Saturday, 3 March 2012

Not happy Jan

So how do you write a blog when you have no internet?? The answer is you can't. Ah yes the joys of wireless internet, you can't get unlimited plans.

Things here have been pretty quiet the last few days, Miss K is getting over yet another cold, so I have been swamped in mucous and paracetamol since Wednesday. Ady came over for another visit today, but as the weather was so terrible, all we could do is sit in the lounge room and stare at the walls. Things got a bit better after he left, I went over to a friend's place for a drink and to unwind.

Right now, all I feel is tired. Tired of having to make all the decisions, tired of being the bad guy, tired of being an adult. That's the crappy thing about childhood. Kids are too young to appreciate it, and adults are too old to get away with it any more. The only thing that gets me through these kinds of days is Miss K. She is the force behind every move that I make, and every decision starts with the words how will this affect her. It is for her that I have put off studying for another year, and don't look for work, so that I can guarantee that she is being taken care of the way I feel she should be. It is for her that I don't go to the cinema any more, I don't go to pubs, I don't go to many parties unless I can take her with me, and then I go home early. I feel guilty asking people to babysit her for me, not because she is a difficult child to deal with, but because it isn't their job to care for her, even for an hour. She is my responsibility and I feel that responsibility every day with every breath that I take.

All I can do now is go to bed and hope that tomorrow is a better day. Lets face it, things can't really get much worse.
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