Me: Interesting fact, mouldy bananas smell like pee.
Mum: Hmmm, it's not that interesting.
Me: I think it's time to feed the cat. Shall we give him his dinner?
Miss K: Yes
Me: Ok you take Bertie to the laundry so we can feed him.
Me: NO DON'T THROW THE CAT!!!
The joys of summer
Mum: There is a fly in here and it's doing my head in (while looking around the lounge for the can of fly spray)
Me: It's in the kitchen, you want me to get it?
Mum: What, the fly is?
Me: Yes mum, the fly is in the kitchen. I'll bring it in here so you can squash it.
Number 2043 of things I never thought I'd have to say to my daughter
Me: MISS K, GET OUT OF THERE, THAT'S THE CAT'S TOILET!!!! Yes I scrubbed her hands with anti-bacterial soap right after this.
While scrubbing her hands after her excavation adventure in the cat litter box
Me: You can't touch the litter box because Bertie's poo has bugs in it. Do you want to get bugs?
Miss K: Yes.
Me: You do? Well too bad because I'm not letting you.
Number 4476 of things I'm tired of having to say to my daughter
Me: Would you stop licking me please? It's super gross.
One of Kim's friends commented that the way she was speaking about me was pretty mean. I had to inform him that when I'm not listening she tells her friends I'm the tattooed lesbian of the family. With sisters like this who needs enemies?
Listening into my sisters drunken phone calls
Kim: You never drink. Even if there's a fire.
Later on in the same conversation
Kim: Hey Anton, how's your small wang going?
Mum got a phone call. Afterwards she had to explain the reason for the call to me.
Mum: That was Kim on the phone. She asked me what that one wheeled thing in the garden is called?
Me: What?
Mum: A wheelbarrow. When I told her she cracked it because she's been calling it a wheelburra all these years, and Stacey finally corrected her tonight.
I was later informed by Kim that she also calls Soy Sauce sorry sauce, she can't say asbestos and she pronounces crayons crowns.
Me: There's a UV alert today from 9:10am to 5:40pm.
Mum: What's the time now?
Me: 10:55.
Mum: Damn I've missed my chance to go outside naked without sunscreen on for the day.
I had sent Miss K to her room after one too many temper tantrums, and realised that her crying had stopped and there was now no noise coming from her room.
Me: It's quiet in there. Too quiet. Mutilating the kitten quiet. I'm going to go check on her.
Number 2044 of things I never thought I'd have to say to my daughter
Me: DON'T CLEAN THE POTTY WITH YOUR TOOTHBRUSH!!!!
More pearls of wisdom from Kim
If I had to choose one word to describe you, it would be Matchbox 20.
In an attempt to get Miss K to form full sentences, we now prompt her with the words she needs to say, and she parrots them back to us one at a time. This was just too easy to turn around as a method of torture...
Me: Can
Miss K: Can
Me: I
Miss K: I
Me: Have
Miss K: Have
Me: A
Miss K: A
Me:....NOOGIE!!!
Miss K: NO NOT NOOGIE, DRINK!!!!!
(I'm hoping everyone knows what a noogie is, but just in case you don't, that's when you grab your victim and rub a knuckle across their head. Of course given my victim is 2 this is always done very gently.)
And lastly a photo. The other day my three year old niece slept at our place as her mum had an appointment in Melbourne to check out how her pregnancy is going along. During the day I sent Miss K and her cousin outside to play and left them to it. After a while I noticed it had gotten very quiet outside, which is unusual for both of these girls, so I had to go investigate. I'm glad I took pictures of them once I got them inside, because these are going to get pulled out every time she brings her friends home once she's a teenager.
Guess who decided to go digging in the dry and dusty garden?
You can't really tell from the photo, but my niece had a dirt mono brow, and there was not an inch of skin that wasn't covered in dirt. Needless to say I chucked them both in the shower and washed away the evidence before her parents could come pick her up. Of course not before snapping this picture and uploading it onto the internet thus incriminating myself anyway. Mother of the year!!!
Well that's all the madness I can fit into one post for now. I'll let you guys go on to the next website now. Tell them I say hi.
http://www.BakingInATornado.
http://www.therowdybaker.com
http://www.justalittlenutty.
http://themomisodes.com
http://spatulasonparade.
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.
http://followmehome.
http://stacysewsandschools.
http://www.menopausalmom.com/
http://www.pinkheartstring.com
http://www.spinstersnacks.com/
LOVE that picture. I have to admit, Miss K sure gets into her share of dirt and yucky stuff!
ReplyDeleteOh she loves getting grubby. Except that once she's done mucking about she insists that I clean her up straight away. She can't stand dirty hands, I'm sure I've given her some sort of complex.
DeleteI love your posts. Between your mum and your daughter, you should never run out of material for Fly! And I also love that your daughter isn't too much of a girly girl. Playing in dirt and mud = awesome. Playing in litter boxes and toilets = not so much. Snicker.
ReplyDeleteOh she's definitely a tom boy. I was when I was a kid too, so I find it great that she is so much like me. It makes play time so much more fun. And I've had to rescue her from the litter box again since that first time. I'm hoping she learns soon though.
DeleteI loved the picture of the girls.
ReplyDeleteExploring and getting dirty is some of the greatest times ever!
Every time I look at sorry sauce, I'll think of you. :)
The sorry sauce cracked me up, because I'd forgotten that we used to call it sorry sauce when she was little because she couldn't pronounce it properly. I never realised she'd go the rest of her life mispronouncing it.
DeleteLove the picture!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have 5 kids, I have had to say many of those same things. HUGS!!!!!!! ;)
"Don't flush the kitty down the toilet. He doesn't like it."
"Quit licking your sister/brother/dog/cat/me."
Wow flushing cats. I'm glad that one hasn't occurred to Miss K yet. I can only imagine the fun you have with five kids.
DeleteThe photo is adorable! Better garden dirt than the kitty litter :)
ReplyDelete"Asbestos" is a hard word to pronounce, but Sorry sauce takes the cake. My daughter still calls wet wipes, "Wep wipes".
Your mon and daughter are very funny. Girls rule the world!
Wep wipes, that's awesome. I call them wet ones and no one ever knows what I'm talking about. Girls definitely rule the world. Or at least they rule in this house.
DeleteDirty kids are always a proof of good parenting, as long as they're squeaky-clean again for bed-time :-)
ReplyDeleteI take your weird sister and raise you by one that attacks your daughter with a knife. That's the sort I got. Needless to say, we haven't had any contact for years.
Love all the quotes, especially Miss K's trip into the kitty potty :-) Have a great weekend, Erin!
Wow knife fights, that's pretty hardcore. I think I'll definitely stick with my little sister then, weird and all.
DeleteThanks for stopping by Stephanie, you have a good weekend too :D
Giggling over here….telling your daughter to stop licking you and also telling her not to clean the toilet with her toothbrush---HILARIOUS!!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah my daughter is nothing if not unique. I don't even know what possessed her to clean the toilet with the toothbrush other than she really didn't want to clean her teeth that night, so I guess she thought I'd be happy enough with the pot getting a good scrub.
DeleteI've also had to ask my children to stop licking me... :-)
ReplyDeleteThe licking does my head in. She's started using it as a punishment when I tell her to do something she doesn't want to do. She doesn't get into nearly as much trouble as when she tries to smack me that way.
Delete