Saturday, 20 February 2016

February Fly on the Wall

Welcome to another monthly instalment of Fly on the Wall.  For any of you who are unfamiliar with the premise, each month a group of bloggers join together and share the crazy things you'd see or hear were you a fly on their wall.

Fly on the Wall
This month there are twelve bloggers joining in, all listed below for you to check out once you're done here.        Baking In A Tornado        Juicebox Confession          Menopausal Mother      Someone Else’s Genius     Spatulas on Parade             Never Ever Give Up Hope                       Go Mama O                     Dinosaur Superhero Mommy        Southern Belle Charm                           My Brain on Kids

Miss K: Mum what should I draw?
Me: Draw an existential crisis.
Miss K: Here, I drew a pizza.
(about 2 minutes later)
Miss K: Mum what should I draw?
Me: Draw the fall of man.
Miss K: I can't draw that, so I'll just draw a sheep ok.
Me: Well that could be the fall of man, you never know. 
Miss K started kindergarten this month, and it has been a very exciting time for her. Every morning when we arrive at the kindergarten gates, she likes to announce at the top of her lungs for everyone within a three block radius that she has arrived. On one of her first days there, she noticed a no smoking sign that is posted on the fence of the kindergarten, so she decided she'd add to her normal announcement "I'm not smoking today!" She couldn't understand why we all laughed at her. 
Sam was at our house trying to do a crossword puzzle
Sam: What's another word for refund, that starts with R?
Me: Rebate.
Sam: Oh yeah. I was going to put rabbit.
about five minutes later
Sam: Another word for plentiful, 5 letters starts with A
Mum: Ample.
Sam: Bugger, I was going to say apple.
My big sister Sam has started getting clucky again (it happens on average about every four years) and she's decided to start a campaign to get me to have a second baby. Miss K is adamant that this does not happen, as she has recently discovered that babies are boring, and they take the attention away from her. I feel that there are larger problems standing in the way of me having another child, so I decided to bring one of the many issues up with Miss K one day.
Me: But Miss K, if I'm going to have another baby, we need to find it a daddy, we don't have a daddy for the baby yet.
Miss K: How about your daddy?
Me: That's slightly illegal, try again.
Miss K: Ok then, my daddy.
Me: Yeah, no thanks, been there, done that.
We eventually settled on my best friend Frankie being the best daddy for the baby, now just to break the news to him...
So Nat has been having troubles with breathing the past week, and the doctor sent her off for a CT scan to check for blood clots in her lungs. She called me after she'd finished at the clinic to tell me all about it.
Nat: So the nurse said that it would eventually feel like I've wet my pants, and after the saline solution worked its way through my face and my arms, it spread down to my pelvis, and sure enough it felt like I'd wet my pants. I felt like asking her if she was sure I hadn't just wet my pants, I was certain I was about to stand up and there would be a wet patch on my jeans. But it was just the saline.
Things I never thought I'd have to say to my child #468635
As I'm taking a fry pan off the stove;
Now remember, the frying pan is hot, so please don't sniff it.

Me: Can you please put this lid back on the butter?
Miss K: Did you say put it in the bathroom?

Well that's all the crazy I can muster for one month, I'm now off to tell my best friend he's been selected as the finalist for the baby Miss K doesn't want. Wish me luck!

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