Saturday, 21 May 2016

May Fly on the Wall - Things that Kept me Smiling in Spite of Myself

Welcome again wonderful people to yet another in the Fly on the Wall series. Anyone who read my post last week about my bad news may be surprised to see me joining in this month, but right now laughter is the best medicine, and my friends and family made sure to keep me laughing all month long. I'm sure you all know the drill by now, but if you're a newbie I'll explain it anyway. Today a group of 9 bloggers have all gotten together to share all of the crazy that you'd see every day if you were a fly on their wall.

Fly on the Wall

But before I get into the fun, allow me to introduce you to all the other bloggers joining in this month with the craziness, be sure to visit them all and keep the medicine flowing right to the end of the bottle.

Juicebox Confession                                     
Menopausal Mother                                   
Spatulas on Parade                                 
Searching for Sanity                                 
Never Ever Give Up Hope                           
Southern Belle Charm                                
My Brain on Kids                

Apparently this month Miss K had cows on the brain because we had a lot of discussions that ended up being about cows for some reason.

Me: Can you please stop eating like a little piggy and eat like a little lady?
Miss K: No, I'm not a little old lady.
Ady: Really? What are you then?
Miss K: I'm a piggy and a cow.

Miss K still has some speech issues, but I'm struggling to figure them all out, so one day while we were working on her sentences this came out.
Me: Can you say the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog?
Miss K: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy cow!
Me: Not quite but close enough.

Me: Miss K did you just fart?
Miss K: No, it must have been the cow.
Me: But I don't see any cows in the room
Miss K: You're the cow mum.
I wasn't sure whether to be more offended that she was calling me a cow or blaming me for her farts. I'm still not sure.

Mum made Miss K a sandwich one day, and cut it into triangles.
Miss K: This sandwich tastes great granny, but it would taste even better if it was cut into squares.
Mum: I'm sorry, I thought you might like triangles for once.
Miss K: No, I only like squares.
Sadly mum did not learn her lesson and made her another sandwich cut into triangles the next day too. I have now taken over sandwich duties again for the sake of everyone's sanity.

During one of my visits to hospital earlier this month they gave me a script for a tablet that wasn't to be taken orally. I went to the in-hospital chemist to pick it up and saw they had a pharmacy intern running the front desk. He was run off his feet, so I just waited quietly till it was my turn and gave him my name. He ran off to get my tablets, but once he saw exactly what it was that had been dispensed he told me he needed to run away and let a female pharmacist explain them to me. It took all of my strength not to laugh at him and cluck as he literally ran away from the desk. I did feel sorry for the poor guy though.

This is why you shouldn't call me when I'm bored.
Me: (answering a call from Nat) Your mother is a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries
Nat: I fart in your general direction
Me: Go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
Nat: Most people just say hello.
Me: Hey at least I was speaking English this time.
For anyone who doesn't get that reference, check out this Monty Python and the Holy Grail video. All of my best ever insults have come from this scene.

Miss K was being a real pain in the rear one night at dinner. I didn't have the energy to fight her over every mouthful, so mum had been pulling her up, but it was getting exhausting.
Mum: Can I run away from home now?
Miss K: No!!
Mum: But why not?
Miss K: Because you're my best.
Luckily mum decided to stay after that. Flattery will get you everywhere in this world.

It seems that Miss K has inherited my hearing troubles.
Me: Miss K do you know what you're doing tomorrow?
Miss K: C is for cookies?
Me: Yes it is, but that's not what I asked.

Miss K: Mum does my forehead have a name?
Me: Yes it does, it's called your forehead.
Miss K: No, I have a fivehead.

While in Inverloch we watched Hairspray, which I've never seen before. This happened at the end of it.
Me: That's it, I've figured it out.
Sam: What?
Me: I was trying to figure out who John Travolta reminded me of in that movie.
Sam: And who does he remind you of?
Me: He reminds me of Ryan Stiles doing an impersonation of Carol Channing.

I want to take a quick second to thank everyone who has contacted me in whatever way over the past few weeks to share your condolences, your stories, and your love. I am truly touched to have such a wonderful big web of people standing behind me in the good times and the bad, and you are all awesome. Big love and hugs to each and every one of you.

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