Saturday, 23 June 2012

Frustration station

Hello again my wonderful readers and my little sister. I feel I must say a big hello to her because she is the only person who will still admit that she reads my blogs regularly so she must be my biggest fan. Although she will never admit it to me, she's more likely to call me names than compliment me, but I know that it's just her way of saying she loves me. Or really pissing me off, I can't really tell any more.

I love today's title because it just rolls off the tongue. I heard it tonight on New Zealand's next top model, one of the contestants used it to describe one of her co-contestants, and it just was the most suitable description, I felt I must use it. And it also fits my mood today. Not that I really have anything big I can put my finger on to explain my mood lately, I just feel completely strung out and blah. I think my biggest problem at the moment is the massive guilt trip I'm taking myself on over all of my little faults and flaws, coupled with all the little things that go wrong during every day life and it's all built up into a massive case of the CBF's.

The thing making me stomp my feet right now is technology. It's driving me fully nuts. I tried logging into my TAFE's online course section tonight, only to find out it's out of action, which is just perfect because without it I can't access any new assignments, upload any completed ones or find the answers to all of the worksheets I have just completed, and I WANT TO KNOW IF I GOT THEM RIGHT!!!!! This once again goes back to being the teacher's pet, and I can't stand not knowing if I'm on the right track with the work I'm doing. It's probably the universe's way of telling me to put my books away for the evening and go get some sleep, but like a spoilt child, all I want to do is scream and shake the computer. I also can't find my camera cable, which means I can't upload any of the photos I took of Miss K using her walker today. I really wanted to post one here tonight, so I could share my proud moment with all of you guys, but I guess you'll just have to wait until I get better organised and finally clean out my desk drawers.

Of course the desk drawers are just one item on a very very long to-do list which includes completing 3 units all at once, getting back on top of the housework, washing all of my clothing and taking care of Miss K. There are so many little things that need to be done every day which I have a tendency to push to the side when something more interesting comes along (and that could be anything from a really exciting assignment I want to get stuck into to something shiny that catches my eye). I'd much rather be sitting down and having coffee and chatting with my mum and big sister than doing laundry or dishes or bathing Miss K, unfortunately the house tends to fall down around my ears if I forget these things for too long, and I do end up paying for my laziness in the long run. I'm still trying to find the balance between school and home life, but it's not easy. Although I can say that with a bit (or a lot) of help from mum, Miss K is clean and well fed, she has a full wardrobe of clean clothes, and we have clean dishes to eat off. But I'd like to get to a point where I can do all of this without having to rely on mum so much. I am 28 after all, I shouldn't still need so much help.

I also have to stop getting cross with mum and Miss K when things go wrong. I very nearly took all of my frustrations out on mum tonight when Miss K woke up screaming while I was trying to do my homework. While I tried to calm Miss K down by giving her paracetamol and rubbing her stomach, as well as singing to her and hugging her, mum helped out by getting Miss K a bottle, which ended up being what calmed Miss K down, and I just got so frustrated that mum's idea worked when all of mine combined hadn't. In the end I was able to stop myself from getting angry at anyone, especially since mum had managed to stop the screaming, and just tell mum why I was getting upset. So crisis averted for now and a big lesson for me. ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR MUM!!!!

Well that's me done for now. Since I still can't get into my TAFE work I'm going to take the hint and give up for the evening. Stay awesome my wonderful readers until we meet again.
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