time.
I was trying to encourage Miss K one day for doing a good job, so I told her she was number one. She promptly responded with "No mum, I'm number four." At least she has low expectations of herself.
We were having our fence replaced earlier this month, and I was having a much needed sleep in on the day. Miss K got out of bed and was stealing a lolly from the kitchen when mum came in. The following is the conversation they had.
Mum: Miss K, someone stole our fence! What are we going to do?
Miss K: Oh no! Don't worry, I'll go back to bed and eat my lolly and you go to the lounge room.
One night I was lying in bed dozing off when I could hear movement from Miss K's bedroom. I thought she was just shifting around in her sleep until I heard her call out for me. I jumped up and ran to her room terrified she'd wet the bed. Upon entry I found her standing next to her bed without any pants on, instead they were in a ball on the ground. She looked up at me and said "Mum, where are my pants?" I asked her why she took them off, and she looked at me like I was crazy. I then noticed the lounge room light was on, so I thought mum must be up. I went in to talk to her and the room was empty. I asked Miss K if she'd turned the light on, and again she looked at me like I was crazy. So either we have a playful ghost in our house who enjoys pantsing sleeping children, and wasting electricity, or my daughter has just discovered the joys of sleepwalking...
Miss K and I watched a video of a man getting arrested at a McDonalds in the next town over. I was telling my big sister Sam about it the next day when this happened.
Me: We saw a bad guy being arrested at McDonalds didn't we?
Miss K: Yeah, it was my dad...
It wasn't, and I'm not sure where she got that idea from, but she didn't seem entirely concerned by the fact either way.
Saturday, 17 October 2015
October Use Your Words - Ever After Part 2
Welcome again to another episode of Use Your Words. Today 15 bloggers are participating in this challenge. For anyone unfamiliar with Use Your Words, what happens is we all give 4 - 6 words or phrases for another blogger to use. In return we are given another set of words or phrases that we have to turn into a story. Below is the list of bloggers participating. Be sure to visit them all and enjoy all the fun we have around here.
Today my words are Fall ~ Drawing ~ Stripes ~ Kitchen ~ Mirror ~ Sheer and they were submitted by the enviably talented Minette from Southern Belle Charm.
So as promised last month, today's post is a continuation of the story written for the last Use Your Words. The story so far is linked below
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
He had sat on the bed in shock for five minutes after the door slammed behind her. He was still trying to figure out what the heck had just happened. As far as he had known, it was just a normal evening, and then world war three had unfolded in his own bedroom. He stared at the carpet where her clothes had just been lying and contemplated going back to bed. He really didn't need another complicated woman in his life, the last three had been enough. But try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to lie down and pull the covers over himself again. Snuggling down into his quilt with its blue and white stripes didn't seem appealing now he was alone. There was also the fact that she was now wandering the streets alone in the dark to deal with. "Damn it" he growled to himself as he reached for his jeans. He threw his clothes on as quickly as he could and rushed out the door.
He got to the end of his driveway before the thought occurred to him that he had no idea where she actually was by now. Without thinking he turned right and started walking down the footpath. He figured she'd probably look for some form of public transport, however at this time of night there would be little hope of finding anything other than empty streets. As he walked, his mind wandered to the times they had spent together over the past few months. An image of her dancing around his kitchen to an old favourite of his from his teenage years brought a smile to his face. She always knew how to make him laugh. The thought that she may never want to clown around with him again made his stomach churn and he quickened his pace, more intent than ever to find her and sort everything out.
He wandered the streets looking for her for what seemed like forever. He was about to give in and assume she had found the only taxi driving these streets that night, when he realised he knew where she was. He knew she loved the houses in the rich area of town, she always suggested they go for drives there on the evenings when they could find nothing better to do. She loved the perfectly manicured front lawns leading up to the showy front doors with their mirror glass decorations. It only made sense she would seek out something beautiful to look at to cheer herself up. He set off towards the upper class area, and sure enough in the first block of houses he found her crumpled underneath a tree crying. His heart broke as he watched her, not sure if he should be witnessing something so personal as a woman in such pain, so he stood frozen in his tracks until the crying died down. He then realised he must look like a total creep right now watching a woman cry under a tree, and decided he needed to speak to her. He walked towards her and when he reached her he cleared his throat, so she would know he was standing there.
"Hi there" he said tentatively, drawing back a step when she recoiled at the sound of his voice. "You know, it's not a good idea for pretty young ladies to be walking the streets at night" He watched her intently as she wiped her eyes. "There is a nice warm bed waiting back at my place, and just enough room in it for one crazy girl." "Only one?" she replied wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve. "Because right now I'm pretty sure I've got enough crazy for about three of us." He smiled at her words and replied "Yeah, but that's part of the reason I love you." The words were out of his mouth before he even realised what he was saying, and the look of surprise on both their faces told that neither of them were expecting it. She cleared her throat after a few seconds of silence then said "so you love the crazy ones then? Good to know." She gave him a wry smile and stood up as he sighed with relief. He held his hand out to her and she grabbed on to him tightly. They started the walk back to his house in silence.
Once they were back home he walked to the kitchen and turned on the kettle. "After all of that excitement I need a chamomile" he said without turning around. She stood at the window playing with his sheer curtains, a distracted look on her face. "I'm sorry." she said eventually. "For making you look for me and everything." "It doesn't matter now" he said walking over and pulling her to him, "you're back now and it's finished with." The kettle began to whistle behind him and he turned back to making his drink. They sat together at the dining table, enjoying the peace that had descended over them now that the fight was over. Once he had finished his drink they went back to his room and climbed back into bed, their arms reaching for each other instinctively in the dark. She lay next to him, listening to him breathe, and once she was sure he was asleep she whispered "I love you too", before rolling over to fall asleep herself.
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http://www.southernbellecharm.
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http://batteredhope.blogspot.
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http://www.angrivatedmom.
http://eileensperpetuallybusy.
Today my words are Fall ~ Drawing ~ Stripes ~ Kitchen ~ Mirror ~ Sheer and they were submitted by the enviably talented Minette from Southern Belle Charm.
So as promised last month, today's post is a continuation of the story written for the last Use Your Words. The story so far is linked below
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
He had sat on the bed in shock for five minutes after the door slammed behind her. He was still trying to figure out what the heck had just happened. As far as he had known, it was just a normal evening, and then world war three had unfolded in his own bedroom. He stared at the carpet where her clothes had just been lying and contemplated going back to bed. He really didn't need another complicated woman in his life, the last three had been enough. But try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to lie down and pull the covers over himself again. Snuggling down into his quilt with its blue and white stripes didn't seem appealing now he was alone. There was also the fact that she was now wandering the streets alone in the dark to deal with. "Damn it" he growled to himself as he reached for his jeans. He threw his clothes on as quickly as he could and rushed out the door.
He got to the end of his driveway before the thought occurred to him that he had no idea where she actually was by now. Without thinking he turned right and started walking down the footpath. He figured she'd probably look for some form of public transport, however at this time of night there would be little hope of finding anything other than empty streets. As he walked, his mind wandered to the times they had spent together over the past few months. An image of her dancing around his kitchen to an old favourite of his from his teenage years brought a smile to his face. She always knew how to make him laugh. The thought that she may never want to clown around with him again made his stomach churn and he quickened his pace, more intent than ever to find her and sort everything out.
He wandered the streets looking for her for what seemed like forever. He was about to give in and assume she had found the only taxi driving these streets that night, when he realised he knew where she was. He knew she loved the houses in the rich area of town, she always suggested they go for drives there on the evenings when they could find nothing better to do. She loved the perfectly manicured front lawns leading up to the showy front doors with their mirror glass decorations. It only made sense she would seek out something beautiful to look at to cheer herself up. He set off towards the upper class area, and sure enough in the first block of houses he found her crumpled underneath a tree crying. His heart broke as he watched her, not sure if he should be witnessing something so personal as a woman in such pain, so he stood frozen in his tracks until the crying died down. He then realised he must look like a total creep right now watching a woman cry under a tree, and decided he needed to speak to her. He walked towards her and when he reached her he cleared his throat, so she would know he was standing there.
"Hi there" he said tentatively, drawing back a step when she recoiled at the sound of his voice. "You know, it's not a good idea for pretty young ladies to be walking the streets at night" He watched her intently as she wiped her eyes. "There is a nice warm bed waiting back at my place, and just enough room in it for one crazy girl." "Only one?" she replied wiping her nose on the back of her sleeve. "Because right now I'm pretty sure I've got enough crazy for about three of us." He smiled at her words and replied "Yeah, but that's part of the reason I love you." The words were out of his mouth before he even realised what he was saying, and the look of surprise on both their faces told that neither of them were expecting it. She cleared her throat after a few seconds of silence then said "so you love the crazy ones then? Good to know." She gave him a wry smile and stood up as he sighed with relief. He held his hand out to her and she grabbed on to him tightly. They started the walk back to his house in silence.
Once they were back home he walked to the kitchen and turned on the kettle. "After all of that excitement I need a chamomile" he said without turning around. She stood at the window playing with his sheer curtains, a distracted look on her face. "I'm sorry." she said eventually. "For making you look for me and everything." "It doesn't matter now" he said walking over and pulling her to him, "you're back now and it's finished with." The kettle began to whistle behind him and he turned back to making his drink. They sat together at the dining table, enjoying the peace that had descended over them now that the fight was over. Once he had finished his drink they went back to his room and climbed back into bed, their arms reaching for each other instinctively in the dark. She lay next to him, listening to him breathe, and once she was sure he was asleep she whispered "I love you too", before rolling over to fall asleep herself.
Friday, 9 October 2015
Almost almost famous
So one day, many many years ago, (or three years ago for anyone who always needs specifics) I wrote this post about what I had originally wanted for this website. I complained that the blog was three months old, and that people needed to start recognising my obvious talents already. Well three years have passed since I started this home away from home, and while many things have changed over that time, the change I hadn't even seen coming has been my attitude towards getting noticed. Which made a series of events which happened this week, and my reaction to said events all the more surprising. Allow me to elaborate.
So on Monday morning I was enjoying a peaceful coffee with mum, Miss K was safelydumped on handed over to the capable staff at her kindergarten for the day and I was enjoying the unseasonably warm day (I loves me an El Nino weather pattern.) My phone pinged to let me know I had received an email, so I reached over to it and opened my email app. Had I realised what awaited me at the other end of that notification sound, I would have put my phone on the floor and taken to it with a well placed foot. (OK not really, I can't survive without my phone)
I had received an email from a gentleman advising he wanted to discuss my blog for ABC 7:30 and asking for my mobile number. Now normally I don't hand my phone number out willy nilly to total strangers, but I was feeling good in my warm spot on the couch, so I figured what was the harm. At the time I didn't really pay attention to where he was from, because ABC 7:30 made no sense to me, so I just assumed it was another website I'd just not heard about. I've never really had my finger on the pulse of what's popular. The next thing I knew, I had a voicemail message telling me that he wanted to interview me for the 7:30 Report on channel ABC. For any of my wonderful non-Australian readers (and for any Aussies who don't really watch ABC because art shows and documentaries are not your cup of tea) the 7:30 Report is a national current affairs program which runs nightly on TV. Despite the fact that I stopped watching ABC when they swapped most of their kids programs to a dedicated second channel, I still recognised the name of the program when he mentioned it in the message, and immediately began to freak out. Mum saw the slack jawed look on my face as I hung up my phone, and immediately began to think I'd just received a message that someone was dead. So when I told her what the message really was, her face mirrored mine. If we were at a carnival I'm sure people would have started dropping balls in our mouth in order to try to win a poorly made stuffed animal. (I'll just leave that mental image right there for you.)
Eventually I got over my initial shock and called the guy back. We ended up chatting for about twenty minutes about this blog, and the blogging culture in Australia as a whole. At the end of the interview he told me he wanted to interview me on camera for a report they were going to run on mum blogs in Australia, and while I thought his report was probably several years too late, given the mum blogging craze really reached its peak quite some time ago I agreed to allow him to send a crew over to my house. We ended our conversation and then reality hit me. At some stage during the week (I didn't get proper confirmation of dates or times until the next day) a crew were going to descend on my house, filled with its mountain of rubbish we haven't gotten around to taking to the rubbish tip yet, and mail piles full of letters dating back possibly two years, inhabited by a slightly overweight single mum with terrible teeth, and expect to film something that Australians would actually want to watch. I don't know if there is a person in the world capable of that level of magic. They wanted to film me and Miss K interacting as part of some action shots as well, and the thought crossed my mind to just make her do the entire interview on my behalf, given she is never at a loss for words, and she knows she is the most fabulous person in the world, but I figured they probably wouldn't think that idea was as awesome as I did. So I set about panicking.
I spent the next three days trying to clean the house, while trying not to laugh, cry and throw up all at the same time. I called family members, I went to my blogging friends, I even got on Google trying to find something to calm my ever increasing nerves. I made note of the fact that you shouldn't wear red, black or white on television, as none of those colours are flattering apparently. I also found out that you should wear blue because it's the best colour for creating a healthy looking complexion. This caused a new panic for me because I own a total of one blue t-shirt and it is covered in permanent ink. Not exactly the image I wanted to convey as a blogger/mum who has her shit together in her own mind but nowhere else. Thanks to Google I also discovered there is no diet or exercise plan that helps you lose the equivalent of a small child from your behind in three days (thanks scientists). I was contacted by the producer who was actually going to be running the circus, and I'm sure he immediately regretted contacting me when the barrage of questions came, especially the one where I admitted that I do not actually own a single item of make up at all. (I am sure that by admitting that fact on such a public forum I am now going to lose my female card any day now.) He did his best to reassure me, and was kind enough not to laugh at my increasing mania.
The day before the interview, I was taking a short break cleaning up the many piles of junk which have accumulated on any and all available surfaces, when another email came through. Before I even opened it, I sensed that I already knew what it was going to be, and sure enough, it was from the original producer who I had spoken to on Monday, telling me that unfortunately they had to pull the story because there were issues with another part of it. I sat for a second waiting for the disappointment to come, but all I could feel was relief. I was relieved that I could stop cleaning, I was relieved that I didn't have to feel ashamed because I don't wear makeup, I was relieved I didn't have to worry about exactly how fat I would look on a wide screen television, and I was relieved I wasn't going to be famous. (OK I wasn't really expecting two minutes of screen time on one current affairs show to really be my ticket to the big league, but fifteen seconds of fame is still fifteen seconds of fame.)
It has occurred to me over the three years that I have been the proud owner of Searching for Sanity that what I originally thought I wanted with the fame, the recognition and the book deal, isn't actually what I want at all. What I really want is what I have right now. A forum to place all the crazy stuff that floats around in my head, and a handful of loyal (if very quiet) readers who have found this place, liked the look of all the madness, and just made themselves at home on my lumpy couch. With fame and/or recognition comes expectations, and expectations mean work. I am just too lazy for all of that stuff, and that isn't about to change. I like that to you guys I am just words on a page, and the occasional weird picture. I like that my mum is still my biggest fan, and I can always tell when she's visited my site because it shows up in my stats that someone googled the blog name, despite the fact that if she just typed the first three letters into the address line up the top it would come straight up. So for now, and possibly forever I will remain almost famous, but as long as I have this place and you guys, that is the best thing to be, so thank you.
I know a lot of my blogger friends and possibly some of you who don't have your own websites have actually gotten past the scheduling part of getting onto TV, and have actually managed to get their mugs onto the screen, so if any of you have stories of your fifteen minutes of fame, I'd love to hear them. Let me live vicariously through you guys please, I promise I'll totally be your biggest fan.
So on Monday morning I was enjoying a peaceful coffee with mum, Miss K was safely
I had received an email from a gentleman advising he wanted to discuss my blog for ABC 7:30 and asking for my mobile number. Now normally I don't hand my phone number out willy nilly to total strangers, but I was feeling good in my warm spot on the couch, so I figured what was the harm. At the time I didn't really pay attention to where he was from, because ABC 7:30 made no sense to me, so I just assumed it was another website I'd just not heard about. I've never really had my finger on the pulse of what's popular. The next thing I knew, I had a voicemail message telling me that he wanted to interview me for the 7:30 Report on channel ABC. For any of my wonderful non-Australian readers (and for any Aussies who don't really watch ABC because art shows and documentaries are not your cup of tea) the 7:30 Report is a national current affairs program which runs nightly on TV. Despite the fact that I stopped watching ABC when they swapped most of their kids programs to a dedicated second channel, I still recognised the name of the program when he mentioned it in the message, and immediately began to freak out. Mum saw the slack jawed look on my face as I hung up my phone, and immediately began to think I'd just received a message that someone was dead. So when I told her what the message really was, her face mirrored mine. If we were at a carnival I'm sure people would have started dropping balls in our mouth in order to try to win a poorly made stuffed animal. (I'll just leave that mental image right there for you.)
Eventually I got over my initial shock and called the guy back. We ended up chatting for about twenty minutes about this blog, and the blogging culture in Australia as a whole. At the end of the interview he told me he wanted to interview me on camera for a report they were going to run on mum blogs in Australia, and while I thought his report was probably several years too late, given the mum blogging craze really reached its peak quite some time ago I agreed to allow him to send a crew over to my house. We ended our conversation and then reality hit me. At some stage during the week (I didn't get proper confirmation of dates or times until the next day) a crew were going to descend on my house, filled with its mountain of rubbish we haven't gotten around to taking to the rubbish tip yet, and mail piles full of letters dating back possibly two years, inhabited by a slightly overweight single mum with terrible teeth, and expect to film something that Australians would actually want to watch. I don't know if there is a person in the world capable of that level of magic. They wanted to film me and Miss K interacting as part of some action shots as well, and the thought crossed my mind to just make her do the entire interview on my behalf, given she is never at a loss for words, and she knows she is the most fabulous person in the world, but I figured they probably wouldn't think that idea was as awesome as I did. So I set about panicking.
I spent the next three days trying to clean the house, while trying not to laugh, cry and throw up all at the same time. I called family members, I went to my blogging friends, I even got on Google trying to find something to calm my ever increasing nerves. I made note of the fact that you shouldn't wear red, black or white on television, as none of those colours are flattering apparently. I also found out that you should wear blue because it's the best colour for creating a healthy looking complexion. This caused a new panic for me because I own a total of one blue t-shirt and it is covered in permanent ink. Not exactly the image I wanted to convey as a blogger/mum who has her shit together in her own mind but nowhere else. Thanks to Google I also discovered there is no diet or exercise plan that helps you lose the equivalent of a small child from your behind in three days (thanks scientists). I was contacted by the producer who was actually going to be running the circus, and I'm sure he immediately regretted contacting me when the barrage of questions came, especially the one where I admitted that I do not actually own a single item of make up at all. (I am sure that by admitting that fact on such a public forum I am now going to lose my female card any day now.) He did his best to reassure me, and was kind enough not to laugh at my increasing mania.
The day before the interview, I was taking a short break cleaning up the many piles of junk which have accumulated on any and all available surfaces, when another email came through. Before I even opened it, I sensed that I already knew what it was going to be, and sure enough, it was from the original producer who I had spoken to on Monday, telling me that unfortunately they had to pull the story because there were issues with another part of it. I sat for a second waiting for the disappointment to come, but all I could feel was relief. I was relieved that I could stop cleaning, I was relieved that I didn't have to feel ashamed because I don't wear makeup, I was relieved I didn't have to worry about exactly how fat I would look on a wide screen television, and I was relieved I wasn't going to be famous. (OK I wasn't really expecting two minutes of screen time on one current affairs show to really be my ticket to the big league, but fifteen seconds of fame is still fifteen seconds of fame.)
It has occurred to me over the three years that I have been the proud owner of Searching for Sanity that what I originally thought I wanted with the fame, the recognition and the book deal, isn't actually what I want at all. What I really want is what I have right now. A forum to place all the crazy stuff that floats around in my head, and a handful of loyal (if very quiet) readers who have found this place, liked the look of all the madness, and just made themselves at home on my lumpy couch. With fame and/or recognition comes expectations, and expectations mean work. I am just too lazy for all of that stuff, and that isn't about to change. I like that to you guys I am just words on a page, and the occasional weird picture. I like that my mum is still my biggest fan, and I can always tell when she's visited my site because it shows up in my stats that someone googled the blog name, despite the fact that if she just typed the first three letters into the address line up the top it would come straight up. So for now, and possibly forever I will remain almost famous, but as long as I have this place and you guys, that is the best thing to be, so thank you.
I know a lot of my blogger friends and possibly some of you who don't have your own websites have actually gotten past the scheduling part of getting onto TV, and have actually managed to get their mugs onto the screen, so if any of you have stories of your fifteen minutes of fame, I'd love to hear them. Let me live vicariously through you guys please, I promise I'll totally be your biggest fan.
Tuesday, 6 October 2015
5 Things to Expect when your Children become independent
So today I want to talk to you guys about a tough subject, and one not a lot of parents really think about until it's too late and you're right in the thick of this new phase in your life as a parent; what to expect when your child starts asserting their own independence. No parent ever wants to admit that one day they will no longer be needed for absolutely every one of their child's many, many needs. And while we all spend many hours moaning that we can't wait for our little ones to grow up just a little bit more, easing our work load just a tiny bit, the second that day comes, we all freak out with the realization we are one day closer to being just another character in their lives instead of the hero of their story. So today I'm here to arm all you parents out there, and let you know what is coming in the days, months and years ahead of you, and hopefully better prepare you for that inevitable day.
Mess will become your new normal
Children are messy by nature. They just don't appreciate the value of a tidy room, and they act accordingly. So while they can't wait to learn to pour their own drinks, or make their own sandwiches, the process that comes with learning these skills will actually increase your work load more than if you'd just done everything yourself. The temptation to take over and prevent the messes from happening in the first place will be overwhelming, especially at first. You're going to need to bite your tongue hard and accept that this is all part of growing up. The beautiful thing about children is they always want to be helpful, so one way to combat the mess before it begins is allow them to help you clean up while they are still young. Miss K can wipe a surface like no one I know, mainly because since she was old enough to wield a cloth, that has been her job to do when I'm doing dishes. It kept her out of my hair while I was elbow deep in steaming hot water, and meant I had the cleanest cupboard doors in town. And while it hasn't prevented my bench tops from being covered with jam, butter and cordial (usually all at the same time) I know I can tell her to clean up her mess, and it will happen.
There will be frustration
This counts both for you and your child. You will cringe the first time you watch them awkwardly try to hold both a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste at the same time and get the two to meet in the middle, and they will be confused why this isn't as easy as you make it look when you prepare their toothbrush every other night. What you both need to keep in mind while watching kids learn is that they have been watching you effortlessly do everything for the past three to four years, without knowing that once upon a time you were just as awkward and uncoordinated as they are now. I can honestly say I don't remember learning how to brush my own teeth (except that it used to drive my dad nuts that all of us kids would squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube), and yet it is a skill I can do in my sleep (an essential skill for all parents I'm sure.) It helps in these circumstances to tell your kids you're good at what you do because you practiced every single day. Tell them that you sucked once upon a time too, but it gets easier. Then step back and give them the chance to practice for themselves. Of course you will most probably have to step in every now and again when their stress levels hit critical levels, but it's important to let kids experience frustration. It is part of the learning process, and makes the mastery of a new skill all the more rewarding.
Don't expect perfection
Sometimes good enough is all you're going to get from your children, and you need to learn that this is OK. While it is important to teach your kids to strive to be better, you can't expect this to come straight away. There has to be a lot of mediocre before you can be good at something, and it is vital that you don't show disappointment when your kids version of a job well done doesn't match your own. This can teach your children that they are failures straight away, and sap them of their motivation to keep trying. This of course does not mean you can't point out mistakes when they happen, it is after all your job as parent to educate your children. But you need to also point out that you recognize that your child tried their best when they do, even if it's not the same as your best. That will come with time and patience.
Learn to lose control
This is the hardest thing for any parent to do. It is our first instinct to protect our kids from all the horrible things in the world, including themselves. You're going to want to step in and keep doing everything for your child every single time you see them trying to take a step away from needing you, and I'll admit even I fail at this one still. It's a learning process for both of you, and you're both going to make mistakes along the way. But you're only hurting your child by not letting them fail something for themselves. Our biggest job as parents are forming a strong, independent and capable person that we will one day release into the wild to fend for themselves. Without all of the struggles they are going to go through over the coming years, they can't possibly reach their full potential once their lives are placed fully into their own hands. Just remember all of this pain, all of this frustration and all of this mess is ultimately for their own good, and yours too.
You will feel sad, and this is OK
If the sight of your child putting their own dirty clothes in the laundry basked has you wanting to reach for the tissues, don't feel ashamed. It is totally normal to mourn the loss of your sweet innocent baby, as long as you also take a moment to rejoice in the new grown up child that has taken their place. I can't help but feel a little bit hurt every time Miss K tells me "No mum, I do it" as if all the help I have given her over the past four and a half years wasn't good enough. But when I do feel hurt, I just remind myself that this has been the ultimate goal all along. I know that one day I will be replaced as The One Who Does Everything and to be honest I'm not sure what I am going to do once that day comes, and while that thought scares the absolute bejeezus out of me, that's OK too. In the meantime I promise I will continue to complain every time Miss K asks me to do a simple task for her that I have watched her do a million times before, cry a little bit to myself every time I see her growing up right before my eyes, and act like the day I become obsolete is not approaching faster every day, because I am nothing if not consistent.
So consider yourselves educated on what is about to happen to your darling little ones. For any of my readers who have already been through any of this, especially any parents whose children have gone so far as to actually grow up and become totally independent adults, please feel free to leave a comment below and share anything I have missed. Given that I am still in the early years of Miss K's path to independence, I know that there is still so much I have to learn, so any education you guys can give is always appreciated.
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