Monday, 8 July 2013

The weekend from hell

If I ever wrote any kind of a diary (which I can never do for more than a few days at a time) this is what it would have looked like after this weekend.

Thursday 4th July 2013 6:00pm

Well today we are in Melbourne. I have been summoned up by Miss K's nonna to meet her cousin who is arriving from Italy tomorrow morning. I have been told it will be my job to keep her company tomorrow morning while Nonna is at work. Now given I don't really speak much Italian, and she doesn't speak much English this will be an interesting babysitting job. The trip up here was made easier by the fact that mum was with us on the train, she will be visiting my uncle while I'm in little Italy and we all travel together home on Saturday. I will be interested to find out if Miss K's dad has actually told nonna how short our trip is this time, he tends to forget the little details like that. After a discussion with him last week where he complained that I don't step back enough and let him take care of Miss K, I have agreed that he can bear the brunt of the parenting duties this weekend while I step back and observe from a distance. This will be interesting. I have been pleasantly surprised by the people of Melbourne today, and their willingness to help a lady with a pram get off and on public transport. I was assisted by no less than three strangers today while making the long and complicated journey from the city to the suburb where "la famiglia" live. It gives me hope that common courtesy isn't lost.

Thursday 4th July 2013 11:00pm

Well I am meant to be getting some sleep right now but it is proving impossible. It took 2 hours and a long car trip to finally get Miss K to sleep at 9pm tonight, but the sleep only lasted 2 hours and she is awake again. Nonna has offered to take her off my hands so I can get my rest, as she isn't going to bed any time soon, I think I'll take her up on the offer and try to catch some sleep.

Friday 5th July 3:00am

Just woke up to hear Miss K's screams from the garage which means two things. 1. She is still awake, 2. she is throwing the mother of all temper tantrums which means she is over tired and over indulged. Went into the garage to find her playing with her father, nonna is nowhere to be seen having gone to bed an hour ago. Miss K's dad said she wanted to go outside and when I asked why he hadn't returned her to bed he told me she didn't want to go to sleep. I drag a screaming Miss K back inside and get  her to sleep in five minutes. When will these people learn that what a 2 year old wants and what a 2 year old needs are usually two different things, and you always go with the latter? I don't mind spoiling a child and letting her bend the rules occasionally, but this is ridiculous.

Friday 5th July 7:30am

We were just woken up by a troupe of people walking through the door. The cousin has arrived and there is a whole heap of people standing in the kitchen talking over the top of one another as if they are all well rested and not encumbered with a 2 year old who always gets her own way. I envy them. Go outside to have a cigarette and complain on Facebook that I have no idea what is going on around me given my lack of understanding of the Italian language. It is very hard to be polite to these people when I am so damn exhausted right now. I still have my pyjamas on and bed hair. And to make matters worse Miss K broke my glasses again. I need coffee and lots of it.

Friday 5th July 9:00am

Am sitting in the kitchen with two people, neither of which can speak very much English. Of course one of them is 2 years old and very cute so she gets away with it. I have resorted to downloading a translation app on my phone so that I can string more than two words together for the cousin, and we are attempting a conversation. It is not easy for either of us, but I've managed to find out a little bit about her and she seems very interesting. I still do not understand why nonna tasked me with the job of keeping her company, especially since her son can actually understand Italian, even though he doesn't speak it. I have learned two new words so far, Scimmia, which means monkey, and pazzo, which means crazy. This will help me greatly in conversation because I know lots about crazy monkeys.

Friday 5th July 4:00pm

The house is full of people again. More friends wanting to meet the cousin have arrived. I tried to get a sleep in today but it wasn't successful. Miss K's father on the other hand has been in bed since he got home at 7 this morning. So much for taking care of his daughter. Apparently nonna's nose was put out of joint by the comment I passed on Facebook this morning. Or perhaps it was Tristan's suggestion that I call them all Stronzos which means asshole. While both funny and interesting it hasn't proved to be helpful in the least. I stupidly opened my mouth and offered to visit for Christmas this year, and they are already making plans so I guess I'm stuck with being away from my family for the best family day of the year this year. When will I learn to keep my fat mouth shut?

Friday 5th July 8:00pm

The house is finally empty again, Miss K was asleep at a reasonable hour (it only took ten minutes of fighting and three rounds of there was an old lady who swallowed a fly tonight) and I am alone to enjoy my headache. My glasses were well and truly broken this morning which means I am blind until next Thursday when I can finally make time in my schedule to visit the optometrist. I'm overdue anyway but the headaches aren't fun. Miss K's father did forget to mention we were leaving tomorrow (I knew he would) but I have informed nonna that tonight was our last night and she has very kindly offered to drive us as close to the city as she can tomorrow morning. Need to check train timetables and organise to meet mum and my uncles at the station. Tomorrow is my cousin's engagement party and I do not want to miss this for the world. Our family parties are legendary. I have decided to spend the evening hiding in the front room on our blow up mattress and read the hunger games for the millionth time tonight. I can't listen to another word of Italian for now.

Saturday 6th July 7:00am

Miss K and I have been awake for an hour. We've had breakfast and watched a whole episode of High 5 and still no one else is awake. I've packed our bags and cleared the house of all of our belongings, now I just need someone else to wake up so I can finally turn on the coffee machine and get the caffeine pumping into my system again. Why is it that the only time I want people up early in this house is the one day they decide to have a sleep in?

Saturday 6th July 10:30am

I have just missed my train back home again. I am so frustrated right now. Nonna finally woke up at 8:00 and I informed her I needed to be out of the house by 9:30 at the latest. 9:45 we finally left the house and she spent the next hour arguing with her son about the best route to the train station. I had been told the trip would take 25 minutes at the most. And of course it's all my fault because I didn't tell her I needed to be gone until an hour and a half before the fact. This of course ignores the fact that I couldn't tell her any earlier because she was locked in her bedroom. What's worse is that mum has my train ticket as I brought all the tickets at the same time and handed them to her for safe keeping. I now need to wait 20 minutes for the next train into the city and another hour after that for the next train back home and back to sanity. I'm also going to miss most of the engagement party because it starts at 1, and I won't get home till 2, then I need to get both Miss K and I dressed, (we tend to travel comfortable.) so who knows what time I'll get there. I kept telling nonna that it was fine and I'll just catch a later train but I'm so angry right now I could spit.

Saturday 6th July 7:00pm

Well that was one hell of a weekend. Miss K and I are finally home from the engagement party (we were an hour and a half late so we missed lunch but we made it for the speeches.) I didn't have much time to chat to my cousin which was a shame because I don't see him all that much but I did get to catch up with some family members which usually only happens at Christmas and birthdays so that was good. Miss K and I made our excuses at about 4:30 because we were both drained and ended up zoning out in front of the telly and the computer until her bed time. She didn't even want dinner tonight so she got sent to bed full of paracetamol (for her lovely cold) half an hour early. There was a new comment on my Facebook status when I got home from nonna, calling all the people who had commented on my post "stronzos" which means she has just insulted my family. So I'm done. No Christmas, no weekend visits once a month, no more being nice period. She wants to see a stronzo, she's got it. Mum has just walked in with a 6 pack of rum and cola so I think it's time I drowned my sorrows and forgot this whole hellish weekend even happened. Thank goodness for work on Monday.

Pictured: me all weekend
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