September Fly on the Wall

So it's time once again for the September Fly on the Wall. I can't believe it's nearly the end of another year. Can someone give me Father Time's phone number please? Me and him need to have a serious talk.

So anyway today 16 bloggers are giving you a rare and uncensored (or in my case a slightly censored) view of what it would be like if you were a fly on their wall.  Below is a list of all the bloggers participating today. Please be sure to go and visit all of them.

htttp://www.BakingInATornado.com    Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home 

http://www.menopausalmom.com/     Menopausal Mother

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com      Never Ever Give Up Hope

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/        Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                 The Momisodes

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com Someone Else’s Genius

http://dinoheromommy.com              Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com The Angrivated Mom

http://nicholemomof8.blogspot.com/   Nichole Mom of 8

http://www.clutteredgenius.com         Cluttered Genius

http://eileensperpetuallybusy.blogspot.com/ Eileen’s Perpetually Busy

http://www.southernbellecharm.com    Southern Belle Charm

http://www.gomamao.com                  Go Mama O

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Mum: Oh God, I don't know, um...
Me: That's one of the hardest questions I ever ask. It's right up there with what's your number?
Mum: Those are always the two hardest questions anyone ever asks me.

A few weeks ago I took a day off work sick. Miss K was slightly miffed by this because it meant she wasn't going to be babysat by my big sister Sam for the afternoon. Shortly after lunch she started asking to go visit Sam.
Miss K: Go to Sam's house?
Mum: No you don't need to go today, mum's home from work, so you can stay home with her.
Miss K: Go to work mum.
Me: No I can't, I'm sick.
Miss K: No, go to work so I can go to Sam's house.

We finally had a warm weekend after what felt like an eternity of winter, so I sent Miss K to play outside. As usual, she spent the time running back and forth from the yard to the house. This happened on the second lap, and should have been a harbinger of what the rest of her play time was going to be like.
Miss K: Mum, mum
Me: What?
Mum: I'm playing outside but I'm going to run inside every five minutes and  yell at you. Did I get it right?
Miss K: Yeah.

I bought some reeeeeeally expensive rocky road at a craft market last month, and then remembered that I don't like rocky road, so it stayed in the cupboard until Miss K discovered it, then started asking to eat the zig zag road.

Miss K: Knock knock
Me: Who's there
Miss K: Lettuce
Me: Lettuce who?
Miss K: Don't cry, it's only a joke.

Number 9347 of things I never thought I'd have to say:
If you're going to pick your nose in the toilet, could you please not wipe it on the wall.

So my big sister and my niece got sick with a virus right after Miss K and I did (so I guess we know who they can blame...) but it meant that Miss K couldn't go to daycare, and she couldn't go to my sister's house as she was too unwell. Thankfully for me my baby sister Kim stepped in and played babysitter for two days so that I could still go to work. Not so thankfully, Miss K came home having learned the term FFS. (Google it if you're not sure) Apparently Kim kept saying it while trying to get Miss K in and out of the car...

Also on Kim, her and her partner Scott had to go to the funeral of the father of a friend of hers. As is customary at Australian funerals, you have to get drunk afterwards. She ended up at a stranger's house several doors down from my big sister Sam's house, and decided to wander down. I happened to be visiting Sam at the time, so I got to watch two very drunk people have very drunk conversations. These were the cleaner ones.

Scott: What's going on? Why am I seeing two of you? One is bad enough.
Kim: What are you talking about?
Scott: You've got two noses.

Sam: Scott do you want a coffee?
Scott: Yes please. (At this point Kim starts laughing)
Sam: How do you have it?
Scott: One, no, one and a half spoons of coffee and one sugar. I mean two sugars. (Kim is laughing harder by now.)
Sam: Do you have milk?
Scott: No. I mean yes. I mean no. Whatever. However you bring it to me, I'll drink it. (By this time Kim is lying on the floor with tears of laughter streaming down her face and Sam is getting very confused.)
Sam: Kim, how does Scott drink his coffee?
Kim: Scott doesn't drink coffee. He hates it.

I also discovered that night that my 11 year old niece Eliza has a sharp tongue.
Eliza (to Scott): That is a very feminine coat you're wearing.
Scott: Are you serious? I just got shot down by a kid.

Signs you may be a Practically Perfect Parent

This post is brought to you by Ski D'lite, now with 25% less sugar.

I have a confession to make today. My name is Erin and I am a practically perfect parent. Does that sound too braggy? We're not meant to tell people we think we're awesome parents, in fact we're not even meant to think we're awesome parents. But I'm here to change that today, and I challenge you to do the same. Just to make things a little easier for you, I've included a checklist below to help you determine whether or not you are indeed a practically perfect parent.

Below is a list of habits of practically perfect parents. Lets see how many of these habits you have.

• Let your kids stay up well past their bed time simply because it is easier than listening to them complain that they're not tired.
• Spit polish your child's face while strapping them into their car seat because you don't notice every speck of grime until right before you take them out in public.
• Let your children destroy their dinner by eating too many biscuits too close to dinner time (just for five minutes of peace and quiet).
• Allow your children more than 30 minutes a week on an "electronic babysitter".
• Believe your children when they tell you their teeth are clean, even if their toothbrush is bone dry, just this once (and every other time after this).
• Blame any gas that you pass on your infant simply because they are too young to deny it.
• Wash the same load of clothes three days in a row because you're too tired to unload it from the washing machine, hang it on the line, bring it back inside, fold it, put it away...Just the thought of all that activity makes you want to take a nap.
• Refusing to punish your children by taking away their tablet/iPhone/laptop/television privileges because really, that just punishes you.
• Step over the same toy five times a day because you're too busy with every other job you have to do today, and you'll get it on your way back, you promise.
• Eat leftovers for more than one day in a row, because it's easier than coming up with a new meal to plan, shop for, and cook.

How many of you scored a perfect 10? I know I did, and I'm just starting to scratch the surface here. I could spend the whole day listing all the things I do which go against everything a perfect parent would do, but at the end of the day all I need to do is look at my happy, and healthy little girl, and I know despite my flaws, or perhaps because of them, I am an awesome parent. 

Research shows that only 3% of mums in Australia will give their parenting skills a 10 out of 10, but if you ask any child to rate their parent's performance, odds are they will always give their parents a perfect score.  Too often these days we let external pressures get us down. The image of the perfect parent is splashed all across our televisions, our computers, and even our play groups. The pressure this makes us put on ourselves is too much. So before you begin to beat yourself up because you follow the "five second rule" if your kid drops a chocolate on the floor, just remember the best indicator of your skills as a parent is right in front of you, and they always think you're the best parent in the world.  And that makes you a practically perfect parent. You're welcome.

Are you an Australian resident over the age of 18 who likes free stuff? Tell me in the comments below in 25 words or less what makes you a practically perfect parent, and you could win one of two vouchers for a month's supply of Ski D'lite yoghurt. 

This competition is open to Australian residents aged 18 and over. Two winners will be picked based on your answers. Competition ends Thursday 24 September 2015 at 8:00pm. Winners will be announced here and on Facebook and Twitter on 25 September 2015.

September Use Your Words Happily Ever After?

Hello again my lovelies, it's time for another Use Your Words, the group challenge where 17 bloggers get together and swap words with each other. We each submit a group of 4 - 6 words and in return we get someone else's words, and then we have to try and build something around those words. Below is a list of all the bloggers participating this month, so that you can be sure to visit them all and share the love around.

Baking In A Tornado

Spatulas on Parade

The Momisodes

The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

Stacy Sews and Schools

Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

Southern Belle Charm

The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver  

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

The Angrivated Mom

Confessions of a part time working mom

Someone Else’s Genius

Climaxed 

Evil Joy Speaks 

Never Ever Give Up Hope

Eileen’s Perpetually Busy

So today my words are wall ~ tree ~ reading ~ piggy bank ~ fan and they were submitted by the lovely Eileen at Eileen's Perpetually Busy.

Today's post is a continuation from the last two Use Your Words. If you want to start from the beginning, you can find part 1 here and part 2 here

The last few hours had been a blur. She really should be more used to her life being so out of control, but it still took her breath away every time the rug was pulled out from underneath her. She'd grown complacent. That was always how it started though, with the small things. You start taking for granted the fact that they will always pick your towel up where you drop it, then they start assuming just because you didn't mind them watching the football game on telly one weekend instead of doing something together, you'll let them do it every single weekend. You both bite your tongue at first, still not willing to let the honeymoon be over, but eventually the real world comes crashing in through the wall bringing the first big argument with it.

Things had been going well over the past six months. Given they lived an hour apart they really only got to catch up on the weekends, but they alternated whose place they stayed at each weekend, and caught up the rest of the time through daily phone calls and the odd mid-week visit when work schedules permitted. Given they only spent two days a week together, the opportunities for arguments were few and far between, and they were usually fairly small grievances that were sorted out quickly with a few placatory words. This time however, things were different. The conversation had started innocently enough, they were lying in bed together, she was reading an e-book on her tablet, and he was playing poker on his,  and she asked him what he wanted to do the next weekend. He admitted he'd already made plans to catch up with his mates for footy and beers. The initial disappointment that she'd miss out on seeing him for two whole weeks quickly turned to annoyance, as she remembered she'd been invited out to catch up with her girlfriends next weekend as well, but had turned them down so that she could visit him.

She had tried her hardest to hide her frustration and disappointment, but being stoic had never been her strong suit, so he picked up immediately on her mood. Instead of comforting her as he usually did, this time he became defensive. "I haven't spent any real time with these guys in months, and I just felt like catching up with them" he said, the almost whiny tone in his voice setting her teeth on edge. Before she could stop herself, she spat out the words "Well I'm terribly sorry I've been hogging up so much of your time lately. I'll be sure to check your diary next time, just to make sure you can squeeze me in." He rolled his eyes at her. She knew she was being slightly crazy about the whole thing, and as much as she didn't want to be the crazy girlfriend right now, the words kept spewing out of her, and she quickly felt herself losing control of the whole situation.

"I'm sure the fellas will be much more valuable company than me next weekend anyway. I'm sure they won't care when you clip your toenails in the bed, nor will they care if you leave the milk carton in the fridge with just a dribble of milk in it. And hey, I'm sure they'll just love it when you burp so loud you could rattle the window panes every single night after dinner like it's some kind of damn compliment." She stopped to catch her breath, but the look of hurt on his face told her she should stop entirely. He waited for a second then started speaking very calmly. "First of all, that was one time, and I excused myself. And second of all, did you store up all of these grievances in a piggy bank to yell at me at the opportune time? Because I gotta tell you, that was a pretty big list to come up with on the fly." She thought for a second and realised she had stored all those things away, remembering every tiny detail when they happened, and the thought horrified her. Now she was just as disgusted at herself as she was at him, but it didn't seem like the time to yell at herself, so she turned her attention back to him. "I'm sorry that I notice things around me. I happen to be observant you see. Unlike others in this room, who can't even remember to turn the fan on before they shower. The bathroom turns into a rain forest any time you go in there." She knew she was clutching at straws now, but she needed something to be angry about, as angry was easier to deal with than disappointment or self loathing.

Realising she'd run out of things to yell about, but not willing to stop and admit she was being an idiot, she wrenched back the blankets and got out of bed. She started grabbing up her clothes and pulling them on. He sat in the bed with a bemused look on his face as she dressed. As she went to walk out of the room he called after her. "Where are you going?" he said pulling himself out of bed. I'm going." She replied. "Clearly I'm an inconvenience to your super busy social life, so I'll fix that problem by leaving." "Don't be stupid" he said, walking after her. "Come back to bed and we'll talk about this in the morning." She desperately wished she could turn around and walk back to him, but that meant admitting she was being dumb. It also meant admitting she cared more than she was willing to say that she was going to miss seeing him the next weekend. That thought brought a lump to her throat and she ducked her head and walked away from him, not willing to let him see her cry. "Forget about it" she called behind her. "Say hi to your friends for me" She walked out the front door, slamming it for extra effect and started walking towards the street. She spent the first few blocks willing him to chase after her, but she was alone. After twenty minutes of storming along the empty streets she stopped to catch her breath and leaned against a tree. Unable to hold it in any more she burst into tears, hating herself for throwing away the best part of her life. She sat under that tree for an hour crying before the sobs finally died down, then she was left alone with her thoughts, the only sound to be heard were the leaves rustling above her, and the footsteps on the path behind her...

TO BE CONTINUED...

I hate to leave it there, because there is more to this story, but it was starting to turn into a novel, so I've decided to leave the rest for next month. So if you want to know what happens next be sure to come back here next month and read the rest of the story.

R U OK?

Hello my lovely readers, today I am taking a break from all the parenty goodness that makes up my crazy world to bring you an important message. Today here in Australia it is R U OK day. Today is the day to bring awareness to suicide prevention, and this is a cause that means the world to me.

Image source

In Australia every single year there are approximately 65,000 suicide attempts. 2,320 of those attempts are successful every single year. That is too many lives lost from something that is totally preventable. Suicide is one of those uncomfortable subjects we don't like to talk about, but talking about it is the only way to break down the stigma, and let people know they are not alone. The aim of R U OK day is to get the conversation started. It is as simple as asking people if they are OK. Let them know that they are heard, let them know they are not alone, and let them know that there is help out there for them.

Mental illness is still one of those subjects people don't like to talk about. I had a fight last week with my boss because she didn't believe me when I told her I have depression. It shocked her because I am able to get up every day and go to work, able to complete my tasks, and I don't look like a stereotypical depressed person. But that's the thing with mental illness. It is an invisible disease that can be easily hidden with a fake smile. You can't trust that just because someone looks "normal" on the outside that they aren't struggling on the inside.

I have lost a cousin and a brother to suicide, the 14th anniversary for my cousin's death was just last month. I watched her family's anguish when they lost her, and it changed them all forever. When my brother died 9 years ago, I thought my dad would die with him, his heart was so broken. My sister and her family are still dealing with the loss of her husbands baby brother two years after the fact. His son will never know his father because he died before his son was even born. My baby sister has lost too many friends to count to suicide over the years, and many of these happened before she was even in her twenties. Suicide affects the living just as much as the deceased, as they are left behind, wondering what they could have done to help the victim, wondering why they didn't see the warning signs, and wondering how they are going to go on without their brother or sister, without their friend, without their spouse or their parent. The anguish the victim felt is now transferred to the people they loved, and they carry it with them for the rest of their lives.

So to get the conversation going, check out R U OK today. and ask the people you love if they are OK. Remember if you are struggling with feelings of depression, there are people around to help you. For Australians, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14. If you are in America contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1800 273 8225. For all other countries check out this Wikipedia list for suicide prevention contact numbers around the globe. And remember that you are not alone. You are all loved, and you are all worthwhile to somebody. If you have any thoughts on suicide prevention or mental health issues, I'd love to hear from you too, I think you're all awesome, so leave a comment below.

What Parenting Means

So the other week while working at a craft stall with a good friend of mine, we had a heavily pregnant woman come and sit down at our table to make a card. Some gentle probing later we discovered she was about a week away from popping. We decided this was a perfect time to terrorise the poor woman by telling her exactly what being a parent meant, right when it's too late for her to back out. Of course it was all in good fun, and we didn't reveal any of the real horrible truths (we like to leave some mystery for new mums). But it has been on my mind a bit since that weekend. The word parent is universal, and while customs and traditions can vary from person to person, there are some things that stay the same no matter whether you live in an igloo in Antarctica (do people really do this?) or a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. So as a handy guide for anyone who is thinking of being a parent, or for those of you who are already parents, and just want a reminder of why you're not going back for a second (or third) I present the following.

Source

1. Putting yourself last. Forever, and ever, and ever.
2. Never getting to blow out the candles on another birthday cake. And forget about unwrapping your own presents. That job now belongs to your children.
3. Being woken up by a tennis racket to the face (seriously)
4. Acting like you know exactly what you're doing, despite the fact that inside your head you're screaming as loud as the baby is right now.
5. Boring all of your friends with all of the super adorable things your little one did in the few hours since you last spoke to them.
6. Using your clothes as a tissue or napkin for someone else.
7. Catching vomit in your hands.
8. Eating baby foods to find out exactly why your darling one is spitting it out. (Hint, it's because it tastes like butt. You'll find this out the hard way.)
9. Having someone new to blame any time you break wind in company. (This one only works until they learn to speak.)
10. Having your heart explode with pride and love every time they do something new. It never gets old.
11. Having a deep seated hatred for toys that need batteries to work.
12. Watching the same movie twice in one day because it's their absolute favourite and they'll scream the house down if you don't let them watch it again.
13. Ice cold feet pressed into your back when they sneak in to sleep with you at 3 in the morning. 
14. Waking up to a little person sitting on your head, because they're hungry and you're being boring by sleeping right now.
15. Discovering that toy makers hate you, I mean really hate you, by making you build every darn thing you ever buy for your child. It seriously took me over an hour to put Miss K's bouncer together when she was a baby. I'm not a stupid person, but that thing needed an engineering degree just to assemble four parts. And don't even get me started on her bike.
16. Spending the day convinced that you have given birth to the spawn of Satan, only to forget every horrible thing they did that day the minute you see them sleeping like an angel.
17. Feeling like the worst person in the world every time you have to discipline them. 
18. Spending the first four years of their life complaining that they are so needy, only to realise that was only temporary, then spending the next few years panicking that one day your kids aren't going to need you any more. 
19. Feeling like your heart is going to break in half every time you see them growing up right before your eyes.
20. Being someone's super hero, simply because you were able to fix a slightly broken toy.
21. Hating yourself the minute they realise you aren't a super hero, and are in fact (gasp) human.
22. Being a policeman, chef, maid, clown, magician, chauffeur, referee, cheerleader, hostage negotiator, and anything else you need to be just to keep your house running.
23. Looking at every other parent you ever see and wondering how they can possibly have it all together like that. (Little hint, they don't, they're just as confused as you are.)
24. Hour upon hour spent worrying about things that once upon a time you never though worth your time. 
25. Lying awake at night convinced that today was the day you screwed up your child. 
26. Finding yourself singing the theme song to your child's latest favourite TV show, while in public.
27. Apologizing to a million strangers because your child walks like a drunk old man, and keeps crashing into everyone they find.
28. Feeling mortified the first time your child swears. Bonus horror if it happens in public. 
29. Months spent carrying your sleeping child to the toilet because if you have to wash one more pee soaked sheet you are going to lose your mind.
30. Discovering exactly how fierce you can truly be the first time someone hurts your precious little one. You're normally a placid person, but right now you could cut a b***h.
31. Feeling a mixture of pride and revulsion the first time you realise babies are capable of farting like full grown men after a meal of baked beans.
32. Endless games of "What is that mysterious smudge on my new shirt?"
33. Dancing like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest all around your living room because it makes your child squeal with laughter.
34. Feeling like you've lost a part of yourself the first time they spend a night away from home.
35. Rediscovering the joy of jumping out at someone as they come around a corner. This one never gets old with kids around.
36. The joy of hearing your kid tell you that you're the best mum/dad in the world. 
37. Bony elbows, knees, backsides, all in your internal organs. You wouldn't believe something that chubby and squishable is really able to inflict immense pain with one well placed limb.
38. Being able to heal all boo-boos with a kiss.
39. Having to wait until your child has been kissed, cuddled and questioned before any adult will speak to you ever again. 

And finally...

  40.  Loving someone, and being loved more fiercely than you ever thought possible.

Product Review - Magnetricks

Hello again my lovely readers, I am back again to share more joy with the people. This post is actually a long time in the making, mainly because I tried really, really hard to get professional looking pictures, but given that I am *not* a photographer, and my biggest skill is basic editing in Photoshop, it took me forever to get anything even remotely good enough to do this post justice.

Now today I am going to do a very rare product review. As you guys know, I don't do a lot of these, because I don't want this blog to become a giant billboard. But every now and again an offer comes along that I cannot pass up, because I really feel it is a great product that needs to be shared. This is one such product. I was recently contacted by an amazing woman who has started her own business despite being a single mum to TWO kids under the age of five. I'm not sure if she's a genius or slightly mad, either way the products she sells are amazing, and I am honoured to have been asked to share them with you.

So today I am reviewing a product called Magnetricks. Michelle started making magnetic routine charts and reward charts for her children as a way to help maintain a proper routine etc, and was soon encouraged by friends and family to start marketing them for other mums and teachers trying to find a less wasteful way to manage the day to day routines.

So we were given two sets of magnets to check out and review, one was a reward chart in the shape of a race track (because thanks to Mario Kart Miss K is racing car crazy right now), and the other was a set of magnetic shapes, designed to teach children about shapes and geometry, as well as being heaps of fun.

I decided to use the reward chart in an attempt to get Miss K to start listening more. We're having a real struggle with her ignoring direct requests, or even using sass towards adults telling her to do her chores. I wanted to squash any feelings of entitlement she was developing, as we don't work that way in this house, all good things are earned, and one way to earn in this house is by being respectful. So the day the magnets arrived, Miss K and I sat down and I explained that every day that she showed that she could listen to all of the adults who care for her during the week, she'd get a new race car for her track. By the end of the 8 days she had managed to gain all of her 8 cars, and as a reward I took her for her first trip to the library. She was so excited to get to go and see all the books, and we even borrowed her very first book.

So the reward chart was a total success. I've tried reward charts in the past with minimal success, so I wasn't sure if we'd have much luck this time around, but she really responded to the magnetic cars, and the fact that I'd let her race each new car around the track when she earned it was always a treat. The colours are lovely and vibrant, so very pleasing to the eye, and they were a good size for little hands. I was also able to put the yet to be earned magnets higher on the fridge so she could still see them, and see how close she was to earning all of her cars, so that was a good incentive too. The beautiful thing about using magnets is that the reward chart is completely reusable. If I wanted to I could go back and do another week of concentrated listening, or I can use any of the other 8 options that come with the reward chart. It even includes two blank magnets so you can come up with your own behaviour you want to practice. The only issue I can see with that is that the pictures on the magnets are printed on glossy paper, so the blank is a one time use only, as any markers you draw on it with will not come off, and trying to clean the magnets will destroy the printed image. However I think you could make it reusable by covering it with clear contact, or another type of plastic/acetate adhered to the top of it, so that's always a good option.  The Magnetricks website even includes a post which helps you to get the most out of your reward charts, with handy tips and tricks you can use to get the most out of any effort to teach a new behaviour, or correct an old bad habit.

Just some of the behaviors you may wish to modify as a stressed parent.

The other magnetic product we had to play with was the shapes. This set came with 43 magnets in 7 different shapes and various sizes to play with. Miss K and I both had a lot of fun playing with these magnets and trying to come up with different pictures we could build using the shapes.

These are great for encouraging imaginative play, and I was amazed at the different pictures Miss K was able to come up with on her own once she got started. She made shooting stars and people and a tree, and together we built a robot and a train. The magnets have gotten plenty of use over the past few weeks, and I love that she's got something to occupy herself while I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner or cleaning up, (on the odd occasions when that actually happens,) so it keeps her out of my hair right when I need it. The other thing I liked about these was that the magnets stacked on top of each other well, and were easy to separate when you wanted to build a new picture, making the possible combinations endless.

A train, complete with gigantic smoke stack.

The images are printed on thin magnets, which I thought would make them less likely to stick onto metal, but the magnet is surprisingly strong for something so slim, so you don't need to worry about them ending up all over the floor like other magnets for kids I've seen in the past. The other good thing about them being so thin is they ship flat, so postage is cheaper, and apparently they are less likely to cause harm if swallowed by small children. Of course given the risk, you do need to supervise small children when they are playing with these magnets just to make sure that doesn't happen.

I *think* this one is a robot. 

All in all I am super impressed with these magnets. They are so bright and cheerful, fun to play with and very easy to use. They were shipped to me very quickly, (which is always a good thing) and the available range is pretty big. Aside from the reward charts and shapes there are routine magnets, vocabulary magnets, communication aide magnets, and some just for fun sets (including Minecraft characters for any of you Minecraft nuts out there.)

So if you or anyone you know is in the market for a fun, educational toy for your kids, or something designed to make your life run a little bit smoother, then head on over to the Magnetricks website now and check out their awesome range. 

Disclosure:
Now because I live in Australia, I don't actually have to disclose when I receive goods in return for a blog post, usually because it is implied, however in the interests of transparency, I will say that I received these magnets in return for reviewing them on my blog. The opinions I have given are all my own. The fact that these magnets are freakin' awesome just made my job even easier.

August Fly on the Wall

Welcome to another fly on the wall. This post is all the weird, crazy and funny things you'd hear if you were a fly on one of my walls this month.  On a side note we found our very first blowfly in the house this week, a sure sign that summer is finally on the way. Now is the time to invest in fly spray shares on the stock market. Below is a list of all of the blogs who are participating in the fun today, be sure to visit them all and enjoy all the madness.

 http://www.BakingInATornado.com     Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade

http://followmehome.shellybean.com   Follow me home 

http://www.menopausalmom.com/      Menopausal Mother

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com        Never Ever Give Up Hope

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/          Just A Little Nutty

http://themomisodes.com                    The Momisodes

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com   Someone Else’s Genius

http://www.angelaweight.com             Sanity Waiting to Happen

http://www.southernbellecharm.com    Southern Belle Charm

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com     Juicebox Confession

http://www.gomamao.com                  Go Mama O

http://dinoheromommy.com/              Dinosaur Superhero Mommy   

Mum: If I have a heart attack in my bed, after you call the paramedics, can you hide the empty chip packets? (comes out of her room holding two handfuls of bags)
Me: Aww mum is that your version of the porn stash?
Mum: It really is.

Miss K requested a new Spiderman themed toothpaste the other day when we were shopping for a new toothbrush. This paired nicely with her new Dora the Explorer toothbrush, but I digress.  It turns out she wasn't the only one who could get excited about licensed oral hygiene products...
Mum: Wow! Spiderman toothpaste!
Me: I know! It sparkles too!
Mum: That is so awesome!
Me: I know. What else could a little girl want in a toothpaste?

Sam: I dreamed the other night that Jason went into space, and when I woke up I was convinced that it had happened. I sat there arguing with myself for five minutes that he couldn't have gone to space, because there were no photographs of the event. In the end I had to ask him if he'd gone into outer space.

Miss K and I were on one of our regular trips to the supermarket to buy essentials, and she was in a great old mood, chatting away about everything and anything, when we walked past a rather heavy set woman. It was clearly a woman, and I could tell from a mile away, but that didn't stop Miss K from saying very loudly as we passed her "look, another man!" I learned I can speed walk like a pro that day.

Another day, on another trip to the supermarket we bumped into one of our neighbours. We started with the obligatory small talk you make when you meet up with someone you only vaguely know when Miss K started talking to the neighbour, and informed her that she was Miss K's best friend. She then went on a giant rant about how good friends they were, despite the fact that she has never actually met this neighbour before.

Mum: The big boss came in today, and she said straight away "Now I can't remember everyone's names, so you'll have to tell me who you all are." I said "I'm Lyn" and she asked "which one?" (there are currently two Lyns who work in mum's team) and all I could say was "the old one?" It turns out she just wanted my surname.

Me: He's going to the Italian Australian Club.
Mum: Did you say he's going to the Chinese shadow puppet?

So Miss K thinks she has both mum and I figured out. She asked me for a chocolate, and I said no, because it was too close to dinner time. Undeterred, she then snuck the chocolate over to where mum was sitting, and started to open it next to her saying "Shhh, don't tell mum."

Miss K loves performing concerts for us. If she's feeling particularly generous she'll even take requests for songs from the audience. One day I asked her to sing a song about grandma's mustache. The lyrics went:

Granny has a mustache,
Granny has a mustache,
Granny has a mustache,
And she is nice.

Me: Come on Miss K, time to get ready for kinder
Miss K: (lays on the floor) I'm dead.
Something tells me she wasn't in the mood for kindergarten that day...

Me: Miss K go to the toilet.
Miss K: No!
Me: Go to the toilet now or I'll give you a wedgie.
Miss K: Nooo!
Me: Well what's it going to be, toilet or wedgie?
Miss K: Wedgie.

Sam: I said something today that I never though I would have to say thanks to your daughter.
Me: Oh yes?
Sam: Yes you can be a monkey, don't put that watch down your pants...
The sad thing is I understood exactly what she was talking about.

Miss K had a nightmare last weekend, and after calming her down and giving her a small drink to get her back into bed she ended up in bed with me. She tried every trick in the book to get to stay up even longer including this one...
Miss K: Mum my heart is broken.
Me: Your heart is broken? That's terrible! Should I kiss it better?
Miss K: No.
Me: What about a hug? Would a hug fix it?
Miss K: No.
Me: So what fixes a broken heart then?
Miss K: Bananas.
If only it was always that easy.

She then informed  me the next day that her heart was "beeping"