Kim: Well this is awkward, I just admitted I love butt pasta unnecessarily.
Mum: Oh look at this, it's a guest house for an elf, how cute. It's $53? Hell they can find their own bloody accommodation then.
Auto correct strikes again...
My big sister Sam was complaining to me about her newly minted teenage daughter's antics.
Me: I dread the day Miss K becomes a teenager because she'll be a wog teenager. It's going to be drama plus loud.
My sister in law Sam came over for a coffee earlier this week.
Sam: Lexi's end of year concert is coming up next month, if you wanted to come.
Me: Absolutely, we'll be there. (To Miss K) Lexi's school concert is in a few weeks, do you want to go watch?
Miss K: Yes please! I want to be a tree! (proceeds to do her best tree impression)
Me: Well luckily you don't need to wait until the concert to be a tree, you can be one whenever you like!
Nat: Did I tell you I talked in my sleep the other night?
Me: No, what happened?
Nat: So I sat up and said to Dave "Stop lying to Gotham City" so he asked "Why am I lying to the people of Gotham City?" and I said "Cos you're Batman." I remembered nothing of it the next morning when he asked me.
This seriously was easier than going directly to the birthday boy. Despite the fact it took over 2 hours to get my message to him.
Ok so this story actually happened back in August, but I only just heard about my dad's antics this month. When Tristan's dad died, my dad and Kimberley went down to Melbourne for the funeral, and Natalie and Kimberley got to experience my dad's most graceful moment to date.
Nat: When we got to the funeral the parking was full, and there were heaps of cop cars there for a different funeral at the home, so we had to park a while away from the funeral home. At the end of funeral we were walking back to the car, and we were on the footpath, and dad passed a comment asking why we were walking on the footpath when we could cut across the garden, and then he does this majestic prance across the garden. I've never seen him so graceful.
Nat and I were discussing her high school friends.
Nat: Ash stopped liking me when we started drinking together. She didn't like drunk Natalie.
Me: No one likes drunk Natalie, you're loud and obnoxious.
Nat: Dave likes drunk Natalie, he thinks she's fun.
Me: Dave thinks the sun shines out your butt, of course he likes drunk Natalie.
Any of my long time readers know that my baby sister Kimberley has had a slew of health issues over the past year. Well this month she ended up in hospital because her liver failed thanks to an accidental paracetamol overdose. thanks to the staff at our local hospital, by the time she came home she had a staph infection and a blood clot in her arm, and she was stuck with a PICC line in her arm so she can have constant antibiotic infusions for the foreseeable future. While it hasn't all been fun and games there were a few moments we could all find to laugh about.
Nat and I were texting
Me: So is there any news about Kim yet?
Nat: She has a staff infection
At this point I had to call her.
Me: Ok, you do realise you just told me your sister has an infection of employees don't you? Staph is not spelt with a double f.
Nat: Well I'm just spelling it how Kimberley spelt it.
Me: Of course, why didn't I realise that?
Nat and her new partner Dave were going to visit Kim in hospital after she'd found out about the staph infection, and when he told his mum, her only advice was not to touch the walls. We all had a giggle about it at the time as Kim's infection was in her blood, so just being in a room with her was not dangerous. Nat must have told Kim about it, because she had to have a dig at him when she finally got out of hospital.
Kim: Oh mum it was the weirdest thing, Nat and Dave showed up while I was in hospital, and all of a sudden he just starts licking the walls. It was so strange.
Couldn't start setting unrealistic expectations once I'd admitted I'm this lazy.
We were trying to explain the concept of jealousy to Miss K and we each gave her examples of things we could be jealous of.
Eliza: I'm jealous of you Miss K because you don't have to wear a bra.
Me: I'm jealous of you because you play the piano so well.
Kim: I'm jealous of you because you get to go to kindergarten and play all day and I have to stay home.
Miss K: Mum, I'm jealous of you because everyone says Miss K, you're a d**khead.
Me: Ok first of all no one says that...
I couldn't continue to correct her on her sentence because all of us were on the floor in stitches. That girl is going to be the death of me.
Well that's all from this crazy corner of the world, don't forget to visit the rest of the bloggers participating today, and also please let me know in the comments down below that my daughter isn't the only five year old with a mouth that would make a sailor blush. I'm beginning to think she is actually listening to everything I'm saying...