So three days into my new course and I feel like my brain is slowly leaking out of my ears. I have successfully completed two assignments in these three days which was no small feat for me considering I had to squeeze them in between Miss K's meals, bedtimes, bath times, temper tantrums and constant demands for attention. It seems that Miss K is not as excited as I am about my foray into the finance sector, and is choosing to demonstrate this by getting into everything she possibly can in an attempt to get my attention. I am beginning to doubt if I will ever be able to successfully juggle being a single parent and a working mum at the same time, because already being a single mum and a student feels completely overwhelming.
Mum is helping in every way she can, by taking over some of the meal times for me so that I can finish just one more paragraph, or taking Miss K for a walk to the letterbox so I can get five minutes peace and quiet, and my big sister kindly babysat Miss K yesterday afternoon, and even managed to get her to fall asleep on the floor, which is something she hasn't done since she was about 4 months old. I am so incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful family who are willing to support me in this insane quest for a piece of paper, and who will even put my needs and Miss K's needs in front of their own. I am just terrified that I won't be able to hold up my end of the bargain and pass this course. Some of the work is so dead easy for me, it's almost insulting that I actually have to go through with studying it. I have an entire book sitting at my feet which is designed to teach people how to produce office documents, but given that this kind of thing has been my bread and butter for over ten years now, I can't get excited about learning something I've known for the past decade. However, there are things that I have never had to deal with before, like business ethics, and just the sight of those words are enough to bring me out in cold sweats.
The fear here is not that I won't be able to complete the work, I've already shown that the workload itself isn't an issue thanks to my wonderful family. The real problem is will I be able to complete it to a standard that my teacher will accept and pass? I guess this all traces back to when I was at high school. It was the first time I was actually any good at my work, and I took great pride in bringing home lots of A's and A+'s. If I got lower than a B+ I was disappointed and beat myself up over it, or if I felt it was unjustified, called my teachers rude names behind their backs. I was the biggest nerd ever and proud of it, and I had the grades to prove it. But it's been over ten years since I was in school and I'm not so certain any more that I'll be able to provide my teachers with what they want. Luckily for me there are a lot of resources made available by the TAFE to help me, including face to face sessions with my teacher every 2 weeks which I plan to make the most of, even though it means driving half an hour in the dark to get there.
Well it's incredibly late and I have spent too much of my day in front of this computer already, so I'm off to bed with a wonderful fat book which is going to tell me all about the OH&S practises that have been drummed into me every time I started a new job. I'm going to prove to my teacher that I can do this subject in my sleep. Ba da boom CHING!!!!!
Stay awesome my wonderful readers, and I'll be back soon, a rambling incoherent mess I'm sure. Until then take care.