Saturday, 19 September 2015

September Fly on the Wall

So it's time once again for the September Fly on the Wall. I can't believe it's nearly the end of another year. Can someone give me Father Time's phone number please? Me and him need to have a serious talk.

So anyway today 16 bloggers are giving you a rare and uncensored (or in my case a slightly censored) view of what it would be like if you were a fly on their wall.  Below is a list of all the bloggers participating today. Please be sure to go and visit all of them.

htttp://www.BakingInATornado.com    Baking In A Tornado
http://www.menopausalmom.com/     Menopausal Mother
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com      Never Ever Give Up Hope
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/        Just A Little Nutty
http://themomisodes.com                 The Momisodes
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com Someone Else’s Genius
http://dinoheromommy.com              Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.clutteredgenius.com         Cluttered Genius
http://eileensperpetuallybusy.blogspot.com/ Eileen’s Perpetually Busy
http://www.southernbellecharm.com    Southern Belle Charm
http://www.gomamao.com                  Go Mama O


Me: What do you want for dinner?
Mum: Oh God, I don't know, um...
Me: That's one of the hardest questions I ever ask. It's right up there with what's your number?
Mum: Those are always the two hardest questions anyone ever asks me.

A few weeks ago I took a day off work sick. Miss K was slightly miffed by this because it meant she wasn't going to be babysat by my big sister Sam for the afternoon. Shortly after lunch she started asking to go visit Sam.
Miss K: Go to Sam's house?
Mum: No you don't need to go today, mum's home from work, so you can stay home with her.
Miss K: Go to work mum.
Me: No I can't, I'm sick.
Miss K: No, go to work so I can go to Sam's house.

We finally had a warm weekend after what felt like an eternity of winter, so I sent Miss K to play outside. As usual, she spent the time running back and forth from the yard to the house. This happened on the second lap, and should have been a harbinger of what the rest of her play time was going to be like.
Miss K: Mum, mum
Me: What?
Mum: I'm playing outside but I'm going to run inside every five minutes and  yell at you. Did I get it right?
Miss K: Yeah.

I bought some reeeeeeally expensive rocky road at a craft market last month, and then remembered that I don't like rocky road, so it stayed in the cupboard until Miss K discovered it, then started asking to eat the zig zag road.

Miss K: Knock knock
Me: Who's there
Miss K: Lettuce
Me: Lettuce who?
Miss K: Don't cry, it's only a joke.

Number 9347 of things I never thought I'd have to say:
If you're going to pick your nose in the toilet, could you please not wipe it on the wall.

So my big sister and my niece got sick with a virus right after Miss K and I did (so I guess we know who they can blame...) but it meant that Miss K couldn't go to daycare, and she couldn't go to my sister's house as she was too unwell. Thankfully for me my baby sister Kim stepped in and played babysitter for two days so that I could still go to work. Not so thankfully, Miss K came home having learned the term FFS. (Google it if you're not sure) Apparently Kim kept saying it while trying to get Miss K in and out of the car...

Also on Kim, her and her partner Scott had to go to the funeral of the father of a friend of hers. As is customary at Australian funerals, you have to get drunk afterwards. She ended up at a stranger's house several doors down from my big sister Sam's house, and decided to wander down. I happened to be visiting Sam at the time, so I got to watch two very drunk people have very drunk conversations. These were the cleaner ones.

Scott: What's going on? Why am I seeing two of you? One is bad enough.
Kim: What are you talking about?
Scott: You've got two noses.

Sam: Scott do you want a coffee?
Scott: Yes please. (At this point Kim starts laughing)
Sam: How do you have it?
Scott: One, no, one and a half spoons of coffee and one sugar. I mean two sugars. (Kim is laughing harder by now.)
Sam: Do you have milk?
Scott: No. I mean yes. I mean no. Whatever. However you bring it to me, I'll drink it. (By this time Kim is lying on the floor with tears of laughter streaming down her face and Sam is getting very confused.)
Sam: Kim, how does Scott drink his coffee?
Kim: Scott doesn't drink coffee. He hates it.

I also discovered that night that my 11 year old niece Eliza has a sharp tongue.
Eliza (to Scott): That is a very feminine coat you're wearing.
Scott: Are you serious? I just got shot down by a kid.
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