National Family Caregivers Month

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November is National Family Caregivers Month. This is the time where the people who care for their sick and ailing family members are recognised for their hard work, sacrifice and above all love. I was recently contacted by Heather Von St James, a brave and incredible woman who survived Mesothelioma. She documents her story over on her blog, which you can find here. She has asked me to discuss National Family Caregivers Month, to help shed some light on this wonderful cause.

Caregivers are all around us. They care for their parents, their children, their spouses, their siblings or their grandparents. They give up their own lives to make sure the people they love are cared for in the best possible way, so now is the best time to find a caregiver you know and let them know their effort is appreciated. Being a caregiver can be a thankless task, made harder by the fact that you spend your time watching someone you love suffer. Caregivers must put aside all of their own feelings and issues and put the needs of their loved ones first. This can be a challenge for most of us, but caregivers do it on a daily basis, without expecting a word of thanks from anyone.

A female lawyer I met through my work at the family law firm is currently caring for her husband who is suffering Mesothelioma, just like Heather Von St James did. (For anyone who doesn't know, Mesothelioma is a rare and aggressive cancer caused by exposure to asbestos. The prognosis for anyone diagnosed with Mesothelioma can be grim.) This woman is now juggling being the sole provider for her family, caring for their small child, and caring for her husband as he undergoes the aggressive treatment necessary to treat Mesothelioma. (Treatments for Mesothelioma currently include surgery, either a pleuronectomy or a pneumonectomy, followed by months of chemotherapy, and then months of radiotherapy. These treatments make the sufferer very ill, but the alternative is much worse. For more information check out the Mesothelioma website)  On top of that she has to put up with the "helpful" advice from other family members who are not currently helping her with her increased work load. When her family first got the diagnosis my boss told us to let her vent to us whenever she needed it, as it was clear she wasn't going to get this opportunity elsewhere, so whenever she made one of her infrequent visits to our office, the office manager would take her off and listen to her, sometimes for up to an hour at a time. During this time she'd cry, she'd get angry, she'd laugh, and then she would leave, returning back to her life until the next time she needed a sympathetic ear. While our office manager could do nothing to actually lessen her work, she could still help her at a time when anyone would feel absolutely hopeless.

I always had the utmost respect for this woman, but more so when I saw how hard her life became once her husband was diagnosed. It never stopped her from getting up every single morning and doing everything she had to just to keep her family going. It didn't mean she never cried or got upset, she is still human, but she never let her sadness stop her from being a loving mother and wife, and an amazing lawyer. This is the kind of selfless work carers do every single day, and for that they need to be thanked.

So if you know someone who is caring for a family member, do something today to let them know their hard work is not only noticed, but appreciated. And if you are one of the more than 60 million caregivers in the United States alone, or one of the millions of caregivers from around the rest of the world, thank you.

Peace amongst the hatred

My heart sank when my mum uttered the words "Did you hear about Paris?" It sank further when I heard about Baghdad and Beirut. I felt the same sickness in my gut I felt when I heard about the two attacks that happened in my own country. It seems as though the world is falling apart right now, and while I have met one or two people who greet the news of these attacks with an apathy and resigned shrug which says it's not shocking anymore that people are dying in such horrible ways, most people are just as saddened and hurt as I am.

What is uplifting however in this time of hatred and terror is the messages of peace and acceptance coming from every day citizens. As one who can still remember clearly where I was when the September 11 attacks happened, I know that for the longest time, the word Muslim was a dirty word. This time, not so much. This time we are more educated, We know who the real enemy is, and it is not the Muslims of the world. Hashtag movements like #illridewithyou and #notinmyname let the world know that the terrorists still haven't won as long as normal people like you and I show compassion and love in times of great fear. As long as we keep in mind that this is not a war against a religion, but a war against extremists, good will always prevail, no matter how many attacks ISIS want to claim responsibility for, or how much they try to scare us into rejecting Muslims.

For a complete and concise explanation as to what exactly it is we are dealing with, the best person to ask is Waleed Aly. He is an Australian newscaster, and he is also a Muslim. He used his power as a television personality to educate the people of Australia as to who the enemy is, and his words need to be heard by everyone.




So please, watch this video, hear his words, share it with your friends, and above all, don't give hatred a chance.

My thoughts and prayers are with the people of Paris, Beirut, Baghdad, Syria, and every other country that is being affected by extremists and terrorists alike.

The one where I say everything about everything

It has been too long since I wrote to you guys. I decided to take the month off from my writing challenges because work has been crazy busy this past month, with having 20 cases going through Court in one week and then spending the next three weeks madly trying to catch up on everything we stopped doing just so we could shove these 20 matters through the system, and I'm now only a week behind on all of my work, so I'm starting to find my energy again. Yay me.

I have actually started several posts over the last three weeks, unfortunately each and every one of them has only gotten so far before I lost my enthusiasm, so they are all just sitting dormant in my list of posts waiting for me to come back and love them. I have decided to just come on now and drag several of them together into one larger post and just spew absolutely everything that has been in my head for the last few weeks out at you in one large go, to save wasting any more time agonising over when I'm actually going to post again.  So in no particular order, here are some of the things I've noticed happening in the world recently.

Victim shaming is still a thing
Now because I'm not actually in America and I get all of my news from over the ocean via click baits like the best people always do, I'm never sure whether what I'm reading really is as prevalent as the sensationalist news websites want me to think they are. But one theme that has come up time and time again is instances where girls are being made to cover their bodies up, for fear of exciting any men within a 3 mile radius. You're going to have to pardon my French here, but for once I don't really care if this is a really widespread thing. For this to have happened even just once pisses me off. I hate that women are once again being made responsible for the actions of men everywhere. Blaming victims of rape for the actions of their rapist is NOT ok. Ever. And to force women to cover their shoulders, or their knees, or their chests just to make sure they don't get raped is not good enough. It would be a better use of people's time and energy to teach people not to rape. But that's too difficult. It's easier to make women cover up than make men man up and treat young girls with respect. Of course I do not think that all men are rapists, that's just silly. It's just as silly as expecting women to control their bodies as well as the urges of the whole male population. When I was a teenager I could barely even control my own hair, let alone the behaviors and actions of any and all males I walked past. To expect this of our daughters now is as unfair as it has always been and it needs to stop.

America finally gave homosexuals the same rights as everyone else
Yay America! Congratulations you guys for recognizing that this needed to happen. Now if somebody could have a quiet word with the people who run my country, that would be great. Of course Australia has always been the younger sibling to you guys, we're always several steps behind, running madly in your wake just trying to keep up with our cooler big brother, so the fact that you guys have changed your laws can only mean that it is an inevitability down here too. I am very happy to say that the dialogue is already starting, and while it is still only on a small scale here, from little things big things grow. I was actually really excited that I was alive and old enough to understand the world around me when this change happened. To be there to watch history  happen is an amazing thing, and I hope that by the time Miss K is older and more aware of her world, the idea that homosexual people are not allowed to get married will be an outdated and ridiculous concept for her, just like the idea that people of different races being banned from marrying each other is outdated and ridiculous to me. Now I know that not everybody is happy with this history changing decision the Supreme Court has made, and the insults are flying thick and fast. This will change. It will take time, but it will become less and less as time goes by, so keep riding the storm people, you're doing great.

We're all going to die
I get a teensy bit tired of all the news posts that try to tell me the next big thing that is going to kill me, or my children, or my pets, or the entire world. It's usually always cancer, and it's always depressing as all hell. Well I've got a news flash for you guys, and just a warning, this is a huge spoiler, but we're all going to die. That may come as a surprise to some people, but none of us is immortal. Sometimes I think the fun part is discovering exactly what it is that gets us in the end. Right now I'm banking on lung cancer or emphysema being the bastard that sends me to my pine box, but it would be a delicious twist if I was struck down by an errant toilet seat falling out of a plane. Scientists will never find a cure for death, because overpopulation is a bad thing, and we need people to die. Mainly because you horny buggers won't stop having sex, which ultimately leads to more babies, and we're really running out of room already as it is. (Except in the centre of Australia. There's heaps of room there, so if you're feeling a bit cramped, and don't mind living somewhere that even most animals refuse to inhabit, come on down.) But the point is we all die. Our bodies are only built to survive for a finite amount of time, and we need to come to terms with this.

Phew, I feel better for having got all of that off my chest. I'm sure I've noticed other things that I'm forgetting about right now, but I have a comfy bed, and a chocolate bar calling my name, so I'm off to enjoy my night. Stay tuned my lovely readers, because the next time I appear out of the mist it will be to do one of my incredibly rare reviews, this time of an amazing product I've just discovered, and I can't wait to share it with you guys.

Gainfully employed

Ok so I have actually been sitting on this news for over 12 hours now, but I had to make sure I told all the important people in person before shouting it out over the internet, but I have a job! I got the call at 9:30 this morning letting me know. So apologies to all of you who have been sitting here all day waiting for the good news.

Now I don't know if any of you believe in serendipity, or karma, or even guardian angels, but someone was certainly looking out for me today, because I got the three days work I asked for, a higher salary offer than I could have hoped for, and a week and a half to prepare for my return to work. Apparently the person they were interviewing after me was happy having two days work per week, and was also happy to take the days I didn't want, so I still get to attend all of Miss K's group therapy sessions, and I can still schedule doctors appointments, eye specialist appointments and any other appointments so that I can attend them all. Can anyone else say super psyched?? And also, thanks to having the best big sister in the world, I don't have to ship Miss K off to daycare, as she will be taken care of in the comfort of her favourite aunty's house surrounded by people she knows, loves and trusts. It all just seems too good to be true.

I'm still nervous as all hell, as this is something I've never ever even thought of trying before, and there is still so much that the next few months hold that I can't even prepare myself for, because I don't know what is going to happen. All I can do is hope that Miss K copes with the transition to being babysat three days a week, and I cope with being separated from her for the longest time I have ever tried since she was born. I've not admitted to anyone that my biggest fear is missing my baby. Not that she won't cope without me, not that she'll forget me, but that I won't cope without her. I know I complain about how hard being a mum is, and I roll my eyes occasionally when she starts whinging at me for drinks, but truth be told I need that little girl just as much as she needs me. As demanding as she is, and as weird as she is at times, (and trust me, Miss K has the market cornered in weird.) my baby is the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. (Mainly because before she was born I used to sleep in until lunch time, but let's not split hairs here.)

So wish me luck guys, because I'm going to need it. Especially when it comes to remembering that adult's don't appreciate it as much as kids do when you spontaneously start dancing around like an idiot.

 

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

They also don't appreciate spandex, but then again who does?

Hard lesson to learn - RIP Jill Meagher

So for any of my wonderful readers from Australia, Ireland or New Zealand, you have probably heard the tragic story of Jill Meagher (pronounced Maher for all of you playing at home) who was murdered last week while walking home from the pub. For any of you who haven't heard the story yet, Jill, a young Irish woman who lived in Melbourne's north with her husband was walking the 4 blocks from a local pub to her home at around 1:30 in the morning when she disappeared. Despite attempts to find her made by her family and thousands of people spreading the news through Facebook, she never made it back home, and her body was found several days later. Yesterday a man from Coburg was arrested and today he was charged with her rape and murder. He was considered a suspect after CCTV footage captured him following Jill home.

Now there are a couple of things that make this story really stand out. The first is the shock that people feel that she was attacked in the middle of a busy street, given how popular the area is where she was, the people who live there are horrified how close this was to home. It has also come as a surprise to everyone who has watched this story unfold how quickly her attacker has been arrested and brought to court over this crime. Now I actually used to live in Coburg, and I walked down Sydney Road where she was attacked on a daily basis, but it doesn't surprise me that someone could be attacked on that road. But then it doesn't surprise me when anyone is attacked in Melbourne. Anyone from Melbourne might remember when the city trialled a new curfew system a couple of years ago, as an attempt to reduce the amount of alcohol related crimes in and around Melbourne. Violence is inevitable when huge crowds of people gather in small areas and drink alcohol.

Now the thing that really surprises me about this case is that Jill insisted on walking home alone that night. I'm not sure if she thought her close proximity to her home made her safer, or the high levels of traffic, but for some reason she refused a friend's offer to walk her home and paid the ultimate price for it. On the news today a lot of people were saying that they were going to be more vigilant in making sure the women in their families didn't make the same mistake, but I cannot for the life of me understand why people have become so relaxed about personal safety as to think they will be fine walking the streets of Melbourne unescorted at night. And I'm not just talking about women here either. It is not only the fairer sex who are the targets of muggers, murderers and other bad guys these days.

I cannot say that I have never found myself having to walk through the suburbs alone, but I tried not to make a habit of it. One night I was trying to get home from work when I got to the very beginning of Sydney Road and found that all public transport had been shut down from that point forward after a gangland shooting had occurred at the Brunswick Club. I found myself more than 2 km from home in the dark with no choice but to start walking and hope for the best. I decided that I would be safer if I could find someone who was going the same way as I was and ask them to escort me, so I chose a young gentleman I had seen travelling on the same tram as me. He very kindly obliged and walked me all the way to the end of Sydney Road at which point I was only 2 blocks from home and felt safe enough making the rest of the trip on my own. Now I was told afterwards that I had made a foolish blunder by asking some strange man to walk me home, especially as there was a rogue gunman wandering around the streets, and I couldn't guarantee that he wasn't now my escort. But my argument here was given that the gangs of North Melbourne were mostly of Mediterranean descent, my 6 foot tall red headed escort wearing an Akubra hat was the most unlikely candidate I could find. (I'm not kidding you, he was wearing an Akubra in the middle of the city. You couldn't get more country if you tried.) Now I was lucky that my new friend wasn't an opportunist just waiting to take advantage of a young and vulnerable woman, but I felt at the time that having his company was a better alternative to no company at all.

I don't know if my suspicion of the people of Melbourne comes from being a country girl, but mum drummed into all of us the dangers of walking the streets alone at night, to the point that I won't even do it in my home town. Now I live in a very small town, but that doesn't mean that criminals don't live here. And I will always make sure I don't find myself in any positions where I could be in danger. And I will be teaching Miss K the same awareness, because it doesn't matter where you are, you can never be too careful. And if she ever does move to the city, I'll be teaching her my old tricks too, like the home made flame thrower made with a can of deodorant and a lighter. I know this is probably highly illegal, but I would always have my aerosol can in one hand, my lighter in the other, and my hands in my pockets as I walked. I don't even know if it would have worked, and luckily for me I never had to test it, but I always felt slightly safer on my trips.

In the aftermath of this horrible tragedy, there are now people springing up saying that Brunswick is a dangerous town and to avoid it. This will not solve anything, this will in fact only make life harder for the shop owners on Sydney Road. These people rely on the heavy stream of traffic that runs constantly along this road, and the money that they bring with them. In fact it was the security cameras in and around these businesses that helped to identify the man responsible for Jill's murder. (I don't care if people think it will turn this world into Big Brother, there can never be too many CCTV cameras in the city.) Now I am only too familiar with the effect that comments like these can have on areas affected by horrendous crimes, my home town is still trying to drag our name out of the mud after a little boy was killed here over ten years ago. We still get called bogans and other horrible things, and if you tell anyone that you're from here, his name is usually the first thing that they come out with. (To the point that I stopped admitting I came from here for the longest time.) The thing is this was one isolated act performed by one isolated person, but it's the rest of the town that has to live with the reputation of being dangerous. Brunswick is a lovely town full of tonnes of bridal stores (apparently one isn't enough) and other awesome shops, and their owners shouldn't have to suffer because of one dangerous individual.

So while Jill's family come to terms with her tragic end, and the rest of Melbourne also grieve this waste of life there is one very important thing to learn from this, and that is never walk the streets alone at night. There is no such thing as being too cautious, and the more friends you can surround yourself with, the safer you will be.

Well that's my lecture over for another night, I'm off to bed. Stay awesome my lovely readers, and more importantly, stay safe.