Ugh why am I on here writing to you people instead of tucked up in bed where I am supposed to be??? You can't say that I don't give you guys my absolute everything because I am even forsaking sleep for you my lovely readers and let me tell you I usually hate to let anything get in the way of my sleep. Well almost anything. I can and will stay up for crappy B-grade movies that come on television once every decade, an awesome website I stumble upon on the internet, an irritating sudoku puzzle that I just can't crack or a great book. Ok so we've established that I am easily distracted at bedtime.
I wouldn't be so tired tonight if I hadn't had such a monster afternoon with Miss K. It's the kind of afternoon we used to have every single day from about week 2 to week 12, and let me tell you I haven't missed these afternoons. For anyone who has had a baby, you might be familiar with the witching hour. (I'm not sure why they call it the witching hour because it's usually several hours, between around 3pm and 7pm, which coincidentally is also the time that my mum is at work.) For the first 3 months, I spent this time pacing the floor boards, singing songs, rocking, doing crazy dances and anything else I could think of to try and distract Miss K from her unrelenting screaming, only to have her calmed down and finally in bed about 5 minutes before my mum got home. She's never said as much but I wouldn't be surprised if mum thought I was exaggerating when I used to tell her that we spent the entire afternoon crying together.
But until this afternoon I thought all of this was long behind me and we had moved forward onto new phases like smelling absolutely everything she can get her hands on. (I'm pretty sure this is a genetic thing because I have an irresistible compulsion to smell things too, and I'm 27). We had the mother of all dummy spits this afternoon which started as soon as Miss K got up from her unusually long 2 hour nap, and finished when I finally ran out of ideas and turned on Play School. Although in Miss K's defence I will say I don't think this was an every day run of the mill temper tantrum as I have had a cold for the past week, and I think she's caught it off me, and combined with her teething it has made her pretty miserable. Knowing that this upset was because of illness didn't actually make it any easier to deal with, and if anything it make it quite a bit harder especially as I couldn't dose her up with paracetamol as we'd already given her some 3 hours earlier. Not even a bath cheered her up which is rare because my baby loves being naked, and bath time is a real treat for her. (Not because it only comes once a year but because she gets to combine being nude with water. Who wouldn't love that???)
I think the being alone part is what is the worst thing about having to deal with difficult afternoons like this. When mum is home she usually spends the time giving me suggestions of what might help, and taking Miss K of my hands when I need them free to refill drinks or measure out medicine. She also makes sure that I don't completely freak out and panic which even though I've been doing this whole mum thing for over 12 months now, I'm still likely to do when shit gets hard. I think that's the hardest part of being a mum. If this was any other job, I'd take every new change completely in my stride and run with it. But with being a parent, the changes are constant, and no matter how many experts you consult, or experienced mums you have at hand with advice on how they coped with what you're going through, there is no way you can every be really prepared for every new hurdle you face. Being a mum is the biggest leap of faith you will ever have to take because you have to completely trust your own instincts and abilities in order to be able to take care of a defenceless and totally reliant human being.
But it's not all doom and gloom around here. Despite looking like an extra from Night of the Living Dead at the moment, we've actually had a few big moments lately. I can say with great pride that Miss K is finally drinking from a cup. After all of the months of stressing and frustration, all it took was for me to step back and leave Miss K to her own devices and she figured it out for herself. Of course not without stabbing herself in the back of her throat a few times first, but she's still so much smarter than I give her credit for. She's also learned how to say Grandma, except from her mouth it sounds like bum-ma, but we know what she means.
Well as it's almost a new day I really need to go and get my beauty hibernation so I can be refreshed and ready to stumble blindly through tomorrow. Stay awesome readers, and of course feel free to drop me a line and say hello, I love chatting to random strangers, especially ones who know more about me than I do about them.