Saturday, 18 January 2014

Use your words

Hello and welcome back to my corner of the world. It's pretty hot here right now, like face meltingly hot. The barometer hit 44 degrees this afternoon (111 farenheit for my imperial friends out there) and today is day five of blisteringly hot weather, so we're all feeling pretty miserable down here. Add to that the bushfire in a town just 11 km away from where I live (6 miles) and I could use a distraction right now. Luckily for me the lovely Karen from Baking in a Tornado has come up with a new blogging game, so sit back and relax while I introduce you to Use Your Words.

So for this post, all the participating bloggers were asked to provide 4 - 6 phrases or words that must be used in a post. These are then given to another unsuspecting blogger and it's up to them to turn their list of words into some semblance of sense. Today we have been asked to post our stories, all at the same time. This is the first time all of us get to see who got our submissions, and what direction they decided to take with the words we picked for them. The possibilities for fun are endless.  Before I go any further I'll introduce the rest of the group of players. Please be sure to visit them all and see what everyone else has done with their submissions.

http://BakingInATornado.com                   Baking In A Tornado
http://www.JuiceboxConfession.com    Juicebox Confession
http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch Confessions of a part-time working mom
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com           Battered Hope
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com          Spatulas on Parade
http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com               Evil Joy Speaks
http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/          Stacy Sews and Schools
http://www.justalittlenutty.com                         Just A Little Nutty
http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com     The Bergham’s Life Chronicles
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                   Follow me home . . .
http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                         Dates 2 Diapers

So the phrases I have been given to use are...He saw the white coat ~ Hello ~ OMG WHAT WAS THAT NOISE? ~DON'T EAT THAT ...and they were submitted by Dates 2 Diapers

I had always thought my life was pretty ordinary. I had my daughter, my job and my hobbies to keep me busy, and that was all I needed. I watched other people have dramatic and exciting lives, but I was happy to stay in the audience and watch all the fun from the sidelines. But one night that all changed with a visit from a stranger. 

I have tried to explain this night over and over again to many people, but no one ever seems to believe me. It has gotten to the point where I'm just that crazy lady that mothers warn their children to stay away from. But it wasn't always like this, once upon a time I was ordinary. 

This night was ordinary at first too. I'd finally gotten Miss K to bed after three requests for extra drinks, one request to use the potty, and five requests for another story and I was getting ready to settle in for a night of watching mindless television before crawling into bed when there was an almighty thud outside my living room window. I jumped up and screamed OMG WHAT WAS THAT NOISE? My heart was in my throat from the fright, but I decided I needed to investigate in case someone had gotten hurt. 

I went outside into the darkness and waited for my eyes to adjust. I scanned the front yard and the nature strip where my car was parked, but at first I couldn't see any evidence of what the heck had made the noise. "Hello?" I called out in the night, hoping somebody would answer me so I didn't have to go any further away from my door. At first there was silence, but then I heard a quiet moan from around the street lamp outside my fence. "Darn it" I thought to myself as I headed towards where the moan came from. At first I couldn't see anyone, but once I got closer I noticed a lump on the ground at the foot of the pole. I rushed over, noticing how small the lump was. Almost too small to be an adult. "What is a kid doing out this time of night?" I thought as I left the yard. By the time I got to the lump it was starting to stand up, and the first thing I noticed was that this was no child. It wasn't even human. 

This is the point where I start getting weird looks from the people I tell the story to. If I hadn't lived it myself I wouldn't believe it either, but standing in front of me that night next to the lamp post was a giant rabbit. And I'm not just talking an over sized, well fed rabbit, I'm talking a four foot tall rabbit. A very woozy four foot tall rabbit. I stopped dead in my tracks as I tried to process what I was seeing, but as I did the rabbit swayed a little bit and started to fall over again. I raced over and grabbed him before he landed on the ground. The jolt seemed to wake him up and he looked up at me, clearly having difficulty focusing. 

"What on earth...?" I managed to choke out, not trusting my ability to speak any further in case I screamed.
"Ooooohhh" said the rabbit, "Where did that lamp post come from?"
I nearly dropped him back on his head, as I finally let out a little scream.
"You can talk" I cried
"Well spotted" he replied, with more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice
"But....but rabbit's aren't supposed to talk" I managed to say
"Ah yes, but I'm not most rabbits," he said proudly, "I'm the Easter Bunny."
"The Easter Bunny? but it's February. Don't you normally come out in April?"
"Do I look like I'm delivering eggs?" He snapped. I looked around and couldn't see any baskets around so I shook my head.
"I'm actually on holidays at the moment." He continued. "I was having a race with a leprechaun, but I didn't see that lamp post there, and now he's probably already celebrating his victory at the pub. Stupid drunk."
I was beginning to feel woozy myself and tried to sit down, forgetting that I was still cradling the Easter Bunny's head in my arms, so we both ended up toppling to the ground. The Easter Bunny gave a cry of pain as we tried to untangle ourselves. I apologised profusely and invited him inside to get a drink. I figured it was the least I could do since it was my lamp post he had crashed into, not to mention having probably just made his injuries worse.

We came inside and he started sniffing around the lounge room while I got a glass of water from the kitchen.  When I came back to the lounge he was investigating my couch, where I had left my white fur coat earlier in the day. He saw the white coat and screamed. 
"What?" I screamed back, surprised at his sudden outburst
"You killed a yeti!" he yelled back. "You killed a yeti and turned him into a coat!"
"Ah" I said relieved. "First of all yetis aren't real, and second of all that's fake fur."
"Exactly." said The Easter Bunny angrily. "Where do you think all the fake fur in the world comes from?"
"From factories?" I replied confused
"No!" yelled the Easter Bunny, "It comes from Yetis."

Totally bamboozled by this stage I flopped down on the couch to try and wrap my head around everything that had happened in the past ten minutes. I noticed some jelly beans on the coffee table and absently started eating them. Suddenly The Easter Bunny looked over at me and jumped up.
"NO! DON'T EAT THAT" he yelled, but it was too late, I'd already had three.
"What? they're just jelly beans" I said defensively.
"They're not just jelly beans" he replied impatiently, "they are sleeping tablets. I give them to kids who are still awake when I come to deliver the eggs. It stops them from interrupting me while I work."
I was about to open my mouth to protest but things started going dark. I tried to fight the feeling of exhaustion that had washed over me, even for just a few minutes to tell The Easter Bunny how irresponsible it was to drug small children, but it was just too strong.

I woke up with the sun streaming onto my face, still fully dressed on the couch. I struggled up and tried to remember why I hadn't made it to bed the night before when I noticed a sheet of paper on the cushion next to where my head had been. I picked it up and began to read the unfamiliar handwriting.

"Sorry about drugging you, didn't your mother ever teach you not to take lollies from strangers? Thanks for the hospitality. EB"

Images from the night before came flooding back and I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands, trying to tell myself that everything that happened last night was just a crazy dream, but the note in my hands was making that impossible. I called my big sister and tried to tell her about my adventure, but she laughed uncomfortably and told me it might be time for a holiday. I told my mum, my little sister, even my boss. None of them believed me and my boss even told me I needed to stop working so hard and take some time to relax. 

And so that's how I became the crazy lady around here. But I refuse to give up. I've started a support group for others who have been visited by fictional characters, and I hope one day someone else will come forward and admit they too have met The Easter Bunny.
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