December Fly on the Wall - The Month of Firsts and Lasts

It's time once again for Fly on the Wall. In this month's instalment 8 bloggers are all joining up to show you what things would look like if you were a fly on the wall at their place. Below is a list of all participating bloggers, be sure to visit them all to see all of the fun.

Baking In A Tornado 

Menopausal Mother                   

Spatulas on Parade  

Never Ever Give Up Hope             

Bookworm in the Kitchen               

The Blogging 911                        

Go Mama O                               

So normally my Fly on the Wall posts are full of crazy quotes and silly fun, but this month if you'll indulge me just a teeny tiny bit I'd like to do something a little bit different. There are still one or two quotes, but the rest of the post is sort of a photo slideshow. You see normally life around here is pretty boring and uneventful but this month was different. This month we actually had things to do, places to be and for once I actually remembered to document some of it. 

So to start December off Miss K had her very first ballet concert. 

We had a mad rush of dress rehearsals, stage rehearsals, make up practises, costume fittings and last minute panic. There were three performances in total over 3 days in front of audiences of at least 200 people at a time. Things were crazy to say the least.

To say I was a nervous wreck was an understatement. I watched my mum do this with two girls for over 15 years and she always made it look so easy. I sent the above text to Natalie on the second day of performances. It was the first time Miss K's father and I were going to watch her dance on stage, and I expected to be a blubbering mess. So there we all were sitting in the audience, ready for her to come on and the music to start. I grabbed her dad's knee for support and took a deep breath. Miss K came on stage and I was proudly holding all ugly crying back with the power of determination and the knowledge that I look like a raccoon if I cry with make up on. It was starting to look like I was going to be leaving the tissues in my handbag until I turned to look at Miss K's father and see him crying like a baby. So the tissues got put to good use after all, and I only teased him for several hours after the concert. 

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Me: This is why I don't wash my car. It's been pooped on twice already in the space of an hour and now it's covered in bug carcassesses. Carcasses, carcii? What is the plural of carcass? Oh whatever, in any case the little buggers are all over my car right now.

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Two weeks after the ballet concerts were done and dusted Miss K had her first ever piano concert to perform at. This was a lot smaller thankfully because I don't think I could have handled another massive production so soon after the first one, but Miss K again coped with everything beautifully considering she's never played the piano for an audience, plus she was the first performer of the whole concert so she couldn't even look to any of the other students to see how it was done.

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Miss K: Mum, high five. (pulls her hand away and dabs) DAB!

Me: Did you just dab on me? You are so out of the will right now young lady.

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A week after the piano concert Miss K had her first school concert, her class were dancing to a Justin Timberlake song and we spent weeks practising the moves at home together, so I was pretty confident that given the barrage of stage appearances she'd made by then plus all the practising meant we had this one in the bag.

Miss K's costume for the school concert

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Me: I felt so awful, the announcer came on the mic and said the first song was going to be a Vanilla Ice medley, and I accidentally said "Oh no" really loudly. 

Nat: Worst mum ever.

Me: I didn't mean it to come out. I even had to turn to Jason afterwards and ask if I'd said it out loud. It's not my fault though, they should have known that people there were going to hate Vanilla Ice. 

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Finally we had the last day of school for the year, which means that my little girl is no longer a preppy. She is now moving up to first grade and we have officially survived her first year of school. 

Miss K on her first day of school and on her last day of school for the year.  

I've been feeling a little nostalgic this past week and am already missing the good old days. Not least because I was helping in class every Friday for the majority of the year and her moving up means I no longer get to help out any more. It was a huge relief to get to see Miss K in class and know that she was actually coping perfectly with starting school and I will always be grateful to her teacher for indulging my panicking and letting me stick around for so long. I'm also very grateful she would pretend that I was helping out for Miss K's sake and not my own.

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Me: Miss K would you please hurry up and make your lunch. No, that's not making lunch that's recreating the opening scene from the Lion King with a plastic tub. 

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So that's it from me for the month. We are now in the count down to Christmas here and looking forward to the 5 weeks of summer holidays to go. I'd like to take a second to thank all of you for coming and visiting with me every month this year for our special brand of crazy. Don't forget to visit the rest of the bloggers participating and I will see you all next time.  

November Fly on the Wall

Hello again my lovelies, it is time for the second last Fly on the Wall for the year. For any newcomers to this series what happens is a group of bloggers all join forces to share with you all the crazy and funny things you'd see if you were a fly on the wall in our houses this month.


This month 7 bloggers are participating. Be sure to visit them all and check out all of the fun.

Baking In A Tornado

Menopausal Mother                     

Spatulas on Parade

Never Ever Give Up Hope                   

Bookworm in the Kitchen                

The Blogging 911                       

Miss K: Mum can I have a choc chip cookie please? Me: No it's too close to dinner time. Miss K: Please? I want one. Me: Too bad. Please stop nagging me. Miss K: Mum can I have a choc chip cookie? Me: No. I said stop nagging me please. Miss K: I didn't nag because I didn't say please. We had a big thunderstorm come through the town yesterday. This is how my nephew Jakey responds to thunder. Jakey: What was that?
Sam: That was just thunder. Jakey: No, I think it's a bomb. I woke up one morning to Miss K making my bed while I was still in it. As it was still early I rolled over and went back to sleep until my alarm when off. When I finally decided to get up all hell broke loose. Miss K: Mum, you messed up the bed. I just made that. Me: Welcome to parenting sweetheart, where kids mess your shit up as you're cleaning. Pro tip though, next time don't make the bed while someone is still sleeping in it. I was helping in Miss K's class when one of her classmates dropped this gem on me Connor: I'm going to copy Lachy's work because he's smart. Me: Well I want to see you try to do this for yourself because I know for a fact there's a big brain in that head of yours. Connor: No, I don't have a brain anymore. You wanna know why?
Me: Ok this should be good, why don't you have a brain anymore?
Connor: Because someone said something so crazy it made my brain explode and now it's gone. Me: You're going to make my brain explode in a minute Connor.  So Kim was in hospital this month suffering from organ failure, which you wouldn't think is a laughing matter. Kim didn't seem to get the memo that hospitals are serious however as the following story from Natalie shows. Nat: When Kim was first admitted she was in and out of consciousness, and there was a heap of doctors around her at all times. One doctor in particular kept making suggestions for treatment options and he kept getting shut down. Obviously Kim was getting tired of it because at one stage she woke up looked at him and said "This is a house of learned doctors and you need to learn to listen."  Me: Seriously? Nat: Yeah. She had the doctors in stitches apparently. They told her about it the next morning and she refused to believe them at first. It wasn't until more people kept coming up to her and telling her the same story did she finally believe them. At one of their conferences they discussed a decision they'd made that had worked, and one of the doctors said it worked because they were learned doctors.  The epilogue to that story is that after several weeks of some very serious treatments Kim is finally better, her organs are working again and she was discharged yesterday to continue healing at home. 
Nat: So Dave and I had an argument the other day. Me: What was it this time?
Nat: He asked me to remind him to grab his drink bottles before we left to go home and I told him to set himself a reminder on his phone. Halfway home he remembers the drink bottles and he cracked it at me for not reminding him. I went off at him for not setting the reminder like I told him. I figured he realised at the time that was all I was going to do for him, I'm not his mother, and he's old enough to be doing this for himself now. Me: I feel sorry for your poor children when you finally have them. You're going to be a mean mum. Nat: What do you mean? Me: You're six years old now, you're old enough to figure out how to get yourself up and out the door for school now. Nat: Hey, blame the childcare industry. We're forced to foster independence in kids from a really young age. Well that's all from this corner of the world, don't forget to visit all the other blogs participating today and keep the fun going.

October Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for everyone's favourite post, Fly on the Wall. In this series a bunch of bloggers join up to share all of the crazy funny stuff you would see if you were a fly on the wall in their home.



This month 7 bloggers are participating, so be sure to visit them all.

Baking In A Tornado

Menopausal Mother                     

Spatulas on Parade  

Never Ever Give Up Hope                   

Bookworm in the Kitchen                

The Blogging 911                       

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Mum: I don't know, something.
Me: Well that narrows it down. Totally eliminates all of that nothing I was going to buy for you.

Me: Miss K get in the kitchen and make your lunch.
Miss K: You have to come with me, I need you.
Me: Why do you need me to be in the kitchen with you?
Miss K: Because I like you.
Me: Well I can't argue with that logic.

My niece Eliza turned 14 this month, and we had teppanyaki to celebrate. One of the dishes we ate was grilled prawn legs, which is an acquired taste to be sure.
Sam: Ever had a burger take a bite out of you?
Me: No, but I've had a prawn kick me in the teeth now. Oh God, it's still kicking on the way down.

Miss K went for her first interstate holiday during the term break this month, which included a trip to all of the super parks on the Gold Coast. She had so many stories to tell when she got back.
Miss K: I saw a kangaroo and a koala and the bird with the blue feathers on top.
Me: Do you mean an emu?
Miss K: No, not an emu, it was the bird with the blue feathers on top.
Me: It could have been a cassowary I guess
Miss K: No it wasn't a cassowary. It was the bird with the blue feathers. He gets chased by the wolf.
Me: Are you talking about the Road Runner?
Miss K: Yeah, the bird with the blue feathers on top.

Mum: So Nat had a weird dream last night.
Me: Oh yeah?
Mum: Yeah, she dreamed she was brushing her teeth, then she woke herself up by spitting into her own hand.
Me: Well that's just...lovely.

Miss K and mum were looking stuff up on the internet.
Miss K: Granny is that you?
Mum: No, that's a man thank you very much.
Me: You might want to run away now little girl.

On another day I was browsing Facebook when Miss K came and sat next to me.
Miss K: Mum is that you?
Me: No it's not me.
Miss K: Who is it then?
Me: I don't know, there are seven billion people in this planet kiddo, and a lot of them have the internet.
Miss K: So is it Aunty Sam then?
Me: Seven billion people kiddo. That is so much more than the ten people you know OK? We don't know who this person is.
Miss K: Is it Nat?
Me: I swear to God my head is about to explode.

Miss K: Can I watch telly?
Me: No, you're banned from watching telly. You're banned from everything right now.
Miss K: I'm hungry, I want dessert.
Me: No, you can't have dessert, you're banned remember? You're banned from everything.
Miss K: I'm not banned from being hungry though.
Me: Yes you are, you're banned from being hungry too so knock it off right now.

Well that's all from around here this month, don't forget to check out all the other blogs participating and see all of the crazy things that have happened elsewhere this month.

September Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for September Fly on the Wall. In this series 7 bloggers are joining together to share all of the crazy and funny things you'd here if you were a fly on their wall.

Baking In A Tornado

Menopausal Mother                     

Spatulas on Parade

Never Ever Give Up Hope                   

Bookworm in the Kitchen                

The Blogging 911                       

Sam was muttering away to herself one day while we were working.
Me: Are you alright over there?
Sam: Yeah, it's called interesting conversations with interesting people.
Me: And the confused people who overhear them.

It was Father's Day in Australia at the beginning of this month, and Natalie decided to buy mum a megaphone as a Father's Day gift. She gave it to her a day early, while I was out visiting Sam. They then decided to pop in for a surprise visit to Sam's house, where mum walked into the house wearing a dinosaur mask and yelling into the megaphone "This is not a drill, I repeat it is not a drill, it is a megaphone." This would all have been hillarious were Sam and I not in the middle of a business phone call at the time. But we did laugh about the absurdity of the event afterwards.

I knew I was getting a good addition to this post when my little sister Natalie texted me asking if I was allowed to say coffee tits on my blog. The photo below explains why she needed to know.

So needless to say Nat has a new nickname now.

Nat: Dave bought me a new pillow, but it smells like that drink the cowboy.

Me: Well I guess that's a good thing as long as you like the smell of cowboys.

Nat: Dave thinks it smells like bamboo, does bamboo smell like alcohol?

Me: I...don't know what bamboo smells like. How is this possible? Mum, I've never smelled bamboo.

Mum: Seriously? You smell everything.

Me: I know. I guess that's something I have to add to the bucket list now. 

Me: Do you have some scissors I can borrow?
Sam: Certainly. Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find.

Me: Marco and ye shall polo?

And finally, Natalie had to have an MRI on her back this month, and she very helpfully wrote down some of the thoughts she had whilst strapped into a giant humming tube. With her permission I am repeating all of her thoughts below. As someone who has had several MRIs I can confirm that some of these thoughts are the same ones everyone has whilst stuck in those horrible machines. 

Thoughts from the MRI machine.... story by Natalie 

I'm really glad I put on pretty underwear... this robe covers nothing! 

I could be in a dubstep music video. 

Is the machine laughing at me? 

It sounds like the machine is saying "hahahahaha" let's see what else I can hear the machine saying ...:

"Party party party"

"Paddle battle"

"Naaaaaaaat"

"Joe"

"Don't cry" 

"Dub dub dub"

"Wub wub wub" 

I think someone is playing the theramin... they should make a cd of mri noises and sell it for Halloween parties. Some of these sounds are really creepy. 

Do I even have hands anymore? I can't feel them? I can't feel anything other than pain. I'm gonna have friction burn on my arms from the bed moving up and down... 

something is burning my arm... aaaaand now it's burning my leg

Of course my face is itchy right now

And that's all from me. Don't forget to check out all the other blogs participating.

July Fly on the Wall

Welcome one again to Fly on the Wall. The monthly series where a bunch of bloggers join together to share the crazy things you'd see and hear were you a fly on the wall in their house.

This month 8 bloggers are participating, be sure to check out all their links below to keep up the fun.

Baking In A Tornado  

Menopausal Mother                    

Go Mama O                              

Spatulas on Parade 

A Little Piece of Peace                 

Never Ever Give Up Hope                   

Bookworm in the Kitchen    

Matty had some McDonalds chips and he was feeding them to some seagulls when he discovered that Finding Nemo was all a lie.
Matty: They don't sound like they're saying "Mine" at all.

Mum: Miss K went to the toilet last night while I was in bed, and she's chatting to herself happily until she stops, and then goes "Ugh, not again." then went back to chatting.

Nat: I could always tell when my period was coming because my drinks of Coke would start to taste like hot dogs.

Miss K: Mum, what are you doing?
Me: I'm plucking a hair on my chin.
Miss K: Is that cos you're turning into a boy?
Me: Run away now little girl.

Nat: Dave was walking out of the room the other day and I thought he said "I'm going to go to the toilet and blame myself." I started laughing at him and told him what I heard. He went to the toilet and then I heard him saying "It's all my fault somehow"

Me: Alright, I'm going to go cook dinner now.
Miss K: I've already had dinner.
Me: What? No you haven't
Miss K: Yeah, I had a lollipop for dinner.
Me: A lollipop isn't dinner.
Miss K: Yes it is, I'm not hungry now.

I was serving ice cream for dessert one night.
Miss K: I love you.
Me: Are you talking to me or the dessert?
Miss K: The ice cream.

I was tearing the house apart looking for my shoes one day.
Me: Miss K have you seen my shoes?
Miss K starts giggling and runs out of the room. I follow her to her playroom where she is standing next to her toy box. Neatly placed inside her toy box were my shoes.
Miss K: I hid them from you.

Mum: So there's a cleaning product at work called Speed. Tonight Merv came in asking for a mop and bucket to clean an area and as he was walking out I yelled out after him "I've got some speed on the top shelf if you want it." It wasn't until I finished saying it that I realised how bad it sounded.

Well that's all from around here, don't forget to check out all the other blogs.

May Fly on the Wall

It is time once again for Fly on the Wall. The series that allows you a sneak peek of all the crazy things you'd see if you were a fly on the wall at our house. 

Today 9 bloggers are participating in the fun. Be sure to visit them all to keep the fun going.

Baking In A Tornado

Menopausal Mother                     

Eileen’s Perpetually Busy 

Spatulas on Parade                    

A Little Piece of Peace                 

Never Ever Give Up Hope                   

Bookworm in the Kitchen                   

Not That Sarah Michelle

 I have a friend Helen whose daughter went to kindergarten with Miss K last year, and they've come to the same school as us this year. One day I had Helen on the phone with me for an hour worried senseless about her daughter's refusal to complete her school work and her attitude in general, and all I could do was reassure her that what her daughter was going through was pretty normal for a 6-year-old, and she shouldn't be so hard on herself. Not even an hour after I got off the phone with her the school called me to let me know Miss K had decided that day was the perfect day to go on strike and she was refusing to do any of her work. I got the issue sorted out, but figured this was just what Helen needed to hear to make her feel better. So, come pick up time I marched through the school gates to Miss K's classroom, interrupted Helen's conversation with some of the other mums and proudly yelled out

"You want proof all 6 year olds are assholes? my daughter went on strike today."     

Needless to say, my yelling got the attention of all the other mums, so Helen had to explain why I was yelling about asshole kids, and then we all spent the next 10 minutes sharing war stories of all the attitude we get off our darling children. On the plus side, Helen felt much better by the time the kids were finished school for the day. 

Miss K and I were snuggling together in my polar fleece blanket.

Miss K: This blanket is made of polar bear fleas. 

Nat: Did you know Dave has never seen Robin Hood Men in Tights?
Me: Seriously? Was he raised in a cupboard under the stairs or something?
Nat: I think so.

This is what happens when you leave my sister Nat unsupervised for 3 days. Her answer to my question was 'bout 5'4"

Miss K has discovered that she can whistle much to my dismay.

Me: Miss K put your whistle in your pocket.

Miss K simulates pulling a whistle out of her mouth and then mashes her hand in my face.

Me: Did you just take my whistle out too?

Miss K: No, I put it in you.

Me: That's what he said.

Miss K: What?
Me: Never mind. Are you ready to go yet?

Sam was complaining to me about someone talking crap about her to her husband Jason.

Sam: Don't waste your time being nice to my face only to talk crap about me behind my face.

Eliza starts laughing uncontrollably 

Sam: What?
Eliza: No, nothing, I just think it would be a bit hard to squeeze in behind your face to start talking about you.

Sam: Oh, yeah, it's behind my back, isn't it?

Me: Yeah.

Miss K: You have to marry dad.

Me: Nah, I don't wanna do that, he smells.

Miss K: If you don't marry daddy, he'll never be my uncle.

Me: Um that's not how that works sweetheart.

Nat: How do you make orange? It's yellow and red, right?

Me: Do I need to make you watch Blue’s Clues again to learn your colours?

Nat: Did I tell you about the time I tried to make purple paint at work?

Me: No.

Nat: So, purple is made of blue and red right? Well for some reason I mixed green and red together.

Me: So, you made a lovely shade of poo brown then?

Nat: Yep. I just stared at it and was like wait a minute, you're not purple.

One day I was at Sam's place typing up a blog post while she had a nap on the couch. At one stage, she sits bolt upright in her chair

Sam: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?

I jump in fright and look over at her and she's staring into the kitchen. I look in the kitchen and see nothing.

Me: What the hell is what?

By the time the words have left my mouth she's lying back down again asleep and I had to spend the next ten minutes trying to get my heart to stop beating out of my chest. I still have no idea what she saw because she doesn't remember it at all.

Me: I remember when you went through that phase where you wanted to name all your pets foreign words for animals. Like you have a fish and you name it fish.

Nat: Yeah, the problem with that was the only other word I knew for fish was from an Asian language and it was literally just five or six fs. So, I would have just gone around saying "This is my fish, ffffff."

Text from Ady. Just call me Amy Farafella. Also, my go to attack seems to be to accuse everyone of being high the minute they stop making any sense to me.

Mum: So, the youngest cleaner at school is dating one of the students, and she comes and helps him at work. Well she's been taking a lot of days off lately to take care of her mum, and she's been warned she needs to start attending more. Tonight, she's helping her boyfriend and she spots her co-ordinator talking to someone else and she ducks out of sight. Five minutes later her boyfriend comes walking down the path with a random bin he's not meant to have, and no girlfriend to be seen. He was sneaking her past the teacher in the bin. 

The following conversation is related to the computer game Minecraft

Nat: The other night my pigs decided to form a pig centipede.

Me: Ew, that's creepy.

Nat: Yeah it is, to say the least. Actually, to say the least would be to say "eh".

Me: And to think we used to have to pretend to laugh at your jokes when you were a kid.

Nat: Hey! Maybe it was a good thing that worked.

Me: Well that was the plan.

Nat: Dave thinks I'm funny.

Me: Dave grew up living under the stairs, of course he thinks you're funny.

Sam: There's one important thing we forgot to consider when buying our son a bunk bed.

Me: Oh yeah? What's that?
Sam: How long it takes to get off a bunk bed when you need to vomit.

Me: Oh dear. 

I'll spare you the gory details, but needless to say, my nephew didn't make it to the toilet in time.

Sam A: I used to be convinced that my life was like a reality show and I was the star.

Me: I used to think that too, but it made me really self-conscious when I needed to pick my nose. 

Miss K: Mum is my heart beating?
I put my head on her chest and check
Me: It sure is kiddo.

Miss K: So, I'm not dead then?
Me: No, I'm pretty sure you're still alive.

Miss K: Phew.

I help out in Miss K's class on Fridays. This is a conversation I had with one of the boys in the reading group I take each week.

Connor: Your name is Grumpy Old Man Zucchini.

Me: Oh yeah? Well your name is Disgruntled Pumpkin. 

Connor: You're completely bonkers.

Me: Yep.

Well that's all the crazy I can squeeze into one post for now, be sure to visit all the other bloggers as they've all got their own special brand of fun going on today too.

April Fly on the Wall - Medical Woes up the Wazoo

It's time once again for Fly on the Wall. Today 7 bloggers have all joined forces to share with you just some of the crazy thing you would see or hear if you were a fly on their wall.


Below is a list of all the bloggers participating this month, be sure to visit them all and enjoy the hilarity. 

Baking In A Tornado

Menopausal Mother                     

Spatulas on Parade  

A Little Piece of Peace                 

Never Ever Give Up Hope                   

Bookworm in the Kitchen                  

Miss K got a nasty splinter in her big toe the other week, It was pretty deep, and to get the splinter out and the area cleaned up was no easy task, which of course Miss K objected to vigorously. Once I'd gotten the worst of the job done, and I'd had enough of having to make her scream I pulled her into my lap for a cuddle when she dropped a guilt bomb on me.

Miss K: There's a hole in my foot.

Me: It's not a hole, it's just a cut. I had to cut your foot to get to all the dirt honey. I don't want you getting an infection. 

Miss K: There's a hole in my foot that YOU put there.

The very next day she went to the park with her dad and they'd not been out the door ten minutes when he calls me.

Ady: So Miss K's got a new injury.

Me: What happened?
Ady: She kissed a pole and now she has a huge bruise on her lip.

Me: How hard did she kiss it?

Ady: I dunno. she came up to me crying and when I told her to show me what happened she just walked over to a pole and kissed it.

When they got home Miss K very indignantly told me she hadn't been kissing poles, she'd been sliding down them and accidentally smacked her face. She was more insulted that her father would go around spreading such a false story about her than anything else.

That weekend I was telling my little brother Ben about having to operate on Miss K's toe during the week
Me: I get my surgery skills from dad. I still remember that time he got a nasty cut on his finger and gave himself stitches.
Ben: That's nothing. One time while I was living with him, he cut the tip of his finger off, and I had to hold it in place for him so he could put a band-aid on it.

Nat and I were discussing a request she'd been given to pick our sister Kim up from hospital, which she refused because of back pain.

Me: Well of course you can't go pick her up, you're in too much pain right now. You should be taking care of yourself right now, everyone else can bugger off.

Nat: Well if it wasn't for Dave reminding me that I'm meant to be taking it easy right now and taking care of myself I probably would have jumped up and helped her without thinking.

Me: Well good on Dave for doing that. Give him a high five from me.

Nat: In the face?

Me: With a chair!

While visiting my sister Sam and her kids one day

Eliza: Does anyone know what Anatidaephobia means?

Me: It's the fear that you're being watched by a duck.

Sam and Matty both laugh, thinking I'm being stupid.

Eliza: It's the fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.

Sam: How the hell did you even know that?

Me: It's all my dank memes.

Mum: One word of advice for you Erin.

Me: Ok.

Mum: Don't have kids.

Me: Thanks mum. It's six years too late, but thank you anyway.

So my sister in law Sam had her gall bladder removed on a Monday, and three days later she and my brother Josh came over to our house for a cuppa.

Me: Why aren't you at home resting?
Sam: I don't know, I'm crazy like that.

Me: Most people would take surgery as an excuse to lie in bed for a week and do nothing but sleep.

Josh: Well I keep trying but she won't let me.

Later that day Sam was complaining about how Josh stonewalls her when he's angry

Josh: I need time to calm down so I can think about what I want to say.

Me: Learn to meditate Josh, it makes it happen faster.

Josh: I already do that every day. Oh, wait you said meditate not masturbate.

Me: Hmm, ladyfinger roll cakes

Mum starts giggling to herself

Me; Oh grow up.

Two young Mormon missionaries come to my house every week for a chat. One time they ended the visit by asking if I need any help.

Elder: Is there anything we can do to help you this week?
Me: No, I'm pretty good right now.

Elder: Are you sure? we can mow the lawns if you like.

Me: Nah, it's cool, I hire a local man to do it every few weeks, it helps the economy and I don't have to do it myself. But if you really want to help, there's a massive wolf spider on my daughter's trampoline that I can't kill.

Elder: Oh dear no, I'm terrified of spiders, I'll do anything except that. 

Me: Then I'm all good for now, thanks.

Later that night

Mum: Why did you ask him to kill the spider for you?
Me: I knew he wouldn't do it. He's told me before he's terrified of spiders.

Me: That's just mean.

Me: Well the last time a missionary offered help I asked him to babysit Miss K for me so I could have a nap but that was just as terrifying a request apparently. 

Before you get angry at me for picking on the missionaries, please know that he gives as good as he takes. This particular missionary is a young lad from Tonga, and because he knows I know absolutely nothing about Tonga he's always teasing me. That same visit, I was discussing my trip to Vanuatu when I was 20.

Me: It was amazing, I drank coconut water straight from the coconut.

Elder: Oh my back yard is full of coconut trees.

Me: Really? That's awesome.

Elder: No, not really. But I do drink coconut water straight from the coconut. It tastes better.

Me: Ohh ok. Well I saw banana trees for the first time too. I had no idea bananas grew in giant balls.

Elder; Oh my house is made from banana palms.

Me: Really that's cool.

Elder: No, it's not really. But my back yard is full of banana trees. 

Me: I don't know what to believe any more. 

Me: What is Maundy Thursday?

Mum: I don't know, why do you think I would know.

Me: You call yourself a Catholic.

Mum: Look it up.

Me: It's also known as Holy Thursday

Mum: That's what we called it.

Me: No explanation on what Easter Monday is about.

Mum: That's when the chocolate's on sale. 

Miss K spent Easter at her Nonna's house in Melbourne this year, so I had to wish her a happy Easter over Skype on Easter Sunday
Me: Happy Easter baby girl.
Miss K: Buona Pasqua mama (happy Easter in Italian)
Me: Buona Pasqua!
Nonna: See, I told you mummy would know what you meant.
Miss K: You said buona Pasqua mummy!
Nonna: When I first taught her how to say it, she kept saying buona pasta.
Me: Were you wishing everyone a happy pasta Miss K?
Miss K: Yeah.

My little sister Natalie had to get an ingrown toenail cut out yesterday, and she's never had the highest pain threshold in the world, even with three doses of anaesthetic in her foot she could feel the toenail being cut out
Nat: I hate when they ask you obvious questions. At one stage I said ouch, and the doctor stopped and said "are you alright? is that hurting you?" I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from giving a sarcastic answer, as he had a scalpel to my foot at the time, so I didn't want to piss him off.
Me: I don't blame you.
Nat: Dave hates it, because I'll always give him a sarcastic answer to his obvious questions, but then he's never holding a scalpel to my foot at the time.
Me: Note to self, buy Dave a scalpel for his birthday. That way if he wants to ask you an obvious questions he can just threaten you with it at the same time.

Well that's all from this mad house for another month, don't forget to buzz on over to all the other blogs and enjoy the rest of the madness.