Cautious optimism

Hello again everyone and welcome to my lair. For anyone who has been waiting with baited breath since my last post, my job interview was today. Given my long history with this solicitor I knew it would be the most relaxed interview I'd ever been to, and I was not wrong. Of course that doesn't mean it wasn't a job interview, I still had to answer questions, (including that awful one I always get asked, "Where do you see yourself in five years?") You could say given how well I knew the women who were interrogating me, it would have been an easy interview. Well it was, but at the same time it wasn't.

You see this woman has worked with me before, so she knows what I'm like. She knows that I love to talk, I don't handle yelling very well, and I can fall to pieces fairly easy. So when I get asked a question like "If a client calls up and yells at you, are you going to call me on my day off in tears again crying because you can't cope?" it's a bit hard to put my best face forward. (And yes I really did do that the last time I worked there.)

Basically it was my job today to prove to her that I wasn't too rusty from being out of work for over three years, and also that I have grown and matured enough to be able to cope with the high stress of working for a divorce solicitor. The rusty part was easy to prove. You see one of my most appealing skills as a secretary was my typing speed. Thanks to my dad forcing me to learn touch typing when I was 11 I can type fast enough to take dictation well. So I'm pretty sure that's one of the reasons she hired me the first time. Today I had to type out a dictated letter for her, and I know for a fact I aced that part of the interview. Apparently I was the first person to have gotten 100% on the typing test, but I did have an advantage there given I'm familiar with her work.

As for reassuring her that I've grown, matured and am ready to come back to work, I think I did that too. In her words I'm the most ideal candidate so far, the only problem is I don't really want to work full time. That's really not a problem for her, the problem for her is whether or not she can find someone else willing to job share with me. Of course I told her that if it came to it, I'd be prepared to go back to work full time, even temporarily at this stage, but I don't know for how long. Already I need an hour off every Thursday for  Miss K's speech therapy group, then there will be optometrists appointments, eye specialist appointments, other family emergencies I'm sure, you get the picture. Already I have been given the impression that taking a day off because Miss K has a cold is unacceptable, but I totally understand why. The thing I need to figure out is how much am I prepared to put to the side in the name of work.

I'm getting this job for Miss K's sake (as well as my own). I'm doing it so that we can have a nice life, full of nice things and no stress about whether to pay the bills or buy food this week. But can I really say it's for Miss K's sake if she goes without her mum when she really needs her, so that I can go out and play with the big people all day? I guess I won't really know for certain until it happens, but I can tell you now, this would be a huge learning experience for me. One I hope I'm ready for. Already I learned today that she cannot be bribed with wine and chocolate, so that's always good to know for future reference. (Yes I did offer a bribe, no I wasn't serious, yes she knows I was joking.)

So now I play the waiting game. I should hear something by the end of the week, so for anyone who knows me, don't be surprised if I spend the next three days jumping every time the phone rings. Hopefully very soon you'll be reading the work of a working mum. Or I'll fall completely off the map being too exhausted to even think straight and you guys might need to send out a search party. Either way we'll have fun.

Wish me luck...

Am I completely insane?

Hello again wonderful people that make up my audience, I am back again. I've had a nice little break from writing (actually it was terrible. I missed writing and I missed talking with you guys) but fear not because the holiday is over and I finally have something to say. First of all I have been very relieved over the past few days of stalking reading other blogs online to find out I have not been the only one filled with blog ennui (otherwise known as writers block). For any of my fellow bloggers in Australia, I have a feeling it is the onset of winter that has us feeling uninspired and full of meh. I spend my days enviously reading all of my American blogs filled with summer activities and warm weather and I just want to pack my bag and move north. But given I have a job interview on Tuesday any plans to move will have to be put on hold for now.

That's right, a job interview. I thought I'd just sneak that one in and see if you guys noticed. Once upon a time, (or in 2007 if my old resume is anything to go by) I used to work for a local solicitor as one of her secretaries. The work was fast paced and pretty challenging for someone who hadn't done anything like dictation or writing up legal documents before, but the thing that made me quit was all the horrible stories I heard while working there. There's nothing like listening to everyone's divorce and custody stories to put you in a bad mood every single day. So I quit the job after 6 months and moved to Melbourne to work in yet another call centre. (I can't remember exactly how many call centre's I've worked in, but needless to say it's a lot.) Well fast forward 5 years to when I'm going through my own custody battle, and the only solicitor I wanted to represent me was my former boss. Given I had insider's knowledge to how she works, I knew that she was my best bet for ensuring that Miss K's needs were the main consideration in any custody agreements.

Well we never ended up going to court or even writing up any custody agreements, and Miss K's dad and I ended up sorting everything out on our own, but I did learn from my solicitor that a job would be coming up in her office soon. She told me the job was mine if I wanted to come back, and to my surprise I said yes. Well this was over 7 months ago, and I never heard anything more about it so I put it out of my mind and went back to being a full time mum. On Thursday of this week mum was reading the local paper, and spotted a job ad for my solicitor's office. She told me to call her, but given the ad only gave her postal address and email, I ended up emailing one of the secretaries and asked to be considered for the job. Well less than 12 hours after I sent the email I got a call asking to come in on Tuesday next week. I don't know if this means I've got the job and she wants to discuss starting times etc, or she just wants to do a formal interview in the interest of fairness to all candidates, but just quietly I am soiling my pants at the thought of either prospect.

Not that I'm scared of job interviews, I've had my fair share over the past 11 years, and although not every one of them ever resulted in a job, I have learned over the years how to cruise through them. No, my real fear is that I actually have the job. Now I know that I can do the job, and if I stick around long enough I'll actually be sent off for proper training, but I don't know what going to work will do to me and Miss K. Anyone who has been here for a while will know that I am a big advocate for stay at home mums. However I have known since the beginning that the time would come where I have to return for work. Sadly for me the time has come sooner than I had hoped, as money is nothing more than a rumor around here these days, and with Miss K needing specialist appointments for her eyes, plus therapy for her speech and motor skills, we are struggling to keep our heads above water at the moment.

When I was younger, I had always dreamed of finding the perfect job where I jumped out of bed every morning looking forward to spending the next 8 hours at work. Sadly after 11 years of working (and not working) I am more realistic about what to expect from a job, and know that there is no such thing as the perfect job. I will never look forward to working, and even though there will be good days and bad days, the purpose of work is really for money, and not any kind of personal fulfillment. The work here will be hard, and I will earn every single dollar that I make, but my solicitor takes good care of her staff, and because of her incredible work ethic and knowledge she is never short of clients. (That and divorce is too easy these days.)

But what about my other job? The one that I'll have till the day I die. Miss K is the reason I'm applying for this job, and she will be what most of the money will be spent on, but what is my absence going to do to her? The shortest answer is I don't know, and I won't know until it happens. I know I'll miss so much while at work, and it is part of the trade off for being financially secure, but it just feels so cold to dump her on someone else while I go and play with the big people all day. I am lucky to have a wonderful family who have agreed to help me with taking care of her while I'm at work, so hopefully we won't have to put her in daycare at this stage. That is a small form of relief, because at least I know that while I'm not around she'll still be surrounded by everyone else that she loves and trusts, and she'll get the best care possible. But it also brings up the concern that we are being a burden on my family. Of course they'd tell me I'm being stupid right now, but I can't help but feel this way.

But all of this is just speculation for now, because like I said I still don't know if I have this job. Right now a more pressing concern is the fact that I've been out of work for 3 years now, so my corporate wardrobe is non-existent. So if you'll excuse me I'm off to raid every wardrobe in my family for something to wear. Wish me luck and I'll be back again soon.

 

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

I'm assuming this is still inappropriate wear for a job interview yes?

May is for Moms; an Interview with my Mother

Hello again and welcome back to the second part of the May is for Moms link up parties, as hosted by Not Your Average Crazy.

Today is all about my mum, and although I talk about her a lot around here, as she has been kind enough to let Miss K and I live with her for almost 4 years now, she has never come and talked to you guys herself. It's probably just because she is such a shy and retiring person, just like me really.

So the deal is the same as last week, Amy has asked a series of questions, and I've asked mum to come along and answer these for me, and then you guys come along and read it and marvel at how awesome my mum is. So please be upstanding and give a big round of applause for mum.

1. How did you feel the moment you found out you were pregnant with me?
I was very excited because I had been trying for you.

2. Was I a wonderful surprise or carefully planned?
Not carefully planned. We wanted another child, but we got you instead. Thanks mum, I feel the love.

3. What was the most challenging time in my childhood? Why?
When we discovered that you had Epilepsy, getting you tested for that and treated was nerve wracking because we'd never come across any of that before. You were also a very introverted and introspective teen who had a lot of trouble at school, and you made a lot of silly mistakes, so it's a toss up between those things.

4. Did you worry more about me as a child or now that I am an adult?
I worried more about you when you were a teenager. Now you have settled down and you don't do silly things. You were a VERY silly teenager

5. What is one thing that you thought was deeply important when I was a baby that you now realise did not matter at all?
The one thing I worried about when you were young that I didn't worry about so much with the other kids was not letting you get hurt, and protecting you too much. You made your mistakes, you had your accidents but you're still alive today so it's all good. 

I certainly am. Well thank you to Amy for another awesome set of questions. To check out Amy's post, plus the link up to the rest of the party goers, visit Not Your Average Crazy here. And be sure to tune in again next week for my last interview with Miss K. You won't want to miss this one, trust me.

Well until next time, stay awesome.

May is for Moms: an interview with myself

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to my blog yet again. Tonight I am partaking in a three part linky party series in honor of Mother's Day next weekend. For full details of the party, as well as how you can join, please visit Not Your Average Crazy now and get writing.

So tonight's episode is an interview with myself. I have to answer a series of questions as asked by Amy from Not Your Average Crazy.

1. Before you ever even had children, how did you feel about being a mother?

Well for the longest time I didn't want children. Babies scared the absolute bejeezus out of me, and I hated the thought of being tied to a little person for the better part of my adult life. But then when I was 19, my niece was born and everything changed. Holding this perfect baby in my arms for the first time, I could see myself doing this for real one day. And while I wasn't in a hurry to become a parent, I knew that I had been put on this earth for one reason only, and that was to be someone's mum.

2. Since becoming a mother, what is something that has happened that you never thought would?

I think the biggest thing that has happened since I became a mum was how much I have calmed down as a person. Before Miss K was born I would jump from one drama to the next, making stupid decision after stupid decision. I would wear my poor family down with my constant meltdowns and various crises. But since becoming a mum, I've realised what is truly important in life, and that my actions don't just affect me. So in order to be a mother that I can be proud of, I've started acting like a real grown up. (Most of the time anyway. There are some supermarket aisles that just beg to be danced down.)

3. Is being a mother less difficult, more difficult or exactly how difficult you imagined?

In some ways it is exactly as difficult as I imagined, and in other ways it is more difficult. When people say that parenting is a full time job, they mean a 24/7 job. As in you never get a quiet toilet break, a hot cup of coffee, or privacy when you are getting dressed ever again. The parenting books also never tell you how to cope the first time your darling offspring tries to eat their own poo. (Yeah that has happened, and the appropriate action is to scream like you are on fire. It scares the hell out of them and gets them to drop everything.) But the best thing is that parenting is infinitely more rewarding than you can ever imagine, and that makes it all worthwhile.

4. What is your fondest memory of being a mother (so far)?

I think all the free hugs and kisses I get as Miss K's mum are the absolute best part of this job. Especially when I haven't begged for them. There are the hugs you get when the whole world has crashed down around your child (otherwise known as they fell down and scraped their knee), the hugs you get when they are tired and want you to take them to bed, the hugs you get because they are super happy, and the just because you're there hugs. I think my absolute favourite hugs are the ones when Miss K is trying to comfort me. I guess because these are the rarest hugs of all, they seem to be the sweetest.

5. If your children only learn one life lesson from you, what do you hope it is?

I think the most important thing I can teach Miss K is know what you want, and believe that you are worth it.

Well that's all the questions for now. If you tune in again the same time next week, hopefully there will be an interview with my mum here (I still have to ask her yet, wish me luck.) And I'll be back again tomorrow with another recipe Monday, so if you are lacking inspiration for what to cook for your family for dinner, tune in tomorrow for a delicious idea. 

Well until then, stay awesome, and don't forget to check out the rest of the wonderful mum posts over at Not Your Average Crazy now.