I come for the coffee, I stay for the padded walls and straight jackets
Saturday, 21 January 2017
January Fly on the Wall
Hello again my lovelies, it is time for Fly on the Wall!!! For any of you unfamiliar with this series, today 9 bloggers have all joined together to share what you would see if you were a fly on the wall at their house
Below is a list of all the bloggers participating today. Be sure to visit them all and share the love.
Nat and Kim were arguing about Nat's choice of contraceptive
Kim: Get rid of it, it's toxic.
Nat: I don't want to. What contraceptive do you use?
Me: Are you kidding? Her personality is all the contraceptive she needs. It's so effective I don't get laid.
Miss K was playing with her old babyseat and I had to wrestle it off her so she would get ready for bed. She burst into tears and ran into the lounge to my mum.
Mum: What's wrong? What did mum do?
Miss K: She ruined my day.
Me: What did she say I did?
Mum: You ruined her day.
Miss K: No, you ruined my life!
Me: Oh honey if you think that ruined your life I've got bad news for you...
I would have gone off at Miss K for being a drama queen, however I'm also guilty of using this line so it's simply a case of the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Kim: Oh god I'm ruining my skin.
Me: That's ironic because you're ruining my life.
Kim was reading a warning from the CFA
Kim: There are hazardous fumes leaking from sealos on Waterloo road.
Mum: From where?
Kim: Oh, silos. Sorry
Miss K came to me with a drawing of a bird and the word Ka written all around it.
Miss K: Mum this is a picture of an angry bird.
Me: Is it saying cacca? (Italian word for poop)
Miss K: No, it's saying "You stole my banana"
Nat: We were driving along a road with heaps of hay bales wrapped up in paddocks. Dave explained why they were wrapped up, and then I saw what looked like unwrapped hay bales, so I was like Oh look, there are hay bales they haven't wrapped up yet. Oh wait, never mind those are just sheep. Now every time we go past sheep Dave will point to them and say oh look, hay bales.
I was in a rush and trying to do Miss K's hair.
Me: There you go, it's not perfect but it will do.
Miss K: It's a little bit perfect though right?
On New Years Eve we went to Sam's house for a barbeque which has become a bit of an annual tradition. This year she had found a store that sold confetti cannons in the shape of pop cap guns, so she'd bought a heap for the kids to play with. I of course watched Miss K like a hawk, lecturing her on the correct way to use the gun and making sure she didn't do anything stupid, but it turns out Sam was the one who needed supervising, as she decided she needed to stare into the barrel of the canon as she was shooting it, and got herself right in the face with the confetti.
Me: Did you know it is possible to be allergic to a man's sperm?
Mum: Yes I did.
Kim: YES! I did know that because...wait a minute, never mind I'm just going to leave that story there.
Mum: Please do.
I had just finished complaining to Miss K's dad that I had put out 15 bags of clothes to be collected by a recycling company and they hadn't bothered taking them when he told me he was just about to head to a second hand store.
Me: Did I ever tell you that you're my favourite stupid person? (Begin to bat my eyelids at him)
Ady: Don't flitter your eyelids at me young lady
Me: It's called batting you idiot, I'm batting my eyelids at you.
I was reading a Buzzfeed article about Spongebob memes when a picture of a krabby patty burger pops up.
Miss K: What is that? Is that a Krabby Patty?
Me: Yes it is. How did you know?
Miss K: Mr Krabs sells them. It doesn't have pickle right?
Me: No, it's got pickle. Who orders it without the pickle?
Miss K: Me. I don't like pickle.
Me: Oh ok. So if I ever order you a Krabby Patty I have to tell them to hold the pickle.
Miss K: Yes please.
Well that's all from this corner of the world, be sure to visit all the other bloggers participating and continue the laughs.
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