So today I have to discuss my strangest parenting moment to date. This is so strange Google wasn't even able to help me. I'm sharing my story today in the hopes that if anyone else has come upon this problem you can come find me, bring me whiskey and we'll discuss how weird our children are together. For any of you who follow me on Twitter, you may already know what I'm about to discuss because I mentioned it this morning, so you can just sit back while I fill you in on the rest of the story that I couldn't fit into 140 characters.
Miss K made some imaginary friends recently Mario and Baby Mario. These
friends have been named after Mario Kart for two reasons, 1. Miss K is absolutely nuts about Mario Kart on the Wii and 2. She is terrible at coming up for names for her toys and imaginary friends. I was first introduced to Mario and Baby Mario one night as I was getting Miss K ready for bed. She simply informed me that they were very tired and were also ready for bed. This was all fine, I probably made some small comment about them putting their pyjamas on and going to the toilet before bedtime (I don't like cleaning up wet mattresses during the night, not even imaginary ones).
Mario and Baby Mario made several guest appearances with us during the next few weeks, sometimes they'd show up while we were playing, or they'd accompany us to kindergarten, the usual imaginary friend stuff. I was never asked to lay extra places for them at dinner time, and they never asked for biscuits or snacks when Miss K was eating, so I have to commend them on their excellent manners.
One day while I was brushing Miss K's hair getting ready for kindergarten she started throwing one of her daily "I don't need my hair brushed today mum, I'm happy looking like a hobo" tantrums. Everything was going swimmingly until she started yelling at no one to STOP LOOKING AT HER!!!! I asked her who she was yelling at and she told me Mario and Baby Mario were staring at her while she cried. This has always been one of Miss K's buttons, and she's never liked having an audience when she is having a bad moment. We usually combat this by getting Miss K to remove herself from the audience until she is calmed down and ready to act reasonably. Unfortunately given the audience this time was all in Miss K's head, I had no solution at the ready, other than to tell her it's not nice to yell at her friends just because she's having a bad moment. I gave the usual lecture about treating our friends nicely, while wondering to myself that if Miss K is the one who controls the actions of her imaginary friends, why not just stop them from staring at her, or don't imagine them staring at her in the first place.
But today things took a turn for the bizarre. We had a bad morning today. Miss K was feeling tired and grumpy, she didn't want to put her own shoes on, she didn't want to carry her bag to the car, and she tried (unsuccessfully) to slam the door in my face when we were leaving the house. She rushed ahead of me to the car, and tried to open the door. Usually I unlock the door by remote so that she can run to the car and get in while I'm locking up, just to save time, but given her behaviour at the time I decided she needed a lesson in patience and controlling her temper, so I didn't unlock the door until I got to the car. This just resulted in Miss K getting embarrassed when the door didn't open immediately for her, and we got the fifth tantrum of the day. This tantrum included her throwing invisible things around as well as the usual stomping and other fun kid stuff I get to witness that no one else believes me when I say my kid does these things. I didn't pay much attention to the throwing at the time, but when we finally got into the car she informed me that her friends were dead. Clue the light bulb going off above my head as I realise her imaginary throwing was her chucking Mario and Baby Mario onto the road. When I asked her why she killed her friends she told me it was because she was sad. Cue the obligatory lecture about treating friends nicely when we're dealing with tough emotions and the extra lecture about if she isn't nice to her friends they won't stick around just to be abused. This again was weird because I'm still aware we're talking about figments of her imagination.
The big thing about Miss K killing her imaginary friends and then telling me about it was she was implying their deaths were my fault because I was the one who had embarrassed her by not opening her door, and by always ruining her life in general. Given I am not that easily manipulated her plan to make me feel bad for pulling her into line failed, but to add insult to injury I then used my super magic powers to bring her imaginary friends back to life, at which time I claimed them as my own imaginary friends, because people don't like hanging around with anyone who kills them, imaginary or not. So now, not only has she lost two friends, she has to hear about me bragging about all the awesome fun we have together that she is no longer privy to.
What gets me the most about all of this is that Google was totally unable to help me sort through everything I'm dealing with right now. 99% of the posts on imaginary friends told me that either my daughter has schizophrenia or she is possessed by demonic spirits. I highly doubt the first one, and considering I already call her my little hell beast I'm not totally surprised by the second one, but am still ruling it out as an explanation given how quick she was to dispose of them in the most Looney Tunes way possible. Is it just an unspoken rule of parenting that we're not meant to discuss when our children straight up murder the figments of their imagination? Are there underground support groups for mums who have had to hide imaginary bodies or field questions from imaginary police officers about the whereabouts of these suddenly missing imaginary friends? Are there imaginary milk cartons out there with photos of these people? Can I call the imaginary crime stoppers and report my daughter for this?
I've spoken to Miss K's dad about today's events and his only response has been to tell me she is most definitely my daughter, and to congratulate me for making new friends for myself. So no help whatsoever. He couldn't even give me the number of a good imaginary lawyer just in case we end up going to trial. I can't be held as an accessory to an imaginary crime, what will the neighbours think?
So I guess the purpose of today's post is to give other parents who are dealing with their children killing off their imaginary friends a different place to land that isn't going to tell them their child is possessed or mentally unstable. Can I offer you a solution to your problem? Probably not. I can't promise that my solution is really effective as I'm still waiting for the therapy bills to start piling up and that could take years, so consider this a work in progress. If any of you have come upon the same problem and solved it differently to me I'd love to know what you did and if it worked. Did they make new imaginary friends? Did they also kill these imaginary friends? Did they end up in imaginary jail with a cellmate called Big Daddy? Do I need to start daytime drinking?
Well that's all from my crazy corner of the world for now, I'm sure Miss K and I will be back to make you all feel better about your own families very soon.
I come for the coffee, I stay for the padded walls and straight jackets
Showing posts with label Temper tantrums. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Temper tantrums. Show all posts
Tuesday, 9 August 2016
Wednesday, 13 January 2016
When your angel returns from custody visits a devil
You know what they say, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. 2016 was meant to be MY year. I started off with such grand plans, of how I wasn't going to let anything get in my way, and then I hit my first roadblock; my first full day of the year with my child at home.
Miss K spent from Boxing Day to New Years Day with her dad in Melbourne. I spoke to her every single day and she was cheerful and happy and excited. I don't know where that girl ended up, I think she got left behind in Melbourne, because the little person that was returned to me at the end of her holiday was neither cheerful nor excited. She was rude, she was stubborn, and she was destructive. I have a name for this little person, Grumpus. You see this isn't the first time my darling daughter got left behind in Melbourne after an access visit with her dad, so I know Grumpus well.
Grumpus does things Miss K would never dream of doing, like telling my mum she refuses to speak to her when mum tells her off for being a brat, or complaining when I ask her to do a chore. Grumpus is quick to get frustrated or angry, and slept a lot her first few days here. Once the exhaustion wore off and she felt alert enough to raise hell, she started with her antics. It started with refusing to go to the toilet on her own, a skill Miss K mastered some time ago, then she decided she couldn't go anywhere in the house unless I followed exactly a metre behind her at all times. I don't know why she needed an audience to pour herself a drink, but then preschooler logic has never been my strong point. Grumpus decided that 3am was a perfectly acceptable time to start the day, regardless of anyone who felt otherwise, and one morning when I refused to get up at 3am to entertain her, I woke up at a more respectable hour to discover Grumpus had destroyed a 30cm block of Styrofoam, and scattered little balls of foam from one end of the house to the other while I was asleep. I looked like a yeti who was moulting that morning, because of course she decided my bedroom was the perfect place to discover what the inside of a Styrofoam block looks like (little hint, exactly like the outside, just bumpier.) so my bed, walls and floor wore the brunt of the foam, as did I. For the first ten minutes of my day I looked like I had a severe case of gigantic dandruff as I shook the balls from out of my hair. I have never wanted to spike my own coffee more than I did that day. My only salvation that day was that now that Miss K/Grumpus is a little bit older, I could make her clean up her gigantic mess as punishment, and I sat down for half an hour and watched her struggle to work a vacuum cleaner that is nearly as tall as her, barking orders every now and again when she missed a spot, or got distracted by vacuuming her own hair.
The final straw came the next day (yes, I managed to keep my head from exploding after waking up in my own foam cloud) when I tried to send Miss K to her room as punishment for fighting with her cousin. Grumpus appeared and defiantly told me that SHE would not be going to her room, because SHE was a big girl. In the interests of keeping things real around here, I will confess that I did not handle this like Mike Brady, where we all sit around and discuss our feelings like rational human beings while muzak plays in the background. I lost my temper so quickly I actually surprised mum, and made my opinion of my daughter and her attitude very well known. Well Grumpus/Miss K ended up running to her room in tears after I had finished, and to be honest, I haven't really seen much of Grumpus since. Any time she tries to show up, all it takes is my meanest glare (trust me, I have a scary face when I want) and things get done without complaint, and without a single hint of attitude.
I know that what I have been experiencing this fortnight is far from unusual when kids split time between two houses. I was actually expecting this behaviour, and possibly worse because the last time Miss K spent a week at her father's house she came home displaying signs of regression, as well as an increase in night terrors and bet wetting, so I was expecting something, I just wasn't sure what. From my time working for a family lawyer, I knew that this was actually a pretty typical reaction from kids after being shuttled from one house to another, from one routine to another, and from one set of rules and restrictions to another. One of the most common complaints I heard from our clients was that their ex always returned their children home exhausted and feral. But expecting it and coping with it are two entirely different things. Unfortunately for me, my preferred method of coping with it which was to hand Grumpus back to her father and tell him to return her when she wasn't such a pain in the rear didn't go over well, especially after he revealed that she had behaved the same way with him all week, (his exact words were "You're the primary parent, it's your problem.") so as usual it was up to me to remove Grumpus from my home. If I could now transfer my methods of extermination to other kinds of pests I could be a very rich woman.
So for now peace has returned to my house, and we're even beginning to see glimpses of a new and slightly more mature little girl running around. I'm certain this isn't the last time I see Grumpus, but with perseverance, I know I can send her running the next time, and the next time, and the next time, until she's at an age where the shift from one house to the other isn't such a shock to the system. In the meantime, for any of you out there who are so inclined, I would not say no to donations of bottles of whiskey to help me keep from ending up in a straight jacket the next time Miss K comes home from a visit to Melbourne.
Miss K spent from Boxing Day to New Years Day with her dad in Melbourne. I spoke to her every single day and she was cheerful and happy and excited. I don't know where that girl ended up, I think she got left behind in Melbourne, because the little person that was returned to me at the end of her holiday was neither cheerful nor excited. She was rude, she was stubborn, and she was destructive. I have a name for this little person, Grumpus. You see this isn't the first time my darling daughter got left behind in Melbourne after an access visit with her dad, so I know Grumpus well.
Grumpus does things Miss K would never dream of doing, like telling my mum she refuses to speak to her when mum tells her off for being a brat, or complaining when I ask her to do a chore. Grumpus is quick to get frustrated or angry, and slept a lot her first few days here. Once the exhaustion wore off and she felt alert enough to raise hell, she started with her antics. It started with refusing to go to the toilet on her own, a skill Miss K mastered some time ago, then she decided she couldn't go anywhere in the house unless I followed exactly a metre behind her at all times. I don't know why she needed an audience to pour herself a drink, but then preschooler logic has never been my strong point. Grumpus decided that 3am was a perfectly acceptable time to start the day, regardless of anyone who felt otherwise, and one morning when I refused to get up at 3am to entertain her, I woke up at a more respectable hour to discover Grumpus had destroyed a 30cm block of Styrofoam, and scattered little balls of foam from one end of the house to the other while I was asleep. I looked like a yeti who was moulting that morning, because of course she decided my bedroom was the perfect place to discover what the inside of a Styrofoam block looks like (little hint, exactly like the outside, just bumpier.) so my bed, walls and floor wore the brunt of the foam, as did I. For the first ten minutes of my day I looked like I had a severe case of gigantic dandruff as I shook the balls from out of my hair. I have never wanted to spike my own coffee more than I did that day. My only salvation that day was that now that Miss K/Grumpus is a little bit older, I could make her clean up her gigantic mess as punishment, and I sat down for half an hour and watched her struggle to work a vacuum cleaner that is nearly as tall as her, barking orders every now and again when she missed a spot, or got distracted by vacuuming her own hair.
The final straw came the next day (yes, I managed to keep my head from exploding after waking up in my own foam cloud) when I tried to send Miss K to her room as punishment for fighting with her cousin. Grumpus appeared and defiantly told me that SHE would not be going to her room, because SHE was a big girl. In the interests of keeping things real around here, I will confess that I did not handle this like Mike Brady, where we all sit around and discuss our feelings like rational human beings while muzak plays in the background. I lost my temper so quickly I actually surprised mum, and made my opinion of my daughter and her attitude very well known. Well Grumpus/Miss K ended up running to her room in tears after I had finished, and to be honest, I haven't really seen much of Grumpus since. Any time she tries to show up, all it takes is my meanest glare (trust me, I have a scary face when I want) and things get done without complaint, and without a single hint of attitude.
I know that what I have been experiencing this fortnight is far from unusual when kids split time between two houses. I was actually expecting this behaviour, and possibly worse because the last time Miss K spent a week at her father's house she came home displaying signs of regression, as well as an increase in night terrors and bet wetting, so I was expecting something, I just wasn't sure what. From my time working for a family lawyer, I knew that this was actually a pretty typical reaction from kids after being shuttled from one house to another, from one routine to another, and from one set of rules and restrictions to another. One of the most common complaints I heard from our clients was that their ex always returned their children home exhausted and feral. But expecting it and coping with it are two entirely different things. Unfortunately for me, my preferred method of coping with it which was to hand Grumpus back to her father and tell him to return her when she wasn't such a pain in the rear didn't go over well, especially after he revealed that she had behaved the same way with him all week, (his exact words were "You're the primary parent, it's your problem.") so as usual it was up to me to remove Grumpus from my home. If I could now transfer my methods of extermination to other kinds of pests I could be a very rich woman.
So for now peace has returned to my house, and we're even beginning to see glimpses of a new and slightly more mature little girl running around. I'm certain this isn't the last time I see Grumpus, but with perseverance, I know I can send her running the next time, and the next time, and the next time, until she's at an age where the shift from one house to the other isn't such a shock to the system. In the meantime, for any of you out there who are so inclined, I would not say no to donations of bottles of whiskey to help me keep from ending up in a straight jacket the next time Miss K comes home from a visit to Melbourne.
Saturday, 8 August 2015
August Secret Subject Swap: Perfect?
Hello again my lovelies, I am back for another month of Secret Subject Swap. Today sixteen brave bloggers are writing posts on subjects given to them by another blogger. I don't think I've ever been in a secret subject swap this large, so there's lots of great stuff here for you guys to read. I know that reading everyone else's posts is going to take up a great portion of my Saturday, so I'm excited to finally say I have plans this weekend!
So before I get into my subject I'll link you to everyone else who is participating in the swap today. Be sure to hop over to the other bloggers too, and share some of your lovely love around.
So today my post is For the first time ever, everything is going right today. While it's wonderful it's a bit scary. Do you want more perfect days or do you want your normal life back? and it was submitted by the wonderful Karen over at Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
So anyone who knows me knows how hectic life around here gets. With juggling work, kindergarten, my own scrapbooking business, speech therapy appointments, visitation schedules, and everything in between, I barely have a minute to scratch myself. It's why I so often fall asleep in front of the computer of an evening. I shouldn't complain, but it gets old real fast. I've learned a few cheats over the years to make life a little easier, which usually involve throwing some electronic device in Miss K's general direction just to get five minutes of peace and quiet to get a job done, or five minutes more sleep, but I have things more or less under control. which is what made yesterday's bad day worse. First of all Miss K spent the whole day giving me sass, arguing back at me, and getting under my feet. Any request for assistance from me prompted running and screaming from her as if I was asking her to donate a kidney for me. To make things worse we ended up late to our speech therapy appointment thanks to her antics, which threw me out for the rest of the day. By the time I got to my night time class I was absolutely fried, and I still had to teach a scrapbook layout to my workshop ladies.
Usually spending two hours comparing our battle scars from the past week leaves us all refreshed and ready to fight the good fight the next day, but I couldn't help but still feel unsatisfied with my lot in life as I drove home late last night. I sat in my car in the dark driveway for five minutes too exhausted to get out and start unloading all my tools from the back seat. I looked up at the sky, which was void of sparkly lights for some reason, and searched the black until I found a solitary star winking at me. "I just wish life was easier" I said out loud before letting out a large sigh and hauling my tired behind out of the car. I ignored the boxes in the back seat, figuring I'd get them tomorrow and dragged my feet towards the door. After completing my normal night time routine I went to bed early and fell fast asleep.
When I woke up this morning the sun was streaming through a slit in my curtain. This alone was odd, because I'm usually woken up by Miss K pulling my covers off me at 4:30 in the morning demanding a drink and a banana. Once I got my bearings I pulled myself out of bed and went over to Miss K's room, worried she was sick. Instead of finding a mayhem of toys or books all over the floor, I was greeted by the sight of a spotless room, with Miss K in the corner stacking her books into their shelves according to size. "You OK kiddo?" I asked her. "Yes mummy, just cleaning my room thank you" came the reply. I shook my head, wondering if maybe the exhaustion was beginning to mess with my mind, and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. The mess of coffee powder and sugar that had coated the bench the night before was missing, as was the pile of clean dishes that had been drying on the rack for three days now. "Miss K has grandma been cleaning this morning?" I called out. "No mummy, that was me." she called back. I wandered into the lounge room to find a similar scene of tidiness that hadn't been there the night before. "You cleaned the whole house?" I asked incredulously. Hearing noise from the kitchen I turned to find Miss K preparing herself some breakfast. "You want me to do that for you?" I asked hopefully "No thanks" she replied and continued on pouring milk on her cereal. At a loss for words, I decided to tell a joke. "Knock, knock" I said with a grin. "Not now mum, I'm a little busy" Miss K said as she walked past me carefully balancing her bowl in one hand and a cup of juice in the other. She sat down in her little blue chair, and I waited for the inevitable request to push her seat in. Instead she did a weird little jump in her seat and managed to pull herself closer to the table unassisted.
The rest of the day passed in the same way. Miss K refused my offer to play a game of Mario Kart with her, something she usually jumps at the chance to do, and instead decided to rearrange her sock drawer. She declined my suggestion to pull out the kinetic sand, instead sorting through her toy chest and throwing out all her old unwanted toys. I was so bored I decided to drape a blanket on myself and pretend to be a ghost. This was only met with a dirty look from my suddenly mature 4 year old. Gone were the requests to follow her to the toilet for no particular reason, gone were the spontaneous games of tag, gone was the cheeky sass I got on a constant basis. I was horrified to realise my little girl had morphed into a middle aged woman, right in front of my eyes. This thought caused something in my head to snap and I screamed in the middle of the quietest dinner I'd had in a long time. "What in the ever loving hell is going on? Where is my baby and who are you?" "You said you wanted life to be easier. This is what you wanted" Miss K said in between mouthfuls of mashed potato (a dish I'd never been able to get her to eat before now) "Well I changed my mind" I cried. "I want my old life back. I want the mess, and the arguing, and the laughing, and the fun. Easy is boring" With this I ran to my bedroom and buried my head in my pillow. I know it was incredibly childish of me, but this day had been so horrible, I didn't know what else to do.
I lay in silence for a few seconds, until I felt something pull the blankets off me, and the shock of the cold air jolted me out of my sleep. Miss K jumped on my back and yelled "Wake up mummy I'm thirsty." I reached for my phone and checked the time, 4:30 in the morning. "I want a banana and a drink please mummy" Miss K said as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and before she could repeat herself I grabbed her up in the biggest bear hug of her life. "Never, ever, ever change Miss K, got it?" I cried burying my head in her tiny shoulder. "Ok mummy. Can I have a drink now?" she asked. I jumped out of bed, relieved that everything was as it was meant to be, and last night's dream was only that. As I poured Miss K's drink, the little voice came from my bedroom. "Don't forget my banana mum." "Some things never change" I said to myself smiling. "And thank God for that."
So before I get into my subject I'll link you to everyone else who is participating in the swap today. Be sure to hop over to the other bloggers too, and share some of your lovely love around.
http://www.BakingInATornado.
http://themomisodes.com
http://berghamchronicles.
http://stacysewsandschools.
http://dinoheromommy.com/
http://spatulasonparade.
http://www.southernbellecharm.
http://batteredhope.blogspot.
http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.
http://www.silenceofthemom.
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.
http://thethreegerbers.
http://www.angrivatedmom.
http://morethancheeseandbeer.
http://climaxedtheblog.
So today my post is For the first time ever, everything is going right today. While it's wonderful it's a bit scary. Do you want more perfect days or do you want your normal life back? and it was submitted by the wonderful Karen over at Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
So anyone who knows me knows how hectic life around here gets. With juggling work, kindergarten, my own scrapbooking business, speech therapy appointments, visitation schedules, and everything in between, I barely have a minute to scratch myself. It's why I so often fall asleep in front of the computer of an evening. I shouldn't complain, but it gets old real fast. I've learned a few cheats over the years to make life a little easier, which usually involve throwing some electronic device in Miss K's general direction just to get five minutes of peace and quiet to get a job done, or five minutes more sleep, but I have things more or less under control. which is what made yesterday's bad day worse. First of all Miss K spent the whole day giving me sass, arguing back at me, and getting under my feet. Any request for assistance from me prompted running and screaming from her as if I was asking her to donate a kidney for me. To make things worse we ended up late to our speech therapy appointment thanks to her antics, which threw me out for the rest of the day. By the time I got to my night time class I was absolutely fried, and I still had to teach a scrapbook layout to my workshop ladies.
Usually spending two hours comparing our battle scars from the past week leaves us all refreshed and ready to fight the good fight the next day, but I couldn't help but still feel unsatisfied with my lot in life as I drove home late last night. I sat in my car in the dark driveway for five minutes too exhausted to get out and start unloading all my tools from the back seat. I looked up at the sky, which was void of sparkly lights for some reason, and searched the black until I found a solitary star winking at me. "I just wish life was easier" I said out loud before letting out a large sigh and hauling my tired behind out of the car. I ignored the boxes in the back seat, figuring I'd get them tomorrow and dragged my feet towards the door. After completing my normal night time routine I went to bed early and fell fast asleep.
When I woke up this morning the sun was streaming through a slit in my curtain. This alone was odd, because I'm usually woken up by Miss K pulling my covers off me at 4:30 in the morning demanding a drink and a banana. Once I got my bearings I pulled myself out of bed and went over to Miss K's room, worried she was sick. Instead of finding a mayhem of toys or books all over the floor, I was greeted by the sight of a spotless room, with Miss K in the corner stacking her books into their shelves according to size. "You OK kiddo?" I asked her. "Yes mummy, just cleaning my room thank you" came the reply. I shook my head, wondering if maybe the exhaustion was beginning to mess with my mind, and went to the kitchen to make breakfast. The mess of coffee powder and sugar that had coated the bench the night before was missing, as was the pile of clean dishes that had been drying on the rack for three days now. "Miss K has grandma been cleaning this morning?" I called out. "No mummy, that was me." she called back. I wandered into the lounge room to find a similar scene of tidiness that hadn't been there the night before. "You cleaned the whole house?" I asked incredulously. Hearing noise from the kitchen I turned to find Miss K preparing herself some breakfast. "You want me to do that for you?" I asked hopefully "No thanks" she replied and continued on pouring milk on her cereal. At a loss for words, I decided to tell a joke. "Knock, knock" I said with a grin. "Not now mum, I'm a little busy" Miss K said as she walked past me carefully balancing her bowl in one hand and a cup of juice in the other. She sat down in her little blue chair, and I waited for the inevitable request to push her seat in. Instead she did a weird little jump in her seat and managed to pull herself closer to the table unassisted.
The rest of the day passed in the same way. Miss K refused my offer to play a game of Mario Kart with her, something she usually jumps at the chance to do, and instead decided to rearrange her sock drawer. She declined my suggestion to pull out the kinetic sand, instead sorting through her toy chest and throwing out all her old unwanted toys. I was so bored I decided to drape a blanket on myself and pretend to be a ghost. This was only met with a dirty look from my suddenly mature 4 year old. Gone were the requests to follow her to the toilet for no particular reason, gone were the spontaneous games of tag, gone was the cheeky sass I got on a constant basis. I was horrified to realise my little girl had morphed into a middle aged woman, right in front of my eyes. This thought caused something in my head to snap and I screamed in the middle of the quietest dinner I'd had in a long time. "What in the ever loving hell is going on? Where is my baby and who are you?" "You said you wanted life to be easier. This is what you wanted" Miss K said in between mouthfuls of mashed potato (a dish I'd never been able to get her to eat before now) "Well I changed my mind" I cried. "I want my old life back. I want the mess, and the arguing, and the laughing, and the fun. Easy is boring" With this I ran to my bedroom and buried my head in my pillow. I know it was incredibly childish of me, but this day had been so horrible, I didn't know what else to do.
I lay in silence for a few seconds, until I felt something pull the blankets off me, and the shock of the cold air jolted me out of my sleep. Miss K jumped on my back and yelled "Wake up mummy I'm thirsty." I reached for my phone and checked the time, 4:30 in the morning. "I want a banana and a drink please mummy" Miss K said as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and before she could repeat herself I grabbed her up in the biggest bear hug of her life. "Never, ever, ever change Miss K, got it?" I cried burying my head in her tiny shoulder. "Ok mummy. Can I have a drink now?" she asked. I jumped out of bed, relieved that everything was as it was meant to be, and last night's dream was only that. As I poured Miss K's drink, the little voice came from my bedroom. "Don't forget my banana mum." "Some things never change" I said to myself smiling. "And thank God for that."
Saturday, 23 May 2015
May Fly on the Wall - Oh the Insanity
Welcome one and all to another installment of Fly on the Wall. The series where you get to find out what it would be like to be a fly on the walls in 17 blogger's homes. Below is a list of all the other bloggers participating this month. Be sure to visit them all to see even more craziness than I'm about to present to you.
Discussing a bag of melted chocolate malt balls with mum
Mum: It's all melted together. It's going to turn into...what's his name? Gorilla.
Me: Gorilla?
Mum: No, gorilla's not right, I mean Godzilla.
Mum to Miss K
That's not an answer, it's a nod. In a cup.
Me: I got spanked by a tram :(
Side note I actually did get hit by a slow moving tram, while trying to cross a road. Don't worry I wasn't hurt, he hit me in the caboose, so the extra padding there kept me safe.
Mum: So what is whole foods, other than not halved foods?
Miss K made a vase for me for Mother's Day, but it was meant to be a surprise. This conversation happened after watching a kids show where the presenter made a vase out of a plastic bottle.
Me: I love that vase, it's so pretty. Someone should make me a vase so I have somewhere pretty to put flowers...
Miss K: No, I'll just sit here, you make your own vase.
Miss K and I were lying in bed one morning waiting for the alarm to go off when this conversation happened.
Miss K: I'm going to be mum. Miss K, go back to sleep.
Me: No, I want a drink and bikky
Miss K: Here have Elmo. Now shush, I'm trying to sleep. (I don't know whether to be offended or impressed that she nailed it so perfectly)
Me: Look at that idiot speeding through a car park. Don't these things have speed limits?
Mum: Sometimes, but it's hard to enforce because they're private property and not roads.
Me: Could I make a citizen's arrest?
Mum: You're welcome to try.
Me: I've always wanted to make a citizen's arrest. Maybe it should go on my bucket list. Right after star in a music video.
An ad for Magic Mike XXL came on telly one night. This is the conversation that happened after.
Mum: Magic Mike 21? What?
Me: Did you seriously just read that as a roman numeral?
Mum: Well what does it mean then?
Me: It means extra, extra large.
Mum: Oh yeah. L isn't even the roman numeral for one...
Miss K and I went to visit my best friend for the afternoon this month. This conversation isn't even one of the most awkward ones we've had in his presence.
Miss K: Can I take my pants off please?
Me: No, leave them on, we're not at home right now.
Miss K: I'm going to take them off...
Me: For God's sake Miss K put those pants back on right now.
During that same visit, my best friend fell asleep on the couch. This happens on occasion, and it gives me the perfect opportunity to mess with Miss K, and wake him up at the same time.
Miss K: Mum, Frankie's asleep.
Me: Is he? Awesome, I'm going to give him a wet willy
Miss K: No, don't.
Me: Well then, I'm going to give him a noogie.
Miss K: NO!
Me: Well can I give him a wedgie then?
Miss K: Mum, just stop!
Me: That's it, I'm gonna do it.
Miss K: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
No one can sleep through an air raid siren.
So one of Miss K's many speech impediments means she can't say the word very. It always comes out as hairy, no matter how much I correct her. So I decided to have some fun one day.
Me: Miss K, can you say very balls?
Miss K: Hairy balls.
Me: Good girl. Now go tell grandma very balls.
20 seconds later I hear mum laughing in the kitchen before telling me off.
Miss K was throwing a tantrum in the back yard last week, and she started to walk stiff legged while ranting.
Me: What's wrong with your legs?
Miss K: They're boring.
And the winner for the weirdest sentence I have heard all month:-
Ben to Nat: You like penis because your nose is really smooth right now.
And now for some context, he was discussing Auslan, where the sign for penis is a downward stroke of the nose. Why Nat's nose was smooth never was explained to me, so even with context that is still a weird sentence.
Well that's about all the crazy I can fit into one blog post, be sure to visit everyone else and enjoy the show.
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http://followmehome.
http://www.menopausalmom.com/
http://stacysewsandschools.
http://batteredhope.blogspot.
http://www.justalittlenutty.
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Discussing a bag of melted chocolate malt balls with mum
Mum: It's all melted together. It's going to turn into...what's his name? Gorilla.
Me: Gorilla?
Mum: No, gorilla's not right, I mean Godzilla.
Mum to Miss K
That's not an answer, it's a nod. In a cup.
Me: I got spanked by a tram :(
Side note I actually did get hit by a slow moving tram, while trying to cross a road. Don't worry I wasn't hurt, he hit me in the caboose, so the extra padding there kept me safe.
Mum: So what is whole foods, other than not halved foods?
Sympathy from mum always makes a situation better. Too bad I never get any...
Miss K made a vase for me for Mother's Day, but it was meant to be a surprise. This conversation happened after watching a kids show where the presenter made a vase out of a plastic bottle.
Me: I love that vase, it's so pretty. Someone should make me a vase so I have somewhere pretty to put flowers...
Miss K: No, I'll just sit here, you make your own vase.
Miss K and I were lying in bed one morning waiting for the alarm to go off when this conversation happened.
Miss K: I'm going to be mum. Miss K, go back to sleep.
Me: No, I want a drink and bikky
Miss K: Here have Elmo. Now shush, I'm trying to sleep. (I don't know whether to be offended or impressed that she nailed it so perfectly)
Me: Look at that idiot speeding through a car park. Don't these things have speed limits?
Mum: Sometimes, but it's hard to enforce because they're private property and not roads.
Me: Could I make a citizen's arrest?
Mum: You're welcome to try.
Me: I've always wanted to make a citizen's arrest. Maybe it should go on my bucket list. Right after star in a music video.
An ad for Magic Mike XXL came on telly one night. This is the conversation that happened after.
Mum: Magic Mike 21? What?
Me: Did you seriously just read that as a roman numeral?
Mum: Well what does it mean then?
Me: It means extra, extra large.
Mum: Oh yeah. L isn't even the roman numeral for one...
My breasts have a mind of their own. And the ability to use technology.
Miss K and I went to visit my best friend for the afternoon this month. This conversation isn't even one of the most awkward ones we've had in his presence.
Miss K: Can I take my pants off please?
Me: No, leave them on, we're not at home right now.
Miss K: I'm going to take them off...
Me: For God's sake Miss K put those pants back on right now.
During that same visit, my best friend fell asleep on the couch. This happens on occasion, and it gives me the perfect opportunity to mess with Miss K, and wake him up at the same time.
Miss K: Mum, Frankie's asleep.
Me: Is he? Awesome, I'm going to give him a wet willy
Miss K: No, don't.
Me: Well then, I'm going to give him a noogie.
Miss K: NO!
Me: Well can I give him a wedgie then?
Miss K: Mum, just stop!
Me: That's it, I'm gonna do it.
Miss K: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
No one can sleep through an air raid siren.
So one of Miss K's many speech impediments means she can't say the word very. It always comes out as hairy, no matter how much I correct her. So I decided to have some fun one day.
Me: Miss K, can you say very balls?
Miss K: Hairy balls.
Me: Good girl. Now go tell grandma very balls.
20 seconds later I hear mum laughing in the kitchen before telling me off.
Miss K was throwing a tantrum in the back yard last week, and she started to walk stiff legged while ranting.
Me: What's wrong with your legs?
Miss K: They're boring.
This is why my dad no longer discusses cars with me. I can never take the conversation seriously.
And the winner for the weirdest sentence I have heard all month:-
Ben to Nat: You like penis because your nose is really smooth right now.
And now for some context, he was discussing Auslan, where the sign for penis is a downward stroke of the nose. Why Nat's nose was smooth never was explained to me, so even with context that is still a weird sentence.
Well that's about all the crazy I can fit into one blog post, be sure to visit everyone else and enjoy the show.
Sunday, 1 March 2015
The light at the end of the terrible threes tunnel
Hello again people, I'm back again, less than 12 months after my last post, so this has to be a good sign for me right?
So for anyone who has kids, you'll know what the phrase terrible threes means. It's that horrible 12 months where your child has a birthday and then all of a sudden turns into the spawn of Satan.
Ok saying all of a sudden isn't entirely accurate, the terrible threes more sneaks up on you. At first the temper tantrums your newly aged up child displays seem fairly similar to the ones you saw when they were two. Hopefully you've even gotten to the point where you recognise the first signs of a temper tantrum giving you a bit of an edge when it comes to diffusing a bad situation. However very slowly the three year old tantrum sneaks its way into your life. And this one is nothing like a two year old tantrum.
So for anyone who has kids, you'll know what the phrase terrible threes means. It's that horrible 12 months where your child has a birthday and then all of a sudden turns into the spawn of Satan.
Ok saying all of a sudden isn't entirely accurate, the terrible threes more sneaks up on you. At first the temper tantrums your newly aged up child displays seem fairly similar to the ones you saw when they were two. Hopefully you've even gotten to the point where you recognise the first signs of a temper tantrum giving you a bit of an edge when it comes to diffusing a bad situation. However very slowly the three year old tantrum sneaks its way into your life. And this one is nothing like a two year old tantrum.
Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
Pictured: a typical three year old temper tantrum
For one the intensity and duration of a three year old temper tantrum can be more than twice of that of a two year old. The child is just that little bit older, with just that little bit more stamina, and they use this to their advantage. They also get that rage strength that makes drunk angry people so scary, so fighting them is like wrestling with a live crocodile. But the worst thing about a three year old temper tantrum is that you can never guess what is going to set them off. It could be because you've asked them to pick up their blocks, or put on their pants, but it could be because their favourite pyjamas are in the wash and every other night time outfit you've bought them is boring. (I get the complaint that everything is boring a lot.)
The first time you see a real three year old temper tantrum you're so caught off guard you end up giving in to your darling child just to get the screaming to stop, and hopefully save your glasses from shattering with the noise. The second time it happens, you're slightly more prepared and you try to reason with your kid. But your kid is even more prepared than you are, and now knows that you will give up eventually. This knowledge gives them the strength to out-scream you for the next thirty minutes, because they know that eventually you will break. The third time your kid throws a tantrum, you're so shell-shocked from the first two it takes all your strength to not pack your bags and run away to the circus.
This is the point where all your helpful friends and family decide to chime in with "I told you three year olds were worse than two year olds last year..." and you'll smile grimly all the time punching them in their smug faces silently in your head while you try to wrestle your darling child out the door. You will start to read parenting advice blogs desperately trying to find the right advice to turn your newly minted devil back into the darling child they were yesterday. You'll try the naughty corner, you'll try reward systems, you'll try reverse psychology, you'll try walking away. You will curse Super Nanny each and every time one of her methods fails miserably. You'll start collecting brochures for military school just in case this isn't just the terrible threes and things get desperate. Your Google search history will become incredibly bizarre as you try to figure out if the latest tantrum is a sign you need to contact a priest, or just limit the amount of yellow food dye you're feeding your kid. You'll start looking forward to bed time more than ever because while they're asleep they look more like that beautiful child you have been raising all this time than during the day.
Life will become a mine field, and you're the brave soldier tip-toeing through it trying to figure out which patches of ground aren't going to cause a major explosion. And to make things harder, the temper tantrums aren't constant. (I know what you're thinking, how can only occasional tantrums be better than constant ones?) It's because when things start looking normal again you let your guard down. You enjoy having your sweet loving child back and begin to forget the monster that hides under their skin. You'll even bend the rules more than you would before, just because it is such a relief to have your obedient, helpful child back. But they are expecting this, and this is when they strike again. The tantrums come in waves, and the space between them can be as little as a week or as much as a month. But you never know which one it's going to be until it's too late and you're scrambling for a safety helmet in the middle of a toy storm. (trust me books hurt when being hurled by a three year old)
But one day a miracle happens. You ask your child to do something that on any other day would result in a meltdown of epic proportions, but instead of screaming and crying and telling you they don't love you anymore, they just agree to do what they are told, and wander off happily. You will nearly pass out from the shock of it all, but you don't mention it to them because you don't want to remind them they have the power to refuse this. But it happens again, and again and again. That's when you realise you've left the terrible threes behind, and you are now the parent of a beautiful four year old. That is one of the best feelings a parent can experience.
Now I'm still the parent of a three year old for another month, and given that Miss K has always been up to 6 months behind most children her age developmentally, I don't know if that means I get an extra 6 months of terrible threes behaviour or not, (lucky me.) But I will tell you that as recently as two weeks ago, I finally managed to get her to start dressing herself, and this week she ate a slice of apple for me, something I have never been able to get her to do before. As a battle weary mum, I am happy to take both of these things as a major victory and not question things much further than that.
Saturday, 21 September 2013
September Fly on the Wall
Have any of you wondered what it would be like to be a fly on the wall of someone's house? I often wonder what it would be like to get an uncensored view into the way people live when the outside world isn't looking, but I've always been a bit of a voyeur like that. I think that's part of the reason why I love reading blogs, because it's a tiny glimpse into the minds and lives of people that I would otherwise never know. Well luckily for me I'm not the only voyeur out there, the lovely Karen from Baking in a Tornado is also a bit of a Peeping Tom, (albeit one who is mindful of the laws against stalking) so she started the Fly on the Wall series. She has invited bloggers of all ages and sizes to give their lovely audiences a peek into their day to day lives by sharing conversations, anecdotes and other bits and pieces that otherwise would stay hidden behind closed doors. Now I have loved reading the Fly on the Wall series ever since I first discovered Karen's blog many months ago, but this month I have been given the opportunity to join in the fun for the very first time, and boy am I excited.
Now before I terrorise you all with the uncensored truth that is what happens in my house when no one is looking, I'll introduce the other wonderful bloggers who are partaking in Septembers Fly on the Wall post. Be sure to visit them all, and don't forget to bring some popcorn because there is some quality entertainment to be found in these posts.
Now before I terrorise you all with the uncensored truth that is what happens in my house when no one is looking, I'll introduce the other wonderful bloggers who are partaking in Septembers Fly on the Wall post. Be sure to visit them all, and don't forget to bring some popcorn because there is some quality entertainment to be found in these posts.
So as far as anyone looking in knows, we're a normal family. But if you look a little deeper, you'll see we're all a little mad here...
Giving mum instructions before I go to work.
Me: Oh I’ve almost run out of wipes so you’ll need to put
the wipes from the change table into the nappy bag right before Sam picks her
up.
Mum: That’s too much like hard work. I’ll just put them in
there now.
Me: But what will you wipe her bum with in the meantime?
Mum: I won’t wipe her bum
Me: Fine then you can buy the antibiotics when she comes
down with a yeast infection.
Mum: I’m not wiping her bum with bread…
Describing my shopping trip with Miss K to mum
Me: I kept whacking Miss K in the head with the roast
chicken.
Mum: Really?
Me: Yeah. I was trying to get the shopping done and you know
what it’s like, she’s right at chicken whacking height…
Me: I’m glad to see people tipping their pizza delivery boy
Mum: Good grief
Me: Hey! They provide an important service mum.
Mum draws my attention to the fact that Miss K is playing
with an (unused) tampon.
Me: Where did you get that from? I don’t even use tampons.
Mum: Yuck
Me: Let’s chuck it in the toilet and see what happens.
Mum: You do amuse yourself don’t you?
Me (to Miss K): Are you licking me again? Oh gross you little feral!
Miss K: Mum….MUM, STUCK!!
Me: You’re not stuck, you’re in bed. There’s a difference
Miss K: NOOO
Dealing with yet another of Miss K’s temper tantrums.
Me: Do you want to go to bed?
Miss K: NO
Me: Then cheer up.
Miss K: NO
Me: Then go to bed
Miss K: NO
Me: Then cheer up.
Miss K: NO
This game can go on for hours.
Mum (to Miss K): You are the most beautiful baby did you
know that? I wouldn't have anything to do with you if you weren't so good
looking.
Miss K is playing on the floor with granny when she gets the
brainwave to climb on her back.
Mum: I don’t do horsey rides.
Me: Get off granny’s back honey, she’s a dead horse
Mum: Yeah I’m an old nag.
Me: I know.
While working on Miss K’s words
Me: Can you say c, c, Clock?
Miss K: cock (she can’t say L, this is normal OK?)
Me: Good girl. Now can you say big pink clock?
Mum: You’re naughty.
Me (to Miss K): Stay away from the oven OK, It’s hot and
you’re naked.
I look over and see Miss K snacking on the ham she had
refused to eat yesterday at lunch time.
Me: Miss K NO!!
Mum: What is it? Meat?
Me: Yeah from yesterday.
You wouldn't eat it when I served it for lunch, you’re not having it
now.
Mum: That child will eat anything.
Me: Yeah, 24 hours after you serve it to her.
Mum: You don’t want any nutty chocolate?
Kim: Nah I’m too tired to chew.
Nat: I'm thinking of going on one of those smoothie diets.
Kim: Nat, drinking nothing but MacDonald thick shakes is not considered a smoothie diet.
After Kim had left to go to a friend's house to study
Mum: As they say in the classics, YAY!!!
Me (to mum): Did you hear Miss K screaming this morning at 6:30?
Mum: No
Me: Yeah she was stuck under the mattress again.
Nat: I'm thinking of going on one of those smoothie diets.
Kim: Nat, drinking nothing but MacDonald thick shakes is not considered a smoothie diet.
After Kim had left to go to a friend's house to study
Mum: As they say in the classics, YAY!!!
Me (to mum): Did you hear Miss K screaming this morning at 6:30?
Mum: No
Me: Yeah she was stuck under the mattress again.
Well that's all the clean stuff I could muster up, the rest of our conversations were filled with enough curse words to make a wharfie blush so I might have to save them for an after dark post one day. If there is anyone left who hasn't fainted from shock head on over and visit the rest of the blogs now.
Monday, 8 July 2013
The weekend from hell
If I ever wrote any kind of a diary (which I can never do for more than a few days at a time) this is what it would have looked like after this weekend.
Thursday 4th July 2013 6:00pm
Well today we are in Melbourne. I have been summoned up by Miss K's nonna to meet her cousin who is arriving from Italy tomorrow morning. I have been told it will be my job to keep her company tomorrow morning while Nonna is at work. Now given I don't really speak much Italian, and she doesn't speak much English this will be an interesting babysitting job. The trip up here was made easier by the fact that mum was with us on the train, she will be visiting my uncle while I'm in little Italy and we all travel together home on Saturday. I will be interested to find out if Miss K's dad has actually told nonna how short our trip is this time, he tends to forget the little details like that. After a discussion with him last week where he complained that I don't step back enough and let him take care of Miss K, I have agreed that he can bear the brunt of the parenting duties this weekend while I step back and observe from a distance. This will be interesting. I have been pleasantly surprised by the people of Melbourne today, and their willingness to help a lady with a pram get off and on public transport. I was assisted by no less than three strangers today while making the long and complicated journey from the city to the suburb where "la famiglia" live. It gives me hope that common courtesy isn't lost.
Thursday 4th July 2013 11:00pm
Well I am meant to be getting some sleep right now but it is proving impossible. It took 2 hours and a long car trip to finally get Miss K to sleep at 9pm tonight, but the sleep only lasted 2 hours and she is awake again. Nonna has offered to take her off my hands so I can get my rest, as she isn't going to bed any time soon, I think I'll take her up on the offer and try to catch some sleep.
Friday 5th July 3:00am
Just woke up to hear Miss K's screams from the garage which means two things. 1. She is still awake, 2. she is throwing the mother of all temper tantrums which means she is over tired and over indulged. Went into the garage to find her playing with her father, nonna is nowhere to be seen having gone to bed an hour ago. Miss K's dad said she wanted to go outside and when I asked why he hadn't returned her to bed he told me she didn't want to go to sleep. I drag a screaming Miss K back inside and get her to sleep in five minutes. When will these people learn that what a 2 year old wants and what a 2 year old needs are usually two different things, and you always go with the latter? I don't mind spoiling a child and letting her bend the rules occasionally, but this is ridiculous.
Friday 5th July 7:30am
We were just woken up by a troupe of people walking through the door. The cousin has arrived and there is a whole heap of people standing in the kitchen talking over the top of one another as if they are all well rested and not encumbered with a 2 year old who always gets her own way. I envy them. Go outside to have a cigarette and complain on Facebook that I have no idea what is going on around me given my lack of understanding of the Italian language. It is very hard to be polite to these people when I am so damn exhausted right now. I still have my pyjamas on and bed hair. And to make matters worse Miss K broke my glasses again. I need coffee and lots of it.
Friday 5th July 9:00am
Am sitting in the kitchen with two people, neither of which can speak very much English. Of course one of them is 2 years old and very cute so she gets away with it. I have resorted to downloading a translation app on my phone so that I can string more than two words together for the cousin, and we are attempting a conversation. It is not easy for either of us, but I've managed to find out a little bit about her and she seems very interesting. I still do not understand why nonna tasked me with the job of keeping her company, especially since her son can actually understand Italian, even though he doesn't speak it. I have learned two new words so far, Scimmia, which means monkey, and pazzo, which means crazy. This will help me greatly in conversation because I know lots about crazy monkeys.
Friday 5th July 4:00pm
The house is full of people again. More friends wanting to meet the cousin have arrived. I tried to get a sleep in today but it wasn't successful. Miss K's father on the other hand has been in bed since he got home at 7 this morning. So much for taking care of his daughter. Apparently nonna's nose was put out of joint by the comment I passed on Facebook this morning. Or perhaps it was Tristan's suggestion that I call them all Stronzos which means asshole. While both funny and interesting it hasn't proved to be helpful in the least. I stupidly opened my mouth and offered to visit for Christmas this year, and they are already making plans so I guess I'm stuck with being away from my family for the best family day of the year this year. When will I learn to keep my fat mouth shut?
Friday 5th July 8:00pm
The house is finally empty again, Miss K was asleep at a reasonable hour (it only took ten minutes of fighting and three rounds of there was an old lady who swallowed a fly tonight) and I am alone to enjoy my headache. My glasses were well and truly broken this morning which means I am blind until next Thursday when I can finally make time in my schedule to visit the optometrist. I'm overdue anyway but the headaches aren't fun. Miss K's father did forget to mention we were leaving tomorrow (I knew he would) but I have informed nonna that tonight was our last night and she has very kindly offered to drive us as close to the city as she can tomorrow morning. Need to check train timetables and organise to meet mum and my uncles at the station. Tomorrow is my cousin's engagement party and I do not want to miss this for the world. Our family parties are legendary. I have decided to spend the evening hiding in the front room on our blow up mattress and read the hunger games for the millionth time tonight. I can't listen to another word of Italian for now.
Saturday 6th July 7:00am
Miss K and I have been awake for an hour. We've had breakfast and watched a whole episode of High 5 and still no one else is awake. I've packed our bags and cleared the house of all of our belongings, now I just need someone else to wake up so I can finally turn on the coffee machine and get the caffeine pumping into my system again. Why is it that the only time I want people up early in this house is the one day they decide to have a sleep in?
Saturday 6th July 10:30am
I have just missed my train back home again. I am so frustrated right now. Nonna finally woke up at 8:00 and I informed her I needed to be out of the house by 9:30 at the latest. 9:45 we finally left the house and she spent the next hour arguing with her son about the best route to the train station. I had been told the trip would take 25 minutes at the most. And of course it's all my fault because I didn't tell her I needed to be gone until an hour and a half before the fact. This of course ignores the fact that I couldn't tell her any earlier because she was locked in her bedroom. What's worse is that mum has my train ticket as I brought all the tickets at the same time and handed them to her for safe keeping. I now need to wait 20 minutes for the next train into the city and another hour after that for the next train back home and back to sanity. I'm also going to miss most of the engagement party because it starts at 1, and I won't get home till 2, then I need to get both Miss K and I dressed, (we tend to travel comfortable.) so who knows what time I'll get there. I kept telling nonna that it was fine and I'll just catch a later train but I'm so angry right now I could spit.
Saturday 6th July 7:00pm
Well that was one hell of a weekend. Miss K and I are finally home from the engagement party (we were an hour and a half late so we missed lunch but we made it for the speeches.) I didn't have much time to chat to my cousin which was a shame because I don't see him all that much but I did get to catch up with some family members which usually only happens at Christmas and birthdays so that was good. Miss K and I made our excuses at about 4:30 because we were both drained and ended up zoning out in front of the telly and the computer until her bed time. She didn't even want dinner tonight so she got sent to bed full of paracetamol (for her lovely cold) half an hour early. There was a new comment on my Facebook status when I got home from nonna, calling all the people who had commented on my post "stronzos" which means she has just insulted my family. So I'm done. No Christmas, no weekend visits once a month, no more being nice period. She wants to see a stronzo, she's got it. Mum has just walked in with a 6 pack of rum and cola so I think it's time I drowned my sorrows and forgot this whole hellish weekend even happened. Thank goodness for work on Monday.
Thursday 4th July 2013 6:00pm
Well today we are in Melbourne. I have been summoned up by Miss K's nonna to meet her cousin who is arriving from Italy tomorrow morning. I have been told it will be my job to keep her company tomorrow morning while Nonna is at work. Now given I don't really speak much Italian, and she doesn't speak much English this will be an interesting babysitting job. The trip up here was made easier by the fact that mum was with us on the train, she will be visiting my uncle while I'm in little Italy and we all travel together home on Saturday. I will be interested to find out if Miss K's dad has actually told nonna how short our trip is this time, he tends to forget the little details like that. After a discussion with him last week where he complained that I don't step back enough and let him take care of Miss K, I have agreed that he can bear the brunt of the parenting duties this weekend while I step back and observe from a distance. This will be interesting. I have been pleasantly surprised by the people of Melbourne today, and their willingness to help a lady with a pram get off and on public transport. I was assisted by no less than three strangers today while making the long and complicated journey from the city to the suburb where "la famiglia" live. It gives me hope that common courtesy isn't lost.
Thursday 4th July 2013 11:00pm
Well I am meant to be getting some sleep right now but it is proving impossible. It took 2 hours and a long car trip to finally get Miss K to sleep at 9pm tonight, but the sleep only lasted 2 hours and she is awake again. Nonna has offered to take her off my hands so I can get my rest, as she isn't going to bed any time soon, I think I'll take her up on the offer and try to catch some sleep.
Friday 5th July 3:00am
Just woke up to hear Miss K's screams from the garage which means two things. 1. She is still awake, 2. she is throwing the mother of all temper tantrums which means she is over tired and over indulged. Went into the garage to find her playing with her father, nonna is nowhere to be seen having gone to bed an hour ago. Miss K's dad said she wanted to go outside and when I asked why he hadn't returned her to bed he told me she didn't want to go to sleep. I drag a screaming Miss K back inside and get her to sleep in five minutes. When will these people learn that what a 2 year old wants and what a 2 year old needs are usually two different things, and you always go with the latter? I don't mind spoiling a child and letting her bend the rules occasionally, but this is ridiculous.
Friday 5th July 7:30am
We were just woken up by a troupe of people walking through the door. The cousin has arrived and there is a whole heap of people standing in the kitchen talking over the top of one another as if they are all well rested and not encumbered with a 2 year old who always gets her own way. I envy them. Go outside to have a cigarette and complain on Facebook that I have no idea what is going on around me given my lack of understanding of the Italian language. It is very hard to be polite to these people when I am so damn exhausted right now. I still have my pyjamas on and bed hair. And to make matters worse Miss K broke my glasses again. I need coffee and lots of it.
Friday 5th July 9:00am
Am sitting in the kitchen with two people, neither of which can speak very much English. Of course one of them is 2 years old and very cute so she gets away with it. I have resorted to downloading a translation app on my phone so that I can string more than two words together for the cousin, and we are attempting a conversation. It is not easy for either of us, but I've managed to find out a little bit about her and she seems very interesting. I still do not understand why nonna tasked me with the job of keeping her company, especially since her son can actually understand Italian, even though he doesn't speak it. I have learned two new words so far, Scimmia, which means monkey, and pazzo, which means crazy. This will help me greatly in conversation because I know lots about crazy monkeys.
Friday 5th July 4:00pm
The house is full of people again. More friends wanting to meet the cousin have arrived. I tried to get a sleep in today but it wasn't successful. Miss K's father on the other hand has been in bed since he got home at 7 this morning. So much for taking care of his daughter. Apparently nonna's nose was put out of joint by the comment I passed on Facebook this morning. Or perhaps it was Tristan's suggestion that I call them all Stronzos which means asshole. While both funny and interesting it hasn't proved to be helpful in the least. I stupidly opened my mouth and offered to visit for Christmas this year, and they are already making plans so I guess I'm stuck with being away from my family for the best family day of the year this year. When will I learn to keep my fat mouth shut?
Friday 5th July 8:00pm
The house is finally empty again, Miss K was asleep at a reasonable hour (it only took ten minutes of fighting and three rounds of there was an old lady who swallowed a fly tonight) and I am alone to enjoy my headache. My glasses were well and truly broken this morning which means I am blind until next Thursday when I can finally make time in my schedule to visit the optometrist. I'm overdue anyway but the headaches aren't fun. Miss K's father did forget to mention we were leaving tomorrow (I knew he would) but I have informed nonna that tonight was our last night and she has very kindly offered to drive us as close to the city as she can tomorrow morning. Need to check train timetables and organise to meet mum and my uncles at the station. Tomorrow is my cousin's engagement party and I do not want to miss this for the world. Our family parties are legendary. I have decided to spend the evening hiding in the front room on our blow up mattress and read the hunger games for the millionth time tonight. I can't listen to another word of Italian for now.
Saturday 6th July 7:00am
Miss K and I have been awake for an hour. We've had breakfast and watched a whole episode of High 5 and still no one else is awake. I've packed our bags and cleared the house of all of our belongings, now I just need someone else to wake up so I can finally turn on the coffee machine and get the caffeine pumping into my system again. Why is it that the only time I want people up early in this house is the one day they decide to have a sleep in?
Saturday 6th July 10:30am
I have just missed my train back home again. I am so frustrated right now. Nonna finally woke up at 8:00 and I informed her I needed to be out of the house by 9:30 at the latest. 9:45 we finally left the house and she spent the next hour arguing with her son about the best route to the train station. I had been told the trip would take 25 minutes at the most. And of course it's all my fault because I didn't tell her I needed to be gone until an hour and a half before the fact. This of course ignores the fact that I couldn't tell her any earlier because she was locked in her bedroom. What's worse is that mum has my train ticket as I brought all the tickets at the same time and handed them to her for safe keeping. I now need to wait 20 minutes for the next train into the city and another hour after that for the next train back home and back to sanity. I'm also going to miss most of the engagement party because it starts at 1, and I won't get home till 2, then I need to get both Miss K and I dressed, (we tend to travel comfortable.) so who knows what time I'll get there. I kept telling nonna that it was fine and I'll just catch a later train but I'm so angry right now I could spit.
Saturday 6th July 7:00pm
Well that was one hell of a weekend. Miss K and I are finally home from the engagement party (we were an hour and a half late so we missed lunch but we made it for the speeches.) I didn't have much time to chat to my cousin which was a shame because I don't see him all that much but I did get to catch up with some family members which usually only happens at Christmas and birthdays so that was good. Miss K and I made our excuses at about 4:30 because we were both drained and ended up zoning out in front of the telly and the computer until her bed time. She didn't even want dinner tonight so she got sent to bed full of paracetamol (for her lovely cold) half an hour early. There was a new comment on my Facebook status when I got home from nonna, calling all the people who had commented on my post "stronzos" which means she has just insulted my family. So I'm done. No Christmas, no weekend visits once a month, no more being nice period. She wants to see a stronzo, she's got it. Mum has just walked in with a 6 pack of rum and cola so I think it's time I drowned my sorrows and forgot this whole hellish weekend even happened. Thank goodness for work on Monday.
image source www.freedigitalphotos.net
Pictured: me all weekend
Saturday, 6 April 2013
A small victory is still a victory
So when you are a mum, the littlest things can be the greatest victories. For me today the greatest victory was getting Miss K to eat her dinner. For any of you who have been in my audience since day one, you will know that Miss K and I have been having fights about food for ages now. For any of you who haven't been here since the beginning, please feel free to visit some old posts, namely this one and this one. At first the fight was getting her to eat food that hadn't been pureed. Then we had to encourage her to feed herself. Now I am trying to get her to eat foods that she doesn't like. Namely vegetables.
Now I will admit that I have gotten lazy. It is much easier on my stress levels and ears to let Miss K get away with not eating her vegetables, and instead give her a Nutella sandwich or a bowl of cereal. But according to the experts, vegetables are good for you, so I decided today to start getting tough and forcing Miss K to start eating them. (Well actually it was decided some time ago that I needed to get tougher on Miss K, but again, lazy.)
So tonight's menu consisted of taco lasagna. (It seriously is nicer than it sounds, and I'll be sharing the recipe with you guys soon, so you can see for yourselves.) I have given this to Miss K a few times, with the same results. The combination of minced meat and vegetables means that she will have a few mouthfuls and then push the bowl away. But tonight that wasn't an option. I started by letting her sprinkle a generous amount of mozzarella cheese on top of her meal, as this sometimes is enough motivation to get her to eat a meal. But this time all she did was try to pick the cheese out and leave the rest of the meal behind. So I tried putting her in the naughty corner. All this did was cause her to chuck a massive tantrum. The last thing I could think of was feeding her myself. We had tears, we had choking, we had smacking (and Miss K wasn't too happy either.) But I finally managed to get about half a bowl of healthy food into her. At this point we had been "eating" dinner for over half an hour and I was ready to give up. But she had eaten a decent amount of her dinner, and she was happy and full of energy until bed time, so I'm calling this one a win.
But like the baddies always say at the end of the movies "The battle may be over, but the war isn't won." This is a fight I see us having for years and years to come. So tonight's post is really just a reminder for future me, you've done this fight before, you'll do it again, and you can win.
Image courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/
Now I will admit that I have gotten lazy. It is much easier on my stress levels and ears to let Miss K get away with not eating her vegetables, and instead give her a Nutella sandwich or a bowl of cereal. But according to the experts, vegetables are good for you, so I decided today to start getting tough and forcing Miss K to start eating them. (Well actually it was decided some time ago that I needed to get tougher on Miss K, but again, lazy.)
So tonight's menu consisted of taco lasagna. (It seriously is nicer than it sounds, and I'll be sharing the recipe with you guys soon, so you can see for yourselves.) I have given this to Miss K a few times, with the same results. The combination of minced meat and vegetables means that she will have a few mouthfuls and then push the bowl away. But tonight that wasn't an option. I started by letting her sprinkle a generous amount of mozzarella cheese on top of her meal, as this sometimes is enough motivation to get her to eat a meal. But this time all she did was try to pick the cheese out and leave the rest of the meal behind. So I tried putting her in the naughty corner. All this did was cause her to chuck a massive tantrum. The last thing I could think of was feeding her myself. We had tears, we had choking, we had smacking (and Miss K wasn't too happy either.) But I finally managed to get about half a bowl of healthy food into her. At this point we had been "eating" dinner for over half an hour and I was ready to give up. But she had eaten a decent amount of her dinner, and she was happy and full of energy until bed time, so I'm calling this one a win.
But like the baddies always say at the end of the movies "The battle may be over, but the war isn't won." This is a fight I see us having for years and years to come. So tonight's post is really just a reminder for future me, you've done this fight before, you'll do it again, and you can win.
Image courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/
SHE ATE THE VEGETABLES!!!!!!
Wednesday, 3 April 2013
Easter and page views
Howdy Y'all I'm back again. I hope everyone had a great Easter, I'll get to Miss K's Easter shortly, but first I had to share some randomness with you guys. For anyone of you who have a blog, you'll probably spend a bit of time checking out your stats occasionally to find out exactly how many people you are reaching, and which posts are the most popular. I check mine every day (even though the experts say you really should only check them once a month) just to see where my traffic is coming from. Early on it seemed that most of my audience was comprised of Russian spammers who were only hitting my website in an attempt to get return clicks. For a little while they disappeared, but it seems they have come back today. I don't really mind, as it drives up my traffic, but it's always a bit disappointing to think that my audience didn't even read my awesome writing before moving on to the next target.
Now the thing that surprises me the most about my page views is my most popular post to date appears to be this one giving a list of all of the cutest actors in children's television. It seems that there is at least one other person out there who has a major crush on Gavin Stenhouse, because that is the name that appears the most in the Google search words list. On a slightly different note, Iconicles is back on Aussie television right now, so I get to enjoy watching him on a regular basis again. But it isn't as exciting anymore since I started following him on Twitter, as now I get up to the minute updates on his life any time I log into Twitter, so that's even better.
Now, on to Easter, as that is the real reason why I came on tonight. I made an agreement with Miss K's dad before her birthday that we would spend the whole weekend in Melbourne with his family, in exchange for me getting her to myself on her birthday. This was an ideal arrangement for me as Easter has never been my favorite pseudo holiday anyway, so I didn't mind sharing Miss K for the weekend, and I got to enjoy her birthday alone which was also awesome. So on Saturday Miss K and I hopped onto a train with about a hundred other people (not my first choice of transportation, but both Miss K's dad and nonna's cars crapped themselves last week, so we had no other way of getting to Melbourne.)
My relationship with Miss K's nonna has always been a bit tempestuous. When I was dating Miss K's dad, she and I butted heads on several occasions as she seemed to think I was always too hard on him, whereas I thought he was a lazy selfish no-hoper who was wasting his life away on porn websites. We have continued to butt heads on and off over the past three years, but have called a truce of sorts recently so that she can have a proper relationship with her granddaughter. Of course this means regular trips to Melbourne for Miss K and me, and weekends spent in a tiny house with the man I once refused to marry, and his mother. I try to take a step back when we're there so that Miss K and nonna can spend some quality time together, but this is hard for me, as I seem to be the only person there who thinks that children need boundaries, so I spend a lot of time either making Miss K cry by not letting her break every rule I have set out for her, or watching her nonna undermine all my hard work by letting her get away with everything.
But apart from biting my tongue all weekend, I got to watch Miss K have a lovely time, and here are just some of the photos of our weekend.
Now the thing that surprises me the most about my page views is my most popular post to date appears to be this one giving a list of all of the cutest actors in children's television. It seems that there is at least one other person out there who has a major crush on Gavin Stenhouse, because that is the name that appears the most in the Google search words list. On a slightly different note, Iconicles is back on Aussie television right now, so I get to enjoy watching him on a regular basis again. But it isn't as exciting anymore since I started following him on Twitter, as now I get up to the minute updates on his life any time I log into Twitter, so that's even better.
Now, on to Easter, as that is the real reason why I came on tonight. I made an agreement with Miss K's dad before her birthday that we would spend the whole weekend in Melbourne with his family, in exchange for me getting her to myself on her birthday. This was an ideal arrangement for me as Easter has never been my favorite pseudo holiday anyway, so I didn't mind sharing Miss K for the weekend, and I got to enjoy her birthday alone which was also awesome. So on Saturday Miss K and I hopped onto a train with about a hundred other people (not my first choice of transportation, but both Miss K's dad and nonna's cars crapped themselves last week, so we had no other way of getting to Melbourne.)
My relationship with Miss K's nonna has always been a bit tempestuous. When I was dating Miss K's dad, she and I butted heads on several occasions as she seemed to think I was always too hard on him, whereas I thought he was a lazy selfish no-hoper who was wasting his life away on porn websites. We have continued to butt heads on and off over the past three years, but have called a truce of sorts recently so that she can have a proper relationship with her granddaughter. Of course this means regular trips to Melbourne for Miss K and me, and weekends spent in a tiny house with the man I once refused to marry, and his mother. I try to take a step back when we're there so that Miss K and nonna can spend some quality time together, but this is hard for me, as I seem to be the only person there who thinks that children need boundaries, so I spend a lot of time either making Miss K cry by not letting her break every rule I have set out for her, or watching her nonna undermine all my hard work by letting her get away with everything.
But apart from biting my tongue all weekend, I got to watch Miss K have a lovely time, and here are just some of the photos of our weekend.
This is a real ashtray, not just an empty cigarette package being used as a makeshift ashtray. I had to take a photo, just because I thought it was so cute.
This is three hours into our first afternoon. All that sitting around on public transport really takes it out of a baby.
This is the most delicious cider I have ever had. I only took this photo so I can remember the name the next time I find myself in the bottle shop, but I don't mind if any of you get there first and buy me a case...
A very blurry photo of Miss K and her dad bowling
Miss K's new Luigi doll that her dad won for her in a claw machine. One thing I can say about Miss K's dad is that he is an expert at winning arcade games.
A traditional Italian Easter cake that nonna made for Miss K. It did have a chocolate egg on the top at one stage, but Miss K got to it before I could take a photo
And sadly that is all the photos I took of the weekend. There was so much more going on, including lots of chocolate being consumed, me sumo wrestling with a 12 year old (and kicking his butt I might add) and a second birthday party for Miss K. Nonna's great nephews stayed with us on Saturday night and were completely charmed by Miss K, to the point that the thirteen year old actually volunteered to watch High 5 with Miss K while I took a break. There was also lots and lots of food, which is standard whenever the Italians get together to celebrate, and I'm certain I gained weight this weekend.
So that was our Easter. I can't say I enjoyed myself completely, as I did have a very unsettled two year old to deal with, as is the case any time our routine is disrupted, but we're back home now and getting back into normal life nicely.
I'd love to hear if any of you have any nightmare in-laws that you have to deal with on special occasions, especially if you can give me any coping strategies to help me get through the next visit, which will probably be Nonna's birthday in July.
I'll be back again tomorrow with a new spotlight on mental health, so be sure to come back to hear Becc's story, but until then, as always stay awesome.
Friday, 15 March 2013
Playing High/Low
When it comes to being a blogger, days like today are hard. It wasn't a very good day for Miss K and me. There was nothing really horrible, or tragic that happened to us, we were both just a bit touchy, and Miss K was clingy and whiny, and come dinner time she pitched an absolute fit and refused flat out to eat her pumpkin soup and ended up going to bed without any dinner. (Don't worry, I let her get up for a sandwich and a drink later on.)
But everyone has bad days, you say, not just us bloggers. Yes this is true, but non-bloggers don't have to come up with something interesting and compelling for others to read after a day of tantrums and frustration. But because I'm an adult and wearing my big girl panties today, I have decided not to dwell on the crap, and instead focus on the positive things that happened today. My big sister plays high/low with her kids at the end of the day, each person has to say what was the highlight and the lowlight of their day. Since I have already covered the lows of my day, I've decided to spend the rest of this blog focusing on the highlights. So here in no particular order are some of the nice things that happened with me and Miss K today.
- A computer game I ordered on the weekend finally showed up in my mailbox today giving me the high I always get whenever I get mail, and then giving me something to do while Miss K took her nap
- My big sister came over and visited with my nephew so I got to watch the kids play together for a couple of hours
- One of my cousins also came over for a visit, and her daughter who is 7 months younger than Miss K also got a chance to play with the kids
- Bones was on telly tonight, so I got to spend 2 hours watching one of my favourite shows
- When Miss K finally got up for dinner she was in such a great mood we sat together in the lounge room and played together for an hour before I sent her back to bed
- Miss K spent 2 hours doing pirate therapy today for the first time, and she didn't mind the extra hour wearing the eye patch. I love that she can be so flexible to change some times
- Miss K behaved herself so beautifully while we were shopping for dinner tonight. It has taken a few weeks, but she finally knows that if she refuses to get in the trolley she has to stay next to me all the time, and not run around disturbing all the other shoppers. We get quite a few people stop to chat to Miss K when we're shopping and I think it's because she's so well behaved
- Miss K actually got up and danced to one of the songs on Play School this afternoon. Of course it was a song about pirates, but normally she doesn't move if there is music playing on telly and I love that she is finally realizing that she can dance to this music just like the stuff that comes out of the CD player
Well when you look at it that way, the good parts of the day far outweigh the bad parts, and it is a lot more fun remembering the nice times we had today.
And now, for no reason other than it makes me smile, here is a photo of Miss K on the phone.
Well that's it for me, I have places to see and people to do tomorrow so I need to get some rest. I'll be back again next time, but until then stay awesome.
Wednesday, 6 March 2013
Lessons in parenting from a one year old
I'm back again. Call it a need to overcompensate for the three months of complete silence but I just can't stay away tonight.
So for anyone who has been paying attention recently, you would know I am elbow deep in the middle of raising a toddler. A toddler who has hit the terrible twos with such gusto you'd think there was an award given at the end of it. For the past two years I have tried to prepare myself for the first glimpse of the monster that would take over my lovely daughter for the next two years, but nothing in the world can prepare you for this. Not even babysitting my wonderful nieces and nephews when they were two (or still are in one niece's case) was enough to even make me aware of what I was in for.
Of course it doesn't help that most children behave better for the babysitter than they ever do for their parents, even if the babysitter is a close family member. So apart from the occasional bout of tears when they wouldn't get their way, my eldest niece and nephew were an absolute dream for me during the terrible twos. Of course I got to hand them back to their parents after a few hours and return to my blissfully ignorant life as a single and carefree woman. These days I don't have the same luxuries and instead I am the one being handed a screaming and belligerent toddler who is both angry at me for ignoring her and begging me for cuddles at the same time. Top that off with the sudden and urgent clingyness which means that not even her father is good enough for cuddles any more and you end up with one very stressed and frustrated mum who can't even use the toilet alone anymore.
Dinner time is usually the worst time as most mums will attest. It is the end of the day, you have been chained to each other for up to ten hours already if you gave birth to the most dreaded of children, an early riser, and you now need to juggle the task of playing with fire while distracting a tired and demanding diva with pleas to go back into the lounge room and watch Bananas in Pyjamas while you get dinner ready. And then after half an hour of prepping and cooking the meal (or five minutes of jamming it into the microwave and pacing the kitchen while you wait for the bell to ring), yourspawn of Satan darling child becomes a haughty food critic, turning their nose up at your offering and pushing the plate away. (Or worse putting it in their mouth then spitting it straight out again and holding it out to you horrified, as if you had just tried to poison them.)
We had gotten to this taste test and spit out point in our evening last night when I finally snapped and my head exploded. I had run out of ideas at this point for how to get Miss K to eat her pastie and I was exhausted. I had tried emotional blackmail, I had tried reasoning, I had tried bribing, I had even tried yelling. She just sat in her chair looking at me like I had just told her the truth about Santa and crying. Given that the last weapon in my armory had been defeated I finally had to give up and walk out of the room before the whole ordeal escalated into anarchy and name calling. I decided to head to my bedroom for a quiet minute to collect my thoughts and have a quick cigarette. I had almost finished the smoke when I realised that things were quiet. Giving yourself a haircut with scissors you found under the table quiet. I rushed to the lounge room to see exactly what Miss K had managed to destroy in my absence only to find her sitting quietly in her chair eating the last few crumbs off her plate.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I had won the battle, but I still can't figure out if I've won the war. Did Miss K finally start eating because I had finally gotten off her back about eating and she could now enjoy her dinner in peace? Had she forgotten that five minutes ago she hated pasties and decided she was hungry enough to eat just about anything? Or did she finally realize that her darling and eternally youthful mother was indeed right to lecture her about eating her vegetables because they are just so gosh darn healthy and tasty? I can't for the life of me guess the answer and Miss K certainly isn't one to discuss the motives behind her actions so she's absolutely no help to me right now.
I have decided for now not to look a gift horse in the mouth and simply celebrated the fact that she went to bed with a tummy full of (mostly) healthy food. Now all I can do is prepare myself for the next episode of "I'm two and I know what I want, and I want it NOW" As long as she doesn't look at me like this again I can overcome anything...
So for anyone who has been paying attention recently, you would know I am elbow deep in the middle of raising a toddler. A toddler who has hit the terrible twos with such gusto you'd think there was an award given at the end of it. For the past two years I have tried to prepare myself for the first glimpse of the monster that would take over my lovely daughter for the next two years, but nothing in the world can prepare you for this. Not even babysitting my wonderful nieces and nephews when they were two (or still are in one niece's case) was enough to even make me aware of what I was in for.
Of course it doesn't help that most children behave better for the babysitter than they ever do for their parents, even if the babysitter is a close family member. So apart from the occasional bout of tears when they wouldn't get their way, my eldest niece and nephew were an absolute dream for me during the terrible twos. Of course I got to hand them back to their parents after a few hours and return to my blissfully ignorant life as a single and carefree woman. These days I don't have the same luxuries and instead I am the one being handed a screaming and belligerent toddler who is both angry at me for ignoring her and begging me for cuddles at the same time. Top that off with the sudden and urgent clingyness which means that not even her father is good enough for cuddles any more and you end up with one very stressed and frustrated mum who can't even use the toilet alone anymore.
Dinner time is usually the worst time as most mums will attest. It is the end of the day, you have been chained to each other for up to ten hours already if you gave birth to the most dreaded of children, an early riser, and you now need to juggle the task of playing with fire while distracting a tired and demanding diva with pleas to go back into the lounge room and watch Bananas in Pyjamas while you get dinner ready. And then after half an hour of prepping and cooking the meal (or five minutes of jamming it into the microwave and pacing the kitchen while you wait for the bell to ring), your
We had gotten to this taste test and spit out point in our evening last night when I finally snapped and my head exploded. I had run out of ideas at this point for how to get Miss K to eat her pastie and I was exhausted. I had tried emotional blackmail, I had tried reasoning, I had tried bribing, I had even tried yelling. She just sat in her chair looking at me like I had just told her the truth about Santa and crying. Given that the last weapon in my armory had been defeated I finally had to give up and walk out of the room before the whole ordeal escalated into anarchy and name calling. I decided to head to my bedroom for a quiet minute to collect my thoughts and have a quick cigarette. I had almost finished the smoke when I realised that things were quiet. Giving yourself a haircut with scissors you found under the table quiet. I rushed to the lounge room to see exactly what Miss K had managed to destroy in my absence only to find her sitting quietly in her chair eating the last few crumbs off her plate.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I had won the battle, but I still can't figure out if I've won the war. Did Miss K finally start eating because I had finally gotten off her back about eating and she could now enjoy her dinner in peace? Had she forgotten that five minutes ago she hated pasties and decided she was hungry enough to eat just about anything? Or did she finally realize that her darling and eternally youthful mother was indeed right to lecture her about eating her vegetables because they are just so gosh darn healthy and tasty? I can't for the life of me guess the answer and Miss K certainly isn't one to discuss the motives behind her actions so she's absolutely no help to me right now.
I have decided for now not to look a gift horse in the mouth and simply celebrated the fact that she went to bed with a tummy full of (mostly) healthy food. Now all I can do is prepare myself for the next episode of "I'm two and I know what I want, and I want it NOW" As long as she doesn't look at me like this again I can overcome anything...
You would think after two years I'd have an easier time saying no to this face. It never gets easier.
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