So today my subject is You've invented something that will revolutionize motherhood as we know it. What is it? and it was submitted by The Sadder But Wiser Girl.
"Eureka!!!" I screamed as I threw my goggles to the ground. I had finally done it, I had finally figured out how to give mums the one thing they wanted most of all. The one thing I wanted most of all, but had seemed so elusive since Miss K had come along was just 5 minutes more. 5 minutes to finish my meal before it went cold, 5 more minutes sleep, 5 minutes peace and quiet so I could go the toilet by myself. (I get performance anxiety you see.) For two years it seemed like I would never get the 5 minutes I so desperately needed, until I discovered I had the secret in my own hands the whole time. And it was all thanks to my extensive knowledge in Quantum Physics developed while watching the Big Bang Theory.
I built a secret lab in the one place no one in my family ever goes to, the laundry room, and spent months slaving away at my new creation. Of course it wouldn't have taken so long, but given I don't even have 5 minutes to take a toilet break around here, I had to do all my work while everyone else was asleep. On the plus side I did manage to get on top of the mountain of washing at the same time, so it was a win-win for everyone. I had a few setbacks of course, like the time I accidentally put my creation in the spin cycle and had to start again, but finally all my hard work and swearing paid off and I now held in my hand the answer to every mother's prayer. "I will call you the Five Minutes More-inator" I whispered as I cradled the small black box in my hand. Now all I needed was to test it out.
Right on cue Miss K woke up from a bad dream and started screaming out for me. "Perfect!" I cried. I ran into the kitchen, ignoring Miss K's screams of protest as I rushed past her room, and held the Five Minutes More-inator up towards the clock on the wall. I held my breath and pressed the power button. It began to softly vibrate in my hands and then a bright green laser shot out of it and hit the clock with a flash. I could almost feel the whole earth shudder as time slowed down to a complete halt. I listened out for Miss K's next scream, but everything was silent. The LED screen on the Five Minutes More-inator came to life flashing with the numbers 5:00 and started counting down the seconds until time would start up again. "It works" I screamed as I did a happy dance around the kitchen, for once not afraid that anyone would walk in during yet another of my embarrassing displays of uncoordinated jigging. I snuck into Miss K's room and sure enough she was frozen mid scream, her face contorted into an angry grimace. I gingerly poked her, to see if she was just messing with me, but her face didn't even flicker.
This was brilliant. I had finally gained myself some much needed time, except I was wasting it staring at my frozen child. I wracked my brain trying to think of something I could never do because there were children around, and then remembered the one thing I always dreamed of doing, eating a chocolate pudding without having to share it. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a tub of pudding out of the fridge. I looked at the Five Minutes More-inator and realised I only had three minutes left to myself. I grabbed a table spoon out of the drawer and started shoveling the pudding into my mouth as fast as I could eat it. It was bliss. Until I gave myself a stomach ache from eating too fast. I groaned and sat down on the kitchen floor cradling my tummy. As I sat there feeling sorry for myself the Five Minutes More-inator beeped at me, and Miss K's screaming resumed at full volume.
"Dammit" I groaned as I tried to muster up the energy to stand up again. I aimed the Five Minutes More-inator in the general area of the clock on the wall and hit the power button again, but nothing happened. I looked at the machine, and noticed the battery low button flashing at me. "Wow you eat through the power fast" I said to no one in particular, as it slowly dawned on me I'd have to deal with Miss K by myself, stomach ache and all. I pulled myself up off the floor and slowly trudged towards the wailing, wishing I could join in the screaming too. I got into the bedroom and nearly fainted in shock at the sight that was waiting for me. Miss K was still partially frozen in place, and the look on her face was terrifying. I rushed towards her and started shaking her, begging her to start moving again. Slowly she began to unfreeze, bit by bit, with some extra coaxing from me, as I flexed her limbs in a calisthenics type fashion, until after about twenty minutes she was back to normal. Well almost back to normal, but I could always just say she'd inherited her father's wonky nose. But it did look like it was back to the drawing board for me, which was too bad, because I could probably have used all those millions of dollars the Five Minutes More-inator would have made me on the inevitable nose job for Miss K.
Once I had Miss K calmed down and back to bed I went and threw the Five Minutes More-inator in the bin. "I will have to find another way to become rich then" I said to myself as I made my way to bed. "Maybe I should get Miss K into show business and become a stage mum, that's always worked well for others in the past..."
"Eureka!!!" I screamed as I threw my goggles to the ground. I had finally done it, I had finally figured out how to give mums the one thing they wanted most of all. The one thing I wanted most of all, but had seemed so elusive since Miss K had come along was just 5 minutes more. 5 minutes to finish my meal before it went cold, 5 more minutes sleep, 5 minutes peace and quiet so I could go the toilet by myself. (I get performance anxiety you see.) For two years it seemed like I would never get the 5 minutes I so desperately needed, until I discovered I had the secret in my own hands the whole time. And it was all thanks to my extensive knowledge in Quantum Physics developed while watching the Big Bang Theory.
I built a secret lab in the one place no one in my family ever goes to, the laundry room, and spent months slaving away at my new creation. Of course it wouldn't have taken so long, but given I don't even have 5 minutes to take a toilet break around here, I had to do all my work while everyone else was asleep. On the plus side I did manage to get on top of the mountain of washing at the same time, so it was a win-win for everyone. I had a few setbacks of course, like the time I accidentally put my creation in the spin cycle and had to start again, but finally all my hard work and swearing paid off and I now held in my hand the answer to every mother's prayer. "I will call you the Five Minutes More-inator" I whispered as I cradled the small black box in my hand. Now all I needed was to test it out.
Right on cue Miss K woke up from a bad dream and started screaming out for me. "Perfect!" I cried. I ran into the kitchen, ignoring Miss K's screams of protest as I rushed past her room, and held the Five Minutes More-inator up towards the clock on the wall. I held my breath and pressed the power button. It began to softly vibrate in my hands and then a bright green laser shot out of it and hit the clock with a flash. I could almost feel the whole earth shudder as time slowed down to a complete halt. I listened out for Miss K's next scream, but everything was silent. The LED screen on the Five Minutes More-inator came to life flashing with the numbers 5:00 and started counting down the seconds until time would start up again. "It works" I screamed as I did a happy dance around the kitchen, for once not afraid that anyone would walk in during yet another of my embarrassing displays of uncoordinated jigging. I snuck into Miss K's room and sure enough she was frozen mid scream, her face contorted into an angry grimace. I gingerly poked her, to see if she was just messing with me, but her face didn't even flicker.
This was brilliant. I had finally gained myself some much needed time, except I was wasting it staring at my frozen child. I wracked my brain trying to think of something I could never do because there were children around, and then remembered the one thing I always dreamed of doing, eating a chocolate pudding without having to share it. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a tub of pudding out of the fridge. I looked at the Five Minutes More-inator and realised I only had three minutes left to myself. I grabbed a table spoon out of the drawer and started shoveling the pudding into my mouth as fast as I could eat it. It was bliss. Until I gave myself a stomach ache from eating too fast. I groaned and sat down on the kitchen floor cradling my tummy. As I sat there feeling sorry for myself the Five Minutes More-inator beeped at me, and Miss K's screaming resumed at full volume.
"Dammit" I groaned as I tried to muster up the energy to stand up again. I aimed the Five Minutes More-inator in the general area of the clock on the wall and hit the power button again, but nothing happened. I looked at the machine, and noticed the battery low button flashing at me. "Wow you eat through the power fast" I said to no one in particular, as it slowly dawned on me I'd have to deal with Miss K by myself, stomach ache and all. I pulled myself up off the floor and slowly trudged towards the wailing, wishing I could join in the screaming too. I got into the bedroom and nearly fainted in shock at the sight that was waiting for me. Miss K was still partially frozen in place, and the look on her face was terrifying. I rushed towards her and started shaking her, begging her to start moving again. Slowly she began to unfreeze, bit by bit, with some extra coaxing from me, as I flexed her limbs in a calisthenics type fashion, until after about twenty minutes she was back to normal. Well almost back to normal, but I could always just say she'd inherited her father's wonky nose. But it did look like it was back to the drawing board for me, which was too bad, because I could probably have used all those millions of dollars the Five Minutes More-inator would have made me on the inevitable nose job for Miss K.
Once I had Miss K calmed down and back to bed I went and threw the Five Minutes More-inator in the bin. "I will have to find another way to become rich then" I said to myself as I made my way to bed. "Maybe I should get Miss K into show business and become a stage mum, that's always worked well for others in the past..."
Oh yeah...
Well that's all from me, now do yourselves a favour and head on over to the rest of the blogs I listed at the beginning, and check out their posts too. I promise you now, you won't regret it. Stay awesome y'all!
ROFLOL!!! LOVE this SO much!!!!
ReplyDeleteBut darn! That 5 Minute More-inator sure sounded like a GREAT idea! LOL
It sounds like a brilliant idea doesn't it? Too bad I didn't pay enough attention while watching Big Bang Theory. Now we'll never know what five minutes more feels like.
DeleteThe secret lab in the laundry room had me giggle snorting. HA!
ReplyDeleteThank you Christine, I giggled too. Now all I have to do is hope my mum doesn't see it, because she will absolutely crack at me for saying no one goes in there.
DeleteOMG OMG OMG...I had to put my laptop down I was laughing so hard...this was great...I think that invention has lots of potentional... the right hands, LOL
ReplyDeleteAww you're too kind Karen. I think I have well and truly proven mine aren't the right hands however.
DeleteDon't give up on the dream, girl! We all want your 5 minute more-inator to work. We'll be patient! I love the "performance anxiety". We moms must all share that gene.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not the only one who gets it. On the plus side I know I have incredibly strong pelvic floor muscles thanks to the previously mentioned anxiety.
DeleteDarn, so sorry to reach the end and find out it didn't work. I was planning on saving up my grocery money for one of those.
ReplyDeleteLove where you took this prompt, just exactly where any Mom in her right (sort of) mind would want you to!
Ha ha well you'd be the first person to ever accuse me of being in my right mind. I was so worried about doing this one justice, that story was really an eleventh hour creation.
DeleteI would so abuse the Five Minutes More-inator. :)
ReplyDeleteWho wouldn't just like a few more moments?!
I think I'd end up adding so many extra hours onto my day, I'd be a train wreck of no sleep.
I tell you what, if that thing really did exist, it would get more of a work out than my snooze button and my daughters vocal chords first thing in the morning combined.
DeleteHeck, I was all set to buy it! What an awesome idea haha!
ReplyDeleteThanks. I wish it was possible to freeze time occasionally. It had so much potential.
DeleteYOU MADE AN -INATOR! OMG, that's awesome! Dr. Doff would be so proud!!
ReplyDeleteThis was awesome...I'd give anything to have that......Oh how I miss bathroom breaks where a kid wasn't around....
Ha ha thanks Sarah. It had to be an -inator, I decided that really early on. I still love the cupcake-inator from the Cat in the Hat movie so I had to pay homage. I tell you what I never appreciated my toilet breaks until they were replaced by a chatty child sticking her fingers under the door. Now days I'm too distracted by what germs she's touching on that floor to focus on the task at hand.
DeleteYES!!!!!!!!!! You rocked this prompt! I loved this, from the beginning where you learned Quantum Physics from watching The Big Bang Theory right up to the end where you got your daughter unfrozen and threw your invention in the bin. I could use a few more minutes in my day too, but I'm not sure I'd want to have frozen statue children!
ReplyDeleteYou are too kind m'lady by far. I got so excited when Karen gave me this prompt but terrified I wouldn't nail it. I even got my niece to proof read it for me. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Delete