Saturday, 24 December 2016

December Fly on the Wall

Hello again my lovelies, it is that time yet again, we're up to the last Fly on the Wall for the year!


Fly on the Wall
This month 8 hardy bloggers are  participating, all sharing the funny and crazy things you would see if you were a fly on their wall. Be sure to visit them all and enjoy the show.

Menopausal Mother                       
Spatulas on Parade                                             
Never Ever Give Up Hope                                     
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                           
Southern Belle Charm                   
A Little Piece of Peace  
Go Mama O     

             
Kim: I can't wait to be able to get dressed without it being a song and dance.
Me: Then stop singing and dancing while you get dressed.
My dad works for a local car yard, picking up cars they purchase from private sellers and other car yards. One day he had to pick up a hearse someone had purchased and bring it back to the yard. He stopped in to visit Sam and I while we were working.
Dad: Did you see what I drove here in?
Me: What on earth are you doing with that thing? People are going to think someone has died here. Oooh I know what you need to do, you and Sam have to run out of the house screaming, and I'll follow you out doing a zombie shuffle.
Kim bought noise cancelling headphones, and proceeded to test them out while yelling really loudly because of course she couldn't hear her own voice.
Kim: These are great.
Me: No one cares triangle lady. What are you listening to?
I then realised that of course she couldn't hear me.
Me: I fart on your pillow while you're at work.
Kim realises I'm talking to her
Kim: What?
Me: Nothing. How are you enjoying your pinkeye?
Me: Other people sing in the toilet, my daughter beatboxes.
I was working with my big sister Sam one day, and she'd had a rough night's sleep the night before, so she kept falling asleep at her desk. I kept waking her up and trying to have a conversation with her, but things never went as planned.
Me: Sam! Wake up.
Sam: I'll have a super mega shake
Me: What? 
Sam: Sorry, I was dreaming I was ordering from McDonalds.
Me: I've never heard of a super mega shake before
Sam: Yeah, it was a new item on the menu. I was really looking forward to trying it too.
Later on that same day Sam had fallen asleep again and I woke her up again
Sam: Where is my computer screen?
Me: What?
Sam: I'm meant to have two screens, where has the other one gone?
Me: Sam, your laptop is closed.
My little sister Natalie visited a chiropractor this month because she's had ongoing issues with her back since she was a child. Her stories of this visit made me incredibly thankful I've never had to visit one.
Nat: So apparently my eyes were stopping me from being able to use the muscles in my hands.
Me: What?
Nat: Yeah, but she fixed it for me by electrocuting my eye?
Me: What?
Nat: Well it wasn't a real electric shock, it was this weird pulsing thingy. When she figured out what was going on she said "I love this part because it makes me look really smart". She showed me how it worked by pulsing me on my thumb, then she got this really creepy voice and said "And now I'm going to do that to your eye"
I called Nat after her second appointment to see how she went
Me: So did the chiropractor cattle prod your eyeball this time?
Nat: No, but she did it to my bottom.
Me: That means she owns you forever now I think.
Miss K was mucking about on the piano one night, just hitting random keys to make a song.
Mum: What is that song about?
Miss K: It's called scary nights.
Mum: Gary Nice?
Me: She said scary nights mum.
Kim and I were having an argument after she told Miss K that eating ice cream in hot weather would make her sick.
Me: Don't lie to her, she won't get sick if she eats ice cream now
Kim: Well I get sick when I eat ice cream in the hot weather so I just assumed everyone did.
Me: No one ever does anything like you do, you're a genetic reject, have you not realised that yet?
Kim: I think my feelings are hurt right now.
Me: Well get back to me when you're certain
Kim: Dammit I can't even stay mad at you now you bitch, that was too funny.
Kim was picking up some shopping for me
Kim: How many do you want?
I had a mouthful of coffee, so I just held up two fingers
Kim: Trois, ok can do.
Me: I want two. Trois means three you idiot. 
Kim: Un, deux, trois...was just making sure.
Motivational words for my little brother who finally got his learners permit

Well that's all from this crazy corner of the world, I will be back with this series in the new year, with hopefully lots more crazy to share.
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