Thursday 18 April 2013

A letter of apology


An open letter to the people and things which I have reason to apologize to for past, present and possible future infractions.

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net


To all of the people who I park next to in car parks around the country; I am very sorry if my attempt at parking has left you with the urge to beat in my windshield with a sledge hammer, I’m still not very good at it. Also I’m sorry if you have to wait five minutes while I get my squirming daughter, both our bags, her pram, any extra toys she wants to bring and the kitchen sink out of the car. I promise I am going as fast as I can, but these things do take time.

To my stomach, thighs and bottom; I’m very sorry but things don’t appear to be shrinking on their own and I can’t be bothered doing anything about it myself. If you can just hold on for a little while longer I’m sure they’ll invent an ice cream that sucks the fat out of your body. Until then I’m going back to my donuts.

To my big sister; I am sorry I destroyed every book I borrowed from you, and broke your hairbrush then hid it under my bed for three months. And I’m also sorry I scared you with the spider I found in my toy picnic basket when we were kids. I’m also sorry I still laugh about it every time I think about it. And finally I’m sorry for thinking you were the world’s biggest meanie every time you disciplined your kids when they were two. I am now in the same unenviable position now and I totally see why you did it.

To every sports teacher I ever had as a child; I am sorry that I hate sports so much, and that you had to be at the receiving end of said hatred. If it makes you feel any better I still hate sports, but I give a lot less attitude about it. (I just hurl abuse at the television if they interrupt my scheduled programming for a stupid @#$%$@ sports show)

To every other teacher I ever had; I am sorry I was so well behaved and smart, because you then expected every other brother and sister after me to be equally as well behaved and smart. I should have come with a warning that I was the weird one of my family for having such large brains and beautiful manners.

To all my younger brothers and sisters; I apologize for setting the bar at school so high for all of you. Obviously it was too hard for you to get straight A’s in all your classes and not make your teachers cry (I’m looking at you Kim) and I feel that maybe the teachers expected so much of you because I was such a brilliant student, so I’m sorry.

To every future teacher of Miss K’s; I apologize that she said/did what she did, and I will make sure to explain to her why it is not a good idea to feed that to the class pet, or call her classmates that, or insert (blank) into (blank). I am sure we will not have a repeat of this incident again.

To my car; I am sorry that I keep forgetting to put oil in you, and I let the tyres get dangerously low on air before I finally get tired of having to wrench the steering wheel every time I turn and pump you up again. Also I am sorry that I leave it more than 12 months between each service, and longer for tune ups and all the other boring hard to understand repairs you always seem to need. If you could please avoid dying in the middle of the supermarket car park again, I’ll make sure to take better care of you.

To Miss K; I am sorry that…oh hell there is too much here that I will have to apologise for, so let’s just say I’m sorry.

And finally to my mum; I am sorry that I was such a pain in the butt as a child, because I am getting it all back tenfold now.

Do any of you have anything you need to apologize for? Let me know in the comments and get a load off your chest.

12 comments:

  1. Not sure you want to hear all of mine b/c I may be here for days. LOL

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    1. Well there were a lot that I left out, especially the apology to all my exes which went along the lines of I'm sorry I didn't get out sooner... that just sounded too much like sour grapes, so what you guys got was the abridged version.

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  2. Yea I'm sorry I didnt get out soon in the relationship I had for 7 yrs. I should've gotten out after 3 yrs was up. I stayed an extra 4 yrs b/c of his daughter.

    I'm sorry I dated a druggy. I'm sorry he got away with what he got away with. The douche bag. He'll have to answer one day.

    I'm sorry that I can be very naive at times and that I think everyone has good in them when they dont.

    I'm sorry I stress about things that I shouldnt be stressed about.

    I feel sorry for those that have been stalking me and cyber bullying b/c they didnt what they wanted I'm sure. and they wont.

    I'm sorry that our world isnt safe anymore. Our nation. The USA recently has had a bombing in one place. An explosive in another place 2 days later and the president and senator got letters with poison in them.

    I'm sorry that people want to take God off our money and out of schools and out of everything really. When God needs to be in our aspect of our lives. Or I think so.

    I'm sorry my neighbor who is a so called preacher thinks that b/c me and my church are Presbyterian that we are all going to hell b/c we sprinkle when we baptize instead of dunk.

    I'm sorry that now a days people tend to hate people they've never even tried to get to know other than the persons name.

    I'm sorry that some people dont use their signal now a days when they drive.

    I'm sorry that some people can be rude and not have manners. B/c they were never taught to have manners and be nice.

    I'm sorry I've had to waste my time at points of my life trying to get know some one when they only ended up turning into a stupid douche bag.

    I'm sorry that now a days a lot of people have hate in their heart instead of God in their heart.

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    1. There you go, now doesn't that feel better? And don't let the haters get you down, it is impossible to make everyone happy, so just work to make yourself happy.

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  3. That thing you said to your Mom, and the comment about getting it back tenfold? I've got teenagers so, yeah, that.

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    1. I can only imagine how much worse my little one is going to get as she gets older. Already mum tells me several times a day that she is just like me as a baby, especially when she is trying to make us laugh to get out of trouble. You have my sympathy though. :D

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  4. You just reminded me of a lot of my own transgressions. Time for confession. Or liquor.

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    1. Oh good, I'm glad I'm not the only one. My big sister told me today she'd actually rather an apology for having to live in my filth for the first fifteen years of her life, so I guess I may have enough to do this all over again.

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  5. Ha! I'm pretty bad at parking as well. And since we've got the large car, I'm timid and nervous, too. Bad combinations. I usually drive around until I find at least 2 empty spots next to each other, so I don't accidentially hit another car while parking. :-)

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    1. Ha ha I will do the exact same thing. I'd rather walk an extra 20 metres than run the risk of hitting another car.

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  6. Love this Erin. I know you live in Australia. And you told me you actually DO have an Australian accent. But whenever I read your posts Keira Knightley is the narrator. So, I apologize for this. Also, I'd like to offer an apology to the people who sit in booths behind us at restaurants. Our kids are very curious, and love to gawk, peek, and giggle. And I'm totally with you on the mom apology!

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    1. Well I would love to sound like Keira Knightley, she sounds so posh and refined, so thank you for making me sound like her. We don't go out to restaurants too much because there are just too many of us and we usually need lots and lots of tables, so we just don't bother, but my family have that same problem of rowdiness whenever they take me on the train. For some reason putting me in a packed train with lots of strangers gives me permission to act like a total clown. I've made lots of friends on the way though :D

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